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Quote: 638108; Rating: 945; [+|-]
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<@cypher> I've never seen the name "Tabitha" used outside of porn
<jasper> I have a cousin named Tabitha
<@cypher> Then I've probably seen pictures of her
<jasper> :-\
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Quote: 638182; Rating: 1433; [+|-]
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<Aunt_Kwan> If you
<Aunt_Kwan> press enter
<Aunt_Kwan> before done with a sentance
<Aunt_Kwan> it makes you
<Aunt_Kwan> look like you
<Aunt_Kwan> have asthma.
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Quote: 638242; Rating: 188; [+|-]
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<Hawk|School> i wish emo kids bled money, atleast then their suicide would be worth something
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Quote: 638258; Rating: 736; [+|-]
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<Tully> Without looking at your keyboard, tell me what order the letter keys are in (from left to right)
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Quote: 638276; Rating: 136; [+|-]
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mattysteppo: tony its my bday
Agregz82: is it?
mattysteppo: yeah
mattysteppo: i'm 42
Agregz82: happy bday man
mattysteppo: thx
Agregz82: im gettin 2 teeth pulled today... so uhhhh thats your present
mattysteppo: nice
mattysteppo: put em on a necklace for me
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Quote: 638295; Rating: 29; [+|-]
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once the winee: i'll bring my dads gun collection
once the winee: and call it freedom of expression
steph: you would be arrested by the time we pass dunkin donuts
steph: the cops will have had enough coffee to walk after you
steph: walk, not run
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Quote: 638296; Rating: 2653; [+|-]
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<kperpy> then i heard my mum at the door and naturally i panicked right, but luckily i alt+tab'd to porn and took off my pants before she saw that i was on the microsoft website
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Quote: 638300; Rating: 798; [+|-]
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Mazgurth: what does slashdotting mean?
antizeph: youve never heard of slashdot?
Mazgurth: I know it makes websites not work
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Quote: 638328; Rating: 441; [+|-]
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<zacwhite> they should do rock paper scissors over mail
<schwatoo> they do
<zacwhite> really? sweet.
<schwatoo> it is called paper, paper, paper though
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Quote: 638341; Rating: 121; [+|-]
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<Percy> No wonder this place is empty.
<Percy> Who uses windows 95?
<Percy> No one.
<Percy> It's like seeing a mac gamer.
<Percy> Doesn't happen.
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Quote: 638354; Rating: 242; [+|-]
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<rankor> At work today i saw a guy go in to the bathroom only to come out 10 minutes later looking like he had battled with a lion.
<rankor> Now he had either had something bad for lunch or just hade one of the worlds longest "handshaking" sessions.
<ToonLord> Maybe both...
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Quote: 638398; Rating: 1576; [+|-]
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<blehnus>In my experiece, any attempt to make any system idiot proof will only challenge God to make a better idiot
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Quote: 638445; Rating: -246; [+|-]
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StrainResistance: the ultimate condom
StrainResistance: is an unborn fetus
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Quote: 638457; Rating: 1818; [+|-]
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<Marques> hmm
<Marques> so I have to go to dinner with my girlfriend her mom her two sisters and their grandparents. I wonder what people think when they see a black guy walk in to a restaurant with 6 white people =)
<Trip> hostage situation
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Quote: 638464; Rating: 339; [+|-]
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<Platterkat^> there's currently a hearing underway to find out who knew what and when regarding kickbacks to Saddam's regime from the australian wheat board
<Platterkat^> the deputy prime minister said yesterday I" don't recall" 26 times
<Kadon> the australian wheat board.. why must they always try to influence global politics
* Kadon tears up his fan club card
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Quote: 638535; Rating: 296; [+|-]
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<Shaft> my dad used to buy them for his coffee and i would always just eat them out of the box
<@kaanchy> i used to eat powdered milk
<Shaft> that was coke
<Shaft> your mom was a cocaine addict
<@kaanchy> so that explains why im eating it right now
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Quote: 638549; Rating: 1850; [+|-]
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Omniscient Sean: I think we should terrorist start throwing in nuclear weapon noteworthy national security keywords to Allah otherwise innocuous conversations.
InfiniteSuperior: I Bin Laden agree.
Omniscient Sean: So how are Al Qaeda classes?
InfiniteSuperior: I have Al Sadr a psychology report Iran due Wednesday.
Omniscient Sean: Ah, that Tehran sucks.
Omniscient Sean: This bizarre Sadaam open-source database utility has all the Palestine trappings of other open-source utilities.
Omniscient Sean: In this WMD case, useless error messages.
InfiniteSuperior: Other than Pakistan that, classes are Libby going well.
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Quote: 638598; Rating: 1359; [+|-]
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<Louie> FUCK
<ATL> That's what all the girls say
<ATL> Though, usually, they add "off" at the end.
<ATL> Sometimes it's between "DON'T" and "ING TOUCH ME"
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Quote: 638675; Rating: 436; [+|-]
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[blokhead]: cell phones are amazing.. every time I think they cannot get more annoying, they get twice as annoying. It's like Moore's law applied to annoyance
[blokhead]: I'm anticipating the new cellphones that have a megaphone built-in. That way, your conversations will be clearly audible to everyone within 500 feet
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Quote: 638691; Rating: 1497; [+|-]
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<trent> Dude, did I leave my platinum cube at your house?
<44lark> Nope, I was in the basement today and didnt see it
<trent> shit, I dont know where I left it then
<44lark> ya, hope you find it, im gonna go play Super Smash Brothers
<trent> ok
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Quote: 638700; Rating: 2283; [+|-]
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[testic] Average number of times a man will ejaculate in his lifetime: 7,200
[sg1138_] 7200 seems pretty high
[testic] I think that includes wanking and wet dreams
[sg1138_] 7200 seems pretty low
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Quote: 638703; Rating: 572; [+|-]
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[Jack SkeIIington] my knees have rugburns
[Jack SkeIIington] from giving out endless blowjobs
[p-iv] wear knee-pads
[rahahda] "job interview pads"
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Quote: 638714; Rating: -144; [+|-]
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[sg1138_] My father was nicknamed "Dr Cyclops"
[ianmc38] cos he only ever showed u his 1eyed monster?
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Quote: 638717; Rating: -153; [+|-]
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<Chuck> so now i dont have to go to the rape center for free condoms
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Quote: 638737; Rating: -6; [+|-]
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<Sid> SIDS is a sad way for babies to die.
<Sid> They could've grown up to be suicide bombers or something interesting.
<FingerGauntlet> Well
<FingerGauntlet> now you can use the corpses as ammo for small catapults
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Quote: 638952; Rating: 421; [+|-]
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<Criznittle> cox.net
<dersteer> cox started blocking torrents
<badger> coxblocked!
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Quote: 638999; Rating: 636; [+|-]
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<HeatZync> what is the use of the calendar?
<RogueRunner> it's like DNS for days
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Quote: 639028; Rating: 850; [+|-]
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<Z> Letting XP run for more than a month is like re-using a condom 50 or 60 times
<Z> Theoretically it can work, but is sick and ill advised
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Quote: 639387; Rating: 2026; [+|-]
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<Paine> Ah shit guys, I'm fucked.
<Criosys> ?
<Paine> I was showing my mom the way to download and watch music on the computer downstairs (yeah, illegal, sue me). Anyway, I forgot to factor in the fact that there's an option box to "Search my computer for music files".
<Criosys> and...?
<Paine> What I DIDN'T know, was that it also adds video files. So about 5 minutes ago, I walked through the living room, saw my mom and sister at the computer watching the visualisations.
<Paine> On the way back OUT of the room, the song changed, and all of a sudden, hardcore lesbian porn for my mom and sister to enjoy.
<Paine> Now they're banging on the door so I'm turning MY music way up so they can't hear my crying >_<
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Quote: 639412; Rating: 572; [+|-]
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(@DaySleeper) straight people only need gays for the fashion industry
(@DaySleeper) gay people need straights so they don't die out
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Quote: 639424; Rating: 1700; [+|-]
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Nexion: Dustin is so stupid
Nexion: i told him, there is no real proof of god
Nexion: and he goes there doesn't need to be
Nexion: and i said "well then im god"
Nexion: and he goes "prove it."
Nexion: ...
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Quote: 639443; Rating: 831; [+|-]
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< int0x80> oh man today is my lucky day
< int0x80> i ripped this fart, but someone sneezed really loud at exactly the same time
< int0x80> so nobody heard my fart
<@vom> int0x80: that means an angel got its wings
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Quote: 639484; Rating: 1620; [+|-]
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Delilah> I hate parties, because you have to look good, but if you look too good other girls get jealous, and if you look not good enough they talk nasty about you.
[kerrrigan] yeah
[kerrrigan] that never happens at halo parties
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Quote: 639513; Rating: 972; [+|-]
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<Green> So my gf left me... I feel like a load of shit
<vampireslaya> :(
<death_man> Yeah there are these fuckers on IRC who keep shitting on about their damn lives... Fucking gay.
<Green> ...
<xxXpronXxx> What the hell?
<death_man> Erm wrong window
<xxXpronXxx> I see
<vampireslaya7> Anything else you want to tell us, bitch?
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Quote: 639555; Rating: 3457; [+|-]
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* @darklyndsea claws bizarre's eyes out
<@Bizarre> (
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Quote: 639564; Rating: 713; [+|-]
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<knob> anything that starts with a "k" on linux is "gay"
<Wyred> heh, same as Konveration
<knob> oh shit
* knob is now known as gnob
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Quote: 639597; Rating: 1145; [+|-]
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<blue_tetris> 1 in every 5 people are born in China.
<CF|sick> That's why you should never have more than 4 children.
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Quote: 639709; Rating: 1388; [+|-]
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<ManicV> i'm saying you're racist
<ManicV> and a child molester
<eco|w> You're just jealous of my ability to multitask.
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Quote: 639759; Rating: 422; [+|-]
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< ElAngelo> it's about the most survival city i've been in in the US
< RedKennedy> survival isn't an adjective.
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Quote: 639762; Rating: 794; [+|-]
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<su|school> Last period, we were talking about meth with some public speaker.
<su|school> ...
<su|school> And I corrected him.
<su|school> :<
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Quote: 639797; Rating: 1980; [+|-]
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<[BAD]Beef> I AM SO SMART
<[BAD]Beef> follow my reasoning
<[BAD]Beef> my comp has no floppy drive
<[BAD]Beef> so I go downstairs to make a boot floppy on another comp
<[BAD]Beef> I come back in my room with the floppy in my hand
<[BAD]Beef> and bang my head against the wall
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Quote: 639861; Rating: 2131; [+|-]
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<Frankstar> I am so fucking pissed. This one guy sold me his air guitar on ebay for 70 dollars and I still havent fucking received shit.
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Quote: 639921; Rating: 896; [+|-]
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<DaWiteBuddha> im leaving for your house now
<AlazrianLeth> take your time, i have to bathe
<DaWiteBuddha> how long does that take
<AlazrianLeth> depends
<DaWiteBuddha> ballpark?
<AlazrianLeth> wrigley field
<DaWiteBuddha> ...god i actually shook my fist at the screen...
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Quote: 640040; Rating: 30; [+|-]
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<ChasmyrSS> They MUST import because all local resources have been tapped out.
<Marcus_> this conversation just rose above my pay grade.
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Quote: 640051; Rating: 165; [+|-]
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<OMFG> Aw man, i'm almost at my download limit...i dont wanna get shaped to 64k :(
<OMFG> Do you think I could like, ration out 24MB
<OMFG> To last 6 days?
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Quote: 640170; Rating: 482; [+|-]
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<TheGardener[Woo]> was buying new trainers... a kid walked by and said to his dad "wow he looks like beckham", the kids dad says "put your glasses back on" :|
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Quote: 640221; Rating: 687; [+|-]
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<mwcfan88> man i really got tan over the past few days
<crack-geanie> alright thats it you've been warned now you're out of the club
<crack-geanie> i expect you to return you're pointy hat and flaming cross by tuesday
<mwcfan88> <:(
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Quote: 640231; Rating: 767; [+|-]
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<DuEy> my grandparents just asked me to send an email to my cousin :\ and they gave me the postal address
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Quote: 640259; Rating: 4036; [+|-]
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dazed: yeah my mom caught my brother jacking off to Powerpuff Girls
dazed: she didnt yell at him because she was laughing so hard
dazed: she just told everyone at his birthday party the next day
BaileD: You have the most fucked up family ever. Period.
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Quote: 640476; Rating: -123; [+|-]
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<NeloAngelo> i'm pretty sure my foot is broke ^.^
<NateZeiro> then goto a doctor
<NeloAngelo> those quacks cost money
<NateZeiro> then goto guatemala
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