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Quote: 721; Rating: -2146; [+|-]
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<SWM> The real issue is which candidate will kill more niggers.
<SWM> Gore's idea of poisoned chicken wings is pretty good
<SWM> But I like Bush's idea of a giant oven disguised as a swap meet.
<SWM> Niggers love swap meets.
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Quote: 86; Rating: -2045; [+|-]
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<EM> heh i wonder if there will be any black people in my classes
<EM> like i couldnt imagine black ppl being in cisco routing!! because black people just jack cars!!!
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Quote: 875656; Rating: -1787; [+|-]
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<Zuuzou> hello everyone
<pronto> hi, im masturbating
<pronto> how are you?
* coldvodka kills a kitten
* pronto eats that kitten
<coldvodka> cat, the other white meat
<pronto> baby, the other other white meat
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Quote: 509956; Rating: -1689; [+|-]
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Shosh912: when tthy say you can miss 6 classes
Shosh912: does that mean you can miss 6 classes
Shosh912: or 5
Qtip: 6
Shosh912: oh
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Quote: 10; Rating: -1687; [+|-]
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<Mishmashi> yesterday i got bisexual services
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Quote: 608216; Rating: -1541; [+|-]
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(@prex) man .jp is fucking tight
(@prex) suggest you a get with it
(@antlers_) anyone shit on your face while you were there?
(@prex) yes, and i'm 500 yen poorer for the experience!
(@antlers_) tell you this much, my first time in Tokyo I fucking loved it... still do... but a visit to some of their adultshops just negated all positive thought
(@Blaxthos) never been to .jp
(@Blaxthos) i hear shit is expensive the most
(@prex) yeah well me not being a sexual deviant i didnt visit any adult shops
(@antlers_) <--- sexual deviant
(@prex) man mother fuck some edema
(@prex) flight was 9hrs and change tho
(@prex) fast as fuck
(@kaleido) did any of your less profitable bitches kill themselves because of the dishonor they felt when you arrived?
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Quote: 11; Rating: -1468; [+|-]
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<dazz:#cdr> its it possible to read half a disk at a time, eg, i have a small hd, can i read 300 mb, burn it, and the do the another 300 mb, and som on, eg on a psx game
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Quote: 415421; Rating: -1396; [+|-]
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-Global- Oops.
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Quote: 30510; Rating: -1388; [+|-]
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<@orion> i just mark down all the good nigger jokes on purpose now
<@orion> so they'll be at the bottom
<@orion> aka, the top nigger jokes
<!scabb> that's where those niggers belong.
<@orion> back of the bus, bottom of the /names list, end of the qdb
<@Sir_Neo> first in line @ kfc
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Quote: 669955; Rating: -1301; [+|-]
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<Pbob> you know what would be awesome
<Pbob> Get a bunch of jews, herd them into a shower
<Pbob> And then gas them
<Pbob> With that funny voice stuff
<Pbob> HAHA
<Pbob> They would be like I'M GONNA DIE sounding like crazy cartoon charatcers
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Quote: 316; Rating: -1251; [+|-]
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<DumbBitch> AND
<DumbBitch> wtf am i not quoted on the quotes?
<DumbBitch> i have to be one of the most funniest ppl in this channel :/
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Quote: 21842; Rating: -1146; [+|-]
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<skacore> you shut your face you nigger loving pile of intestinal feces, ill rip your bowels out and feast on them, then i'll impregnate your girlfriend and wait 7 months then unwravel her belly button and suck out all the vaginal discharge and feast upon the baby. i will fornicate your liver, then make you guzzle
gallon after gallon of putrid diarrhea. you will gag on my green logs of asshole mud butter
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Quote: 106430; Rating: -1117; [+|-]
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* SBR_Scythe tosses RSFS_Cheif a Coke
<SBRLestat> a sprite for me scythe
<SBR_Starfire> Hey Scythe, I'll have a cock
<SBR_Starfire> oh my god
<SBR_Starfire> I'm never going to live that one down am I?
<SBR_Scythe> nope
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Quote: 582647; Rating: -1106; [+|-]
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sessorach: you know whats funny?
sessorach: offering people sexual favors in exchange for something
sessorach: be like "Ill give you sexual favors for that whatever"
mathJunkie314: you know whats funny?
mathJunkie314: me reading that last sentence before the rest O_o
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Quote: 718845; Rating: -1074; [+|-]
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<Computer> Today Chuck Norris was released as a downloadable patch for Street Fighter. When asked about a glitch that made all buttons force his character to perform a roundhouse kick, he responded, "what glitch?"
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Quote: 585661; Rating: -1055; [+|-]
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<Blaxthos> you know what
<Blaxthos> DO YOU KNOW
<Blaxthos> i'm slightly ashamed
<Blaxthos> but
<Blaxthos> then i remember being 7 yrs old
<AltSnooze> you peepeed in your pants again?
<Blaxthos> dancing with mom
<Blaxthos> Elton John - I'm Still Standing.mp3
<Blaxthos> i still love that song
<chilly> did you uncle touch you in funny places?
<Blaxthos> no :(
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Quote: 707236; Rating: -1041; [+|-]
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Lamesauce: Good god
Lamesauce: There's a Pimple Congressional Meeting going on on my face.
Lamesauce: I think they just passed a bill...
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Quote: 105108; Rating: -1010; [+|-]
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<@SJr> * g o a t s e x * g o a t s e x * g o a t s e x *
<@SJr> g g
<@SJr> o / / o
<@SJr> a| | | | a
<@SJr> t| `. | | : t
<@SJr> s` | | | | s
<@SJr> e | / / \ --__ \ : e
<@SJr> x / _--~~ ~--__| | x
<@SJr> * _-~ ~-_ | *
<@SJr> g _ _.--------.______| | g
<@SJr> o ______// _ ___ _ (_(__> | o
<@SJr> a . C ___) ______ (_(____> | / a
<@SJr> t / | C ____)/ (_____> |_/ t
<@SJr> s / /| C_____) | (___> / s
<@SJr> e | ( _C_____)______/ // _/ / e
<@SJr> x | |__ \_________// (__/ | x
<@SJr> * | ____) `---- --' | *
<@SJr> g | _ ___ /_ _/ | g
<@SJr> o | / | | | o
<@SJr> a | | / | a
<@SJr> t | / / | | |t
<@SJr> s | / / __/___/ | |s
<@SJr> e | / / | | | |e
<@SJr> x | | | | | |x
<@SJr> * g o a t s e x * g o a t s e x * g o a t e x *
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Quote: 283358; Rating: -995; [+|-]
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<prairiePirate> well there was a kid on the news that was born without eyelids
<prairiePirate> they had to use the skin from his circumcision to make them
<prairiePirate> they say he's ok, just a little cock-eyed
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Quote: 519439; Rating: -988; [+|-]
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mouAng: cuz im not perverted
mouAng: hahas
IllIllziroIllIll: say something perverted
IllIllziroIllIll: at least once
IllIllziroIllIll: like
IllIllziroIllIll: boobies
mouAng: ums okays
mouAng: toe
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Quote: 875691; Rating: -985; [+|-]
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<ditte> my parents had a girl about my age
<ditte> omg
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Quote: 446742; Rating: -978; [+|-]
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<Dee> A man walked along and saw a ladder going up into the heavens
<Dee> he climbed up a ladder and saw an ugly woman
<Dee> the woman said: 'Take me now or climb the ladder to success'
<Dee> the man got freaked out and started climbing the ladder frantically
<Dee> on the next level, he saw a plain looking woman
<Dee> the woman said: 'Take me now or climb the ladder to success'
<Dee> seeing a pattern here, the man climbs the ladder again
<Dee> on the next ladder, he saw a really hot woman, very beautiful and sexy
<Dee> the woman said: 'Take me now or climb the ladder to success'
<Dee> the man is tempted, but thinks, 'If the woman is hot here, imagine what it would be like in the next level!' and he climbs the ladder
<Dee> on that level there was this fat ugly hell's angel, with a fucking long beard, piercings and decorated with tattoos
<Dee> the man screamed "who the fuck are you?!"
<Dee> the hell's angel said "i am cess"
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Quote: 606658; Rating: -969; [+|-]
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Skull: The existance of flamethrowers says that someone, somewhere, at sometime said "I need to set that thing on fire, but it's too far away."
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Quote: 196025; Rating: -966; [+|-]
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<m00> Why does the mexican olympic team suck?
<m00> everyone who can run, jump or swim is already in the US
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Quote: 718608; Rating: -964; [+|-]
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<krad89> Why do black people wear pants so low?
<krad89> Spell saggin backwards.
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Quote: 728958; Rating: -957; [+|-]
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<Mulcibre> I just had a case of deja jew
<Mulcibre> I'd swear I've seen this $20 bill somewhere before
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Quote: 477; Rating: -957; [+|-]
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"When you sit with a nice girl for two hours, it seems like two minutes.
When you sit on a hot stove for two minutes, it seems like two hours.
That's relativity."
- Albert Einstein
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Quote: 754399; Rating: -954; [+|-]
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<mayb> procrastination is like masturbation
<mayb> it's fun until you realize you just fucked yourself
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Quote: 50296; Rating: -954; [+|-]
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<linux> "So... my girlfriend told me she thought i was a pedophile the other day."
<linux> "so i says to her, that's an awfully big word coming from a 12 year old."
<DGF> LOL
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Quote: 858; Rating: -950; [+|-]
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<Berzerker> i saw this black kid at my community college today with a programming cobol book
<Berzerker> hahahah
<Berzerker> whats a nigga gunna do with cobol
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Quote: 433425; Rating: -947; [+|-]
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[30/10/04 00:32:41] Tinkerbell :
last funny for the day
George Bush is visiting the Queen of England.
He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are
there any tips you can give me?"
"Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself
with intelligent people."
Bush frowns. "But how do I know the people around me are really
intelligent?"
The Queen takes a sip of tea.
"Oh, that's easy. You just ask them to answer an intelligence riddle.
The Queen pushes a button on her intercom. "Please send The Prime Minister
in here, would you?"
Tony Blair walks into the room. "Your Majesty..."
The Queen smiles. "Answer me this, please, Tony. Your mother and father have
a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?"
Without pausing for a moment, Blair answers, "That would be me!"
"Yes! Very good!" says the Queen.
Back at the White House, Bush calls in his vice president, Dick Cheney.
"Dick, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's
not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"
"I'm not sure," says the vice president. "Let me get back to you on that
one."
Dick Cheney goes to his advisers and asks every one, but none can give him
an answer.
Finally, he ends up in the men's room and recognizes Colin Powell's shoes in
the next stall.
Dick shouts, "Colin! Can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have
a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Colin Powell yells back, "That's easy. It's me!"
Dick Cheney smiles. "Thanks!"
Cheney goes back to the Oval Office and asks to speak with Bush.
"Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Colin
Powell."
Bush gets up, stomps over to Dick Cheney, and angrily yells into his face,
"No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair!"
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Quote: 177969; Rating: -942; [+|-]
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(Ninja_Mo) definition of irony"
(Ninja_Mo) <Oedipus> Sup mofo?
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Quote: 416874; Rating: -939; [+|-]
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<[Cadaver]> There were three people on an airplane. One was Thomas Jefferson. One was George Bush. And the last was Bill Clinton. They opened up the airplane door and Thomas Jefferson threw out a 100 dollar bill and said "I just saved a family!" George Bush looked at Jefferson and then threw out 2 100 dollar bills. He
then said, "I just saved TWO families!" Bill Clinton looked at Thomas Jefferson then at George. He sighed and pushed George Bush off the plane and said "I just saved the world!" ^_^
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Quote: 417076; Rating: -937; [+|-]
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<NightShade> hey Bamihap, lets do a singalong :D
<NightShade> The internet is really really great
<Bamihap> FOR PORN
<NightShade> i got a fast connection, so i dont have to wait
<Bamihap> FOR PORN
<NightShade> there's always some new site
<Bamihap> FOR PORN
<NightShade> i browse all day and night
<Bamihap> FOR PORN
<NightShade> its like surfing at the speed of light
<Bamihap> FOR PORN
<Bamihap> WHY DO YOU THINK THE NET WAR BORN???
<Bamihap> PORN PORN PORN!!!!
<herr_flick> roflol
<NightShade> I'm glad we have this new technology
<Bamihap> FOR PORN
<NightShade> which gives us untold opportunity
<Bamihap> FOR PORN
<NightShade> from your own desktop, you can research browse and shop
<Bamihap> FOR PORN
<NightShade> untill you want to stop
<Bamihap> FOR PORN
<Bamihap> ALL THESE GUYS UNZIP THEYR FLIES
<Bamihap> FOR PORN PORN PORN
<herr_flick> lmao!!!
<Bamihap> SO GRAB YOUR DICK AND DOUBLE-CLICK
<Bamihap> FOR PORN PORN PORN!!!!
<NightShade> o.m.f.g. :D
<Bamihap> sorry shade, we masturbate ;)
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Quote: 208854; Rating: -936; [+|-]
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<@MORA> THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN
<@MORA> Between 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa. Half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.
<@MORA> Between 21 and 30 a woman is like America. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.
<@MORA> Between 31 and 35 she is like India. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
<@MORA> Between 36 and 40 a woman is like France. Gently ageing but still a warm and desirable place to visit.
<@MORA> Between 41 and 50 she is like Yugoslavia. Lost the war, haunted by past mistakes and massive reconstruction is now necessary.
<@MORA> Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia. Very wide and borders are unpatrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away.
<@MORA> Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia, with a glorious and all conquering past but alas, no future.
<@MORA> After 70, she becomes like Afghanistan. Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.
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Quote: 714971; Rating: -926; [+|-]
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Nolano so this guy gets home
Nolano and his wife tells him that his son got caught having sex with the teacher
Nolano and so she tells him to go scold him
Nolano so they go outside and he says
Nolano "son, U'm really not angry with you
Nolano In fact, I'm damned proud.
Nolano But you need to pretend I'm mad
Nolano After this, we're gonna go down to the bike shop and buy you a new bike
Nolano So just look like your ashamed
Nolano So they go down to the bike shop
Nolano get the bike
Nolano and he says to his son
Nolano "Now, do you want to ride it home, or just put it in the truck
Nolano And the son says
Nolano "well dad, lets put it in the truck. My ass is still sore."
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Quote: 719395; Rating: -917; [+|-]
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Gee: ROTFBMALFO = Rolling on the floor because my artificial limbs fell off. :)
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Quote: 715644; Rating: -909; [+|-]
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<Pulits> So we a have a masochist, a sadist, a zoophilic, a necrophile, a coprophilic and a fetichist.
<Maltos> Why the fuck I have the impression this is going to be nasty?
<Pulits> They're all in jail. So suddenly, the zoophilic says "Hey guys, lets fucking rape a cat!"
<Pulits> And everybody is like "FUCK YES!", but suddenly, the coprophilic says "After we fuck it, we shit on it!"
<Pulits> Everybody applauds. And the necrophile then says "Then, we kill it. And after that, WE FUCK IT!"
<Maltos> Ok dude this is sick.
<Pulits> Everybody is orgasmed. The sadist then says "Before we kill it, lets fucking torture it!"
<Maltos> Jesus leave the cat alone!
<Pulits> So the fetichist is like "And then, we dildo rape it!"
<Pulits> Everybody is like "YEAH MAN LETS DO IT!"
<Maltos> What does the masochist says, then?
<Pulits> "Miau."
<Maltos> HAHAHAHA. XD
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Quote: 74; Rating: -908; [+|-]
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<JCamel> heh, no, because i jacked off into his mom's black bra, and she blamed it on him
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Quote: 695338; Rating: -907; [+|-]
|
[ Pwyff ] So one day, George Bush and The Queen of England are sitting in her room talking about politics, when Bush asks the Queen, "How do you know if the highest members of your state are smart enough to be doing their job?"
[ Pwyff ] And the Queen replies, "Well, I usually ask them riddles, and see how fast they respond. That's usually a good way to see if they can think for themselves."
[ Pwyff ] So the Queen calls Tony Blair in, and asks him, "If your Parents had a child, but it's not your sister, and it's not your brother, who is it?"
[ Pwyff ] And Tony Blair immediately replies, "That's easy, it's me!"
[ Pwyff ] And the Queen, who is very pleased, send Tony Blair away.
[ Pwyff ] Now, Bush, who is very impressed, brings the Queen to find Donald Rumsfield and asks him, "Hey Donald, if your parents had a kid, but it's not your sister, and it's not your brother, who is it?"
[ Pwyff ] And Rumsfield ponders for a long time, and then admits to Bush that he has no clue.
[ Pwyff ] Pissed off, Bush drags Rumsfield and the Queen to Dick Cheney, where Bush asks Cheney, "Hey Dick, if your parents had a kid, but it's not your sister or your brother, who is it?"
[ Pwyff ] And Cheney ponders for a long time, and then he finally lights up with an idea, and says "It's me!"
[ Pwyff ] And Bush gets REALLY pissed off, and yells at both of them, "NO YOU IDIOTS! IT'S TONY BLAIR!"
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Quote: 401323; Rating: -899; [+|-]
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<@Kouji_Minamoto> A cucumber, a pickle, and a penis were all sitting around one day talking about how much their lives sucked. The cucumber said, "Man, my life sucks. Whenever I get big, fat, and juicy, someone cuts me up and puts me in a salad." So the pickle looks at him and says, "You think you have it bad?
Whenever I get big, fat, and juicy, someone puts me in vinegar, puts spices on me, and sticks me in a jar." The penis glared at them both and said, "You guys think you have it rough? Whenever I get big, fat, and juicy, they put a rubber tarp over my head, stick me in a dark room, and bang my head against the wall
until i throw up and pass out."
<orangebear289> XD
<+Soundwave> lol
<@kris> lol
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|
Quote: 515134; Rating: -888; [+|-]
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<MetalRox66> Could Jesus make a quote so funny that bash.org would not reject it?
|
|
Quote: 714570; Rating: -887; [+|-]
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<komies> It got dead in here.
<komies> Riech, tell me a story.
<Shish> make it have pirates in it!
<Riech> Five pirates and one woman wash up on a desert island after a shipwreck.
<Riech> Before long they are all getting pretty horny so they all make a deal.
<Riech> Each pirate will marry the woman for one week at a time, at which point the next pirate in line will marry her and so on.
<komies> Five pirates and one woman? Seems like my kind of island.
<Riech> All the pirates get sex every five weeks and the woman gets sex as often as she wants with a different pirate each week.
<Riech> The situation works wonderfully for five years. When the woman suddenly dies...
<Riech> The first week after wasn't too bad.
<Riech> The second week was getting sort of bad.
<Riech> The third week was getting pretty bad.
<Riech> The fourth week was really bad.
<Riech> The fifth week was horrible!
<Riech> By the sixth week it was unbearable...
<Riech> ...
<Riech> ...
<Riech> So they buried her.
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Quote: 715510; Rating: -885; [+|-]
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<Dr.Foongoggles> Ya see, the PS3 is hung like a horse.
<Dr.Z> And the 360?
<Dr.Foongoggles> The 360 is the guy who gives you that weird STD called "overheating".
<TheShuffler> so what does that make the wii?
<Dr.Z> You didn't notice?
<Dr.Foongoggles> Well it is rather feminine.
<TheShuffler> How so?
<Dr.Z> ....
<Dr.Foongoggles>.....Your Wii looks like a vagina, Dylan.
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|
Quote: 274808; Rating: -880; [+|-]
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<[01]-Ex> Did you hear about the new nigger barbie? It comes with 12 kids, aids, and a welfare check.
|
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Quote: 501719; Rating: -880; [+|-]
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rydia 917: I have an insanity test
rydia 917: 1. Do you speak French? Yes No
Daniel: Yes
rydia 917: Yup, you're insane. Only insane people speak French.
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Quote: 419930; Rating: -875; [+|-]
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<Bilbo>: Pac Man time!
<Bilbo>: < ............. M
<Bilbo>: < ........ M
<Bilbo>: < . M
<Bilbo>: ^
<Bilbo>: Oops. I died.
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|
Quote: 492651; Rating: -869; [+|-]
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Eglagaladiel: Didn't your mother ever tell you not to eat nuclear warheads?
|
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Quote: 119073; Rating: -868; [+|-]
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<exo> why are redneck murders so hard to solve
<exo> cuz theres no dental records and all their DNA is the same
<fearz> HAHAHA
|
|
Quote: 567151; Rating: -855; [+|-]
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<@ChrisH> Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes
<@ChrisH> by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in an accident"
<@ChrisH> "OH DEAR GOD NO!!!" George W. Bush exclaims. "That's terrible!!" His
<@ChrisH> staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the
<@ChrisH> president sits, head in hands. Finally, the President, devastated, looks
<@ChrisH> up and asks.......... "How many is a Brazillion??!"
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