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Quote: 49377; Rating: 110; [+|-]
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<Howard> My wife keeps getting sales calls on her cell.
<Howard> I picked it up this afternoon and told the salesperson "I need two things from you."
<Howard> "First, I need you to put me on the no-call list."
<Howard> "Second, I need your credit card number so I can charge you for calling me on this cell phone."
<Howard> They fell all over themselves apologizing and hung up.
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Quote: 84803; Rating: 1862; [+|-]
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Reelr123: whats up
k8 z swimmer: who are you?
Reelr123: you dont remember?
k8 z swimmer: nope
Reelr123: i m bummed
k8 z swimmer: clay?
Reelr123: nope
k8 z swimmer: ooool
k8 z swimmer: k
k8 z swimmer: so who the heck are ya
Reelr123: its me
Reelr123: guess
Reelr123: i have admired you for a long time
k8zswimmer: Who are you?
Reelr123: i have known u for a long time
k8zswimmer: way to freak me out yo
Reelr123: I love you more then the world
k8zswimmer: tmi.... WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?!?!
Reelr123: I know exactly what u r doing as we speak. And you better get to bed right this instant
Reelr123: or u r grounded from the computer
k8zswimmer: MOM?!?
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Quote: 575675; Rating: 1592; [+|-]
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< pin> so on saturday i was at a bar
< pin> telling a friend about how i played world of warcraft that day
< pin> and this girl was like.. are you talking about world of warcraft?
< pin> then i found out she played alliance and stopped talking to her
< pin> dumb cunt
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Quote: 109533; Rating: 27; [+|-]
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<KeeperX> if i say anything nonsensical
<KeeperX> i'm cleaning my keyboard
<KeeperX> sjkl;'
<KeeperX> fvgbhnjkl;'ccfvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvb n bvcxzxcvbbnm,./,mnbvcxzAsdfghjkl;';lkjhwqwertyuioip['
<KeeperX> k
<KeeperX> i'm done
<KeeperX> there were pubes in my keyboard
<KeeperX> i dunno how they got there
<Todd> sick
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Quote: 765549; Rating: -7; [+|-]
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<%crazy_clown> php is like teh pron
<Keef> quick, dirty and cheap?
<%crazy_clown> and i fap over it
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Quote: 15636; Rating: 241; [+|-]
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<KB8> im sick of you crazypale
<crazypale> im sick of you to
<KB8> no im sick of you crazypale
<crazypale> no ,im sick of you to
<KB8> you gte on my damn nerves
<crazypale> you make my stomache turn asswipe
<KB8> i gotta go ill pm you later
<crazypale> ok l8r
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Quote: 36392; Rating: 90; [+|-]
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<Lestat> @find africa
<Ganner> @find nigeria
<Lestat> @find cuban missile crisis
<Lestat> @find fisherman tim
<brolli_420> @find SHUT THE FUCK UP
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Quote: 6176; Rating: 291; [+|-]
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<Hostile> when i woke up i found pictures of Salma Hayek, A turkish guy's
page and my flip flop in my scanner
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Quote: 99967; Rating: 722; [+|-]
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* @Super-Vipeo [Super Mario Brothers Theme Song-Nintendo] - [0.65mb; 1:24; 64kbps; 44khz; mono]
<@Cockroach> I saw a quicktime movie of a guy playing that on the piano
<@Cockroach> and about every other mario song
<@Cockroach> was kind of scary... then people on the CS forum started posting about learning sailor moon songs on their clarinets
<@Cockroach> and suddenly the Mario guy was normal again...
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Quote: 3265; Rating: 339; [+|-]
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<HondaRace> ask shok and how much I charged him for his clutch
<HondaRace> ;)
<Shok> no
<Shok> i'm embarassed
<poste> how much?
<HondaRace> he sucked my dick
<Shok> i felt used and dirty after
<spicrx7> HR, he sucked mine for a stick of gum the other day
<spicrx7> you got ripped off
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Quote: 3752; Rating: 167; [+|-]
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<ChewToy> hrm... my girlfriend should be getting off work soon
<ChewToy> i should get really really stoned before she gets here
<spazzer> actually
<spazzer> chew
<spazzer> i got off your girlfriend this afternoon first
<ChewToy> spazzer she's fucking hot :)
<ChewToy> she puts out!
<spazzer> hence, i said i got off of her first
<ChewToy> she sucks good dick doesnt she?
<spazzer> i was getting close, and she told me to put my finger in her ass
<ChewToy> she's a manager at a victorias secret
<ChewToy> :>
* KNG_SNK wonders how chew scored that
<dazemobil> he ordered her in the catalog =o
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Quote: 56170; Rating: 15; [+|-]
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TaniquaLoL: i stole my moms stash and sold it to her friend hahaha
EyezBloodshot: lmao
TaniquaLoL: shes all bitchy now though
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Quote: 1987; Rating: 861; [+|-]
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<drgonzo> dance like nobodys watching
<drgonzo> work like you don't need the money
<drgonzo> jack off like nobody's home
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Quote: 8265; Rating: 605; [+|-]
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* The_Paco went to the GE appliance store today, crouch-walked up to one of the large black super-fridges, ran my hand over it while humming the theme to 2001, stood up, and smacked my bud... they threw us out shortly thereafter.
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Quote: 178226; Rating: 622; [+|-]
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<ugly> haikus are so gay
<ugly> they are just shitty poems
<ugly> invented by japs
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Quote: 376558; Rating: 300; [+|-]
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<bean> i remember back when irc was different
<unseenn> it still is different
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Quote: 22096; Rating: 444; [+|-]
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<pooshda> ICQ is nicer than AIM because it doesnt pop up like BLAM I JUST FUCKED UP YOUR BRUSH STROKE NIGGA!
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Quote: 10756; Rating: 11; [+|-]
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<MP|Pooty`Shocksbitch> ok we are going to make one up
<chibi> 24hrs or something
<MP|Pooty`Shocksbitch> and stage it
<chibi> k
<MP|Pooty`Shocksbitch> the next thing i say u say "count me in"
<chibi> k
<MP|Pooty`Shocksbitch> im going to take a dump on your face
<chibi> count me in
<MP|Pooty`Shocksbitch> rofl
<MP|Pooty`Shocksbitch> GENIOUS
<chibi> indeed
<chibi> help if you spelt genius right :D
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Quote: 629927; Rating: 1589; [+|-]
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Vfirthd: someday, I'm going to be great.
Vfirthd: someday, I will have all the money I want and no financial trouble
Vfirthd: and I'll have a great, big house with a laptop and high fi stero systems
Vfirthd: oh, and I'll have a job that I love so much, and make a good profit from
Vfirthd: and at that great job that I love, I'll find the lovely woman of my dreams...
Vfirthd: yeah...someday...
GeniusChef: You work at a McDonalds, don't you?
Vfirthd: Burger King
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Quote: 88364; Rating: 98; [+|-]
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<Azmodan> this is so useless
<Azmodan> 1 ping, 10 fps
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Quote: 353105; Rating: 439; [+|-]
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<pothead2234> sometimes i wonder what are all the words other than breasts and food are for
<This_girl> well, words you use in order to reach em
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Quote: 7248; Rating: -4; [+|-]
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<BBKahuna> shae, my ejaculation was increased by 300%!!!!
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Quote: 11427; Rating: 702; [+|-]
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<DannyBoy> Hey CB, do you have any old website interface templates laying around that you have no use for? =8)
<Cowboy_w3rk> er
<Cowboy_w3rk> <html><body>insert content</body></html>
<Cowboy_w3rk> there ya go
<DannyBoy> wonderful
<DannyBoy> hey, that looks like shit
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Quote: 46948; Rating: 545; [+|-]
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<Drull> OMG
<Drull> ARE ANY OF YOU WATCHING CNN???
<CowWEB> no whats going on?
<ego-man> ????
<ego-man> what channel is cnn?
<Drull> i dunno, nothing probably. was just wondering if anyone was watching cnn
<LadyNikki> lol
<ego-man> fucker, i turned on my tv for the first time in weeks. for nothin
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Quote: 137988; Rating: 119; [+|-]
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<evileye|ESC> http://promotions.yahoo.com/yodel/
<evileye|ESC> YAhOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~!
<Hellfire> ROFL
<evileye|ESC> "DO NOT ENTER THIS PROMOTION IF YOU ARE NOT LOCATED AND LEGALLY RESIDING IN THE UNITED STATES (EXCEPT FLORIDA) DURING THE ENTIRE TERM OF THIS PROMOTION."
<evileye|ESC> EXCEPT FLORIDA!
<evileye|ESC> damn old people
<Hellfire> hahaha
<Hellfire> they dont want the professional florida yodelers to win......
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Quote: 365264; Rating: 1507; [+|-]
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Alh4zred: You know, I realized something.
GenduShini: You love me?
Alh4zred: I'd rather play games than have sex, you know why?
Alh4zred: Think about it.
Alh4zred: During sex, you have to please TWO people.
Alh4zred: Or more.
GenduShini: because Games last more than 10 minutes
GenduShini: err
GenduShini: that too
Alh4zred: AND
Alh4zred: In a game, if you're not doing well, someone just goes "fgt" or something
GenduShini: and you just go "my current PC sucks" or "It's an off day"
GenduShini: But in the sack...
Alh4zred: In real life, you have some chick (in my case) that goes "Are you a faggot? That sucked"
Alh4zred: You can't blame a bad orgasm on lag.
Alh4zred: Dude.
Alh4zred: You can't.
Alh4zred: "I faked all those orgasms"
Alh4zred: "stfu i was pinging 300"
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Quote: 100494; Rating: 279; [+|-]
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<eidos> INFINITE/2 = middle, DUH
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Quote: 11571; Rating: 357; [+|-]
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<Hell_Patrol> I wish the girl of my dreams would stop fucking haunting my dreams, I wish death upon the stupid bitch
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Quote: 3578; Rating: 524; [+|-]
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<myzery> MIAMI -- An 81-year-old woman who arrived in court Thursday in a wheelchair plotted to smuggle 9,931 doses of Ecstasy in her luggage on a flight from London, authorities said.
<matts> hahah
<[prefix]> haha
<matts> What a doofus
<skycriesx> whered u read that
<myzery> the onion
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Quote: 76541; Rating: 313; [+|-]
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<bairavee> small things amuse small minds i guess :)
<Gothmog> which is why you play with yourself ben?
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Quote: 449314; Rating: 1349; [+|-]
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<knobboy> I hate physics
<knobboy> Having to learn all this crap about wave and frequency is killing me
<knobboy> Some might even say it Mhz
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Quote: 50752; Rating: 143; [+|-]
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<+Psylent> It turned out to be a good night in any case
<+Psylent> and yes, this is all a thinly veiled ruse to boast about my new girlfriend
<SteamedHams> you can't use irc AND have sex
<SteamedHams> irc shoots out invisible rays that kill your sperm
<egg> that's good
<+Psylent> that's very good
<egg> you don't need to use protection
<SteamedHams> yeah, let the aids flow
<egg> he's not african
<SteamedHams> ahaha, his girlfriend knows that better than anyone
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Quote: 49599; Rating: 198; [+|-]
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<tReMeR> I was cleaning out my closet today and when i was putting my shirts back in the dresser. i wanted to put them in a particular order. I would temperaly put the shirts on this chair until i put them in the closet, in order. and i thought to my self, I have 1, 32$ office chair of cache.
<Gedit> you need a life tReMeR
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Quote: 40461; Rating: 129; [+|-]
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<CY666> Yeah, I sticked multiple things in my ass in my life.
<CY666> I even went to look for a virbrator in my GF's stuff once, since I was somehow convinced that she had one. :|
<BUBA_kiNG> fuck.. i never gotto try out a vibrator
<CY666> Me neither, because she didn't posses one.
<CY666> I dried a force-feedback psx controller though.
<CY666> Kind of hard to do...
<CY666> You had to summon those Guardian Forces in FFVIII without the view on your controller, holding one side of the thing firmly, and laying in a weird position on your chair.
<CY666> Didn't give me much satisfaction.
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Quote: 668; Rating: 330; [+|-]
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<homerj> I wish I had a detachable penis
<homerj> then when I went out as a woman, I wouldn't have to tape it up
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Quote: 50949; Rating: 42; [+|-]
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<Westy> not enough porn chans if you ask me ;(tv channels)
<atdt> there's like 6 or 7 of them
<Westy> none here... unless you pay extra
<atdt> well, yeah. you've got to order them
<Westy> bah
<Westy> should be thrown in with the family packs
<atdt> heh
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Quote: 56808; Rating: 124; [+|-]
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<SJr|Tecra> Someone say something to take my mind off the pain.
<wizer> just pleasure your self you will feel better
* wizer brb
<arrow|> probably going to take his own advice
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Quote: 3743; Rating: 226; [+|-]
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<Scofco> I have the ass of a homosexual
<Scofco> shame I'm not gay
<Scofco> I'd make a good gay guy
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Quote: 625; Rating: 389; [+|-]
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<Ash> We hardly ever do crack. Sometimes barely once a week.
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Quote: 89403; Rating: 1010; [+|-]
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<Merlin> Good news, in case you were worried that Rodney King was done entertaining us, he got drunk and plowed his SUV into a house at 100 mph
<sComps> christ.. dead?
<Merlin> yes, Christ is dead, but thats 2,000 year old news. King just has a broken pelvis
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Quote: 147027; Rating: 375; [+|-]
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*Isabel has entered #icybercafe
<whitemithrandir> OMG OMG OMG ISABEL ASL ASL ASL ASL
<isabel> Altitude: 6-52 meters above sealevel. Speed: 62 mi/hr. Location: Eastern seaboard.
<whitemithrandir> coo. wanna cyber?
*Isabel has left #icybercafe
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Quote: 736794; Rating: 622; [+|-]
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<BenSpinSpace> if you double major in graphic design and archaeology, could you specialize in jpeg artifacts?
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Quote: 267317; Rating: 1406; [+|-]
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* Bobber lights up the crack pipe and takes a hit
* Bobber passes it to Jesus
* Jesus takes a hit
<Jesus> Argh, my dad is gonna KILL me
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Quote: 11724; Rating: 1168; [+|-]
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<Zardoz> cool. calculated pi to 18 decimal places.
<Trucci> know what would have been cooler?
<Trucci> ANYTHING
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Quote: 68575; Rating: 177; [+|-]
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<wip3out|isthekeymaster>fuck, i knew it... the one time I wanted pizza and it happens to be super bowl sunday, and now PapaJohns.com is getting DOSed by fat football fans.
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Quote: 652472; Rating: 809; [+|-]
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<Jlax> So we were watching this D.A.R.E. video in health
<Jlax> and they did that thing that they always do.
<Jlax> You know, when they're like,
<Jlax> "If you smoke, THIS will happen to YOU!"
<Jlax> And then they show a picture of a black person.
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Quote: 75497; Rating: 156; [+|-]
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<Vang> Ack! I'm trapped in a bad Radio Shack commercial!
Vang suddenly calms down when he realizes his wife was once Miss America and a Playboy Playmate.
<Shun> and then tense up again when you realize most of male America has seen her naked
<Vang> Bah, who cares? I'm the only one that sees her naked right now. :)
<Shun> thats what you think ;)
<Kid_Chameleon> Not if you pay $14.95 for her WebCam
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Quote: 16974; Rating: 181; [+|-]
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<Cyc66> http://cgi.ebay.ca/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=****
<Cyc66> plz ruin that auction
<bbz_> what do i want to do that for?
<Cyc66> she's a dirty whore
<bbz> maybe i could get her phone number
<Cyc66> uh why would u do that
<bbz> well, if she is a dirty whore
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Quote: 34775; Rating: 398; [+|-]
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*** Mandingo ([email protected]) has joined #visualbasic
<Mandingo> hi any females here?
<LameLLama> subtle, real subtle
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Quote: 154952; Rating: 617; [+|-]
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* Gand -> rape a prostitute
<gurov-cali> shoplifting !
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