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Quote: 307977; Rating: 943; [+|-]
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<Black> Half-Life II!
* Black falls to his knees.
* enderak unzips
* Black worships
<WizzoMaFizzo> :S
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Quote: 308049; Rating: 1196; [+|-]
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<Baloogan> girls who give blowjobs are fucked in the head
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Quote: 308143; Rating: 335; [+|-]
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Retrace: so what is she?
Retrace: a .073 or a 10.0000000001
cryptic: shes like an 8
Retrace: whoa
Retrace: wait....a internet 8 or a real world 8?
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Quote: 308150; Rating: 517; [+|-]
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-!- Chellez has joined #help
<Chellez> where can i get programs?
<ferret> Chellez: The internet.
<Chellez> does this program have cervers?
<ferret> Chellez: The internet has servers.
<Chellez> how do i access them?
<ferret> Chellez: By pointing a web or ftp browser at them, usually.
-!- Chellez has left #help
<ferret> Another user helped o/
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Quote: 308160; Rating: 1109; [+|-]
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<T|gz> Ya know, it'd be kinda cool to taste with your hands like flies...
<t-f-i> ....
<T|gz> You can just stick your hand on someones food, and you can taste it.
<t-f-i> Have fun, guess you'll have to give up masterbation.
<T|gz> Oh fuck, nm.
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Quote: 308197; Rating: 347; [+|-]
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(%b0x) there used to be this song by Genesis that said "Jesus knows me, and he knows I'm right."
(%b0x) apparently though, i used to go around singing "Jesus knows me, and he knows I'm white!" when I was 5 rofl
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Quote: 308207; Rating: 213; [+|-]
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<jrk> who the fuck would pretend to be a lawyer?
<jrk> i want to pretend to be a porn star.
<Ipsa> hey a lawyer fucks more people than a pornstar ever will :)
<Ipsa> I fuck people all day
<jrk> true. but you're the ron jeremy of law.
<jrk> not everyone has your prowess.
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Quote: 308267; Rating: 475; [+|-]
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(Damage|rysny) whats the difference between michael jackson and acne?
(tkd-cod|enm1ty) dunno, what?
(Damage|rysny) acne waits till 13 to come on your face.
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Quote: 308569; Rating: 888; [+|-]
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<Bopo> 10mbit <-
<@swelt> thats nice for you, and we are all glad you brought it to our attention
<@swelt> we admire your amazing connection, and assume that your penis is proportionally large too
<@swelt> we can only hope to attain such large connections (and genetalia) ourselves
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Quote: 308626; Rating: 627; [+|-]
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<jxl> MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FILTHY WHORES.
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Quote: 308674; Rating: 169; [+|-]
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<@sxh> anyone got links to the nick berg vid?
<@D1> nick berg is hilarious.
<@D1> whats the video about?
<@D1> oh wait, thats nick cannon
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Quote: 308708; Rating: 574; [+|-]
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<J-Mart> ok
<J-Mart> this is the sickest thing ive ever heard
<J-Mart> this girl that ive been friends with for a long time
<J-Mart> she got plastered last night
<J-Mart> so she starts laughin and told me that she did something really embarassing and she got grounded
<J-Mart> so im all like "whats wrong babe"
<J-Mart> and she hesitated
<J-Mart> and what came next i would have never guessed
<J-Mart> shes like "i took a poop in my closet"
<wc16> ...rofl
<J-Mart> and i didnt know what to say so i hung up
<kirbster> wtf.... rofl
<J-Mart> then she called back and said she was sorry and not to tell anybody
<J-Mart> so i promised i wouldnt
<J-Mart> then she was like "maybe the dog did it"
<CJinx> rofl
<J-Mart> SHE BLAMED IT ON THE DOG COME ON
<[SG]> roflmao
<J-Mart> and i stare at her ass all the time!
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Quote: 308766; Rating: 358; [+|-]
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<xPinkyx> Nate, did you know my hand is part of an indian tribe called Slapaho?
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Quote: 308940; Rating: 855; [+|-]
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<Jessicaaa> :| well thats disserpointing
<Jessicaaa> anyone do the iq test thing on bbc1?
<Jessicaaa> i got dumb this year :'(
<Neodymium> I knew that from the minute you typed 'disserpointing'
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Quote: 308953; Rating: 1655; [+|-]
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<Trust> How fast is a 486?
<Archon> dude, a 486 is 486mhz
<Archon> thats why its called a 486 you dumb fucking newb
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Quote: 308977; Rating: 129; [+|-]
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<Fandang0-> whats that band that the lead singer looks like Val Kilmer?
<thaRuler> the doors?
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Quote: 309123; Rating: 571; [+|-]
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<dDG> Wait... what the hell
<dDG> There's this NASCAR all-star thing on
<dDG> and there is rap for background music
<dDG> NASCAR and rap music...
<wc16> rofl
<dDG> The terrorists have won
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Quote: 309195; Rating: 1097; [+|-]
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dee: mute do you ever talk
mute: No, I never say a word.
dee: why
mute: I think you missed the joke there, dee.
dee: what do you mean
mute: ...nevermind.
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Quote: 309208; Rating: 418; [+|-]
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<fetus> Hooters- "Chicken tastes better with a boner."
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Quote: 309343; Rating: 1671; [+|-]
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<TheShadowHunter> I wish I wore an eyepatch
<TheShadowHunter> itd give me that air of mystery that the ladies find irresistible
<Saria> Ahahaha
<Saria> Wtf
<Saria> Yeah, eyepatches totally up teh sekz0r fact0r
<TheShadowHunter> psssh you say that now
<TheShadowHunter> but wait till youre milling around at a party
<TheShadowHunter> and all of a sudden the doors open and I walk in wearing a tux and an eyepatch
<TheShadowHunter> and people gasp
<TheShadowHunter> and an uncomfortable buzz fills the room as people try to return to their former joviality
<TheShadowHunter> "I heard he lost that eye defending an orphanage from a killer!"
<TheShadowHunter> "I heard he lost it deep in the amazon!"
<TheShadowHunter> "Hes so mysterious!"
<TheShadowHunter> "So sexy!"
<TheShadowHunter> and all the ladies would want me
<TheShadowHunter> till I tell them I was running with silverware and stabbed myself in the eye with a fork
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Quote: 309397; Rating: 12496; [+|-]
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<VolteFace`> don't you hate it when you shit on the floor, and you can hear it fall but you have no idea where it actually landed, and spend like 5 minutes looking for it
<peng> ...
<peng> what?
<VolteFace`> oh shit
<VolteFace`> don't you hate it when you DROP shit
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Quote: 309732; Rating: 1057; [+|-]
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* Inthesto can imagine this dialogue.
<Inthesto> "He's ill."
<Inthesto> "You mean he's dope?"
<Inthesto> "No, I mean he's sick."
<Inthesto> "So he's cool?"
<Inthesto> "NO I MEAN HE IS NOT PHYSICALLY WELL HE IS DISEASED"
<Inthesto> "oic"
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Quote: 310023; Rating: 361; [+|-]
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<t-f-i> An officer in the U.S. Naval Reserve was attending a conference that included admirals from both the U.S. Navy and the French Navy. At a cocktail reception, he found himself in a small group that included personnel from both navies.
<t-f-i> The French Admiral started complaining that whereas Europeans learned many languages, Americans learned only English. He then asked, "Why is it that we have to speak English in these conferences rather than you speak French?"
<t-f-i> Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied: "Maybe it is because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies, and Americans arranged it so you would not have to speak German." The group became silent.
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Quote: 310216; Rating: 1514; [+|-]
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<Anime-Sama> While most people ask themselves "WWJD" (What Would Jesus Do), I've decided to turn to the more appropriate "WTGML," which is an acronym for "Will This Get Me Laid."
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Quote: 310362; Rating: 858; [+|-]
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splibob: I think we have a conflict of interest
jenneh: what's that?
splibob: me not being interested in talking to you
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Quote: 310380; Rating: 322; [+|-]
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<Rapala> i'm not sure if i'm supposed to go to work tonight
<Rapala> so i'm gonna sit here and see if they call
<DrunkOM> sounds like a plan
<Rapala> there are 2 others doing it as well, and the best way to be wrong is to be wrong in a group
<HFM> the best way to be wrong is to find out it's really not your kid..
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Quote: 310385; Rating: 822; [+|-]
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<peebles> how about a new low CARB diet
<peebles> No Cheney
<peebles> No Ashcroft
<peebles> No Rumsfeld
<peebles> No Bush
<peebles> And forget about the Rice.
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Quote: 310549; Rating: 215; [+|-]
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<james>once when I was at work at a cafe a man came in and ordered 3 'cappucini'
<morg>haha
<james>I asked him if he would like a biscotto to go with that
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Quote: 310706; Rating: 494; [+|-]
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<SoberIRL> my gf is getting her tongue pierced soon :D
<Drewtetz> you can finally find out what it'll be like to have a rod and two balls in your mouth!
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Quote: 311282; Rating: 831; [+|-]
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( l008com) Hey does anyone know how David Blaine levitates?
( LoganCale) There are two ways.
( LoganCale) One way he's on a cable and they digitally edit it out.
( l008com) no he's on ABC thats not cable
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Quote: 311375; Rating: 2425; [+|-]
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<DigDug> ....
<ogw-iii> ...
<Denshuu> ..
<silicon> all excellent points
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Quote: 311502; Rating: 1222; [+|-]
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<SvinX> whats the file in /etc that controls the profile?
<k> /etc/profile ?
<SvinX> .. i realise i didnt word that very well
<SvinX> yea could be it
<SvinX> thx
<shiftyphil> what's the tool you use to shovel dirt?
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Quote: 314704; Rating: 1033; [+|-]
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<Knuckleskin> i know someone here who was sent to prison cos he had nunchucks in the boot of his car
<Swiss_Cheese> holy shit, over there ur cars have boots?!
<Swiss_Cheese> ours have wheels
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Quote: 314712; Rating: 1323; [+|-]
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(@JH) you know you can get stuff engraved on an iPod? I was thinking about this..
(@JH) RIAA v. JH - Exhibit A
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Quote: 314798; Rating: 1037; [+|-]
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<@Shai`tan> Know what the best part of pirated software is?
<@Shai`tan> the cool songs that play in the cracking programs
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Quote: 314921; Rating: 271; [+|-]
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CianMTF: So... i was like on this site
CianMTF: "unprecedented computer recovery techniques!"
ShateredLifetime: "We use different hammers to find out which one makes it work"
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Quote: 315042; Rating: 3339; [+|-]
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<sexor> I went shopping last night at like 1am. the place was empty, and this old woman, just making polite convertation, said to me: "where is everyone??".
<sexor> I replied: "In bed, same place you and I should be!"
<sexor> Took me ten minutes to figure out why she gave me a dirty look
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Quote: 315118; Rating: 587; [+|-]
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InaGreendase: he got arrested...
InaGreendase: for sexually harrassing himself..
InaGreendase: yes, himself.
InaGreendase: he was looking in a mirror or something and saying to himself
InaGreendase: "You're so sexy, you bitch...i wanna fuck you so bad...you'd look even hotter if those pants were tighter.."
InaGreendase: and that dorm's RD was watching the whole time
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Quote: 315298; Rating: 550; [+|-]
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<Mr`Death> Hey Queued, know of an easy way to reduce speaker noise?
<Boinger69> turn down the volume?
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Quote: 315336; Rating: 184; [+|-]
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Dave: I support R. Kelly. I saw the video, and that bitch wanted it. The theory is, if the girl is walking in the mall without her parents.. like alone or just with friends... then she's ready to get some dick.
Banderon: Dave, look! Those 12 year olds don't have a parent with them! Go! Go!
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Quote: 315489; Rating: 439; [+|-]
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<Woodsman> im waiting for duke nukem forever to come out
<Phoenix> Damn, now that's patience.
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Quote: 315517; Rating: 754; [+|-]
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<tHEMiDENS> ok, anyone got their list sent to fbi ?
<fyre> i have the fbi with me now
<fyre> we're watching shrek 2
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Quote: 319249; Rating: 1575; [+|-]
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<Zeta7> I'll just avoid downloading porn
<Zeta7> heh
<pkeffect> :D
<Zeta7> that's where the viruses come from usually
<pkeffect> just like in real life
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Quote: 324098; Rating: 486; [+|-]
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(+fresh27) Before beginning Instant Maya, you should have a working knowledge of your computer's operating system. You should know how to use a mouse.
(+fresh27) i wonder how many people are trying to learn maya
(+fresh27) but then they get disappointed when they find they have to learn how to use a mouse first
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Quote: 328175; Rating: 712; [+|-]
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Scrodule: i have an interesting obesrvation
ezeerB: ?
Scrodule: if you swing your finger by your ear really fast, you get this very low sounding "wfff" noise
Scrodule: hmm, that sounded more profound while i was thinking about it
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Quote: 328236; Rating: 638; [+|-]
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(@timbaker) man
(@timbaker) today
(@timbaker) me and my fiencee got in a big ass fight
(@timbaker) and almost ended things
(@timbaker) but then we got back together and i takled her into letting me watch her shave her pussy
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Quote: 328376; Rating: 475; [+|-]
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<arpit> hmmmm; msn news : mtv launches gay network
<arpit> I thought they'd been doing that since day 1....
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Quote: 328881; Rating: 566; [+|-]
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blingbling30012: ugh a photo of my happy family
blingbling30012: ...
blingbling30012: WITHOUT ME...
dannyericci: that's why they're happy
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Quote: 328886; Rating: 1321; [+|-]
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fuj1m0t0x: i fractured my wrist
Firehawk18: what you do?
fuj1m0t0x: playin bball
fuj1m0t0x: fell from the rim
fuj1m0t0x: my boner was 3 inches in the air
fuj1m0t0x: boner*
fuj1m0t0x: wtf
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Quote: 328890; Rating: 335; [+|-]
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<orevo> Hmm...How about Alamo State Bank?
<Alex> ...
<Alex> Why should I trust them with my money if they couldn't even hold the fort?!
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