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Quote: 733345; Rating: 893; [+|-]
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<Peza> A terabyte is 1/8th of a bit, right?
<sungo> If it is, I have a lot less disk storage than I thought
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Quote: 733864; Rating: -2; [+|-]
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<Wells> i upload my movies to snipurl.com as a series of urls
<Wells> base64 encoded
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Quote: 733939; Rating: 520; [+|-]
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<geckosenator> my new approach to optimizing is comment random lines of code out and check speed and verify the results are still correct
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Quote: 734091; Rating: -8; [+|-]
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<MystyGlyttyr> No, had to spank the cat for crawling up on the gun cabinet.
<Vennie> Next time just leave them loaded and let the problem solve itself
<MystyGlyttyr> Nah, it's not my cat.
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Quote: 734267; Rating: 3; [+|-]
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<Stereo``> how much rent is 1 baby worth
<dekkon> a lifetime of alimony
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Quote: 734300; Rating: 1042; [+|-]
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<knucklz> i have to say i think i'm completely out of touch with porn these days
<knucklz> i heard 'inside the porn actors studio' on howard stern they other day and they played a clip from this girls porno
<knucklz> she said, and i quote, "yeah, stick your big cock in my shit locker"
<knucklz> call me old fashioned, but the term "shit locker" doesn't exactly get my motor going
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Quote: 734413; Rating: 2147; [+|-]
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<ShaggyShaggs> heh, my grandmother amused me earlier
<ShaggyShaggs> I got up, got dressed, took a leak, washed my face, got out of the bathroom and mom's there holding the phone telling me it's for me
<ShaggyShaggs> I grab the phone and mutter "Is this more important than coffee?"
<ShaggyShaggs> and my grandmother says "Nothing is more important than coffee, call me back later"
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Quote: 734433; Rating: 1910; [+|-]
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<Erasmus> You know how you can really annoy a trekkie fan when you're watching Star Trek? Suddenly point at the screen and shout "Hey, isn't that Captain Jon Luc Skywalker?!"
<Erasmus> You can actually see them wince as the mix up causes them physical pain.
<Erasmus> You then wait till they've spent ten minutes explaining to you (in minute detail) the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek, pretend to think deeply for a minute, and say: "but he is a Jedi, right?"
<Erasmus> This can cause instant cardiac arrest in some of the more hardcore Trekkie fans.
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Quote: 734472; Rating: 1038; |
<SpuD|work> augh, I hate MS Office and people's expectation that "IT'S PART OF WINDOWS SO I WANT IT FREE!"
<SpuD|work> for starters, IT'S NOT PART OF WINDOWS, also, IT'S NOT FREE, and it's not even cheap, and NO IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOUR MATE PIRATED IT FOR YOU LAST TIME AND YOUR PC DIED AND YOUR MUM GOT SCARED AND SAID YOU'RE MOVING WITH YOUR AUNTIE AND YOUR UNCLE IN BEL-AIR
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Quote: 734616; Rating: 1387; [+|-]
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<Raptorx5> So I found a prepaid cellphone the other day at school.
<Raptorx5> Swear to god I did.
<Raptorx5> It had a small amount of airtime left.
<Raptorx5> And a shitload of contacts.
<Raptorx5> I called "Mommy" and left a voicemail "Your child is dead" in a low toned whisper. And then I ran out of airtime.
<Osmodius> I love you :D
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Quote: 734797; Rating: 8091; [+|-]
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<Malagmyr> This linguistics professor was lecturing the class.
<Malagmyr> "In English," he explained, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative."
<Malagmyr> "However," the professor continued, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
<Malagmyr> Immediately, a voice from the back of the room piped up: "Yeah..... right...."
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Quote: 735255; Rating: 258; [+|-]
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guitarchick177: lolz, christie's already drunk
SenorAnderson86: nice
guitarchick177: one shot drunk
SenorAnderson86: band name
guitarchick177: i'm halfway through my second
SenorAnderson86: album name
guitarchick177: hahah
SenorAnderson86: now we need a song name
guitarchick177: that's what she said
SenorAnderson86: Oh snap
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Quote: 735628; Rating: 704; [+|-]
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Jeff: I love microsoft office
Eric-san: I love girls, weirdo
Jeff: then get a girlfriend
Eric-san: I never said they love me
Jeff: there is always someone out there.
Jeff: always
Jeff: even adolf hitler had a girlfriend...c'mon
Eric-san: Best. Justification. Ever
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Quote: 735716; Rating: 636; [+|-]
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<RollOver> so whats the difference between dating and going out then?
<Vindexus> Dating comes before going out, it isn't as serious.
<Vindexus> THink of dating as Beta and going out as Release.
<Vindexus> ....and that statement shows why I've never got to play the Alpha build.
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Quote: 735763; Rating: 40; [+|-]
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<Dark_Fox> Macs are the diet vanilla coke of computers
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Quote: 735790; Rating: 513; [+|-]
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<atariboy84> I'm a little discouraged, I went to match.com and typed "sane." It came back "sorry, no results."
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Quote: 735801; Rating: 422; [+|-]
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<Rattlsnak> so my mom is looking to get a f/t job where she can work till she's retired
<Rattlsnak> she's got no formal education but she used to work in an office in front of a computer
<Rattlsnak> also... she's Japanese...
<Rattlsnak> any ideas?
<RkdJehova> massage parlor
<Rattlsnak> fuck you.
* Rattlsnak has left #allnitecafe
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Quote: 735802; Rating: -21; [+|-]
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narutomegafan: Yes...
narutomegafan: If I become next hitler type figure, I'll make sure you get high rank.
Pilotheplane: SWEET
Pilotheplane: I call the jews
Pilotheplane: u can have the blacks
narutomegafan: Sounds good.
narutomegafan: That'll get us money and weapons
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Quote: 735849; Rating: 782; [+|-]
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*The topic is 'English Language ONLY! That means no German or other Germanic, French or other Romanic, Latin, Leet, Spanish, Portugeese, Croatian, Binary, any Nordic or Slavic or Turkish or Klingon or any animal Language! No Singing! No inventing new languages!' (set by drt_foksie)*
<drt_foksie>: if anyone manages to find a loophole in topic now, im banning him.
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Quote: 736323; Rating: 291; [+|-]
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<%kastein> jack be nimble, jack be quick... I'm not an asshat so I'm not gonna finish this line
<%spock1104> jack be nimble, jack be quick, jacks a pedo and touched a young chick
<+Chronojam> She tripped, fell, landed on his dick; isn't that right Jack
<+Chronojam> Jack be nimble, Jack be quick; she tripped and fell, woke up on his dick
<+Jack> hey they're cute what do you want from me
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Quote: 736337; Rating: 987; [+|-]
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<Hoffish> pussy
<Hoffish> pussy
<Hoffish> pussy
<Hoffish> pussy
<p34rl34f> i get it
<Hoffish> .....crap
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Quote: 736349; Rating: 386; [+|-]
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<bluefox> ok
<bluefox> so someone I was talking to online
<bluefox> wants to suck my dick
<bluefox> Yesterday, they bought an apartment here in baltimore
<bluefox> and moved here
<bluefox> This is 98% creepy and 2% sexy
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Quote: 736374; Rating: 748; [+|-]
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<Analogy> The Voyager 1 spacecraft has travelled approximately 2.5 billion miles since the announcement of Duke Nukem Forever
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Quote: 736402; Rating: 243; [+|-]
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<pAth0s> anyone know what these modules are used for? ipip, ip_gre, and switch-adm?
<pAth0s> they're not loaded on my router while it's in use, hoping I can nuke em
<Krylancelo_> They control the universe.
<pAth0s> I'd imagine, but I'd gladly give up the universe for another 400k worth of space
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Quote: 736510; Rating: 464; [+|-]
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<Ryuusei> ok this intelligent face tracker thing is freaking me out <<
<Ryuusei> webcam keeps on following my ass
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Quote: 736555; Rating: 828; [+|-]
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<Willeth> well, off to bed
<Smaug> adios. you damn english and your early bedtimes.
<Willeth> pssht. it's a small price to pay for living in the future.
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Quote: 736624; Rating: 450; [+|-]
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Rosh: she said she has 24 h walgreen by her place
Rosh: but she doesnt know if it opens at 6.30 or 7
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Quote: 736694; Rating: 1003; [+|-]
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<Naruto> It's always a haunted attic, isn't it?
<Naruto> It's never a haunted toliet that explodes with water at 3am.
<Naruto> That would be the shit.
<Naruto> literally. >)
<Naruto> If I were a ghost, that's the kind of random shit I'd do.
<Naruto> I'd open the fridge and take out all the mustard.
<Naruto> Then I'd hoard it and bring it back later and put it in the dishwasher.
<Naruto> and the people would open it up "WTF?! There's 39 jars of mustard in here!"
<Naruto> and lawn flamingos
<Naruto> I would hoard those like nobody's business.
<Naruto> I'd be a fun ghost.
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Quote: 736707; Rating: 532; [+|-]
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<Tremens> also while getting dressed today I have come to the conclusion that I am never buying fruit of the loom underwear again.
<Tremens> something about having FTL printed all around my crotch is not the sort of message I want to convey about myself
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Quote: 736762; Rating: 30; [+|-]
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<[M]Kimahri[DotB]> can someone tell me a good program to burn a dvd? my wmp won't find my burner, realplayer won't open the file, my dvdburning program can't do it either
<samcobra> try a lighter
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Quote: 736781; Rating: 1114; [+|-]
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Niall: "There is no "I" in team." "There's no "we" either. However, there IS a "me". So piss off, you micromanaging twerp."
DMac: there's also meat
Niall: And meta.
DMac: and meta
DMac: .. meta-meat?
Niall: Transcendental sausage?
DMac: tame meta-meat
Niall: Farm-raised transcendental pigs.
DMac: tame meta-meat mate?
Niall: Female farm-raised transcendental pig.
DMac: better than mate meta-tame meat
Niall: Bestiality involving a pig raised on a transcendental farm.
DMac: team mate tame meta-meat .... /shudder
Niall: Gangbang bestiality involving a pig raised on a transcendental farm.
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Quote: 736785; Rating: 905; [+|-]
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<badelia> oops, i did ctrl+n instead of shift+n
<tt> wow, what does shift+n do
<badelia> uh, makes a capital n...
<tt> O...
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Quote: 736788; Rating: 260; [+|-]
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< _Maber_> "Hi, my name is perl. Feed me an orange peel and some moldy bread, and I'll construct a 747 out of post-it notes."
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Quote: 736794; Rating: 625; [+|-]
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<BenSpinSpace> if you double major in graphic design and archaeology, could you specialize in jpeg artifacts?
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Quote: 736820; Rating: 590; [+|-]
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<hapry> Fuck, I just finished bash :(
<k8k8k8k> finished?
<hapry> Yeah...i read it all :(
<treaty> you're officially the lamest person ever
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Quote: 736856; Rating: 35; [+|-]
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<+Dave2> myspace valentines messages.
<+Dave2> that sentence is 66% evil
<+Dave2> that is all
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Quote: 736915; Rating: 323; [+|-]
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meird: no his sister is really creepy man
hindenburg: like goth and morbid type creepy?
meird: not exactly
meird: you know how like little kids write on walls?
hindenburg: thats not that creepy
meird: it is when you wake up at 2am, and shes standing over you gripping a giant sharpy like a knife
meird: the wall was covered in the fibonacci sequence or something like that
meird: its funny how many serial killer horror movies can flash in front of your eyes in the fraction of a second
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Quote: 736989; Rating: 1025; [+|-]
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<Chris> man.. i've got such a bad cold, I keep gettin nosebleeds. it's awful
* Joins #aesir: -Mike0r-
<Chris> I mean, last night.. I blew my load into a tissue right
<Chris> but it just started bleeding...
<Chris> I had to pinch it to stop it, cos it bleeds for ages
<Chris> I swear one day it'll happen and i'll die from blood loss :(
* Quits: -Mik0r- (Quit: what. the. fuck. note to self, don't ever hang out with you guys.. ever)
<Dan> ehh
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Quote: 737035; Rating: 920; [+|-]
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< fortitUs> hm.. whats a strapon? :S *innocent look*
<%relsqui> fortitUs: it's what I would use, lacking a cock, if I wanted to screw someone with one
< fortitUs> O_O
-!- fortitUs [[email protected]] has quit [Quit: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh]
<%relsqui> oh man, I remembered that he's like 12 RIGHT after I said that
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Quote: 737051; Rating: 854; [+|-]
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<@xyst> perl made me angry last week.
<@xyst> so angry i wrote something in java instead.
<@ecoli> wtf could it have done to make you do that?
<@ecoli> that's like saying "hot naked women made me so angry i had to go slam my penis in a car door"
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Quote: 737065; Rating: 777; [+|-]
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Joe: Here's an issue I never had to worry about in CA. Does anyone know if an Hard Drive that is roughly -10C in temperature from being in the back of a UPS truck and then the porch, really dislikes being asked to spin up?
Joe: wonders if he should wait for it to warm up considerably.
MisterX: put it in the microwave for 5 seconds
Joe: Oh, thanks!
Joe: Be right back.
Joe left the chat room.
Andy: Is he serious?
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Quote: 737075; Rating: 470; |
n3xg3n> weird... i just found this: Walker Texas Ranger is an anagram for Karate Wrangler Sex
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Quote: 737107; Rating: 542; [+|-]
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<s1um>after meeting a few girls on myspace, i think they need to put a warning on the site that says "objects on screen are larger than they appear"
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Quote: 737111; Rating: 324; [+|-]
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<Peanut> I reckon all cheaters caught on Steam should be given a second chance
<ska> Dude when I flush a turd I dont want it coming back up
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Quote: 737114; Rating: 263; |
<JeighEighm> Tauren, why don't you just sniff the packets and find out?
<Tauren> how do i DO THAT?
<Tauren> how do I sniff packets
<JeighEighm> Tauren, okay. It's easy. Get your network cable.
<Tauren> How do I sniff?
<JeighEighm> Hold it to your nose.
<JeighEighm> Inhale.
<JeighEighm> Smell those packets.
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Quote: 737116; Rating: 57; [+|-]
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<+Rainetine> where have all the protons gone
<+Rainetine> LONG TIME PASSING
<+Rainetine> where have all the protons gone
<+Rainetine> LONG TIME AGO
<+Rainetine> where have all the protons gone
<+Rainetine> they've fused into neutrons, now we know
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Quote: 737124; Rating: 294; [+|-]
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<TheRedBaron> 8.5 million... from what hat did they pull that number out of?
<spldart> sniff sniff
<spldart> I don't think that's a hat
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Quote: 737130; Rating: 1148; [+|-]
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<Nobuyuki`> I just asked a chick why she liked tentacle porn so much
<Nobuyuki`> and she said to me "variety is the spice of life"
<Nobuyuki`> I asked her "could you be... less vague"
<Nobuyuki`> and then she said "the worms are the source of all spice"
<Nobuyuki`> fucking nerd chicks !!!!!!
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Quote: 737137; Rating: 1443; [+|-]
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<WaterBomb> did anyone get fucked by the ice storm?
<WaterBomb> I'm in west vagina
<WaterBomb> we only got 6 inches
<WaterBomb> but that 6 inches plus the ice has been a pain in the ass
<WaterBomb> er, I live in west virginia
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Quote: 737148; Rating: 201; [+|-]
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Reguarding geology vs. astronomy:
Skail[FARK] Yeah, I'm down with rocks.
Skail[FARK] You can't dent someone's skull with a nebula.
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