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Quote: 697515; Rating: 1256; [+|-]
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|Polly|: I'll rape you in the face
Phantom: My mom saw that
|Polly|: Good
|Polly|: I was talking to her
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Quote: 697526; Rating: 1529; [+|-]
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<Syphon> I was walking up the path from the parking lot to my apartment, and there were two girls talking. One of them saw me carrying a Wendy's bag and said "That's not very healthy", and without even thinking I say "And you're not very attractive" and just kept walking <.<;
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Quote: 697534; Rating: 784; [+|-]
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<Kalthare> Dammit, I'm losing my stack pointer somewhere in fat_mount(). :(
<Quazgaa> Kalthare: sounds like a bad date
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Quote: 697693; Rating: 1045; [+|-]
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computersislove: im annoyed.
AbnormalMembrane: Wrong suffix.
AbnormalMembrane: You mean "-ing"
AbnormalMembrane: Sorry. I'm kinda a grammar Nazi about these things.
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Quote: 697712; Rating: 1821; [+|-]
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Madrigal: I have DSL
Madrigal: Which backwards is "LSD"
Madrigal: But for my sake, and the sake of being backwards, I'd rather get Dial.
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Quote: 697756; Rating: 2530; [+|-]
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<Blauw>If i die and i get reincarnated, i wish i was my girlfriends pussy
<Argy>Why?
<Blauw>Then i would be able to see all my friends again
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Quote: 697792; Rating: 58; [+|-]
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<e1f> would you like to touch my .emacs?
<e1f> it's really big
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Quote: 697848; Rating: 318; [+|-]
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<sarae> seems like im getting an abortion every other week lately
<Tarkaan> did you get one of those little cards?
<Tarkaan> cause on the 10th punch, you get a free one
<Tarkaan> like at subway
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Quote: 697959; Rating: 1275; [+|-]
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<dmonk> ok, what bible character would you fuck?
<bobert> jesus christ man
<dmonk> ew seriously? id want eve
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Quote: 698068; Rating: 314; [+|-]
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<Zerro> there's this lady that lives at this place i deliver pizza to...
<Zerro> and she used to answer the door in scantily clad clothing
<Wry> oh yea, the one your manager went to see?
<Zerro> and i hit on her
<Zerro> and fucking guess what
<Wry> you hit on her?!
<Wry> xD
<Zerro> SHES ONE OF MY MOM'S FIENDS
<Wry> OMG
<Zerro *FRIENDS
<Wry> HAHA
<Wry> HOLY CRAP
<Zerro> I SAW HER ON MY MOM'S MYSPACE
<Wry> HOLY FREAKING CRAP
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Quote: 698074; Rating: 343; [+|-]
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<HORNYFAQR>: im afraid one of the kindergardeners is hitting on me now
<Hades Dragoon>: ...
<HORNYFAQR>: he's giving me winks and eye raises
<HORNYFAQR>: i'm scared
<Hades Dragoon>: he's gonna take you in the night
<Hades Dragoon>: he's following you as we speak
<HORNYFAQR>: well none of them know where i live
<Hades Dragoon>: that's why he's following you
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Quote: 698150; Rating: 511; [+|-]
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<Dave> Well. I'mma go shower and then go pick up my friend from jail.
<Dave> I'll be back later.
<Shadowpillar> ask him how big his anus is
<Dave> He's a big dude, no one's going to fuck with him.
<Shadowpillar> ask him how many other people he's cornholed
<Shadowpillar> lol
<Dave> He's been in jail for roughly 5 hours.
<Dave> And he has a girlfriend.
<Dave> I'm betting on a grand total of six.
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Quote: 698160; Rating: 544; [+|-]
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<PS_Mouse> it would seem IRC doesn't like Azureus
<coedman> it knows your warezing ways
<PS_Mouse> I'm not warezing, I'm downloading .isos for obscure versions of linux
<PS_Mouse> very obscure
<coedman> versions of linux that happen to resemble recently released software or movies?
<coedman> >.>
<PS_Mouse> not at all
<PS_Mouse> for what ever reason the guy who's been compiling these versions has done away with the standard numerical versioning system and resorted to using album names
<PS_Mouse> for example, the beta versions are named after metallica albums
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Quote: 698184; Rating: 1330; [+|-]
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<Pongball> what's the most interesting thing that happened to you yesterday?
<Pongball> anyone!
<Arrow> Nothing yesterday
<The_Epitome> errrm
<Arrow> Well, I did get Sim Tower working yesterday
<The_Epitome> it rained extremely heavily
<The_Epitome> so I wore my ski jacket for the first time in months
<Arrow> As for today
<Arrow> I am 40 minutes from having all 601 aired episodes of Power Rangers. =/
<Crablouse> any time I feel concerned about the direction my life is going
<Crablouse> I merely have to look in here
<Crablouse> and I feel better almost instantly
<Crablouse> good work everyone
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Quote: 698189; Rating: 680; [+|-]
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[XClaireX]: i was masturbating the other day
[Childzy]: uh.. okay
[XClaireX]: i think i did it wrong
[XClaireX]: ..
[XClaireX]: i'm pregnant now :' (
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Quote: 698198; Rating: 1120; [+|-]
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<Ivyshaur> No, we've been informed that listening to Rammstein is the best way to learn German.
<mrPants> You learn it very quick
<mrPants> The problem is that you only know how to talk about sodomy, canibalism, incest, and death
<granola> there are other things to talk about?
<mrPants> Not in germany
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Quote: 698219; Rating: 528; [+|-]
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<@wzpr> #000000 official irc channel of the NAACP
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Quote: 698223; Rating: 2372; [+|-]
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<zerco> we should have our own quote on bash
<Phaet> dude it's easy
<Phaet> every quote which contains a word "masturbation" gets accepted
<Phaet> see? we're on bash already :)
<zerco> hi mom!
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Quote: 698233; Rating: 1460; [+|-]
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Flared Oblivion: Do you play MS?
knucklehead800: MapleStory?
Flared Oblivion: Yes
knucklehead800: Never heard of it
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Quote: 698246; Rating: 724; [+|-]
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JA: would you date a christian?
JK: Sure
JK: I'd screw the Jesus right out of her
JA: OMG i can't BELIEVE you just said that
JK: Because once you've been in bed with me, you know the truth
JK: there is no God :(
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Quote: 698311; Rating: -12; [+|-]
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Tarrock: Did you guys hear what happened at the tickle me elmo factory?!
Julep Dee: Nope?
Trey Blacktail: blew up?
Trey Blacktail: *hopes*
Tarrock: Well.... the other day at the tickle me elmo factory a man went into the manager's office and complained about a woman outside. "She's holding up the line," he says. "I don't know what we're going to do. We'll never get this done. You have to do something!"
Tarrock: So the manager gets up and walks outside where he finds the woman with red cloth and a bag of marbles. She was wrapping the marbles in the cloth and then sewing them on the tickle me elmos. The manager burst out laughing
Tarrock: He says. "I'm sorry mam. I think you misunderstood my instructions... I told you to give them a couple of "test tickles"
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Quote: 698341; Rating: 1917; [+|-]
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<Xenecrite> Guys, I found the greatest glitch!
<Xenecrite> It's one of those ads where you have to hit the target.
<Xenecrite> You can click anywhere on it and you STILL get the prize!
<Xenecrite> 53 free laptops for me!
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Quote: 699058; Rating: 69; [+|-]
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DragonSiege: you people have acronyms for everything
siwelwerd: i can't think of anything that E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. stands for
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Quote: 699080; Rating: 440; [+|-]
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<RockWolf> one time my friend tried to kill himself by taking 30 advil.
<RockWolf> i was like dude...why take 30 advil when you can take 3 aleve? =D
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Quote: 699087; Rating: 890; [+|-]
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<Spock> have you ever noticed how closely the jehovas witnesses resemble the sith?
<Spock> they always come in pairs of two
<Spock> one Master and one apprentice
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Quote: 699226; Rating: 246; [+|-]
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KiRBYdaCREAMpuff: I saw the funniest thing today, a group of white guys putting a roof on a mexican restaurant
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Quote: 699229; Rating: 880; [+|-]
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<antisocial_boris> hmm, my code isnt working, i need a break
<hapchi> well, keep in mind it must be inside a while or for loop
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Quote: 699245; Rating: 969; [+|-]
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<anaemic> i like the word inflamable, because its like throwing a curveball at the foreigners in a very dangerous and potentially entertaining way
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Quote: 699258; Rating: 720; [+|-]
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<caddoo> why do you need condoms sent to you discreetly, you can get them in toilets, schools, chemists and they are all pretty discrete.
<EvilDr.X> I dunno, man. I had a friend who used a condom he found in a toilet, he got a really bad infection.
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Quote: 699308; Rating: 4114; [+|-]
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<Ich> I've discovered that people on IRC don't get offended or riled up by racism
<Ich> nor politically incorrect jokes
<Ich> nor feminism, nazism,
<Ich> nor goatse, or even tubgirl
<Ich> not even jokes about 9/11 get a rise out of anybody
<Ich> but as soon as I tell somebody that macs are better than PC's, things get ugly
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Quote: 699415; Rating: 122; [+|-]
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< dadexter> I stopped using reiserfs because some of my data went missing and my HDD died... ironic, isn't it?
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Quote: 699602; Rating: 1024; [+|-]
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Mike: i downloaded a virus to test my current virus protector. guess what, it failed the test
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Quote: 699804; Rating: 534; [+|-]
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<spree> downloading movies takes so freaking long
<videogameaholic> set it and forget it
<spree> i set it hours ago
<spree> i want to watch it before i sleep
<spree> i imagine it'd be even worse with chicken
<spree> if i stuck a chicken in the oven, there's no way i'd forget it
<spree> i'd be staring hungrily at it for hours
<videogameaholic> you kidding? when I put a burrito in the microwave and push 90 seconds, I grab a bag of chips.
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Quote: 699884; Rating: -6; [+|-]
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ScottDoom1944: I have had several customers inquiring about the Wii, but none had inquired about the 360 previously and none have inquired about the PS3.
h0ckeygod: That's because you work at Toys R Us.
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Quote: 699957; Rating: 848; [+|-]
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<Klaatu> Man, I don't know why your g/f has sex with you so much. With your micro wang and all.
<Hl1> Psh, it's not the size of the hull. It's the motion of the ocean.
<Klaatu> Aye, but it's mighty hard to cross the Atlantic in a dingy.
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Quote: 700007; Rating: 1489; [+|-]
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<Navatalin> What do we want? less premature ejaculation! When do we want it? ...ahhh shit :(
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Quote: 700015; Rating: 260; [+|-]
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<nonplused> guys
<nonplused> what starts up apache on reboot
<quadra> hmm it sounds like a native american thing
<quadra> so the answer must be Alcohol
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Quote: 700091; Rating: 4175; [+|-]
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<Swiich> dude, that girl i went on a date with last night was really dumb
<Cindy> fuck you too
<Swiich> shit, wrong window
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Quote: 700101; Rating: 452; [+|-]
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<LionClaw> i tried to OD on pain relievers once
<nanNette> :/
<LionClaw> i didnt have a headache for about 2 months
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Quote: 700280; Rating: 9; [+|-]
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<dauphin> wrath, what do you mean in a sense you're also african?
<wrath> cause i was born here
<dauphin> are you black?
<wrath> no
<GWF> yeah, you arent african wrath
<GWF> if a dog is born in a stable it doesnt make it a horse
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Quote: 700435; Rating: 1461; [+|-]
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<starmantaav> so i just realized yesterday
<starmantaav> i work at a mongolian bbq
<starmantaav> next door to a chinese restaurant
<starmantaav> shouldn't we have a bigass wall between us?
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Quote: 700480; Rating: 467; [+|-]
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assmuncher: any idea who's in the running for president next election?
sinistercanadian: ahhnold
sinistercanadian: he sneaks into the capitol building every night and re arranges 7 letters on the constitution
sinistercanadian: by mid 2007 he will be eligible for president
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Quote: 700491; Rating: 393; [+|-]
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Skuddward: i love wal-mart's footwear department
teddy: "Flip Flops, Buy 2 get 1 free!"
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Quote: 700591; Rating: 583; [+|-]
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Zizzy: The Bible was the first known recorded Wiki, proving once and for all that Wikis are destined to be screwed up by a bunch of teenagers.
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Quote: 700613; Rating: 288; [+|-]
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[Synista]: You know what would have been cool
[Synista]: if in the superman movie, they had him break a horse's back
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Quote: 700627; Rating: 1304; [+|-]
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Alcedes53: I've got everything on my computer from Bach to Bad Religion.
Tsukemono5: Clearly, you have a wide variety of music.
Tsukemono5: Seriously. What fits in that range? Backstreet Boys?
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Quote: 700635; Rating: -11; [+|-]
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<H_Zula> I read this article online
<H_Zula> and in one part it said "FBI agent posed as a 15 Year Old Boy"
<H_Zula> So I was thinking how the hell does this guy look?
<H_Zula> Something like a short guy in his 40's with acne still?
<H_Zula> Then I realized what the hell they meant...
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Quote: 700817; Rating: 1342; [+|-]
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<Hex77> I was in class today
<Hex77> and there was a black lady speaking about hospitality business
<Hex77> and she was like "hospitality business is all about selling people"
<Hex77> and I laughed
<Hex77> but nobody else did
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Quote: 700847; Rating: 2847; [+|-]
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andyg721: i think it was on CNN
andyg721: Condoleeza Rice went to Asia
andyg721: the headline was RICE IN ASIA
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Quote: 700868; Rating: 629; [+|-]
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SkudSl4y3r: huh, that's odd...
reamererj: what is?
SkudSl4y3r: the median age of the US population went down
SkudSl4y3r: i wonder what this means
SirOmnipotent: the terrorists finally bombed Florida?
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