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Quote: 493876; Rating: 839; [+|-]
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Dan: we went to "the store" in our lunch break today
Dan: there was this shop with the sign "coffee corn" above it
Dan: it was meant to be 2 different signs but it looked like one
Dan: and this girl that was with us asked "WTF is coffee corn"
Dan: then later we walked around the other side and the other part of the sign said "nuts juice"
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Quote: 53590; Rating: 305; [+|-]
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<rTenshi> HOLY SHIAZT! THIS IS AWESOME!
<JujubeZ> what,?
<rTenshi> using a .357 magnum to kill cockroaches!
<JujubeZ> a .357? wTF? These are roaches, not deer you moron
<rTenshi> tell me about it, its gonna take an assload of time to clean up, it just went.... "PSSHHHTTTQQQTT!" Hahahahhahaha
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Quote: 505741; Rating: 2890; [+|-]
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<jsCLASS> lets talk about my johnson
<Mercster> small talk, eh?
<jsCLASS> fuck
<jsCLASS> owned
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Quote: 213280; Rating: 1261; [+|-]
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[@flu1d`]: i wanna fuck a deaf girl
[@tomato]: thats kinda sick
[@flu1d`]: so i can hear her go "woaoaaaaaarrrrrr"
[@pitchblende]: hah
[@flu1d`]: like a wookie
[@tomato]: lol wtf
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Quote: 384735; Rating: 1399; |
[Maimed_Perfection] Anything with numbers replacing letters is just fucking stupid.
[Sanctum] Yeah
[Sanctum] NO ONE THOUSAND THREE HUNDRED AND THIRTY SEVEN SPEAK
[Sanctum] PLEASE
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Quote: 519623; Rating: 1187; [+|-]
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<rom> if i was ever playing hide and go seek I would want Anne Frank on my team.
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Quote: 3011; Rating: 195; [+|-]
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<Viscant> cockblock (COK'blok) n. 1. to stop in the sexual escapading by another willfully and wantonly. 2. to deflect the cock "viscant was eyeing ricky ortiz lustily until arturo cockblocked him"
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Quote: 14444; Rating: 216; [+|-]
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<tokage> im a pathetic fanboy when it comes to king
<tokage> I'd read tampon labels if someone told me he wrote them
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Quote: 693; Rating: 255; [+|-]
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n e r d b 5: what in the hell
n e r d b 5: im not a registered staples user
n e r d b 5: what do i do?
e l i t e m r p: register
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Quote: 102188; Rating: 515; [+|-]
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< CausaSui> So I was showing a coworker bsd, and explaining flags, and speficically the schg flag
< CausaSui> And to give him an example that even root can't delete schg flagged stuff, I tried rm /kernel
< CausaSui> But it turns out that, for some reason, on fresh installs of 4.8, none of the kernels are flagged schg
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Quote: 11727; Rating: 304; [+|-]
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<Aboshi> Women. I drive 'em crazy.
<Trinity> crazy = away
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Quote: 238059; Rating: 676; [+|-]
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<LZ> when I was like 8
<LZ> I was trying to make this fanfic
<LZ> where Mario met his twin sister Maria
<Elmoogle> And they sexx0red?
<LZ> I was 8 ;_;
<LZ> Yes
<LZ> They did
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Quote: 766026; Rating: 926; [+|-]
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<Taris> also, this I must share. It comes right out of my physics text book
* Ssithl prepares for brainmelt.
<Taris> A hockey puck, mass 0.115kg, moving at 35 m/s, strikes an octopus thrown onto the ice by a fan. The octopus has a mass of 0.265 kg. The puck and octopus slide off together. Find the velocity.
<Taris> yeah, this is one that the authors put in for those students that stay up late trying to do these
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Quote: 34898; Rating: 1388; [+|-]
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<Spyro> Dude..
<Spyro> The other day, I was smoking some weed and got into the car to go and drop my sister off to the bus stop. I thought some prick stole my steering wheel....
<Spyro> But I was in the backseat
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Quote: 11646; Rating: 515; [+|-]
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<Nick> Albert! Say something dirty!
<Albert> Bukkake!!
<Nick> Agh!! Too Dirty!
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Quote: 239106; Rating: 283; [+|-]
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[zekester] who the hell likes siliconed up tits
[DreadQ] any tit is better than no tit
[DreadQ] except them ones you pay some ho 10 bucks in the park to flash
[zekester] 10 bucks to flash?
[zekester] you can get a baseball bat for 10 bucks and that'll get you more than a flash
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Quote: 194561; Rating: 653; [+|-]
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<Bota> well, either my balls smell like propane, or my propane smells like balls : either way i think we have a problem
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Quote: 540426; Rating: 1582; [+|-]
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xyzzy314: i got some rare footage of houdini getting locked out of his car
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Quote: 652242; Rating: 464; [+|-]
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<Nofrag> It's bullshit, the police won't do a fucking thing. They destroyed one of the transformers now the power's out for twelve blocks
<bawheid> It obviously wasn't one of the better transformers
<bawheid> Optimus Prime, say
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Quote: 22904; Rating: 432; [+|-]
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<@Social> mathcore is DEP
<@Social> and mr gayngle
<@Phil> "AHHHHHH ONE PLUS TWO EQUALS THREE I HATE YOUR MOM AHHHHHHHH ::fast guitars::"
<@Phil> oh
<@Phil> i thought it was hardcore with mathematical lyrics
<@Social> lol
<@Social> LOL
<@Social> oh man
<@Social> that made me laugh
<@Social> AHAHA
<@Social> that would be great
<@Phil> i was being serious
<@Social> like
<@Phil> i would be a pioneer of that genre
<@Social> "AH 2 TIMES FUCKING 3 EQUALS 6 DIVIDED BY THE SQUARE ROOT OF YOUR MOTHER'S LOVE!!!!! FUCK!!!!"
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Quote: 3433; Rating: 1018; [+|-]
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<kolby> Allow me to be serious. Kolby serious? Yea right. Well I'm kinda drunk and feel like getting a few things off my chest. See I'm not even supposed to be alive right now. When my mom was giving birth there was a big problem. I was suffocating and I almost died.
<Wes> how were you suffocating?
<kolby> See what happend is that my dick was wrapped around my neck 8 times.
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Quote: 2718; Rating: 788; |
<Furan> the only 2 types of women that don't bitch and moan are gifs and jpgs
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Quote: 35449; Rating: 279; [+|-]
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<NetherMagic> i always tape my screwed up CDs on the walls of my room, so when ppl walk by my house they'll go blind and get hit by a car
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Quote: 46316; Rating: 208; [+|-]
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<ryda> earlier, i was lookin up doom 3 stuff
<ryda> and i clicked on this doom 3 screenshot link
<ryda> and it redirected to a pornsite
<ryda> and then my mum comes up to me and offers me a pringle
<ryda> and im just like sheeet
<milenko> ahhahaha
<milenko what did she say?
<ryda> i couldnt get it off the screen
<ryda> she pretended not to noticed
<ryda> alt f4 wasnt workin lol
<ryda> thing is, it looked really really gross
<milenko> what was it, cumshot?
<ryda> im not sure
<ryda> but i think it could have been tranny
<milenko> dude, YOUR FUCKED
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Quote: 213194; Rating: 151; [+|-]
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<speedy> This chick is hot, in a creepy "i'm a rapist" way
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Quote: 773975; Rating: 239; [+|-]
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<Paranoua> Okay, this is the *only* right answer to the question "Do You Think I'm Fat?":
<Paranoua> "No, because if you were fat I'd leave you."
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Quote: 928788; Rating: 1220; [+|-]
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R4V: I really want to learn some C++
R4V: but the problem is
R4V: that there seems to be months of learning
R4V: before you can do ANYTHING usefull.
Shrum: it's kind of like a highschool girlfriend
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Quote: 3363; Rating: 141; [+|-]
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<Nettik> I had some Huge ass guy name Ray try to squeeze the shit out of me
<Nettik> the guy is REAL strong and pretty agile for being big
<Nettik> he grabbe a hold of me and started squeezing, he didnt like it when I kicked his leg out from underneath him too much, but he squeezed harder. It all depends on how far I was willing to go
<spazzer> <Nettik> and soon i had a nice loaf the size of a breadbox in my drawers
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Quote: 789709; Rating: 1600; [+|-]
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<xchlathx> "Dumbledore returns from the dead and declares it to be hammertime, Harry proceeds to break it down, Voldemort is unable to touch this."
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Quote: 74533; Rating: 1111; [+|-]
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(@OriX): "Shaggy, you Scoob and Velma go downstairs and check the basement; Daphne and I'll go upstairs and check the bedrooms".
(@OriX): Freddy, you magnificent bastard.
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Quote: 3041; Rating: 183; [+|-]
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<ZombiiPro> pretty please with a virgin cherry on top
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Quote: 22189; Rating: 96; [+|-]
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<My3blKa> bizee go get your vacum and imagination.
<andro> I've heards its bad to do that w/ a vacuum
<supreemball> it hurts
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Quote: 171043; Rating: 557; [+|-]
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<Calisa> "After his arrest in 1990 police found photographs that Black had taken of himself: one showed him with a wine-bottle up his anus, another with a telephone-handset, yet another with a table leg."
<FifthColumn> Sadly the inspectors drank from the wine bottle, talked on the telephone, and beat a minority with the table leg before they found the photographs.
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Quote: 3791; Rating: 205; [+|-]
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<ScumDog> in some ways, I wish I could sit around picking bananas all day
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Quote: 622916; Rating: 1632; [+|-]
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hehehe8383: school was pretty fun for me cus of the teachers =P
hehehe8383: like i remember this one time in like 5th grade or something
hehehe8383: i got a bloody nose in my math class and i had on a white shirt to boot
hehehe8383: so i went to the nurse for like 10 min. while i was sittin in the nurses office, the period was over so my class left and another class came in
hehehe8383: but i still had my books there so i had to go back in
hehehe8383: so i walk into the classroom with blood stains on my shirt and holding a blood spotted tissue up to my nose
hehehe8383: so the teacher pointed at me and she goes "see what i do to kids who dont do their homework?"
hehehe8383: i swear to you, this kid next to me had a MORTIFIED look on his face as he started scribbling stuff down on some incomplete worksheet =P
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Quote: 75736; Rating: 321; [+|-]
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<|2SX||atWork|> i think i only have jvm installed :)
<Cavey> Can you run java jars?
<|2SX||atWork|> .jar files are just zip files
<Cavey> Essentially, yes
<|2SX||atWork|> its not broken, just all the channels talking comes up in one window, and i forget which channel ive set to type in, so i see u talking and just reply to the wrong chan
<Cavey> Hehe
<|2SX||atWork|> sorry wrong chan
<Cavey> I guessed
<|2SX||atWork|> i cant believe i explained why i was typing in the wrong chan into the wrong chan.. i hate this client
<Cavey> ROFL
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Quote: 638300; Rating: 797; [+|-]
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Mazgurth: what does slashdotting mean?
antizeph: youve never heard of slashdot?
Mazgurth: I know it makes websites not work
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Quote: 632906; Rating: 3697; [+|-]
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<bloodmaster> this guy keeps sending me notices, how do i send them back?????
<`Trust`> ./notice <nick> <message>
<bloodmaster> ty!
<bloodmaster> ./notice <Tommyboy872> <hello tommy, my name is john i am from michigan im 16! Im 5 foot 11 inch tall, you sound cute n we should talk more often ok??>
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Quote: 32960; Rating: 297; |
<samurai> need to finish this crap for school but I can't get it done... any help here?
<taleweaver> sure... what do you need?
<samurai> whats the opposite of eloquence?
<taleweaver> george w. bush?
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Quote: 737075; Rating: 471; [+|-]
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n3xg3n> weird... i just found this: Walker Texas Ranger is an anagram for Karate Wrangler Sex
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Quote: 577451; Rating: 9785; [+|-]
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<DmncAtrny> I will write on a huge cement block "BY ACCEPTING THIS BRICK THROUGH YOUR WINDOW, YOU ACCEPT IT AS IS AND AGREE TO MY DISCLAIMER OF ALL WARRANTIES, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, AS WELL AS DISCLAIMERS OF ALL LIABILITY, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL OR INCIDENTAL, THAT MAY ARISE FROM THE INSTALLATION OF THIS BRICK
INTO YOUR BUILDING."
<DmncAtrny> And then hurl it through the window of a Sony officer
<DmncAtrny> and run like hell
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Quote: 50676; Rating: 389; |
<[LH]Georg> PAIN LEADS TO ANGER. AND ANGER LEADS TO CAPS LOCK. AND CAPS LOCK LEADS TO REVOLTING PEOPLE IN AN IRC CHANNEL.
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Quote: 173422; Rating: 578; [+|-]
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<zidane> hackquest.de is encrpyted!
<alucardo> german isn't an encryption method
<ps> the infamous "DE" Cypher
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Quote: 604965; Rating: 1505; [+|-]
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<Nihility> I wanna buy starcraft cereal.
<NoJuice4u> with marshmallow zerglings????
<Inside> kekekekeke sugar rush
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Quote: 100415; Rating: 1438; |
<windows_macgeek> Is there a way to overclock a compact flash card to have more storage?
<InvisableMan> umm..... can you overclock the memory in your computer to give you more storage?
<windows_macgeek> HAHAHA!!!! Of course not, idiot!
<InvisableMan> you just took the words right out of my mouth.
<windows_macgeek> ...Oh.
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Quote: 38787; Rating: 171; [+|-]
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<+Ava|anch3> i was just banned from a hacker channel
<+Ava|anch3> i told him in german that i am his god
<+Ava|anch3> and he understood it
<+Ava|anch3> then i told him i loved him
<+Ava|anch3> and he loves me
[+cerb] hehehe
<+Ava|anch3> now hes packeting me :/
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Quote: 772189; Rating: 291; |
< Dtu3ZOhtln> i wonder if assembly programmers felt the same way about c programmers as c programmers feel about python programmers?
< eml> Jealousy?
< astronouth7303> eml++
< jsoftw> then theres the perl programmers who dont even feel
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Quote: 48206; Rating: 1919; [+|-]
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<spil0ink> is it pronounced live or live?
<Shit_Pifter> live
<spil0ink> thanks
<Shit_Pifter> np
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Quote: 103409; Rating: 209; [+|-]
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<quacks> u look like that milk girl
<quacks> on the cup
<@dolphie> huh?
<@dolphie> nonsense.. that girls so ugly
<quacks> precisely.
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Quote: 34318; Rating: 798; |
<Gibs> I like chinese, they only come up to my knees...
<Bah> My boyfriend is half chinese and he is 6 ft 3
<Gibs> so he didnt get the shortness of the chinese
<Bah> yes he did.......
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