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Quote: 644782; Rating: 555; [+|-]
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Pep Boy Manny02: I was a little disappointed yesterday.
Pep Boy Manny02: Got "Religion for Dummies" from the library.
Pep Boy Manny02: You know how the "...For Dummies" books usually have the bomb icon for, "Don't do this!"?
Pep Boy Manny02: This one didn't.
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Quote: 44638; Rating: 283; [+|-]
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cranky> I upgraded to the internet 8.0 as soon as AOL released it
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Quote: 42643; Rating: 446; [+|-]
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*** WFTP-Stats has entered[#PHPHELP] at [4:38pm] [12 Users]
<WFTP-Stats> sux my dick
*** WFTP-Stats has left [#PHPHELP] at [4:38pm] [11 Users]
*** WFTP-Stats has entered [#PHPHELP] at [4:38pm] [12 Users]
<WFTP-Stats> losers
*** WFTP-Stats has left [#PHPHELP] at [4:38pm] [11 Users]
<Loman> weeeee
*** WFTP-Stats has entered [#PHPHELP] at [4:38pm] [12 Users]
<WFTP-Stats> lazy bastards
*** WFTP-Stats has left [#PHPHELP] at [4:38pm] [11 Users]
*** WFTP-Stats has entered [#PHPHELP] at [4:38pm] [12 Users]
<WFTP-Stats> alright im sorry
<WFTP-Stats> help me with my php now plz
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Quote: 797; Rating: 228; [+|-]
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<DarkSun> I ask for a n64 emu and a big nerd syz me go to http://www.emu's.shoved.up.my.arse.com
<DarkSun> Anyone have a good webpage with EMU????
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Quote: 778521; Rating: 2228; [+|-]
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Rude: wicked story tho..this morning i'm sitting at the mc donalds i normally do having coffee and such, and this middle-aged fat guy who always comes in around the same time i do walks in
Rude: (and this guy's a fucking dick, I hate him just from hearing him talk to the kids working)
Rude: so he orders his meal, and when they put it all on the tray, he puts the back of his hand right into the fries and practically explodes.. "THESE FRIES ARE COLD, THEYRE ALWAYS FUCKING COLD WHEN YOU SERVE THEM, I WANT FRESH ONES"
Rude: so they apologize, take the fries away and after a few minutes I see them put some more fries on his tray...dumbass puts his hand right into it again, but these fries were RIGHT out of the frier, and the stupid fuck completely burns the back of his hand and shrieks like a fucking girl
Rude: I laughed so fucking hard at him, and he turns to me cradling his raw hand and yells WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LAUGHING AT KID
Rude: at this point i'm laughing so hard i can only point at his hand and keep laughing
Rude: dipshit storms out and the kids working even gave me his fucking food
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Quote: 659231; Rating: 860; [+|-]
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<Biff> man. 3 bigwigs from the rival company we just bought came here to visit
<Biff> they didn't seem happy AT ALL
<hekman> well they just got owned
<hekman> literally
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Quote: 373797; Rating: 1379; [+|-]
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<Xenecrite> wanna hear a joke?
<Xenecrite> Women's Rights
<Lone_wolf_gurl> you have 5 seconds to start running.
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Quote: 768158; Rating: 651; [+|-]
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<Zed> Guys
<Zed> I have a friend getting a degree in liberal arts
<Zed> for those of you who don't know what liberal arts are
<Zed> its okay, neither does he
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Quote: 9957; Rating: 139; [+|-]
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<Pr3tent1ous> hey
<Pr3tent1ous> If I pretend I'm female
<Pr3tent1ous> can I be an opper?
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Quote: 660278; Rating: 675; [+|-]
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<Ethereal Souls> it gave me the "explorer.exe has generated errors"
<Ethereal Souls> BUT IT'S OK
<Ethereal Souls> An error log was created
<Ethereal Souls> which will be in Hex and tell me EVERYTHING I NEED TO KNOW
<Frag> Because, of course, you know EXACTLY what Windows stores in memory slot E35BA9564F
<Ethereal Souls> yeah
<Ethereal Souls> that's the line about it buttfucking me
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Quote: 37558; Rating: 239; [+|-]
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<HandiKap23> Man, I am completely in love with this girl and I don't even know her name.
<uk55> hmmm, is it Sarah ?
<HandiKap23> I told you I dunno her name
<uk55> what about Tanya?
<HandiKap23> shut up man, I really need your serious advice on this one.
<uk55> is it Lisa, or Betty, what about Nora, Catherine is possible, hey maybe its Barbara, yeah Barbara, definitely Barbara- I think it is Barbara
<HandiKap23> you are an asshole
*** Quits: HandiKap23
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Quote: 8851; Rating: 501; [+|-]
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<Grumbledook> my mum told me off for saying fuck in front of her
<bodhi> hmmm
<bodhi> my dad bollocks me for saying piss in the house
<Grumbledook> :P
<dave> my mum told me off for shitting on a plate and putting it in the fridge
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Quote: 43486; Rating: 62; [+|-]
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<bytraper> I went to a strip club with my buddy.... anyway a friend of his chicks see's him there... and phones her up and tells her... she fires up and rocks up and grabs him by the hair and drags him out... anyway I figure im there so I may as well keep drinking... anyway 5 minutes later she's on the phone to my
chick telling her Im there getting sex and guess who rocks up 5 minutes later??
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Quote: 45281; Rating: 406; [+|-]
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<Sonson> (picture address) ......scary part? this was last year.... my hair grows REALLY fast O_o
<Sonson> and I have fecal hair
<Ronald_MacK> Fecal hair?
<Ronald_MacK> What the hell have you been eating?
<TRB115> Uh...
<DecadentTeatime> Food?
<Sonson> Fecial hair ^^
<Airi> FACIAL.
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Quote: 166572; Rating: 262; [+|-]
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<mm13> people who eat people
<mm13> are the hungriest people
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Quote: 875; Rating: 503; [+|-]
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<Dr_DOS> a typhoon smashed into hong kong
<Dr_DOS> wiping out 1.5% of their pirated goods
<Dr_DOS> a total profit of $300,000 for US companies alone
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Quote: 49564; Rating: 321; [+|-]
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<XorTiN> I am sad, I ain't got nuffin to do and all I can do is think about my g/f
<XorTiN> and she out partyin' w/ some friends or somethin
<XorTiN> and she's grounded so I can't call her
<LlnK> she's grounded.. yet she's out partying with guys?>
<LlnK> wtf
<LlnK> you're st00pid
* LlnK backhands some sense into XorTiN
<Illustrious> weird how she's out partyin and grounded
<Illustrious> and can't call you
<Illustrious> blah LlnK you bastard quit reading my mind
<LlnK> heh
<LlnK> Illustrious: i stopped when i saw all the kiddy and beastiality pr0n
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Quote: 689328; Rating: 951; [+|-]
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Chico: i would never consider her at all
Chico: shes like 100% emo
Chico: to the bone
QueenRen24: aww, but emo kids are so cut
QueenRen24: e
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Quote: 542530; Rating: 1132; [+|-]
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<Maduin> Is it weird if you recognize a girl in your inbox porn from your highschool?
<TheUpstairsProTHAway> I think the most comedic answer would be, "It depends what part you recognized."
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Quote: 302824; Rating: 2503; [+|-]
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<crumpiano> i just discovered a revolutionary way to piss off my neighbor
<crumpiano> i can play porn and broadcast the audio out over the frequency of the radio station hes listening to
<crumpiano> HAHAHAHA
<crumpiano> he cant tell me to turn it down when its HIS stereo
<MAME> you're an asshole
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Quote: 422419; Rating: 1407; [+|-]
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<leif> well I used to go to a "special" school for troubled kids, so our classes were really easy and pretty dumb. One of them was "work study" and I remember one day a few kids were playing jenga on the main "study" table, and i got the most exellent idea to grab a small model plane from the teachers desk, throw it
at the blocks, then after they fell over I shouted " HEY GUESS WHO I AM?!?!"....
<leif> That's why i'm home schooled now :-(
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Quote: 2106; Rating: 298; [+|-]
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<RockShox> girls love attention and irc is some place where everyone pays attention to them
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Quote: 715722; Rating: 1108; [+|-]
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<@Rize> hmm nice, after installing IE7 and booting, I got 4 messages saying the system has recovered from a serious mistake.
<@Rize> is windows telling me something here? :D
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Quote: 241250; Rating: 683; [+|-]
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<digitz> I really hate it when girls think it's sexy to stand up and pull there cunt flaps apart and make it look like they have the predator between there legs
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Quote: 14229; Rating: 10; [+|-]
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<lid> so what did i miss
<dustyX> oh, the secret of life, nothing big.
<lid> did ya decide what it is
<lid> im kinda curious
<dustyX> doncha know, the secret of life is 42?
<lid> lid fixes a beer and clam, and passes it to tasha:)
<lid> well im 50 so i missed that secret:)
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Quote: 938534; Rating: 273; [+|-]
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Brendan: my logger isn't working :-/
Tim: permissions?
Brendan: doh
Brendan: yeah, 666 fixed that
Tim: the devil, you say
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Quote: 108702; Rating: 6; [+|-]
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* Joins: |scott| ([email protected])
<|scott|> is anyone here
<|scott|> damn this sucks
<|scott|> i feel like a homeless 88 year old
<|scott|> i shit my pants in Wallgreens today
<|scott|> looked like pancake syrup was coming out of my ass
<|scott|> wtf is wrong with me
<|scott|> :(
<|scott|> i hate my ass
<|scott|> its getting back at me for all the spicy food i eat
<madman`> sick
<[mizi]> scott you're like a child.
<[mizi]> what the hell is wrong with you
<obs1d1an> ack dude
<obs1d1an> better learn some fuckin muscle control son
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Quote: 107123; Rating: 196; [+|-]
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(Xerox): Right on! Hey, there are some Thai tribes that are afraid of spirits called phii, or "widow ghosts." These spirits are sexually voracious women who have died violently, and they attack men in their sleep. The charm for these are giant wooden phallus carvings outside the house. They work by acting as decoys.
(Squizzle): Xerox: Eh, every culture tries to explain nocturnal emissions.
(Xerox): To quote my book: "...Ranging from the crudest wooden shafts, to carefully carved images complete with coconut shell testicles and fishnet pubic hair..."
(Xerox): Yes, but this one I find particularly humorous.
(Xerox): Imagine going into some village and seeing giant penis statues everywhere.
(Squizzle): That would truly rule.
(Rico): It'd be funnier if the Moai had giant stone schlongs.
(Xerox): Well, that certainly would've made a few old Konami shooters a lot more interesting...
(Rico): Options- the glorified orange spermicide.
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Quote: 85864; Rating: 197; [+|-]
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<+LS|Krylar> how much caffeine does it take before u get the shakes?
<+void_> that depends on how strong you want the shakes to be
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Quote: 659; Rating: 14; [+|-]
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<imminent> clean keyboard
<imminent> yesss
<edible> you desemenized it?
<edible> let some cum hungry slut lick the shit out of your keyboard?
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Quote: 124957; Rating: 998; [+|-]
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<doobie> where do you sickos get these fucking links
<doobie> i mean seroiusly, do you type in
<doobie> horribly disfigured penis into google?
<Diablo> no
<Diablo> actually i was searching for penises in mouse traps
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Quote: 950832; Rating: 335; [+|-]
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<benjameno> how do i catch autism
<benjameno> i've tried speaking esperanto and using free open source software but it doesn't seem to be working
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Quote: 7459; Rating: 707; [+|-]
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<trimp> indd: go smell your mom's panties
<indd> i cant, she threw them at aerosmith.
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Quote: 44612; Rating: 835; [+|-]
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One fine day in #support on GamesNET...
<@Phobius> [d20]Gau: Name of channel please.
<+[d20]Gau> Clan: Covert Underground Neutralization Team #CUNT
<@Phobius> [d20]Gau: Sorry but thats an unacceptable channel name.
<+[d20]Gau> ? Is it too short?
<@Phobius> [d20]Gau: No its the word "cunt"
<+[d20]Gau> "cunt"? Ohhhh goodness That's another word for a woman's vagina, isn't it
<+[d20]Gau> How about The War Against Terrorism? #twat
<@Phobius> !#twat reg [d20]Gau
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Quote: 21732; Rating: 385; [+|-]
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* Zibzib hees. "go tahoe" -> "gotahoe.com" <-- Worst URL Faux Pas Ever
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Quote: 49596; Rating: 194; [+|-]
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<McMoo> monday's going to suck.
<McMoo> we are going to get fucked in the ass at work
<maff> sounds like someone's got a case of the mondays.
<ChafedNut> McMoo's name is really Milton
* ChafedNut was kicked by McMoo (i don't even have a stapler you fucking faget)
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Quote: 252759; Rating: 533; [+|-]
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<DuTcHiN> This dude at my work had red hair so we call him santa.
<XtACY> ???????
<DuTcHiN> Well he obviously has a red sack
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Quote: 42034; Rating: 598; [+|-]
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<Ih8tjon> throwing a match into like, a BUCKET of gasoline won't do anything.
<Ih8tjon> cause, you know, the liquid will actually put it out before it can burn stuff.
<marek> m'am, i've just informed the good people at the Darwin Awards. They promised me they'd keep an eye on you.
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Quote: 697526; Rating: 1526; [+|-]
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<Syphon> I was walking up the path from the parking lot to my apartment, and there were two girls talking. One of them saw me carrying a Wendy's bag and said "That's not very healthy", and without even thinking I say "And you're not very attractive" and just kept walking <.<;
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Quote: 48311; Rating: 258; [+|-]
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<N3xtAxchunz3r0> y'ever had to take a shit, but were already listening to music and playing gameboy so you went in the bathroom with your headphones and gameboy, took a shit, and didn't come out for 2 hours cuz you still needed to catch a friggin pikachu?
<N3xtAxchunz3r0> I have..
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Quote: 82104; Rating: 376; [+|-]
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<Robbie0> Yoshi: Why can't i ride you on Mario 64
<Yoshi> Okay...
<Yoshi> First off
<Yoshi> I ain't like that
<Robbie0> sorry
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Quote: 806849; Rating: 1310; [+|-]
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<namesake> if a girl has sex with a lot of guys, she's a "slut", but if I have sex with a lot of guys, I'm a "fucking faggot"
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Quote: 757; Rating: 19; [+|-]
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<Primus> does any1 know how to tell just by looking, what size a RAM chip is?
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Quote: 122297; Rating: 231; [+|-]
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<kszer0> sometimes I forgot I'm naked
<kszer0> and I'll go outside
DeBruce coveres his eyes
kszer0 bends over to pick up a penny
Hiroshirou rams zero like no tommorow
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Quote: 106846; Rating: 12; [+|-]
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<Supa_Kuraka> if you flirt with the female version of yourself... is that masturbation or incest?
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Quote: 3947; Rating: 275; [+|-]
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<Digital-^> i love brits , every time i hear someone mention a fag break all i can think of is someone knocking on my door , picking me up , and smoking me
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Quote: 9152; Rating: 437; [+|-]
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<Wampa> Screw the little children of the world
<Falcon24> ok
<ROFISH> he didn't mean that literally falc
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Quote: 106414; Rating: 24; [+|-]
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<`jon`> oh god this is a joke
<`jon`> 'jon-' is taken :/
<`jon`> /whotheFUCKis jon-
<`jon`> oh shit
-:- Jon- [[email protected]] has joined #doomroom
<`jon`> its me
<Jon-> heh
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Quote: 816911; Rating: 1121; [+|-]
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Travis: you know i'm part native american right?
Scott: which part?
Travis: small part
Scott: your penis is native american?
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Quote: 23056; Rating: 170; [+|-]
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<Cricket> talk about bush then.
<Cricket> the kind you eat, not the kind you vote for.
<pesti> ew, no
<pesti> no political,stuff,
<dUb> lol
<pesti> like, mowing the lawn?
<dUb> I like the george michael clip
<dUb> hihi
<Cricket> yeah, like mowing the lawn.
<pesti> trimming the hedge
<dUb> chocking the snake
<dUb> ...
<pesti> pounding the beaver
<dUb> spanking the monkey
<pesti> dub, you still have a lot to learn if you think that is having sex with a girl
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