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Quote: 945317; Rating: 389; [+|-]
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* gg ([email protected]) has joined #Terraria
<gg> I just cut my hand with a knife while slicing a hotdog.
<@Sqozza> Awesome.
<gg> It happened because the phone rang. When I answered it, it was this clown I know named Steve.
<gg> He told me he had been to a graveyard and seen my name on six gravestones.
<gg> When I hung up the phone, I was surprised to notice my hand dripping blood faster than I'd anticipated from such a small wound.
<gg> Concerned, I bandaged the hand with a paper napkin, but realized there was butter on the napkin, and the butter had salt in it.
<gg> So, with a stinging hand, I ran cold water over the hand but the butter made the water slough off.
<gg> Then the doorbell rang.
<gg> I answered it. It was Steve again. He was holding a package for me and standing at a strange angle.
<gg> I took the package and slammed the door.
<gg> Opening the package, I noticed two things. 1) The package was unaddressed, and 2) my hand was still bleeding.
<@Sqozza> 3) Steve is awesome.
<gg> I ripped the package open and inside were five rusted nails and a jack rabbit's head.
<gg> I called Steve back, but he didn't answer.
<gg> Confused and bleeding, I tossed the box into the trash and sat back down on the couch to finish Dr. Who.
<TheBadShepperd> I knew this was going to end bad when you said you knew a clown.
<@Sqozza> Clowns these days
<gg> But the episode was strange. It was about to short people fighting over a rotten piece of meat.
<gg> The Dr. was nowhere to be seen.
<gg> I got out a T.V. Guide to see if I was mistaken about what I'd TiVo'd.
<@Sqozza> gg, maybe you were watching Jersey Shore instead
<gg> I wasn't. It was, indeed, Dr. Who. At least according to T.V. Guide.
<gg> I put the remote down and noticed that my hand was still bleeding.
<gg> Then I ate my hotdog.
<gg> Slowly.
* gg ([email protected]) has left #Terraria
<@Sqozza> What the fuck just happened
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Quote: 125216; Rating: 237; [+|-]
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<zeedo> heh I got a delivery today and started to sign my name "zeedo"
<zeedo> lmao
* Subliminal is playing Metallica - Jump In The Fire
<Subliminal> rofl
<Subliminal> your loosing your true identity
<Subliminal> and become a sequence of 0's and 1's
<zeedo> the dude just gave me a weird look when I said "can you wipe that off its the wrong name"
<zeedo> he cleared the screen thinking I was a weirdo
<zeedo> I am but thats besides the point
<Subliminal> lmao
<Subliminal> you should spell itin binary or smt
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Quote: 7275; Rating: 346; [+|-]
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[Leviath] I have a funny tingle in my nose. At 3:30pm I ate some Kettle Chilli chips and went into this coughing/snorting fit and coughed a small piece of chilli chip up my nose and snorted it out. It burned like HELL and I in turn created a scene being the 27 year old crying gayboy with a bag of chips in one hand and
some printer paper I used to blow my nose on in the other :(((
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Quote: 6889; Rating: 104; |
<_Tenchi_> jwzrd-: are you a pole smoker too ?
<jwzrd-> _Tenchi_: why, you want your pole smoked ?
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Quote: 14648; Rating: 23; |
<pandz>the computer guy at the store told me to flash my bios...i says to him flash this...
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Quote: 7748; Rating: 930; [+|-]
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< nutbar> [root@linux!/usr/src/bind] grep "{" named.conf.newer | wc -l
< nutbar> 19314
< nutbar> [root@linux!/usr/src/bind] grep "}" named.conf.newer | wc -l
< nutbar> 19313
< nutbar> [root@linux!/usr/src/bind]
< nutbar> great
* nutbar fumes
< nutbar> one fucking missing }
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Quote: 48720; Rating: 354; |
<KenKaniff> Snow
<KenKaniff> MSH?
<kisama> sure
<kisama> only 15 minutes though
<kisama> i tricked my roommate into leaving
<kisama> so i could fucking wack it
<KenKaniff> HAHA
<KenKaniff> Dood
<KenKaniff> Whack it
<KenKaniff> Then we'll play
<kisama> already did
<KenKaniff> Oh
<KenKaniff> So why 15 minutes?
<kisama> he's coming back in an hour
<KenKaniff> So what?
<KenKaniff> Why cant you play when hes there
<jestuh> cause it's cuddle time then
<jestuh> ;x!
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Quote: 22535; Rating: 717; |
<CrdStang> Oh dear
<CrdStang> Oh fuck dear no
<CrdStang> My stupid ass dad just drove the ride-on lawn mower here from his place 3/4 of a mile away
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Quote: 676796; Rating: 248; [+|-]
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<Osiris_69> we cant be a couple because she wont agree to oral sex before mariage
<Osiris_69> catholic chinese, who is the ass who converted them? im gona kill those fuckers
<AntiZzZ> i dated one of em
<AntiZzZ> she never gave it up in like 8 months
<AntiZzZ> she was rich tho
<Poppet-> damn
<Poppet-> 8 months
<Osiris_69> on the 9th month anti?
<AntiZzZ> we broke up
<_hit> she had a black baby
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Quote: 9955; Rating: 101; [+|-]
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<BiT`> I mastered most of ChanServ's basic commands in just two weeks
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Quote: 208066; Rating: 644; |
<|404notfound> when you play DDR, you're dancing with SATAN
<|404notfound> unless, you know, you're doing two player
<|404notfound> because then Satan doesn't have room to play
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Quote: 714195; Rating: 690; [+|-]
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<Tom86> can i ask you a personal question?
<MoHaWk> 8 inches
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Quote: 18316; Rating: 331; |
<count^> real life is just something the government invented to steal my money
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Quote: 149234; Rating: 537; |
(+|STE|) Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor.
(+|STE|) The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."
(+|STE|) Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?"
(+|STE|) The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."
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Quote: 40925; Rating: 891; [+|-]
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<@icono> i need to lose 60 pounds, my doctor is getting pissed at me
<@LinkDJ> do you happen to be holding a small mammal?
<@orpal> "as your physician, i strongly recommend that you let go of that 60-pound badger"
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Quote: 7431; Rating: 1009; |
*** MathAngel has left #vancouver
<Phuser> math angel?
<bv3> wtf is a math angel
<Phuser> that is the worst nick i've ever seen
*** Phuser is now known as SocialStudiesWizard
<SocialStudiesWizard> i damn thee
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Quote: 345591; Rating: 217; |
<Anla_Shok> hmm, i guess i just prefer a landrover to a marriage
<Anla_Shok> unless the marriage comes with a landrover
<Anla_Shok> then i would have to rethink
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Quote: 408951; Rating: 444; |
<ExT> Can you spell *CENCUR*
<ExT> Or was it... SENSUR?
<Clownie> not any more
<ExT> maybe SENZUR?
<ExT> ZENCUR?
<ExT> Allright then
<Lebowske> lol
<Clownie> I'll just pick letters from a scrabble bag, I have more chance of being right than you
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Quote: 773150; Rating: 418; |
<RunningRed> Actually, I'd love a tattoo over my belly and groin that looks like Uncle Sam from the Army's old "We want you" campaign, with my dick replacing his index finger
<RunningRed> Sort of a 3-D version
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Quote: 107390; Rating: 671; |
<Targen> Just saw the Smallvile season finale. (that's what you call those, right?)
<NekoGuy> season finale? the last episode in a season right?
<Targen> Yes.
<NekoGuy> Yes, that's right.
<NekoGuy> You've passed the American Television Culture test #1
<NekoGuy> You win 20 pounds of fat.
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Quote: 82096; Rating: 90; |
[During an online Scrabble game]
<Grimp> I'd have to see your rack to actually play them :P
<Grimp> uh no sexual meaning intended :p
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Quote: 45241; Rating: 249; [+|-]
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<crikket> spyware is stuff that looks at where you go on the net and tells some market research group
<strangefour> hmm, market research now know I go to japanese websites that have scantily clad drawings of green haired women with glasses
<crikket> next year that's what'll be advertizing pepsi
<crikket> thanks alot s4
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Quote: 426917; Rating: 1438; |
<@[S]W|Supey|Around> what the fcuk? a DVD enlargement system? did my two spam senders mix their titles?
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Quote: 256296; Rating: 393; [+|-]
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<dave2away> furries are people too! and animals
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Quote: 211416; Rating: 3613; |
<+darthpony> geez dude
<+darthpony> with my last gf
<+darthpony> I made the most terrible fruedian slip
<+darthpony> we were sitting at breakfast the one day, and I wanted to ask her "pass the sugar please"
<+darthpony> instead I said "you're ruining my life, you fucking bitch"
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Quote: 39596; Rating: 2002; [+|-]
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<@Theseus314> if I invite my girlfriend in here for a short time will you guys behave yourself?
<Vetek> yes
*** FunG is now known as CaptainGapingAnus
*** poo_al[Away] is now known as i_want_to_fuck_thess_gf
*** IgWannA is now known as HotChickNeedSex
<@CaptainGapingAnus> we will behave
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Quote: 7259; Rating: 551; |
<Jay> how do u spell nebour
<nc> neighbour
<nc> haha
<Jay> kthx
<Jay> how do u spell ritch
<nc> rich u moron
<DX> rofl
<Jay> well
<DX> u dum cunt jay
<Jay> so what if i cant spell
<Jay> i type it in spell check
<Jay> and im still so wrong it goes what the fuck no suggestions
<nc> MS never reckoned on Jay
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Quote: 50809; Rating: 322; |
#natfans on GamesNET, 01 December 2002
<dzee> want to try again sara
<sara_sig> no
<sara_sig> gay thing
<sara_sig> too pissed off with it
<dzee> why does it crash?
<sara_sig> .
<sara_sig> ^ see that?
<sara_sig> That is a concentrated ball of rage
<sara_sig> Refined hatred poured into one small dot
<sara_sig> "why does it crash" is possibly the only question that can merit an outpouring like that
<sara_sig> I simply cannot even be sarcastic about it
<sara_sig> It goes way beyond that
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Quote: 58844; Rating: 383; [+|-]
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SquallBane: True gamers don't need controllers/keyboards/mice.
SquallBane: They memorize the game and play it in their head.
blindpyro: wtf.
blindpyro: then how do you play mulplayer.
SquallBane: You get three friends to sit in the same room and rattle off verbose descriptions of what's happening.
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Quote: 8545; Rating: 597; |
[@Gentleman_Junkie] Sure your ass will hurt, but its better than getting pregnant...
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Quote: 6843; Rating: 221; [+|-]
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<Logan> What kind of router takes 30 minutes to "cycle."
<glasnost> i think we all know the answer to that
<Logan> I don't think they're using an NT box for routing.
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Quote: 21220; Rating: 251; |
<darkdawg> bout how long till you can check my box out?
<Trolan> no clue. this shouldn't be taking me this long, excpet the guy who coded it needs to be shot.
<Trolan> and otherwise, try an OB/GYN
<darkdawg> ob/gyn? type that as root?
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Quote: 770381; Rating: 417; |
ejc> I should go back to using windows, at least there when something doesn't work, I don't have the illusion that I can fix it
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Quote: 635705; Rating: 24; |
<Simon>man, i'm farting like a motherfucker over here! you can really smell the decaying hampster flesh...
<Simon>there's a two week backlog of shit held up by that furry fucker
<Nick> OMFG, that is WRONG, you're fucking sick!
<Nick> you put a P in HAMSTER...sicko
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Quote: 348436; Rating: 740; |
<nostal> What are the dimensions of those little MSN display pictures?
<esuna> 2D
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Quote: 7827; Rating: 21; |
Session Start: Tue May 18 18:38:17 1999
<Ludi> Hey unban me please! :)
<miss> hey i didnt do it this time dickhead
<Ludi> So, you're an op, you can unban me!
<miss> do i want to though....
<Ludi> Yes I think you do :)
<miss> whinge to anaconda
<Ludi> Oh yeah, that's the one
<Ludi> Thanks!
<Ludi> So ... doing anything this Friday?
<miss> wtf!?!?
<Ludi> uhh nothing.
<Ludi> BYE
Session Close: Tue May 18 18:56:31 1999
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Quote: 74108; Rating: 216; [+|-]
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DasKrav: What do gay horses eat?
DasKrav: *limp wrist wave* Hey
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Quote: 18460; Rating: 119; |
<Fryth> What is ".net"? Some kind of asp development standard?
<Calrathan> Fryth, distributed computing solution by MS.
<Calrathan> in otherwords... MS can disolve computers around the world with this stuff
<Calrathan> [distributed computing SOLUTION... har har har]
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Quote: 51200; Rating: 69; |
* I^Need^A^GirL^IN^MY^LifE was kicked by CityWoman (banned: Try a date service.)
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Quote: 77636; Rating: 279; |
<neoMesis> thats like 11 year olds having sex
<neoMesis> WTF IS THIS WORLD COMING TO!?
<aux_> i dunno but i like it
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Quote: 34265; Rating: 4; |
<Annieland> i have beautiful skin
<Annieland> some people are just jealous
<rajn> no you don't
<rajn> you're fucking ugly
<Annieland> i do too
<Annieland> fuck you
<Annieland> i'm beautiful
<rajn> fuck you
<rajn> get hepatitis
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Quote: 390; Rating: 266; |
<Guest88468> if you ever try to kick me or ban me i will get my uncle(irc opp) after you and by the way i have a nuke and a mail bomb on the way asshole
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Quote: 49941; Rating: 248; |
<buzgub> do drakconf and drakxconf look at all different?
<puttputt> find / -name "*drak*" -exec rm -f "{}" ;
<Robzy> not at all
<Robzy> puttputt, it returns:
<Robzy> rm: cannot remove `/etc/bootsplash/themes/Mandrake': Is a directory
<Robzy> find: /mnt/floppy: Input/output error
<Robzy> find: . changed during execution of find
<puttputt> oh my god
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Quote: 54794; Rating: 168; |
<ChuckD> so i got a massive summer sausage today
<ChuckD> what happened
<ChuckD> is i was talking about summer sausage
<ChuckD> and my friend said "i can bring ya summer sausage! i have tons!"
<ChuckD> i thought he was joking
<ChuckD> sure enough, he shows up with a massive summer sausage
<ChuckD> people looked at me funny
<ChuckD> i was carrying around a summer sausage, after all
<Dancer_the_Reindeer> or were you just happy to see them?
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Quote: 629240; Rating: 770; |
<Varka> cds are made of pikachu skins
<Orcinus> is that why they turn to lightning in the microwave? :D
<Varka> Yes.
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Quote: 501347; Rating: 237; |
<@Blaxthos> five, i know of no police department that has a year long academy
<@Blaxthos> i call bullshit
<dk|laptop> obviously you haven't watched police academy
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Quote: 89689; Rating: 362; |
* JimmytheCow looks over at his linux box.
<JimmytheCow> or run 2 pc's
* Wiecker[DAMIT] looks over at his linux box.
<Wiecker[DAMIT]> Hmm..that's strange, never had a linux box there before.
<Wiecker[DAMIT]> Never had a linux box period.
* Wiecker[DAMIT] examines the box.
<Wiecker[DAMIT]> Hmm...looks like a refrigerator.
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Quote: 33604; Rating: 59; [+|-]
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Kim: brb.. needta potty
Mike: well thank you for that info
Mike: my life is complete with the knowledge yer emptying yer bladder right now
Mike: speaking of which.....
* Mike brb
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Quote: 145954; Rating: 938; |
<bigbear> fuck
<bigbear> my ears are ringing
<Pebble> answer it then
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Quote: 622468; Rating: 449; [+|-]
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Vipar87: so my old ass english teacher starts going on about passing a failing kids when she starts up a story about this school bus driver who needed to pass this class to keep his job. Well, he ended up with a D+, failing, but right at the edge of a C, so she nudged him up enough to pass him. A few weeks later, he
was in a wreck while driving the school bus. He died, but none of the kids did and she goes "I'm so glad I passed him so he could save those kids..." and I'm like... "Bitch, if you woulda failed him, he'd be alive, and the new, SMARTER bus driver wouldn't have wrecked the bus anyway!"
mario13256: idiot
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