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Quote: 339458; Rating: 1414; [+|-]
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<Monsoon`> people are stupider than previously imagined
<Monsoon`> My roommate talked to a customer today, told him to right-click on something.u00a0 So the customer got a pen and paper, and proceeded to write "click" on it. |
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Quote: 340338; Rating: 1882; [+|-]
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<trigga>ow
<trigga>i just stapled the roof of my mouth
<trigga>i was holding the stapler in my mouth and it started slipping so i bit down |
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Quote: 341298; Rating: 734; [+|-]
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<Raven> YOU LIAR ENJOI
<Raven> gayanal.com not a warez! |
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Quote: 341627; Rating: 1270; [+|-]
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<Porthos> did you hear about the new pirate movie?
<Porthos> it's rated PG-13
<Porthos> wait
<Porthos> damnit |
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Quote: 341783; Rating: 518; [+|-]
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[Vexidus] When i shared my pics folder i had like 5000 naked pics of my girl shared
[Vexidus] but nobody ever downloaded
[Sanctum] Vex has a daughter? |
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Quote: 341825; Rating: 223; [+|-]
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<Fitteh> My cellphone has a clock in it though and that is what I use.
<ptj225A> Don't you have the Speaking Clock?
<MaxBack> Who doesn't? Here, let me just pull my time-midget out of my pocket and slap his bottom. Sounds like it's 2:24, and that's in the P.M. |
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Quote: 342068; Rating: 1133; [+|-]
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<patteam717> If Neo got into a fight with Aragorn, Neo would win hands down
<kissmeimtoxic> that may be true but if Agent Smith got into a fight with Elrond that would just be dumb |
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Quote: 342139; Rating: 1718; [+|-]
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<FlourescentGerbil> My mom is going to kill me
<FlourescentGerbil> I was supposed to be watching my little brother, but while I was jacking off to porn, my brother wasted a quarter pound of beef trying to create a beef milkshake |
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Quote: 342596; Rating: 1592; [+|-]
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<Calvinosaur> You missed philosophy class today, huh?
<71mm34> yeh
<Calvinosaur> You know how Mr. Warren's policy is to read all the passed notes out loud to the entire class?
<71mm34> no ive never expereinced it
<Calvinosaur> Well, we really threw him for a loop today ...
<Calvinosaur> Josh passed a note that made it around the whole class before Mr. W caught it.
<Calvinosaur> Mr. W read it, walked out the door, and came back in ten seconds later.
<Calvinosaur> We were in stitches at this point.
<71mm34> wat did it say
<Calvinosaur> "Mr. W's fly is open." |
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Quote: 342633; Rating: 7895; [+|-]
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<Quake-Hat> brad, your mom is fine as shit
<Quake-Hat> i think i will masturbate to her while i play with my balls
<bad_brad> brad had to go blow his nose, but thanks for the compliment, i will be calling your mother
<Quake-Hat> Jesus-fucking christ!!! |
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Quote: 342779; Rating: 983; [+|-]
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NbVb16Mb009: i know have you ever had the weed that smells like christmas trees
NbVb16Mb009: it is some good shit
Me: hahahahhahah, you got dicked over. somebody sold you some pine tree branches and told you it was weed
Me: do you smoke?
NbVb16Mb009: no dude im a dealer shit it was weed and yea i smoke all the time
NbVb16Mb009: have you ever made a beer bong
Me: bull shit, you aren't a dealer
Me: hahahahah, are you retarded?
NbVb16Mb009: ok but if you ever want some just talk to me about it
Me: just so you know, i don't believe you. what kind of weed do you sell?
NbVb16Mb009: shrooms |
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Quote: 342833; Rating: 2269; [+|-]
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<Rach> when i get my old puter back i'll send you some songs
<Olly> What happened to it?
<Rach> i broke it
<Olly> On purpose?
<Rach> i wouldnt say PURPOSE
<Rach> just stupidly
<Olly> Ahh
<Olly> So you do know exatly what's wrong with it?
<Rach> yeah, it's full of water |
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Quote: 343370; Rating: 645; [+|-]
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R-Salamander: Look at me, look at you! Watch me do that Pikachu!
PeteMantis: (scratches records)
R-Salamander: We stayed out 'til two o' clock! Watch me do a Thundershock!
PeteMantis: (scratches records)
R-Salamander: I am bored as hell tonight.
MonkeyBoy: Watch me do the Dragonite!
R-Salamander: Dude... We stopped doing that crap like five minutes ago. Come on.
PeteMantis: We did? |
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Quote: 343725; Rating: 951; [+|-]
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<MootSux> I found a way to irc from work
<MootSux> Mootar 1, productivity 0. |
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Quote: 343805; Rating: 1838; [+|-]
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<Elbonio> You know how women say "I wouldnt sleep with you even if you were the last man on earth" ? Well if you WERE the last two people on the earth, i hardly think sex is the first thing on your mind... it's clearly going to be "let's raid Toys'R'us.." |
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Quote: 343825; Rating: 1988; [+|-]
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<[-Blacksword-]> brb, dishes have developed their own language and are talking to the garbage about overthrowing me... i must correct this |
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Quote: 343901; Rating: 1255; [+|-]
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<fugi> I put a note on our fridge saying "find what I peed in and win $1", roomates though it was funny, but a couple friends of ours refused to have some applejuice. |
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Quote: 343917; Rating: 454; [+|-]
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<RenegadeC> I have to talk to that girl who came over to my house friday night
<RenegadeC> because she left her bracelet here
<CardO> was she hot?
<RenegadeC> yes
<RPG> RenegadeC: sheep don't have bracelets; they have collars. |
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Quote: 343937; Rating: 1290; [+|-]
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<BlackAdder> no, because ds told me that building a comp is like putting together lego
<BlackAdder> and then i went and tried putting lego together to see
<BlackAdder> and i cut my finger |
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Quote: 344096; Rating: 1687; [+|-]
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<Mango> Haha, I went to the bathroom, came out, and ripped off a piece of sweet bread that was on the table and my dad says "What the hell are you doing? Did you wash your hands?"
<Mango> I said "no, but I didnt piss on my hands so dont worry"
<Mango> "doesnt matter" he says "your hands were still all over your dick"
<Mango> "Who cares? My dick, along with my entire body, came out of YOUR dick"
<Mango> So now we can't look eachother in the eyes anymore. |
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Quote: 345144; Rating: 2308; [+|-]
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<forceflow> hah, there are two quotes on bash rated 1337
<forceflow> that's awesome
<ItlnStaln> You're going to be a virgin for life, you know that? |
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Quote: 345535; Rating: 470; [+|-]
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[+[-BONG-]] small things amuse small minds....
[detepe] bong: not true, most of the cheerleaders I know love big dicks :(
[+[-BONG-]] kind of leaves you out huh?
[detepe] bong: yeah, it sucks :( |
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Quote: 345591; Rating: 219; [+|-]
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<Anla_Shok> hmm, i guess i just prefer a landrover to a marriage
<Anla_Shok> unless the marriage comes with a landrover
<Anla_Shok> then i would have to rethink |
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Quote: 346240; Rating: 1311; [+|-]
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(lawngrl): im gonna insert my ipod in my vagina tonight and go to sleep i love it so much
(Fire_on_High): I'm quite sure that'll void your warranty |
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Quote: 346467; Rating: 1807; [+|-]
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<sideburns> they opened a restaurant a few blocks away
<sideburns> it's a lesbian restaurant
<UncleGivey> HAHAHAHA
<sideburns> err... lebanese
<UncleGivey> "Hey honey, there's that new restaurant down the street... feel like eating out?" |
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Quote: 346997; Rating: 914; [+|-]
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<KitBoxPocket> jesus christ
<KitBoxPocket> we've had this number for ten years
<KitBoxPocket> TEN. YEARS.
<KitBoxPocket> And we STILL get calls from people asking for the fucking Hatfields!
<KitBoxPocket> I swear, one of these days I'm going to answer with "No! We's the McCoys and we's a-feudin'!" |
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Quote: 347115; Rating: 1661; [+|-]
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<tRonz0r> I'm $4 poorer, 1 bandanna richer and I still don't look like a pirate
<tRonz0r> yarrrrrr, tis a sad day. |
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Quote: 347268; Rating: 2034; [+|-]
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<cow_hax0r> HOLY HOLY FUCKING SHIT AFK A SEC
<leecher> er...
<cow_hax0r> Sorry back
<leecher> what's the problem, house on fire?
<cow_hax0r> No I had to get a drink
<leecher> so why the urgency?
<cow_hax0r> Well... I REALLY had to get a drink
<leecher> so your house wasn't on fire or being attacked by ninja's?
<cow_hax0r> Well.. no, but my throat was kinda dry |
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Quote: 347793; Rating: 2921; [+|-]
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<Nudger> The Internet is great, but the best thing it's ever done is when a bored schoolfriend of mine set the school's website's background to Goatse.
* Antifreez sighs
<Antifreez> So many memories attached to that song.
<Nudger> It was so great when the IT teacher opened the page on a huge projection screen, and without looking at it, said "We, shall be attemping THIS, boys!"
<Nudger> I swear, I was almost sick from laughing. |
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Quote: 348029; Rating: 1757; [+|-]
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<Orajim> I was in the bathroom today and written above one of the urinals said "The joke isn't on the wall, it's in your hands"
<Orajim> I never felt so small in my life. |
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Quote: 348034; Rating: 239; [+|-]
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<Squatter> Liking Russians is one of those neutral things that doesn't say anything about someone
<Lush> Yes it does
<Lush> After Khaled told his friends about me, they all wrote to say that Russians are fabulous in the general vicinity of the bedroom
<Lush> I didn't know whether or not to be offended, so I just smiled politely
<Squatter> Really? I never heard that. Normally I think first and foremost of the arts, then brutally oppressive government
<Lush> I think the former does not contadict the statement about bedrooms
<Squatter> Neither does the latter |
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Quote: 348078; Rating: 162; [+|-]
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<toqer> hey germ, I think you would like my wifes friend michelle
<Germ> does she like sex
<toqer> next time you're out here, we need too hook you two up
<Germ> No thanks i dont like being "hooked up"
<toqer> she like sex, weed, and eating
<Germ> eh
<Germ> wait how much eating? |
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Quote: 348080; Rating: 662; [+|-]
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<booyah> yeh i use perl too
<booyah> wrong window, ignore me
<andywho> Don't worry, you use perl, we ignore you automatically |
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Quote: 348129; Rating: 2296; [+|-]
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(sadik): nothing gayer than 2guys and a chick
([sic]): well there's two guys and no chick
([sic]): that's pretty gay |
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Quote: 348365; Rating: 873; [+|-]
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<Royce> :(
<Hynox> Why the sad face Royce?
<Royce> I just went to Ask Jeeves and searched for Thesorus.
<Royce> It told me i should look for a Dictionary first. |
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Quote: 348401; Rating: 555; [+|-]
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Shivanfire: maybe I should go into politics
Shivanfire: I've always wanted to fuck a lot of people at the same time |
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Quote: 348436; Rating: 775; [+|-]
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<nostal> What are the dimensions of those little MSN display pictures?
<esuna> 2D |
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Quote: 348450; Rating: 2854; [+|-]
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OnlineHost:u00a0 Sheila41428 has entered the room.
d00d903:u00a0 u00a0u00a0 hi there sheila! 17/m/tx wanna cyber?
Sheila41428: sure
d00d903:u00a0 u00a0u00a0 asl
Sheila41428: 48/f/tx
d00d903:u00a0 u00a0u00a0 the hell? mom?
Sheila41428: OH JESUS FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!
OnlineHost:u00a0 Sheila41328 has left the room. |
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Quote: 348482; Rating: 916; [+|-]
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<HEIST> I hate early am with no sleep. I hear the voices inside my head..
<HEIST> The flashbacks.. the urges..
<HEIST> Like I'm dropping down a well into a pit of something..
<HEIST> I can LITERALLY hear voices whispering in my ears
<HEIST> saying things
<HEIST> wicked things
<HEIST> telling me what to do
<Vortex> what are they saying now?
<HEIST> "drink more ovaltine" |
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Quote: 348498; Rating: 9212; [+|-]
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<MasterG> .....................................................................
..................................
<judas> where's pacman when you need him? |
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Quote: 348507; Rating: 919; [+|-]
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<Moose> Is a girl I've been shagging for a few months but not really 'going out with', as my heart lies elsewhere.
<Moose> Anyway, cut a long story short, she's moving up to Glasgow in 2 weeks, and as a going away gift for her, my mates between them have offered me u00a390 if I can film myself performing a 'Spiderman' on her.
<Moose> FYI A 'Spiderman' is the art of pulling out just before the vinegar strokes, chucking your fat into your hand, then flinging it in the girls face whilst triumphantly shouting "Go web go!!" |
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Quote: 348515; Rating: -105; [+|-]
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<karaipantsu> Women want equal rights, but we have to do all the work in bed. :-p
<karaipantsu> Girls need to get their sexuality out on their sleeves, like us men.
<karaipantsu> Then everyone would be fucking everyone else, and the species would die out from STD's
<Idle> karaipantsu - STDs can't even kill off homosexuals, what makes you think they can kill off the rest of humanity? |
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Quote: 348516; Rating: 1501; [+|-]
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<vodak> Adding files to WinAmp has gotten much easier now that I realized 'enqueue' wasn't spanish... |
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Quote: 348528; Rating: 311; [+|-]
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<sd> my mom got pissed at me today
<sd> I was wearing the "the axe effect" and it must have turned her on, because she told me to leave the room and stay away from her =/ |
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Quote: 348650; Rating: 508; [+|-]
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<N1k1tA> can't we just get along?
<tulkas> no
<tulkas> we can't
<Renegade> yeah that would suck
<N1k1tA> i hate you guys |
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Quote: 348697; Rating: 2021; [+|-]
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CascadeOrca: HAPPY FATHERS DAY!
Lerxs: indeed
CascadeOrca: I don't have a real father
CascadeOrca: so you're all my dad today
CascadeOrca: Congratulations.
Sixteen Bit Hero has left the room.
CascadeOrca: damnit, just like my real father
clash103 has left the room.
CascadeOrca: DADDIES! NOOOES!
Wiggidiba has left the room. |
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Quote: 348790; Rating: 576; [+|-]
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<DisgruntledBadger> Why do they call it tourist season if we can't shoot them? |
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Quote: 348837; Rating: 443; [+|-]
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<Zero_Flaw> Wow, I just saw my dad surfing the net looking at health sites about STD's. No wonder he was trying to shield the computer screen from me. But, I could still see Herpes at the top left.
<Zero_Flaw> Even worse, 5 minutes later my mom gets on the computer and looks at the same thing.
<Zero_Flaw> I should have been a bastard and said, "Mom, you don't look like you're feeling too well, something wrong?" |
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Quote: 348858; Rating: 462; [+|-]
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<Kaotic> I'm probably going to have to get wireless eventually, my brother keeps punching "network holes" in the walls |
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