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Quote: 714536; Rating: 765; [+|-]
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<JimLad> night War_Pig
<JimLad> you cockjockey
<War_Pig> pardon?
<Trippledence> he said you ride cock War_Pig
<joeh> hes saying you ride cock War_Pig
<[Marcus]> he said you ride cock War_Pig |
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Quote: 714545; Rating: 314; [+|-]
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<McKain> in psychology
<McKain> we were discussing sleep
<McKain> and the blind kid with bad hearing asks
<McKain> "I heard that if you are dreaming and falling, and you hit the ground, you die for real"
<McKain> and my professor immediately says "Yes. You die."
<McKain> I LOL'd so hard
<McKain> then someone else asks
<McKain> "I hear that if you have a nightmare in which you die, you die for real"
<McKain> and he goes "No, that's complete rubbish"
<McKain> I wanted to ask "I hear if you are dreaming that you are battling zombies and you get bitten, you will wake up and be a zombie. True or false, Professor? TRUE OR FALSE?!" |
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Quote: 714553; Rating: 343; [+|-]
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<Chad> Seriously, I should kick your nuts so hard that they shoot to the roof of your mouth
<Chad> That should be a familiar taste for you! |
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Quote: 714559; Rating: 439; [+|-]
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<3M> ok guys i've finally got my windows me machine up and running again :D
<exo147> if everything seems to be running well on windows me you've obviously overlooked something....
<3M> who is general failure and why is he reading my hard disc :(
<exo147> somehow, "i told you so" doesn't quite say it ;) |
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Quote: 714565; Rating: 672; [+|-]
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<bigboy89> hey Sexy_girll :*
<Sexy_girll> sup...
<bigboy89> are u alone?
<Sexy_girll> yep y?
<bigboy89> i just bought some condoms with like bumps and stuff, we could try them out tomorrow when your parents are gone
<Sexy_girll> you fuckin asshole, your fuckin my sister?
* bigboy89 has quit (Connection reset by peer) |
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Quote: 714566; Rating: 1219; [+|-]
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[Sam] Damnit, no sex for me tonight.
[Ven] In the doghouse?
[Sam] No, she has roommates and I have roommates, but she was supposed to go to her sisters tonight to babysit and I was going to go over after the kid went to sleep. He's like 1 and a half so he sleeps at like 7.
[Ven] So what's the problem?
[Sam] Her sister cancelled cause of the crappy weather.
[Nat has joined the chat 19:12]
[Sam] So no sister so no sex for me.
[Nat] You're all such sick fucks, I'm not coming in here anymore.
[Nat has left the chat 19:13]
[Sam] ... |
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Quote: 714570; Rating: -822; [+|-]
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<komies> It got dead in here.
<komies> Riech, tell me a story.
<Shish> make it have pirates in it!
<Riech> Five pirates and one woman wash up on a desert island after a shipwreck.
<Riech> Before long they are all getting pretty horny so they all make a deal.
<Riech> Each pirate will marry the woman for one week at a time, at which point the next pirate in line will marry her and so on.
<komies> Five pirates and one woman? Seems like my kind of island.
<Riech> All the pirates get sex every five weeks and the woman gets sex as often as she wants with a different pirate each week.
<Riech> The situation works wonderfully for five years. When the woman suddenly dies...
<Riech> The first week after wasn't too bad.
<Riech> The second week was getting sort of bad.
<Riech> The third week was getting pretty bad.
<Riech> The fourth week was really bad.
<Riech> The fifth week was horrible!
<Riech> By the sixth week it was unbearable...
<Riech> ...
<Riech> ...
<Riech> So they buried her. |
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Quote: 714574; Rating: 430; [+|-]
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<starshipparsley> This is a beautiful equation.
<starshipparsley> e^pi( i ) + 1 = 0
<purple.toupee> omg that just blew my mind
<starshipparsley> I am reading the Penguin Dictionary of Curious and Interesting Numbers right now, and it is nerdgasmic
<starshipparsley> Did you know that pi/2 is 1/root(root2 + root(root 2 +root(root 2 +....)
<purple.toupee> !!!!
<starshipparsley> This kinda stuff is so freaking awesome!
<purple.toupee> math = power
<purple.toupee> math is knowledge, knowledge is power, power corrupts, therefore math corrupts
<starshipparsley> Math = the only kind of sexual pleasure I'll probably ever have |
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Quote: 714577; Rating: 1180; [+|-]
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JDR-TSS: I know you're out there. I can feel you now. I know that you're afraid... you're afraid of unrestricted internet access. You're afraid of not being fed content to you like AOL does. I don't know the future. I didn't come here to tell you how this is going to end. I came here to tell you how it's going to begin. I'm going to hang up this phone, and then I'm going to show you customers what you don't want to see. I'm going to show you an intarwebs without holding your hand. An intarwebs without netnannies and content filters, without borders or boundaries. An intarwebs where anything is possible. Where we go from there is a choice I leave to you.
BBuie-TSS: you really dont have a life do you?
JDR-TSS: There is no life. |
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Quote: 714581; Rating: 826; [+|-]
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<TMX> someone right a shell extension for windows xp
<TMX> *write
<Cow> for what?
<TMX> stfu button
<Cow> i'm gonna make a command line program to buy stuff from amazon
<TMX> equivalent tokilling a process via ctrl-alt-delete
<TMX> For retarded programs like norton that just have an "ok" button when they ask to reboot
<TMX> +----------------------------------------+
<TMX> |& M$ Piss-me-off XPu00a0 u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 |_|| ||X||
<TMX> +----------------------------------------+
<TMX> | Your computer needs to be rebooted inu00a0 |
<TMX> | order to apply the updates.u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 |
<TMX> |u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 |
<TMX> | Save your work, and then click ok.u00a0 u00a0u00a0 |
<TMX> |u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 |
<TMX> |u00a0 u00a0 u00a0u00a0 +----------+ +----------+u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 |
<TMX> |u00a0 u00a0 u00a0u00a0 |u00a0u00a0 OKu00a0 u00a0u00a0 | |u00a0u00a0 STFUu00a0u00a0 |u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 |
<TMX> |u00a0 u00a0 u00a0u00a0 +----------+ +----------+u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 |
<TMX> +----------------------------------------+ |
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Quote: 714584; Rating: 438; [+|-]
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<Eir|food> Y'know, Taco Bell's "Think Outside The Bun" seems perfect for a hilarious anti-gay slogan.
<Eir|food> "Don't put your meat between buns!u00a0 Get it in a taco instead!" |
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Quote: 714600; Rating: 1582; [+|-]
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<GreenGoblin> Ponyprincess, get ur brain checked!
<PonyPrincess> oh ya? well i did and they found nothing!
<PonyPrincess> wait, crap |
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Quote: 714624; Rating: 1060; [+|-]
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* Uther has joined #Elicoor
<Uther> bah!
<Uther> fucking disconnected my ass
<Lucca> Wow, if you take that to be an actual, grammatically-correct sentence, it's really rather wrong. |
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Quote: 714645; Rating: 588; [+|-]
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scruss: a guy called us and complained because his dsl didn't work, come to find out he had win98 and actually took a knife and trimmed the rj45 connection to fit into the rj11 jack |
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Quote: 714660; Rating: 3985; [+|-]
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InnerGoat: My wife has 2 problems. One is the fact that everytime she gets drunk she gets mean. She always looks for a fight, or a way to make me feel like shit me. The other problem is that every morning after she gets drunk she has an explosive watery shit. One night she pushed me to far.
She was drunk of course and felling a little frisky so we we messing around and I tried to put it in the butt, she got mad and started talking shit, about how I'm no good and my dick is small, and that she probally wouldn't even feel it. so we never did have sex.
After she went to sleep I couldn't get the pain of her saying my dick was small out of my head. I wanted to embarrass her as much as she embarrased me. So I got an Idea
I went to my sons room and got his bag of marbles. i then went to my secret stash and got a bottle of lube. I could just image her reactions when you shit marbles the next morning. I lubed them up one at a time and slowly pushed each one in. About a hundered in all. I got so excited I jerked off then giggled my self to sleep.
The next morning I woke up so excited I couldn't stand it. I made allot of noise getting dressed so she would wake up. She did and not 3 minutes later she said " oh my stomach. not again" and ran to the bathroom. I was in thee brushing my teeth. Usually she would tell me to leave but the urge was to intense. She sat down and let it rip.
She dam near had a heart attack from the noise. The marbles hitting the porcelin sounded like a machine gun going off in the bathroon. She turned white as a sheet and stood up. Still shitting all over the place. Marbles rolling all over the floor as they bounced around. It took her a couple of minutes to put it all together. She said " What the ****" I just laughed and laughed as she packed her shit and left.
I really do kind of miss her though. |
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Quote: 714662; Rating: 989; [+|-]
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anonymous: It can be "free" if you look in the right places, I think I'll go TO the video stoRe to RENT a movie now. |
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Quote: 714672; Rating: 5049; [+|-]
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<DW>So, I had to get a colonoscopy today
<DW>That's where they stick a camera up your ass and take pictures of your intestines
<Relentless>that's just great
<DW>Anyway, that part wasn't bad, the bad part was the prep for it
<pyr0>which was...
<DW>I didn't eat anything yesterday. Starting at 3 PM I had to drink about 2 liters of this shit that would help clear my intestines out. Basically, from 3 PM until about 12 I had SEVERE abdominal cramps. I mean severe. I'm talking about rolling around on the floor punching shit severe
<DW>Anyway, during this, I started to get horny for some reason
<DW>It was a strange feeling really. Not even being able to stand up because of crippling pains, and yet at the same time, having a raging boner and wanting to jack off
<Relentless>this wont end well
<DW>Anyway, I had been shitting brown water since 3 (that's what the nasty shit I drank did), and I needed to again. But since I had a huge boner I figured I'll take care of it while I'm in the can. So, I'm standing over the toilet cranking one off, and I'm getting the shits, so I sit down. Just before I'm about to cum, I start feeling like I'm going to puke. Now, I had vomit brewing for awhile. You know that feeling you get when you're going to puke? When you start to feel sick and start salivating a lot? I had been getting that since I went to the bathroom. Anyway it built up enough that I started VIOLENTLY and LOUDLY puking. I'm fucking lucky the sink is right next to the toilet. The force of this caused me to begin shooting shit-water out of my ass with the force of a pressure washer. The spasming of my entire body caused my hand to move around enough that I started cumming.
<DW>So after all was said and done, I had a line of fire burning a line from my balls to and up my asscrack, puke in the sink, and cum covering my legs.
<DW>Yeah yesterday was not a good day :\
*LONG pause*
<pyr0>...
<Neo>what the fuck
<SSB>.....
<CT_Frog>o_o
<MMB>You have lived more in that one moment than anyone else in their entire lives |
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Quote: 714697; Rating: 1645; [+|-]
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<Daniel> The new bash quotes suck
<Nictheman> You realise if this goes on bash, you'll be part of the new quotes, and will therefore suck?
<Daniel> ..
<Daniel> Fuck you. |
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Quote: 714706; Rating: 2301; [+|-]
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<Buck> the MPAA site has an interesting anti piracy blitz going on for Christmas
<Buck> they say that they're protecting users from buying pirated copies of films
<Buck> then they go on to say that you can recognize pirated films by the fact that they're a lot cheaper, out before or while films are still in theatres, are region free and contain no DRM
<Buck> if I wouldn't have pirated before.. the MPAA sure has convinced me to do it now |
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Quote: 714806; Rating: 905; [+|-]
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--- bobby sets ban on *!*@*.mx
<@bobby> lets see the mexicans get over that wall. |
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Quote: 714823; Rating: 393; [+|-]
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<Nrrd> never mind telnet I've been wokring on a communications protocol using smoke from spliffs and bongs
<Nrrd> Toke-n Ring networking I'm calling it |
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Quote: 714860; Rating: 345; [+|-]
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<vergil> you know you have issues when you almost tell your mom to delete something rather than throw it away |
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Quote: 714941; Rating: 643; [+|-]
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<[JAPS]aL3x> I heard [JAPS]KingKhai had sex with his teacher.. only problem was, he was home schooled. |
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Quote: 714971; Rating: -889; [+|-]
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Nolano so this guy gets home
Nolano and his wife tells him that his son got caught having sex with the teacher
Nolano and so she tells him to go scold him
Nolano so they go outside and he says
Nolano "son, U'm really not angry with you
Nolano In fact, I'm damned proud.
Nolano But you need to pretend I'm mad
Nolano After this, we're gonna go down to the bike shop and buy you a new bike
Nolano So just look like your ashamed
Nolano So they go down to the bike shop
Nolano get the bike
Nolano and he says to his son
Nolano "Now, do you want to ride it home, or just put it in the truck
Nolano And the son says
Nolano "well dad, lets put it in the truck. My ass is still sore." |
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Quote: 714996; Rating: 893; [+|-]
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<SailorAirman> everything is always more enjoyable when it's free
<Tatumaru> not really
<Tatumaru> I got raped once
<Tatumaru> but I'd rather pay for a hooker |
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Quote: 715026; Rating: 499; [+|-]
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<Apoc|Sharger> how do you masturbate when a blind man is watching you?
<Apoc|Sharger> quietly. |
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Quote: 715074; Rating: 855; [+|-]
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SilverInsanity5: This girl next to me was looking up 'penis' on Wikipedia during English
SilverInsanity5: So I asked if she wanted some hands-on learning instead looking at a computer
SilverInsanity5: We got so many looks that day |
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Quote: 715093; Rating: 1330; [+|-]
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MrHahn2265: she is my sister
MrHahn2265: words really cant descibe her
MrHahn2265: although I can attempt to describe her through massive bangings on the keyboard
MrHahn2265: l.kjnfvgfg8ifgudfbpoicxv'lk
MrHahn2265: woops i opened paint |
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Quote: 715095; Rating: 1227; [+|-]
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RoyalPineapple: girlfirends are overrated
RoyalPineapple: plus although sex with a girl is definitely more pleasurable, masturbation is so much more efficient
SoAP: i'll take the real thing if i can get it
RoyalPineapple: i dunno... ive gotten some bunk ass blowjobs, where im kinda waiting for it to end
RoyalPineapple: thinking, ya know if i were alone i could finish this up lickedy split and still have time to watch House |
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Quote: 715122; Rating: 623; [+|-]
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hjdjoo: well, you know what they say
hjdjoo: "the second-best way to get into a girl's pants is to play the guitar"
hjdjoo: "the absolute best way is chloroform"
hjdjoo: -plutarch
hjdjoo: or was that plato?
hjdjoo: it was one of the great philosophers i think. |
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Quote: 715124; Rating: 290; [+|-]
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* TechHut changes topic to 'Welcome to #Euphoria | SuperChill has no penis | "Peace, love, empathy" - Kurt Cobain'
<TechHut> :)
<ergoproxy> superchill does too have a penis... its just that it belongs to someone else, and its usually in his mouth. |
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Quote: 715207; Rating: 134; [+|-]
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<InfamousMyzt> bash.org mod college
<InfamousMyzt> lesson 1: accept and deny buttons
<InfamousMyzt> lesson 2: funny, or not?
<InfamousMyzt> lesson 3: always accept racial jokes
<InfamousMyzt> lesson 4: always accept quotes that mention bash.org
<InfamousMyzt> lesson 5: if you can't decide, click deny anyways |
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Quote: 715270; Rating: -221; [+|-]
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Thomas says:
Why do annoying people not realise how fuxing annoying they are, yet are the first ones to complain about stuffu00a0 :|
Roland says:
ie Thomas
brett says:
I think you have just answered your own question thomas
Thomas says:
sigh
Thomas says:
whats the point
Thomas has left the conversation. |
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Quote: 715285; Rating: 1252; [+|-]
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<Thrae> Your testes are egg-shaped, because testes used to be ovaries before your gender was determined pre-birth.
<Thrae> All men started out with female sex organs until gender was specified. It explains a lot, eh?
<ckknight> we overcame adversity. |
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Quote: 715357; Rating: -446; [+|-]
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* Chrispy is playing : naughty college girls volume 4
<Chrispy> ooops
<Chrispy> :s
<Chrispy> lol
<Vaine> lololol
<z3ph> HAHHAHAHA
<+DJ_8-Ball|eve> rofl
<%Crysis> lmfao
<Vaine> HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
<z3ph> HAHAHAHA |
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Quote: 715368; Rating: 497; [+|-]
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<trav> Christians have Jerusalem
<trav> muslims have mecca
<trav> stoners have amsterdam |
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Quote: 715404; Rating: -166; [+|-]
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<DantesMinion> Hey baby, you took a 20 for bus tickets?
<Esher> No. I got to work on a magical bus pulled by unicorns!
<DantesMinion> REALLY!?
<DantesMinion> BARBIE UNICORN ADVENTURES?
<Esher> They told me I am the chosen child of destiny and my mission is to mate with all the women of the world to populate it with magical beasts of power
<connor> lol wtf!?
<DantesMinion> **growl**
<Esher> Hey! You can't get mad at me! It's my DESTINY!
<DantesMinion> every woman so that means the bald fat and ugly
<Esher> Umm.. Err.. Except those ones?
<DantesMinion> boy you gotta get it ON with them too
<Esher> I don't love you anymore. |
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Quote: 715510; Rating: -870; [+|-]
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<Dr.Foongoggles> Ya see, the PS3 is hung like a horse.
<Dr.Z> And the 360?
<Dr.Foongoggles> The 360 is the guy who gives you that weird STD called "overheating".
<TheShuffler> so what does that make the wii?
<Dr.Z> You didn't notice?
<Dr.Foongoggles> Well it is rather feminine.
<TheShuffler> How so?
<Dr.Z> ....
<Dr.Foongoggles>.....Your Wii looks like a vagina, Dylan. |
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Quote: 715525; Rating: 1234; [+|-]
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Matt-0375> hear about the people getting sore from playing the wii controllers?
thx-1192> Yeah, fatasses should get up and move more often
Matt-0375> I'm just waiting for the headlines: "why does it burn when you wii?" |
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Quote: 715634; Rating: -57; [+|-]
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<Chelz> I type too fast and piss people off
<Korox> i fail to see why people would be pissed at this
<Korox> i like it when other peeps type fast
<Chelz> lol
<Chelz> Some people are like, "I CAN'T KEEP UP"
<Chelz> lol
<Korox> pfft, thats cuz theyre... uh... DAMNIT!
<Korox> theres a sexual joke in there somewhere, and i cant get it! |
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Quote: 715642; Rating: 637; [+|-]
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<pmw> According to Wikipedia, "cum swallowing" is an "extreme" sexual act.
<Supernaut> best. quote. evar
<sxs> probably
<tsowell> pmw: it doesn't feel very extreme when you're doing it, does it?
<pmw> At least not after a few times.
<Supernaut> i stand corrected
<Supernaut> that exchange is the best |
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Quote: 715644; Rating: -862; [+|-]
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<Pulits> So we a have a masochist, a sadist, a zoophilic, a necrophile, a coprophilic and a fetichist.
<Maltos> Why the fuck I have the impression this is going to be nasty?
<Pulits> They're all in jail. So suddenly, the zoophilic says "Hey guys, lets fucking rape a cat!"
<Pulits> And everybody is like "FUCK YES!", but suddenly, the coprophilic says "After we fuck it, we shit on it!"
<Pulits> Everybody applauds. And the necrophile then says "Then, we kill it. And after that, WE FUCK IT!"
<Maltos> Ok dude this is sick.
<Pulits> Everybody is orgasmed. The sadist then says "Before we kill it, lets fucking torture it!"
<Maltos> Jesus leave the cat alone!
<Pulits> So the fetichist is like "And then, we dildo rape it!"
<Pulits> Everybody is like "YEAH MAN LETS DO IT!"
<Maltos> What does the masochist says, then?
<Pulits> "Miau."
<Maltos> HAHAHAHA. XD |
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Quote: 715676; Rating: -120; [+|-]
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SecureXeC: We're gonna get guns, hold you hostage, and rape you
SecureXeC: And then beat you unconscious
Krysta: :-[
SecureXeC: Then, when you wake up
SecureXeC: We'll be all
SecureXeC: YOU GOT PUNK'D BITCH
SecureXeC: And you'll be like 'lol' |
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Quote: 715695; Rating: 2; [+|-]
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<@hsb|> Apple could sell turd only if it were called iShit |
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Quote: 715722; Rating: 1167; [+|-]
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<@Rize> hmm nice, after installing IE7 and booting, I got 4 messages saying the system has recovered from a serious mistake.
<@Rize> is windows telling me something here? :D |
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Quote: 716192; Rating: 181; [+|-]
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TaipeiSS: o.o I love the Harvard common app supplement.
TaipeiSS: they don't ask you stupid gay questions that you have to write essays to
zenith251: They don't want no Jibba Jabba.
TaipeiSS: the closest thing they ask is...
TaipeiSS: Briefly discuss one book that has strongly influenced you.
TaipeiSS: Briefly discuss.
TaipeiSS: That's like, a paragraph or two.
zenith251: But halfway through the space they provide "We said brief, damnit!"
TaipeiSS: Not "500 -750 words on a quote that means something to your life and how you exude it in every situation" like fuckin gayassed Cornell
zenith251: And if you keep going past that line, they don't read it.
TaipeiSS: and they get this big purple stamp that says GAY
TaipeiSS: and they stamp it on that part of your essay and print it and send it back to you in the mail
TaipeiSS: And they include a handwritten postit where they laugh at you and say you have no friends. |
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Quote: 716227; Rating: 327; [+|-]
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<@Keron> no i think only catholics can confess
<@LordBrian> time to convert
<@Keron> no need to convert
<@Keron> jesus has already prepaid your visa sin card
<@Keron> he's already predied for your sins
<@Keron> it's like being preapproved to sin
<@liwei> that must have been a spectacular death
<@Keron> only if you don't accept him as your savior, then instead of breaking your knee caps like a loan shark
<@Keron> he sends you to hell
<@Keron> kind of a bum deal if you ask me.
<@LordBrian> sounds like a jew all right |
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Quote: 716274; Rating: 629; [+|-]
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<evilada> godammit. I hate having to collaborate on projecs with music school kids.
<immortalangel> why?
<evilada> they reek. they reek so bad.
<immortalangel> lol
<evilada> I swear to god
<evilada> it's like..
<evilada> imagine if pineapple was an animal, andu00a0 lactated it's own kind of milk to nurse it's young. If you were to take some of this pineapple breastmilk, turn it into an odd cheese, then leave that hunk of cheese in a stale metal box in tropical heat for three months....THAT'S what the smell was like on these kids |
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Quote: 716363; Rating: 1208; [+|-]
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<Vincerific> woot my AVG and my Ad Aware finished. I am now virus and trojan free
* Spartacus^ has joined #Chatzone
<Vincerific> damn and another Trojan just came in
<Skiah> lmaoo |
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Quote: 716573; Rating: 382; [+|-]
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< ice> mirc is like homosexuality. I respect it, but it's for others =] |
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