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Quote: 694822; Rating: 562; [+|-]
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[Sioux]: OMG!
[Sioux]: THAT JOKE IS OLD!!!!!!!!
[Sioux]: It's over 10 years old. I told it to all my friends back in 1991.
[CwR]: Run out of fingers to calculate the exact difference? :)
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Quote: 694824; Rating: -239; [+|-]
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<Azn[Busy]> I've always wondered how to say his name...
<malevolence> GOOD THING IT DOESN'T HAVE L'S!
<malevolence> M I RITE!?
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Quote: 694826; Rating: -86; [+|-]
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<Frostfyre> Why not slap windows stickers on toasters? I mean think about it. Toasters get ridiculously hot, burn things easily, and can be operated by a fucking moron.
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Quote: 694829; Rating: 594; [+|-]
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<@Never> I had this insane professor who constantly alluded to being an alcoholic and to hating his wife
<@Never> somehow this meshed with economic theory perfectly.
<@Never> Once he went to the board and drew a simple X-Y graph, on one axis he wrote "GIN CONSUMED" and on the other he wrote "LIFE EXPECTANCY"
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Quote: 694831; Rating: 417; [+|-]
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Chronz > my girlfriend dumped me for playing too much eve
Chronz > she said she couldn't take it anymore
Chronz > she took the shotgun to the moniter
Chronz > and i pointed it at my forehead
Chronz > i said me first
Chronz > she dropped the gun
darrenX > thats unforgivenable
Chronz > and walked out
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Quote: 694931; Rating: 311; [+|-]
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<Chr1stina> This girl I went to high school with is writing me emails through classmates.com
<Kancer> I reply to those people, "big whoop our parents just happen to bone at the same time and in the same location, it dosen't make you special"
<Alex> I'm pretty sure my high school class wasn't the result of one giant orgy in 1978.
<Kancer> Alex: are you sure? it was the 70s
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Quote: 695059; Rating: 721; [+|-]
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< Milenko> im so bored..
<@ALGORYTHM> get a job
< Milenko> i have a job
< Milenko> Im in the army kid
< Milenko> im on leave because i got shot in the ass during basic training :-/
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Quote: 695066; Rating: 115; [+|-]
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<LouZiffer> We just got back from the ultrasound. Everything's good. I'm the proud father of a lima bean with a heartbeat.
<RangerRick> LouZiffer: oh no! it'll be a vegetable!
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Quote: 695310; Rating: 388; [+|-]
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<Hrung> yeah, i was going to go to bed like 20 mins ago, but i'm a horrible procrastinator
<Hrung> too lazy to go to bed..
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Quote: 695338; Rating: -904; [+|-]
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[ Pwyff ] So one day, George Bush and The Queen of England are sitting in her room talking about politics, when Bush asks the Queen, "How do you know if the highest members of your state are smart enough to be doing their job?"
[ Pwyff ] And the Queen replies, "Well, I usually ask them riddles, and see how fast they respond. That's usually a good way to see if they can think for themselves."
[ Pwyff ] So the Queen calls Tony Blair in, and asks him, "If your Parents had a child, but it's not your sister, and it's not your brother, who is it?"
[ Pwyff ] And Tony Blair immediately replies, "That's easy, it's me!"
[ Pwyff ] And the Queen, who is very pleased, send Tony Blair away.
[ Pwyff ] Now, Bush, who is very impressed, brings the Queen to find Donald Rumsfield and asks him, "Hey Donald, if your parents had a kid, but it's not your sister, and it's not your brother, who is it?"
[ Pwyff ] And Rumsfield ponders for a long time, and then admits to Bush that he has no clue.
[ Pwyff ] Pissed off, Bush drags Rumsfield and the Queen to Dick Cheney, where Bush asks Cheney, "Hey Dick, if your parents had a kid, but it's not your sister or your brother, who is it?"
[ Pwyff ] And Cheney ponders for a long time, and then he finally lights up with an idea, and says "It's me!"
[ Pwyff ] And Bush gets REALLY pissed off, and yells at both of them, "NO YOU IDIOTS! IT'S TONY BLAIR!"
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Quote: 695356; Rating: 224; [+|-]
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<SasukeUch> I loved SA because i was finally living the dream of being a black man and being able to say "nigger" without getting beaten down in the comfort of my own home.
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Quote: 695378; Rating: 501; [+|-]
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<FyreStorm> 'cute'=fat, 'stud'=small penis, 'kitten'=usually over 50 yrs old, 'sexy'=desperate, 'girl'or'gal'=usually
<FyreStorm> over 40 yrs old, 'cuddly'=exceptionally over-wieght, 'hot'=lousy in bed, 'wet'=incontinent, 'boy'=still a virgin at 30,
<FyreStorm> 'single'=married but horny, 'hard'=on viagra, 'divorced'=will be if his wife finds out
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Quote: 695392; Rating: -34; [+|-]
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<chakie_work> free(chakie_work)
<chakie_work> time to go home
<ahigerd> Don't segfault.
<chakie_work> :)
<chakie_work> chakie_work=0
<ahigerd> I always knew you were. ;)
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Quote: 695394; Rating: 474; [+|-]
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<Monso> is california on the east coast or west?
<cpM> did it move?
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Quote: 695404; Rating: 1375; [+|-]
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<phenom> would you bang the queen
<phenom> for $10000
<nacho> i dont have that kind of money
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Quote: 695450; Rating: 1375; [+|-]
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<Apollyon> I was at a store and some little kid comes in and says "Do you buy Pokemon cards?"
<Apollyon> The owner looks at them, he responds "No, but I'll take them as trade. Would you like anything in particular?"
<Apollyon> And the little kid goes "Money?"
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Quote: 695675; Rating: 64; [+|-]
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Bhuddist Pimp: I love how if you right click the type box in AIM, you can select Undo before you do anything
L3ech3r: Undo nothing?!?
L3ech3r: Would be rather odd if it undid the last thing you said
L3ech3r: Thus erasing a bit of history
L3ech3r: You would forget I ever said that
L3ech3r: ..that would be awesome
Bhuddist Pimp: what would be awesome? I clicked undo.
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Quote: 695850; Rating: 2479; [+|-]
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(Ike_Aran) Our health teacher told us that "1 out of 3 people who start smoking will eventually die." The other two apparently became immortal.
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Quote: 695854; Rating: 1246; [+|-]
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<fox1023> Anyone know that analogy between baseball and how far you go with a girl?
<missy13> Yea, where like 1st base is kissing etc?
<fox1023> Yea thats the one.
<fox1023> I was wondering. What do you call stealing home?
<missy13> ...
<missy13> Probably rape.
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Quote: 695858; Rating: 557; [+|-]
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<Roxus> what's the longest a USB cable can run ?
<zengolfer> Roxus: depends on how much it trains and conditions
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Quote: 695897; Rating: 388; [+|-]
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RandomLs: I find it strange that grown men are still obsessing over pokemon cards.
xZeppelin Martyr: I'm guessing you never owned a Japanese holographic Charazard when you were little.
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Quote: 695919; Rating: 813; [+|-]
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<kaiti> lmao, if you search for "porn" in Windows XP's Help and Support program, it recommends the article on how to use Internet Explorer
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Quote: 695991; Rating: 467; [+|-]
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<Kraide> Wow, that line you used was repetitive and redundant.
<Jer1400> That's was ironically ironical!
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Quote: 696055; Rating: 626; [+|-]
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<billy_s> chinese cant be THAT hard to learn, only one characeter to learn - '?'
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Quote: 696187; Rating: 1322; [+|-]
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<osseh> i have a twin pack of garlic bread in the freezer
<osseh> on the packet it says "contains 18 servings"
<osseh> 18 servings from 2 garlic breads?! what the fuck
<osseh> does it come with a mini jesus inside
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Quote: 696359; Rating: 948; [+|-]
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Maf54: You in your boxers, too?
Underage_page: Nope, just got home. I had a college interview that went late.
Maf54: Well, strip down and get relaxed.
Maf54: What ya wearing?
Underage_page: tshirt and shorts
Maf54: Love to slip them off of you.
Maf54: Do I make you a little horny?
Underage_page: A little.
Maf54: Cool.
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Quote: 696360; Rating: 4; [+|-]
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<Chuck> MorticiaN, I wanna say something to you. Im gonna put it out there; if you like it, you can take it, if you dont, send it right back. i want to be on you
<MortIciaN> ok so you want to be on me
<MortIciaN> like piggy back ride?
<Chuck> no i was thinking more along the lines of a rodeo bull
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Quote: 696364; Rating: 689; [+|-]
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[Maverick] just imagine if it was a 10 dollar fee to get into heaven
[Maverick] and you died
[Maverick] but left your wallet in your car
[Maverick] so you couldn't pay the 10 dollar admin. fee
[BallsDeep] i would mug the next guy
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Quote: 696388; Rating: 2366; [+|-]
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<Jace> god this computer is running like a dog
<h0ax> Jace unless it is a lame dog or missing several limbs, dogs usually run pretty fast
<h0ax> I wouldnt want to race one
<Jace> god this computer is running like an elepant
<Jace> hope they run slow
<h0ax> memory is working well then?
<mole-inc> elephants are pretty fast
<ReKTeK> they can run faster than humans :P
<h0ax> why dont you say a turtle or something
<h0ax> turtles are KNOWN for being slow
<Jace> god this computer is running like a TURTLE FINE HA
<h0ax> but then.. it did beat the hare..
<Jace> god this computer is running like a hare
<h0ax> no, they're fast, usually. except against turtles.
<mole-inc> god this computer is running like a crippled ant.
<Jace> god this computer is running like a turtle unless competing against a hare in which case the computer is running like a hare
<h0ax> you know you could just say it's running slow.
<Jace> oh yeh
<Jace> could do that... i guess...
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Quote: 696389; Rating: 966; [+|-]
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< myren> feel like i'm gonna fucking die
< [mbm]> ?
< Wonka> to die fucking would quite sure feel better...
< [mbm]> wouldn't want to be the partner
< [mbm]> I mean, do you finish?
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Quote: 696393; Rating: 348; [+|-]
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<shumani> when gnosticism becomes mainstream, is that mass hip gnosis?
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Quote: 696405; Rating: 101; [+|-]
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<Brenton> see, you arent even willing to hear anything without pre-concieved ideas.
<Kvant> Brenton, you have no preconceived ideas, i guess?
<Brenton> no i dont.
<Brenton> ive decided what i believe is the Truth
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Quote: 696417; Rating: 804; [+|-]
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<steven>: heh, im doing the rough draft on my analasys paper, but i have to truncate it when i email it through the school's web system, so im gonna do "anal-rough.doc" and send it to the teacher =D
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Quote: 696418; Rating: 259; [+|-]
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<Mildain> does anyone else find that they run alot faster when carrying a knife?
<Vidaeus> in Real Life? Yes.
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Quote: 696423; Rating: 611; [+|-]
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<gmip> aaaahahahahaha
<gmip> i just got banned from #america
<gmip> trivia game
<gmip> "what live cargo came over on the mayflower? *******
<gmip> so i said niggers
<gmip> guess i was wrong?
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Quote: 696478; Rating: 768; [+|-]
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<Anony-X> Whats the worst thing about rollerskating?
<Anony-X> Telling your parents your gay.
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Quote: 696495; Rating: 419; [+|-]
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<@blaxthos> let me tell you what
<rambo_> what is what?
<@blaxthos> there were these two israeli bitches in my club tonight
<@blaxthos> that were fucking insane hot
<rambo_> jews are hot.
<@blaxthos> these jews were exceptionally hot
<rambo_> fresh from the oven hot?
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Quote: 696500; Rating: -6; [+|-]
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<Spazzo> What would you say if I just got back from getting laid from my g/f?
<Grosz2> dude
<Grosz2> You fucked a porn movie?
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Quote: 696501; Rating: 680; [+|-]
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<Latly> Dude I just heard an amazing story
<Latly> My friends g/f was getting bored of her everyday love life
<Latly> Sex, kissing, sex, etc.
<Latly> She decided to make it a bit more romantic
<Latly> So she decides to burn a disk of sexual songs, and plays it during their "fun hour"
<Latly> I came over that day, and just swiped the disk with another one
<Witds> with wat
<Latly> Lets just say, that they will be having a blast doing it to barneys singalongs
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Quote: 696554; Rating: 1775; [+|-]
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<BiG_D> Every girl who has ever been attracted to me is a vegetarian!
<BiG_D> Try to explain that!
<WolfLord> you have no meat
<WolfLord> hehe
<BiG_D> hmmm
<BiG_D> fuck
<BiG_D> I did not see that coming
<BiG_D> Last time I tell that story!
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Quote: 696557; Rating: 764; [+|-]
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<_God> i'm gonna just send in a quote that says: Hi bash mod. what's up dude? sure must suck to read so much shit, ey? oh well, i'm gonna go. peace
<Proffa> or you could go to a public library and flood it with "WHY WONT YOU APPROVE ME"
<Proffa> like, 300 of those
<Proffa> :-)
<_God> haha
<_God> that's pointless spamming
<_God> i want to just send in a little "hello, thanks for your efforts" message
<Proffa> their efforts that always deny you?
<_God> ....good point.
<_God> Revised: Dear bash mod. Suck it.
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Quote: 696846; Rating: 87; [+|-]
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<BlasterWisconsin> anyone know how many cups are in a quart ?
<BlasterWisconsin> iam making carmel corn and need 2 qts of popcorn
<CBG> depends on the size of the cup
<CBG> I mean, a 36D would fill a quart much quicker...
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Quote: 696866; Rating: -117; [+|-]
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<Mantits> You're going to end up paying for her extended family to live until they're 132
<Mantits> because japs NEVER DIE
<Mantits> except by suicide
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Quote: 696919; Rating: 681; [+|-]
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<W-ll-am> well its nearly working
<BoltBait> You are aware, code that ALMOST works looks NOTHING like the code that ACTUALLY works.
<W-ll-am> dont tell me that, its due tomorrow
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Quote: 696989; Rating: 279; [+|-]
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<actaviosan> i got ddosed today
<actaviosan> didnt last very long
<actaviosan> thought my first time would be better
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Quote: 696997; Rating: 2616; [+|-]
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<Goat25> what is the volume of a pizza of radius z and thickness a ?
<Goat25> answer: pi z z a
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Quote: 697034; Rating: 650; [+|-]
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<Shoel> Look, the basic principle of IRC is this: Never ask anyone anything. Ever.
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Quote: 697126; Rating: 396; [+|-]
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<Slimano> You know the Paul McCartney song 'Mamunia'?
<john|away> yea
<Slimano> I think mamunia in arabic is 'Peace'
<LLXerxes> No wonder I've never heard it before.
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Quote: 697182; Rating: 391; [+|-]
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BlackFridayXRule: dude, find an asian party, i want to hook up with an asian chick
ziggyzhang5: asian party, no such thing
BlackFridayXRule: oh sorry, i meant lan party
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Quote: 697190; Rating: 863; [+|-]
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SilverD: hmm, how can you tell if you're running a 32 bit or a 64 bit OS?
Reilithion: Is your computer all new, fancy, and shiny?
SilverD: no
Reilithion: You're running 32 bit.
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