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Quote: 640489; Rating: 640; [+|-]
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<chicken_on_fire> i jammed my memory stick backwards and shorted out the mobo
<Mouser> o shit
<chicken_on_fire> what're the chances of that happening?
<Mouser> 1/1, apparently
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Quote: 640505; Rating: 10; [+|-]
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<@k9s> cottage cheese is the curdled milk solids before the cheese is made.
<@k9s> its like 0-day cheese
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Quote: 640836; Rating: 319; [+|-]
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<ClayJar_Zzz> AAAAAAAARGH!! I just saw a comercial for Disney's Finding Nemo on ice, and let me tell you, it was exceedingly disturbing.
<pjpreb> how so?
<ClahJar_Zzz> It was like seeing big fish impaled on ice skating mimes.
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Quote: 640890; Rating: 1332; [+|-]
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<FBS> how do you know the exact version of bind ?
<FBS> fuck those who answer bind -v or some other bullshit
<eb> bind -v
<ghoz> other bullshit
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Quote: 640956; Rating: 25; [+|-]
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paranoidjanitor: so I used the grep command to search through the manual page for the grep command to find the paramater that displays a variable number of lines before the actual output
paranoidjanitor: and the paramaters are all on the previous lines, so I ended up having to search through the manual by hand anyway
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Quote: 641114; Rating: 2951; [+|-]
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<Produkt> how do i put a new picture on the gallery
<Pi> ERROR: QUESTION MARK MISSING
<Produkt> ?
<Pi> ERROR: QUESTION MISSING
<Produkt> how do i put a new picture on the gallery?
<Pi> ERROR: TOO MANY ATTEMPTS
<Produkt> youre a fag
<Pi> PLEASE TRY AGAIN LATER
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Quote: 641583; Rating: 1969; [+|-]
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Deus_Gear: its time to play
Deus_Gear: random kick
Deus_Gear: !kick random
*** Deus_Gear has been kicked from #illuminati-manga by Deus_Gear: Deus_Gear
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Quote: 641942; Rating: 3187; [+|-]
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<Onyxus>: Have you ever been pwned by a 4 year old? I have, and so has my son.
<Onyxus>: 1.) I was riding in the car with my family and my daughter (as I have taught her) randomly said "I pwned a noob!" Being a proud father I reached back and said "Gimme five" to which she promptly responded "No you're the noob!"
<Onyxus>: 2.) Just today me and the missus were sitting in the living room watching TV while the kids were on the porch playing in their tiny little swimming pool. My son ran up to the back door and was yelling something unintelligible at it, when my daughter ran up behind him and dumped a cup full of water over his
head...multiple times. He ran off, most likely to cry in a corner somewhere, and she looked at me through the door and yelled "I pwned a noob Daddy!"
<Onyxus>: Words can not describe the pride I feel in how I've brought up my daughter...
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Quote: 642504; Rating: 1460; [+|-]
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<Rose> ahaha...I remember this one time at a tattoo parlour
<Rose> and this girl wanted a tattoo on her lower back
<Rose> and she told the artist "yeah, I want something symbolic"
<Rose> so I wrote "Exit only" in chinese
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Quote: 643163; Rating: 1505; [+|-]
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<Sede> I was cleaning out under my waterbed mattress a few years ago and found a razorblade. I was cleaning it out again today and found a 5" long nail. I think I have a suicidal waterbed Sad
<Sede> I also found Auto Insurance from Monopoly, and a broken-off mechanical monkey hand. I don't know how this stuff winds up under my waterbed but it is awesome.
<Kazz> there isn't Auto Insurance in Monopoly
<Kazz> there is in Life though
<Sede> The things that wind up under my matress is like the inventory of an old LucasArts adventure game.
<Sede> I always stashed Auto Insurance somewhere near when playing Monopoly in case I got the car piece. Then I didn't have to pay taxes.
<Sede> I usually got to be the car, because otherwise I'd pick the Scottish-Terrier-riding-a-wheelbarrow-wearing-a-tophat piece, which didn't leave anyone else many options.
<Sede> My dad probably shouldn't have given me a soldering iron for my birthday.
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Quote: 643308; Rating: -22; [+|-]
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<qu37z> thats the last time I let a mexican live in my garage
<qu37z> especially a quaker mexican
<qu37z> that fucker gets up at 4am and starts sleeping.
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Quote: 643378; Rating: 714; [+|-]
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Cyclone: o i love pussy ;D
McKhaos: i love christmas better
McKhaos: it comes around more often
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Quote: 643516; Rating: 267; [+|-]
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<DoktorSeven> emacs is an okay OS but its text editor sucks.
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Quote: 643564; Rating: 569; [+|-]
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qreepyboris: However, I can tell you with authority that my French extra credit project is going to ROCK
qreepyboris: We're making a film of a few shortish skits in French
qreepyboris: And one of them is so awesome
qreepyboris: Schindler and Santa accidentally mix up their naughty and nice lists. :-)
qreepyboris: So Santa goes to all the Jews' houses and they're not there, 'cuz they're all in camps
qreepyboris: And I haven't read the whole script, but there is no way it can possibly be not funny
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Quote: 643595; Rating: 75; [+|-]
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The_Dv8or: damnit
The_Dv8or: I was in my Jersey office today, waiting for a file to download
The_Dv8or: theyre separate from my company domain... I was bored, and I know they dont monitor Web surfing, and I was on my personal laptop, so I started surfing porn
The_Dv8or: then I just realized.... I had my corporate domain VPN connected the whole time
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Quote: 643698; Rating: -28; [+|-]
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<barnacle> rape and sex are really the same thing
<SaxxonPike> Not exactly
<SaxxonPike> Well I can't think of the difference right now
<SaxxonPike> But I think rape is the bad one that you always see in the news
<SaxxonPike> Much like the difference between "nigga" and "nigger" I guess
<SaxxonPike> One is somehow bad, it's all in how you say it
<barnacle> i see
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Quote: 643744; Rating: 1211; [+|-]
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Helene: Someone attacked Pearl Harbor?!
Helene: When?!
Helene: My Cousin is stationed there
Helene: omg omg omg
Helene: Was it bad?
Pigtail II: Helen we're talking about WWII
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Quote: 643745; Rating: 427; [+|-]
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<Scythe`> What's the worst thing about being a redneck ?
<Scythe`> Tasting your dad's semen when you're eating out your sister
<Galdor> iim thinking.... how would you recognise it as your dads?
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Quote: 643756; Rating: 383; [+|-]
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<n00b> how do i make $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ fast!! plz plz plzzzz tell meeeeeee!!!!
<piezocake> Get Vi and type 22i$<esc>
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Quote: 643784; Rating: 452; [+|-]
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<Tanzarian> well that's a blow to the confidence
<Tanzarian> some religious guys just came to my door and as they were leaving they left a little magazine thing
<Tanzarian> he looked through his pile for a while and ended up giving me one on the evils of masterbation ...
<Tanzarian> I really should stop answering the door naked with a massive erection
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Quote: 643785; Rating: 444; [+|-]
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<hobosexual> i reckon im going to hell
<Caedes> I know how to tell if someone is gong to hell or not.
<Caedes> Q. Are you religious ?
<hobosexual> yes
<Caedes> A. You're going to hell
<hobosexual> makes sense.
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Quote: 643801; Rating: 260; [+|-]
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<LinearA> so my boss emails me this resume for a 10AM interview
<LinearA> within 5 mins I trace the email address to a handle to an
adultfriendfinder account.
<LinearA> !! Why can't people be more careful !!
<LinearA> "Need Hot Top To Fill Me UP!!"
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Quote: 643852; Rating: 367; [+|-]
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<Warfle> So get this.
<Warfle> I'm getting my car inspected and theres this girl in line ahead of me.
<Warfle> Pushing her car.
<Warfle> "I don't think she's going to pass inspection"
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Quote: 643876; Rating: 653; [+|-]
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<Luthandrel> is anybody in here like, super good with computers?
<Luthandrel> because im having some complicated problems
<Luthandrel> i asked all of my friends who are good with comps but none of them know how to fix it.
<Luthandrel> so is anyone here insanely good with computers?
<Techno-Fab> I don't know if I'm INSANELY good, but I'm willing to give it a shot.
<Luthandrel> Ok thenks. Do you know how to set the time and date here?
<Techno-Fab> ....
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Quote: 643907; Rating: 414; [+|-]
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(fG) I heard this story today at work
(fG) this guy from swindon university, did a test to find out the IQ's of Europe's countires
(fG) and the Ukraine came bottom or some shit
(fG) so Ukraine found out and called him saying like "we heard man, come visit us, we'll pay, we'll show you our inventions etc"
(fG) so he said "yeah cool"
(fG) so he got the tickets in the post, along with itineries of his week
(fG) and he went to the airport, got on the 'plane
(fG) and got off in Budapest.
(fG) Hungary.
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Quote: 643951; Rating: 231; [+|-]
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FuzzGod5: The next time someone asks me to write a java program that runs over a network connection, I'm going to print out an entire ream of paper with "try/catch" blocks, crush their heads with it, then jump on their corpse and shout "WRYYYYYYYYYYYY!" triumphantly.
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Quote: 643973; Rating: 244; [+|-]
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OhTheCommotion: But checking accounts lead to credit cards, and we both know what credit cards lead to
ardenthechicken: "LOTS OF FREEE STUFF!!!!!!! ^_^"
OhTheCommotion: RIGHT ON!
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Quote: 644033; Rating: 542; [+|-]
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+BlackSaturn> did you know congress is thinking about making a law that has more jail time for dling a copyrighted movie than for dling child pr0n?
@tw> Child porn isn't copyrighted.
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Quote: 644110; Rating: 570; [+|-]
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(@nd): i should find a hobby
(@nd): other than drinking
(@rawby): put your beer in the freezer
(@rawby): then take up licking
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Quote: 644166; Rating: 374; [+|-]
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<BlakeyFox> it's kinda cloudy 'round these parts
<BlakeyFox> good lord, I'm typing in TEXAN!
<BlakeyFox> nasty dialect, it is
<Laila> Now you're typing in Yoda.
<Reiz0r> Texan yoda
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Quote: 644205; Rating: 2218; [+|-]
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<kasierlord55> hi guyz how r u all doin???
<Blarrrg> Dear kasiserlord55,
<Blarrrg> Please stop raping me.
<Blarrrg> Love,
<Blarrrg> The English Language.
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Quote: 644228; Rating: 527; [+|-]
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<Omnica> Man, I love air new zealand... the flight attendant was saying the usual about emergency exits and shit when suddenly "and for those passengers who are sitting in first class, instead of life jackets, you will find parachutes under your seat thank you and enjoy your flight"
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Quote: 644234; Rating: 596; [+|-]
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<Daniel> I am from Texas.
<Daniel> I do not consider myself an American.
<DragonAtma> That's okay
<DragonAtma> As we wish texas wasn't part of the US
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Quote: 644266; Rating: 426; [+|-]
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<slot|processor> I thought today was the day I would meet a hot chick reading an oracle book in books-a-million.... but i was once again wrong.
<sdodson> It turned out to be a dude?
<slot|processor> Worse.
<sdodson> He was reading a MySQL book?
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Quote: 644329; Rating: 3947; [+|-]
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Drahmen: I unbutton your blouse and start to massage your brest.
Higgs23: I moan and start to undo your pants.
Drahmen: Wait a minute...This is the wrong window.
Higgs23: I noticed.
Drahmen: WTF dude?
Higgs23: I felt like playing along.
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Quote: 644678; Rating: 372; [+|-]
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SansMuse: is there a word for using words in a passage from a language other than the one you're writing in?
mr telnorp: Pretentiousness?
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Quote: 644782; Rating: 547; [+|-]
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Pep Boy Manny02: I was a little disappointed yesterday.
Pep Boy Manny02: Got "Religion for Dummies" from the library.
Pep Boy Manny02: You know how the "...For Dummies" books usually have the bomb icon for, "Don't do this!"?
Pep Boy Manny02: This one didn't.
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Quote: 644835; Rating: 1737; [+|-]
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<Blabber> i just started working out, to get me some muscle and feel confident
<Blabber> so after the first time, i come home and look at myself in the mirror
<Blabber> to see if there is already improvement
<Blabber> my mom steps in and says "you look good enough to play in a warmovie"
<Blabber> so she boosts my confidence and i say thx! like a sergeant you mean?
<Blabber> and i swear to god then she says: no like a concentration camp victim
<Blabber> she left the room laughing her ass off...
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Quote: 644887; Rating: 544; [+|-]
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<dp> theres no games stores near me
<dp> and by near i mean walking distance
<dp> and by walking distance i mean within 30 metres
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Quote: 644921; Rating: 348; [+|-]
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Schraitle: IP's are like old phone numbers because when you get a new one you're stuck with all the shit that the person who had it before you did.
Schraitle: for instance, the guy who had my IP before i did had a lot of fun spamming irc and getting himself blocked from every website that i like to go to
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Quote: 644937; Rating: 501; [+|-]
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Cope: we have been so bored at work we made a sport
Cope: we call it condomball
Cope: theres a used condom thrown in the ally and if the ball touches it the game is over forever
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Quote: 645008; Rating: 340; [+|-]
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mellotron: wow, this is just begging for police investigation
mellotron: alt.binaries.porn.children
Indolentron: dont worry! it's porn *for* children!
Indolentron: the word of the day is "clitoris!" can you find the clitoris on this woman's vulva?
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Quote: 645181; Rating: 722; [+|-]
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<davean> http://news.com.com/Judge+Worker+cant+be+fired+for+Web+surfing/2100-1030_3-6064520.html
<blorpy> can't look, i'm work
<blorpy> i'll check it out later
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Quote: 645382; Rating: 50; [+|-]
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<Mnemonix> your code was so bad it crashed pastebin
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Quote: 645506; Rating: 142; [+|-]
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<jHeriKurl> some kid once told me supermans only weakness was kyptonite
<jHeriKurl> then i lit his comic book on fire
<jHeriKurl> and said
<jHeriKurl> i guess bic lighters too
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Quote: 645751; Rating: 620; [+|-]
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(+shadebug) so, I just spent half an hour getting a latino radio station to work on my computer
(+shadebug) you know, to keep abreast of the latino music scene
(+shadebug) finally get it working
(+shadebug) they're playing coldplay
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Quote: 645842; Rating: 29; [+|-]
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<<Cerberus>> i swear, these nintendo fanboys remind me of girls. those girls who fall in love with the guy who takes their virginity, the girls that keep calling him 4 years later even tho he has changed his name to sadiq after he got raped in jail
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Quote: 645874; Rating: 561; [+|-]
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(@Morkoth) i drove over a man changing his tire on the highway once
(@Morkoth) they never caught me
([P]Rhea) *The FBI monitors all channels on IRC*
(@Morkoth) fucker ruined my suspension
(@Morkoth) Did I say drove over? I meant got out and helped
(@Morkoth) yep helped him change the tire
(@Morkoth) after setting off regulation flares, and parking 3 meters from the bumpber and activating my four way signals
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Quote: 645921; Rating: 835; [+|-]
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SeanM: Go ahead and try it - just back up the database first.
PaulN: I am pretty confident everything will just work.
SeanM: That is the tech equivalent of "hey guys watch this!"
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Quote: 646042; Rating: 1474; [+|-]
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<tyrius> i have no job, no car, no gf
<tyrius> its 4am, sitting in my parents basement
<tyrius> my fingers are now permanent orange from the cheetos, and so is my wang (dont ask)
<tyrius> and dont you hate it when you step in a puddle of cum, then step in leftover dry ramen on the floor
<tyrius> if you let this shit dry, its impossible to get off. like instant liquid cement
<tyrius> ...
<tyrius> hello
<ef_slinky> You make me feel so good about my life right now. Thank you.
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