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Quote: 646095; Rating: 429; [+|-]
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<Rockman_20xx> Life goal: Have three kids, name them CTRL, ALT, and DEL. If they piss me off, hit em twice.
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Quote: 646230; Rating: 735; [+|-]
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Veav: I would do weird things with my kids.
Veav: Their first language will be BASIC.
Veav: They'll be running around yelling "10 print daddy, 20 print daddy, 30 print can I have some candy, 40 input x?"
Chef Brian: So Veav, I take it they won't be functional members of any society?
Veav: And I'd be all "X = NO!"
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Quote: 646246; Rating: 957; [+|-]
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<Javin> God I hate people.
<Javin> I'm trying to program here, and some chick walks in and starts gabbing over my shoulder about nonsense.
<Javin> So I continue to work, and just ignore her. Apparently, she took this to mean I was "frowning."
<Javin> Her: "You know, it takes 36 muscles to frown, and only 12 to smile."
<Javin> Me: "And none at all to ignore you with utter indifference."
<Javin> Apparently that wasn't as subtle as I thought it was. She took the hint.
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Quote: 646418; Rating: 692; [+|-]
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<Ashley`> thats the first example of sex with a birdhouse ive ever seen
<[Rabite]> second here
<[Rabite]> but definately the funnier of the two
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Quote: 646624; Rating: 406; [+|-]
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t903576: When I got arrested my dad told me "Youre lucky there arent any "doctors" around here that will perform 72nd trimester abortions"!
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Quote: 646735; Rating: 1196; [+|-]
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<MDRL> see
<MDRL> when i want to remember shit
<MDRL> i write it on my arm
<MDRL> problem being, i wake up the next morning
<MDRL> with, like, "30 foot tall cock" on my forearm and no context
<MDRL> i'm sure it was a great idea
<MDRL> but i'll never know for sure
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Quote: 646776; Rating: 3128; [+|-]
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Dr-Mambo: so yeah
Dr-Mambo: how about that <recent current event>
Dr-Mambo: did you catch that <local sporting event> last weekend?
Willuknight: no i missed <local sporting event> but i did manage to get to <recent current event> and it was pretty damm cool
Willuknight: i met <person we both know> there as well, they were with some friends
Dr-Mambo: oh thats just <emotive statement>
Willuknight: <unecessary agreement>
Dr-Mambo: well im going to go <masterbate furiously> to <lesbian pornogrophy>
Dr-Mambo: <parting statement>
Willuknight: <salutations>
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Quote: 646783; Rating: 854; [+|-]
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<JDigital> Religion in Northern Ireland actually has only very little to do with religion
<bee> is it more like stamp collecting
<Divine> Yes, except there are only two different stamps. And they want to kill each other.
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Quote: 646798; Rating: 719; [+|-]
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Kat: Coincidence may favor the bold, but I think irony favors the italic.
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Quote: 646950; Rating: 405; [+|-]
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<leefal> Holy shit! Zacarias Moussaoui must have downloaded a serious ammount of albums to get 6 life sentences.
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Quote: 647033; Rating: 282; [+|-]
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You Are Hemp: i bit my lip pretty hard today
You Are Hemp: there was blood on the opposite side
You Are Hemp: didnt get me laid though
hobopower113: does biting ones lip usually get one laid?
You Are Hemp: i guess not...
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Quote: 647049; Rating: 1256; [+|-]
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sitexec: okay, question
sitexec: if you have a whole loaf of bread, and 3 peices have mold, are the rest okay?
kitchen: sitexec, not bread
kitchen: cheese yes, bread no
sitexec: they wernt touching each other
kitchen: doesnt matter
sitexec: hmm, second question
sitexec: what if ive eaten it already?
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Quote: 647060; Rating: 875; [+|-]
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<@Rask> ... oh man
<@Rask> The next version of TCP/IP
<@Rask> Must replace SYN and ACK
<@Rask> with ORLY and YARLY
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Quote: 647279; Rating: 489; [+|-]
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creativeembassy: you know what's really, REALLY cool about the dvorak keyboard?
glotigerglo: what
creativeembassy: when you're playing hangman, all you gotta do is hit everysingle key on the home row, and you automatically kick your opponent's ass
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Quote: 647290; Rating: 1833; [+|-]
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lemonlimeskull: You know you've been chatting too long when you think C:/> is some kind of depressed Arab smiley.
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Quote: 647601; Rating: 1460; [+|-]
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Jeffrey: Our customers at Cox are simply amazing.
Jeffrey: So I'm trying to troubleshoot this customer's cable. I tell her to punch in "zero, three" on the remote control.
Jeffrey: These instructions were followed shortly by two tones in my ear.
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Quote: 647615; Rating: 519; [+|-]
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<@semi> heres the way I see it
<@semi> they say you are supposed to spend two months salary on the ring
<@semi> better do that now when you are earning 50 bucks a month
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Quote: 647694; Rating: 716; [+|-]
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<HorseC> parrots are like children... you spend 2-3 years teaching them to talk, then the rest of your life wishing you never did.
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Quote: 647796; Rating: 513; [+|-]
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(@xt) mexican independence day is sept 16th i believe
(@mitch) yeah
(@xt) may 5th has significance in pueblo mexico and those from pueblo .. its not celebrated by most of mexico
(@mitch) day they defeated the french
(@RossH) dude.....if everyone celebrated on a day they defeated the french it'd be a year-round holiday
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Quote: 647923; Rating: 429; [+|-]
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<TWK|Tharensk> im sure you could've googled it
<Fneb> nice to know people still haven't learnt to google :/
<Accipiter> Nice to know that some ppl still can throw arrogant comments on ppl who doesn't know the entire world encyclopedia :/
<skenk> yea because google is clearly in an obscure corner in britannica as far as public knowledge goes
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Quote: 648012; Rating: 384; [+|-]
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<smearedink> what's your SAT score?
<|nevermind|> smearedink: 1930
<smearedink> are you serious?!?!?!?!
<smearedink> dude
<smearedink> fuck no
<smearedink> i hate this
<smearedink> all the dumb people try to act smart
<smearedink> and all the smart people try to act dumb
<|nevermind|> smearedink: welcome to IRC
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Quote: 648048; Rating: 376; [+|-]
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balial: docvin: 24 blows
docvin: I know, but I can't stop watching.
docvin: It's like a fat stripper.
docvin: OK, that wasn't a very good analogy.
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Quote: 648232; Rating: 1582; [+|-]
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<Jlax> wow
<Jlax> i just opened microsoft word
<Jlax> apperently, i only had the trial version
<Jlax> and it expired yesterday
<Jlax> so i read the message it gave me
<Jlax> "some features may become unavailable"
<Jlax> then i discovered what some of those features were:
<Jlax> 1.
<Jlax> TYPING
<Jlax> 2.
<Jlax> DOCUMENT VIEWING
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Quote: 648252; Rating: -265; [+|-]
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Centurion04> did you see the terri schiavo .gif?
Centurion04> it was a .jpg
Centurion04> afk
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Quote: 648305; Rating: 1749; [+|-]
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MorningQueen: Why are you against abortion?
MassHypnosisJoe: I'm just against women making choices
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Quote: 648341; Rating: -7; [+|-]
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<Analyzer> I'm on the come-down
<Analyzer> I ran out of heroin at 10 this morning
<Breathe> You're gonna be such a good daddy :D
<Analyzer> You'll have to watch the police blotter to see just how good
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Quote: 648361; Rating: 674; [+|-]
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<tarheelcoxn> iank has trouble with English. his native language is Python
<iank> Yeah
<iank> I'm forced
<iank> To indent
<iank> My sentences
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Quote: 648377; Rating: 1001; [+|-]
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<Vorpy> seriously, "alote"? what is your first language?
<Vorpy> do you buy ingredients at a shoppe?
<Vorpy> ye olde shoppe?
<Vorpy> is where ye buye ye goodes?
<Vorpy> muche goodes are needed with whiche to cooke
<Vorpy> to cooke alote of foodes, ye neede alote of goodes from ye olde shoppe
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Quote: 648665; Rating: 868; [+|-]
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mcilhemnny: see, this is why I like bittorrents
mcilhemnny: Family guy, Seasons... 1-4 + the movie
mcilhemnny: Now thats fucking organisation
mcilhemnny: I don't have to do any work
mcilhemnny: I just sit on my fucking ass and wait...
mcilhemnny: for
mcilhemnny: 196.5 days...
mcilhemnny: awww... the simple life
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Quote: 648801; Rating: 2873; [+|-]
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<Demon Beaver> So, at the LAN-party, there was a new guy.
<Demon Beaver> And when he went for a drink, we snuck up to his pc, and created a folder called Horse-Porn on the desktop.
<Demon Beaver> Then we took a screenshot, put it as his wallpaper, and deleted the folder.
<Demon Beaver> He tried to get rid of that folder for 3 hours! ^^
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Quote: 648832; Rating: 1245; [+|-]
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<Prysm> my dad just said 'I just exploded'
<Prysm> and my mom said 'that's not the first time today'
<Prysm> I REALLY HOPE THAT WASN'T SEXUAL
<Prysm> or I will kill myself
<Taidahn`> Prysm, it was
* Prysm dies a little inside
<Taidahn`> Prysm, and a little of your dad probably died inside your mom.
<Taidahn`> Prysm, or maybe on
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Quote: 648899; Rating: 1852; [+|-]
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<Nietzche> what kind of weird keyboard are you using
<Nietzche> dvorak or something
<Nietzche> BECAUSE GUESS WHAT
<Nietzche> IM USING QUERTY
<Nietzche> QWERTY
<Nietzche> omg
<Nietzche> how can i misspell qwerty
<Nietzche> >_>
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Quote: 649296; Rating: 1666; [+|-]
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Iridium24: If there is one thing i can do, its multitask
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Quote: 649341; Rating: 227; [+|-]
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<aptget> I have $50 on Duke Nukem Forever finishing before Vista.
<carpespasm> can anyone quote from the bible which comes first, horsemen, ps3, DNF, or vista; I always forget
<soogy> Mark 13:4 "Tell us, when shall these things be? and what [shall be] the sign when all these things shall be fulfilled?"
<soogy> Even the Bible can't save us now.
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Quote: 649383; Rating: 433; [+|-]
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<crowke> With the current web2.0 hype, I think Mary Poppins should have an Ajax-powered website at http://super.cali.fragi.listic.expi.ali.do.cio.us.
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Quote: 649536; Rating: 191; [+|-]
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<NCommander> Its nothing like coming back from a two month vacation, and discovering a surprise in the toliet
<g4lt-U60> TMI
<g4lt-U60> in fact, you've left the TMI thoroughfare and entered the "why the fuck do you have free speech" turnpike
<NCommander> g4lt-U60: I didn't say that surprise was shit.
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Quote: 649649; Rating: 330; [+|-]
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<iND-RLM> i heard a good comeback by my friends 13yr old brother the other day
<iND-RLM> his sister was talking it up
<iND-RLM> and he just comes in and says
<iND-RLM> u know if i made a mould of you out of shit.. it would still only be as half as full of shit as you really are
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Quote: 649664; Rating: 962; [+|-]
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<Knightmare> Well that was a night of fear and terror.
<Timork> ?
<Knightmare> I bought a bag of mushrooms and a bottle of Everclear.
<Knightmare> Settled down for a nice evening of mind altering psychadelia
<Timork> Bad trip huh?
<Knightmare> Horrible, I never want to go through it again.
<Knightmare> Somewhere along the line I installed emacs.
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Quote: 649693; Rating: 703; [+|-]
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<MrAccident> ...
<MrAccident> My laptop really is like an Etch-a-Sketch now
<MrAccident> The slightest jostling or movement while it is running will cause a BSoD
<MrAccident> And it won't recognize the hard drive after that until you turn the thing upside-down at least once
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Quote: 649726; Rating: 907; [+|-]
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<blue_> [wned
<fluffy> blue_: I like how you mistyped 'pwned' as [wned when pwned itself is an intentional reproduction of the common mistyping of owned
<fluffy> I have a feeling that in a few years people will be typing \wned without any shred of irony
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Quote: 649885; Rating: 1022; [+|-]
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(Sethy) How many Supreme Court Justices can you guys name?
(MasterOfHyrule) uh...
(MasterOfHyrule) Bush?
(Sethy) Aaaand how many members of the Bradey Bunch can you name?
(MasterOfHyrule) Marsha, Cindy, Jane, Peter, Bobby, Greg, Mom, Dad, Alice
(Sethy) ...Now what does that say about you?
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Quote: 649908; Rating: 882; [+|-]
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<Litzer> I bought a $3200 escort to take me to the movies last night
<mechanicvirus> a car or a hooker?
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Quote: 650161; Rating: 688; [+|-]
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<+Ethelion> i hate how busses come screaming out of no where..
<+Ethelion> it's weird
<+Ethelion> they're like fucking ninjas
<+FlameDrake> 2 tonnes of moving flureo yellow steel ninjas?
<+Ethelion> yeah
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Quote: 650276; Rating: 1116; [+|-]
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<Chard> 3x12=36
<Chard> 2x12=24
<Chard> 1x12=12
<Chard> 0x12=18
<Monkey> NERD JOKE
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Quote: 650283; Rating: 1735; [+|-]
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<Shaft> i was just reading a news headline and i thought it said "double amputee conquers everquest" and i was like whoa
<Shaft> but is said everest
<Shaft> which is far less impressive
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Quote: 650334; Rating: 33; [+|-]
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<@Malf> dude im pranking people on skype
<@Malf> i called this american pizza place
<@Malf> and i go "are you mexican"
<@Malf> "no"
<@Malf> "ok i'd like to order a pizza then"
<@Malf> "sorry we dont sell to racists"
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Quote: 650342; Rating: 653; [+|-]
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<Sam> But why is it 69 and not 96?
<Sam> Oh wait...
<Tim> :/ Thats a weird fetish and I don't want to know what it is :(
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Quote: 650354; Rating: -42; [+|-]
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<Khobai> ive never seen a fat girl who was bulemic
<Khobai> so apparently the diet works :P
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Quote: 650542; Rating: 231; [+|-]
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<SHn> how come its cheaper to fly from brisbane to sydney then the other way?!!!
<disco[burrito]> cause you need all the smart people you can get
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Quote: 650599; Rating: 1267; [+|-]
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<*> This mouse wheel is so loud I can beatbox with it.
<*> This is a skill about as far removed from "Hunter Gatherer" as it gets.
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