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Quote: 252793; Rating: 483; [+|-]
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<DuTcHiN> U know how you get all lazy and wash your clothes at the last minute?
<EVILeye04> Um, yeah
<DuTcHiN> Well i was ready to go out to this party right, so there i was irc'ing in my shirt and boxers waiting for the load of washing to finish..... and i hear my ride beep from out the front, so i log off, grab my phoe, wallet and half-wet pants from the wash and throw them on and as i am bout to get out the door
mum yells 'Wait' so i go 'no time mum' and hop in the car. By the time we get to the city and get out there is this weird smell.....
<EVILeye04> and????
<DuTcHiN> And then i turn on my mobile phone and see '1 message received' from 'mum' ---> Sorry i tried to get you to come back, the cat puked in the washing machine. So i had to spend the rest of the night in my stinky pants and all the chicks looked at me funny. :(
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Quote: 10889; Rating: 97; [+|-]
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<nwinter> well, there are solutions to getting rid of nads, eric.
<nwinter> i have a fork and a rusty corkscrew. let's do it.
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Quote: 36545; Rating: 724; [+|-]
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* Upth tries to figure out why his dog smells like fish.
<Charion> do you have a teenage sister?
<Upth> nope
<Charion> ok no idea then
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Quote: 114610; Rating: 1068; [+|-]
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Aaron|SYS> Hello
<Aaron|SYS> I am Aaron, a System Operator (SYSOP) for Mindspring
<Aaron|SYS> I will be monitoring the activities of Mindspring and Earthlink subscribers this evening
<Aaron|SYS> Have a pleasurable and enjoyable day or night!
*** Quits: Aaron|SYS (Killed (SFC (hi, I'm an ircoperator, and I will be regulating your activity monitoring)))
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Quote: 82062; Rating: 107; [+|-]
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<RSquared> You know, now that I think of it, God did directly influence my desire to draw...I used to doodle on the handouts for church all the time...
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Quote: 103965; Rating: 300; [+|-]
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<PickleC> I want to read
<PickleC> but I have this disease
<PickleC> called
<PickleC> L-A-Z-Y
<Carly> so you just guess whats on the screen then?
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Quote: 40725; Rating: 466; [+|-]
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<Professor> I got a phone call asking for the Gay Homofag at work today.
<Professor> Surprisingly, I forwarded it to the right person.
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Quote: 307376; Rating: 800; [+|-]
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<mehonae128> Was ist den der Fahrplan fur zwei?
<mehonae128> what is the time table for 4?
<mehonae128> 1,4,8,12,16,20
<mehonae128> or
<mehonae128> eins,vier,acht,zwolf,sechzehn,zwanzig
<Seppel> 1 is not on the time table for 4.
<mehonae128> 4 time 1 is 1
<Seppel> You're an idiot.
<mehonae128> anything times 1 oh wait
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Quote: 349350; Rating: 673; [+|-]
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<Arameth> wow if the bible was an rpg then judas was damn poor. he sold out for thirty silver, that is three gold pieces, you can only just buy a dagger for that
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Quote: 59744; Rating: 167; [+|-]
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<+Tincan> omega could code his way out of a straight jacket!
<@omega> out?
<+Tincan> yeah i guess
<+Tincan> i dunno i just thought of it
<@omega> dude, the rate im going, im going to be coding myself INTO a straight jacket.
<+Tincan> lolol
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Quote: 5300; Rating: 24133; [+|-]
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<tatclass> YOU ALL SUCK DICK
<tatclass> er.
<tatclass> hi.
<andy\code> A common typo.
<tatclass> the keys are like right next to each other.
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Quote: 15716; Rating: 99; [+|-]
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* dpk looks through older messages from af.mil
<dpk> From: TinkerARSMail <[email protected]>
<dpk> Subject: Help Desk Ticket Open Notice
<dpk> Ticket Number TER000000000033, has been "Opened" for problem: OPERATOR
<dpk> ERROR..USER IS MORON...///ABC by the Help Desk.
<dpk> yeah, i checked the headers.. definitely from af.mil
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Quote: 75614; Rating: 150; [+|-]
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<r4ge> i just connect to eu.undernet.org or us.undernet.org
<r4ge> lucky dip ;D
<_Godless_> I thought I was taking a lucky dip once
<_Godless_> then I got herpes
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Quote: 701503; Rating: 282; [+|-]
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<@w0k> i love myself, i'm so full of myself i could puke up a Clone
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Quote: 907600; Rating: -268; [+|-]
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<+ekolis> I remember the IT support guy at school gave this HUGE presentation about laptop batteries
<+ekolis> and how you should not even THINK about using your laptop for a presentation until you make sure the batteries are ok
<+ekolis> because if it blows up and damages all the fancy new projectors...
<+ekolis> then your parents will not be happy
<+ekolis> not just a dead kid, but a huge projector bill too
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Quote: 839694; Rating: 1327; [+|-]
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<DRPONEOS> pretty soon nike will open a shoe factory here if the dollar gets much more worthless
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Quote: 39977; Rating: -64; [+|-]
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* \ is now known as \|afk
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Quote: 75470; Rating: 9; [+|-]
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<Amnesiac> there's something like awk in perl?
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Quote: 357526; Rating: 780; [+|-]
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<Nosnam> Who?
<mystie> this dude on jeopardy, he was on his 20th return today
<Nosnam> Woah
<mystie> I didn't happen to catch if he won again today
<NeoHentaiMaster> he is a robot sent from the future to win the prize money so others cant
<NeoHentaiMaster> he will slowly drain the world economy until all collapses into chaos
<Nosnam> George Bush is on jeopardy?
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Quote: 29066; Rating: 403; [+|-]
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<rudesmurf> oh, by the way, you have woman arms.
<@Chomps> not really, but I have child's wrists
<rudesmurf> why is that?
<@Chomps> because i cut them off some kid
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Quote: 215341; Rating: 503; [+|-]
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<Tim> Well it tastes gay.
<Gerard> How do you know what "gay" tastes like?
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Quote: 98065; Rating: 133; [+|-]
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<Sugoi-Cless> Lat! what have I told you about eating packets of gravy you find in parking lots!?
<Latino|Working> the same thing you told me about peeing in the sink cless <Latino|Working> "its fine if no ones around"
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Quote: 6033; Rating: 189; [+|-]
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<DinoNeil> where the hell is Dan keeping himself these days?
<homeslice> In a jar under the sink.
<homeslice> He's saving it for marriage.
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Quote: 25324; Rating: 272; [+|-]
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<tweak> fucking stupid program
<OmniWyse> at least you know where your problem lies
<tweak> why can't I just plug my brain into the pc, lightwave reads what I want and does it
<tweak> this is driving me up the fucking wall
<OmniWyse> cause then MS would find a way to hack your brain and copy all the stuff you wouldnt want them to see
<tweak> nahh I'd have a brainwall
<tweak> I'd start thinking about tits and beer and they'd get bored and leave
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Quote: 147493; Rating: 296; [+|-]
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<-yper-orse> mamma mia
<-yper-orse> my my
<-yper-orse> i cannot resist u
<-yper-orse> mamma mia
<Squeeks> "With Dragon Voice, you too can flood IRC Channels as you sing to ABBA"
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Quote: 51028; Rating: 276; [+|-]
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<Spooky42> my uncle took off his shoes and it instantly filled the room with a strong odor of sweatyballs rubbed with parmesan cheese.
<ZippyOne> oh, that's not me then
<Spooky42> haha
<Spooky42> god..
<Spooky42> its stinks so bad
<Spooky42> sigh
<Spooky42> i WAS eating.. now im not and cant breathe
<ZippyOne> got some air freshener?
<DarkPhan> <Spooky42> my uncle took off his shoes and it instantly filled the room with a strong odor of sweatyballs rubbed with parmesan cheese. <-- uhm... just how do you know what that smells like?
<Spooky42> lets just say i have an unpopular scratch and sniff book
<Spooky42> and dont ask why i scrathed the 'sweatyballs rubbed with parmesan cheese' sticker.
<ZippyOne> you were tired, and it was next to strawberry
<Spooky42> across the page from runny baby poop
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Quote: 105546; Rating: 160; [+|-]
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<dts|Shadow> theres porn on irc?
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Quote: 43525; Rating: 137; [+|-]
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<UnKn|ilc|n1rv> If i was a really good artist, i would just draw pictures of naked women and beat off to them
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Quote: 69861; Rating: 550; [+|-]
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<adm> i should run for office
<adm> and my slogan will be this
<adm> "I DON'T CARE AT ALL ABOUT ANY OF YOUR PROBLEMS! :D"
<adm> with the smiley and everything
<ryu829> hey i cant log in through mirc
<adm> I DON'T CARE! :D
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Quote: 668899; Rating: 706; [+|-]
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<Caius> in the last year I've broken the screen on: SE S700i, SE P910i, iPod 40GB, Pentax S6, Palm Zire 72 (and slightly before the last year, Palm M100)
<Libertus> Caius: Have you considered pen and paper?
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Quote: 483665; Rating: 669; [+|-]
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[The KaptKneeemo] I went to the recruters office stoned as fuck
[The KaptKneeemo] he asked me how many times I had smoked weed
[The KaptKneeemo] and I was like "TODAY??"
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Quote: 40534; Rating: -38; [+|-]
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<jero`> i just had a breakthrough thought. haha.
<jero`> i was watching irc
<jero`> and yanno when it comes down to it, it looks like the matrix
<jero`> like buncha windows open
<jero`> chat scrolling here.. there
<jestix> when it comes right down to it
<jestix> you have to accept one fact.
<jestix> there IS no irc.
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Quote: 8394; Rating: 312; [+|-]
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<crazymaninvan> boobs on the life channel!
<Spamalope> What species?
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Quote: 2636; Rating: 70; [+|-]
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<shervin> i have installed a Semen Control and Flood Restictor Waste System (SCFRWS) to control my ejaculations which land on the keyboard.. and drain it to the local public swimming pool
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Quote: 104694; Rating: 550; [+|-]
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PsychoJ: Canada is like........America-lite... All of the awesome none of the bullshit.
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Quote: 1825; Rating: 2714; [+|-]
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<madthink> what does putting sugar in someones gas tank do
<maff> I heard when you start the engine cinnamon rolls come out
<maff> with frosting and everything
<madthink> i need to get revenge in the worst way
<maff> cinnamon rolls arent really revenge
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Quote: 445639; Rating: 900; [+|-]
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<deltabravo> ughh, this beer is terrible.
<deltabravo> it's a bad sign when the beer company isn't running any sweepstakes, yet all the lids
say 'SORRY' underneath them :<
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Quote: 647601; Rating: 1471; [+|-]
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Jeffrey: Our customers at Cox are simply amazing.
Jeffrey: So I'm trying to troubleshoot this customer's cable. I tell her to punch in "zero, three" on the remote control.
Jeffrey: These instructions were followed shortly by two tones in my ear.
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Quote: 869038; Rating: 4255; [+|-]
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cakey: Can you build websites with firefox?
imarock: can you build cars with roads?
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Quote: 11188; Rating: -10; [+|-]
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knickslover3333: yea reading this was the biggest waste of time in my entire life, this overachieving sack of shit makes me want to vomit blood all over his face
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Quote: 865182; Rating: 1692; [+|-]
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<wahnsinn> $4000 for a couch?
<griff> you could feed some kid in africa for TEN YEARS for that couch
<Mo> but could you sit on him afterward?
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Quote: 618078; Rating: 2051; [+|-]
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ErrorHst : im getting tired of your ignorance
DoomDayMassacre : im not ignoring u
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Quote: 20227; Rating: 447; [+|-]
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<@King-Kong> now this fuckin chick doesnt wanna go out
<@King-Kong> i fucking took a shower too, wtf
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Quote: 638328; Rating: 440; [+|-]
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<zacwhite> they should do rock paper scissors over mail
<schwatoo> they do
<zacwhite> really? sweet.
<schwatoo> it is called paper, paper, paper though
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Quote: 8473; Rating: 190; [+|-]
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<sisko> I want to crawl up into the place I once was.
<mandi> the end of your dad's cock?
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Quote: 56998; Rating: -15; [+|-]
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<injektion> did she get herpes
<PC|Holo> hahaha
<PC|Holo> yes and aids
2 minutes later
<@pc|dogg> and IMSOMNIA!!!
<PC|Holo> dogg just doesnt know when a joke is over
<PC|Holo> hes like a real life letterman!
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Quote: 8315; Rating: 357; [+|-]
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<Offline> i still cant bleave people dont know what a fudgepacker is
<Log> I do, Zack
<Log> my friend's fiancee is a fudgepacker :o
<`Zerp> they work at candy factoryies right log
<Log> HE PACKS FUDGE AT THE COLORADO FUDGE THINGY
* Offline pounds his head on his desk
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Quote: 460449; Rating: 756; [+|-]
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<chiks> is aluminum better than steel in most cases?
<SJr|Tecra> No what would you be more scared of
<SJr|Tecra> the man of steel or the man of aluminium
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Quote: 50824; Rating: 1035; [+|-]
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jim: :D
jim: http://www.bash.org/?random1
jim: top one :D
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Quote: 3465; Rating: 375; [+|-]
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<f9|war3beta> These Mint Skittles taste like shit.
<Brentai> MINT SKITTLES?
<JDigital> f9: Tell me about it. Over here, we call the green ones "Excre-mint".
<JDigital> Alternatively known as "New car smell" flavour.
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