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Quote: 335266; Rating: 959; [+|-]
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<lexa> anyone wanna buy some cheap tampons? 10p each
<lexa> no strings attached
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Quote: 335375; Rating: 638; [+|-]
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<Uncle> eww rough
<Uncle> theres a mans name in this book: Clitus
<Uncle> imagine how much he got beaten up for that
<GT2> yeah, i bet all the kids at Fictional High beat him up real good
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Quote: 336562; Rating: 2364; [+|-]
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<Samwise> And if not for a beard, what can you stroke while thinking?
<jacquilyn> Depends what you're thinking about.
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Quote: 337079; Rating: 1693; [+|-]
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<IAX> You can't spell manslaughter without laughter.
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Quote: 337156; Rating: 703; [+|-]
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[(>'.')> Ladymercury] Creed disbands and Reagen DIES
[(>'.')> Ladymercury] MY GOD
[(>'.')> Ladymercury] ITS A SIGN
[(jmr) mirai] hmm
[(jmr) mirai] yeah
[tiger_yamato] That the world is slowly becoming a better place?
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Quote: 337295; Rating: 2334; [+|-]
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<[UA]lavalamp> I was playing chutes and ladders with my 4-year-old son...when he won, he jumped up, pointed at me, and shouted "pwned!"
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Quote: 337916; Rating: 868; [+|-]
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<beefstain> i wish faggots would stop putting my deoderant on me with their tongues while i slumber
<beefstain> i mean
<beefstain> YARR, MANLY THINGS
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Quote: 338032; Rating: 579; [+|-]
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<Raven`> summer can suck ass so bad sometimes
<Raven`> I mean sure, it's nice out and women are less clothed
<Raven`> but there's nothing to watch on tv
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Quote: 338143; Rating: 600; [+|-]
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Mmc1512: YOI KID
Mmc1512: ALL THE LAMPSHADES ARE ON YOUR SUBMARINE
Mmc1512: catch my drift?
NcKmN 1988: wtf lol
Mmc1512: your alarm clocks are made out of cheese
NcKmN 1988: uhhh..
Mmc1512: your car is a boat on the fifth of the week
Mmc1512: get it?
NcKmN 1988: hmmm...
NcKmN 1988: no
Mmc1512: you look like a goriila escaped from alaska
Mmc1512: you need 2 pencils to write but only one hand to see
Mmc1512: understand?
NcKmN 1988: u sniff glue again?
Mmc1512: no son
Mmc1512: back off my shoe box
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Quote: 338322; Rating: 1943; [+|-]
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* Trog starts singing "My little pony, my little pony"
* Mezir shoves a little pony up an orifice of Trog's choice
<Trog> yours
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Quote: 338364; Rating: 8709; [+|-]
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<Alanna> Saying that Java is nice because it works on all OS's is like saying that anal sex is nice because it works on all genders
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Quote: 338911; Rating: 607; [+|-]
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ln3: someone just told me he was board.
ln3: *morns the loss of grammar and spelling*
ln3: ...fuck.
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Quote: 339067; Rating: 935; [+|-]
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<nickkis> speaking of which, my other half is going to get beaten when he wakes up
<nickkis> he works nights
<nickkis> and has a habit of sleeping on the sofa
<nickkis> which is fine
<nickkis> until I come home from work tonight and my 3 year old pipes up 'whats daddy watching'
<nickkis> and what daddy is watching isnt suitable for 3 year olds in any way shape or form
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Quote: 339458; Rating: 1362; [+|-]
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<Monsoon`> people are stupider than previously imagined
<Monsoon`> My roommate talked to a customer today, told him to right-click on something. So the customer got a pen and paper, and proceeded to write "click" on it.
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Quote: 340338; Rating: 1847; [+|-]
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<trigga>ow
<trigga>i just stapled the roof of my mouth
<trigga>i was holding the stapler in my mouth and it started slipping so i bit down
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Quote: 341298; Rating: 701; [+|-]
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<Raven> YOU LIAR ENJOI
<Raven> gayanal.com not a warez!
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Quote: 341627; Rating: 1232; [+|-]
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<Porthos> did you hear about the new pirate movie?
<Porthos> it's rated PG-13
<Porthos> wait
<Porthos> damnit
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Quote: 341783; Rating: 501; [+|-]
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[Vexidus] When i shared my pics folder i had like 5000 naked pics of my girl shared
[Vexidus] but nobody ever downloaded
[Sanctum] Vex has a daughter?
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Quote: 341825; Rating: 193; [+|-]
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<Fitteh> My cellphone has a clock in it though and that is what I use.
<ptj225A> Don't you have the Speaking Clock?
<MaxBack> Who doesn't? Here, let me just pull my time-midget out of my pocket and slap his bottom. Sounds like it's 2:24, and that's in the P.M.
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Quote: 342068; Rating: 1097; [+|-]
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<patteam717> If Neo got into a fight with Aragorn, Neo would win hands down
<kissmeimtoxic> that may be true but if Agent Smith got into a fight with Elrond that would just be dumb
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Quote: 342139; Rating: 1690; [+|-]
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<FlourescentGerbil> My mom is going to kill me
<FlourescentGerbil> I was supposed to be watching my little brother, but while I was jacking off to porn, my brother wasted a quarter pound of beef trying to create a beef milkshake
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Quote: 342596; Rating: 1539; [+|-]
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<Calvinosaur> You missed philosophy class today, huh?
<71mm34> yeh
<Calvinosaur> You know how Mr. Warren's policy is to read all the passed notes out loud to the entire class?
<71mm34> no ive never expereinced it
<Calvinosaur> Well, we really threw him for a loop today ...
<Calvinosaur> Josh passed a note that made it around the whole class before Mr. W caught it.
<Calvinosaur> Mr. W read it, walked out the door, and came back in ten seconds later.
<Calvinosaur> We were in stitches at this point.
<71mm34> wat did it say
<Calvinosaur> "Mr. W's fly is open."
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Quote: 342633; Rating: 7648; [+|-]
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<Quake-Hat> brad, your mom is fine as shit
<Quake-Hat> i think i will masturbate to her while i play with my balls
<bad_brad> brad had to go blow his nose, but thanks for the compliment, i will be calling your mother
<Quake-Hat> Jesus-fucking christ!!!
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Quote: 342779; Rating: 938; [+|-]
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NbVb16Mb009: i know have you ever had the weed that smells like christmas trees
NbVb16Mb009: it is some good shit
Me: hahahahhahah, you got dicked over. somebody sold you some pine tree branches and told you it was weed
Me: do you smoke?
NbVb16Mb009: no dude im a dealer shit it was weed and yea i smoke all the time
NbVb16Mb009: have you ever made a beer bong
Me: bull shit, you aren't a dealer
Me: hahahahah, are you retarded?
NbVb16Mb009: ok but if you ever want some just talk to me about it
Me: just so you know, i don't believe you. what kind of weed do you sell?
NbVb16Mb009: shrooms
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Quote: 342833; Rating: 2224; [+|-]
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<Rach> when i get my old puter back i'll send you some songs
<Olly> What happened to it?
<Rach> i broke it
<Olly> On purpose?
<Rach> i wouldnt say PURPOSE
<Rach> just stupidly
<Olly> Ahh
<Olly> So you do know exatly what's wrong with it?
<Rach> yeah, it's full of water
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Quote: 343370; Rating: 615; [+|-]
|
R-Salamander: Look at me, look at you! Watch me do that Pikachu!
PeteMantis: (scratches records)
R-Salamander: We stayed out 'til two o' clock! Watch me do a Thundershock!
PeteMantis: (scratches records)
R-Salamander: I am bored as hell tonight.
MonkeyBoy: Watch me do the Dragonite!
R-Salamander: Dude... We stopped doing that crap like five minutes ago. Come on.
PeteMantis: We did?
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Quote: 343725; Rating: 927; [+|-]
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<MootSux> I found a way to irc from work
<MootSux> Mootar 1, productivity 0.
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Quote: 343805; Rating: 1815; [+|-]
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<Elbonio> You know how women say "I wouldnt sleep with you even if you were the last man on earth" ? Well if you WERE the last two people on the earth, i hardly think sex is the first thing on your mind... it's clearly going to be "let's raid Toys'R'us.."
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Quote: 343825; Rating: 1926; [+|-]
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<[-Blacksword-]> brb, dishes have developed their own language and are talking to the garbage about overthrowing me... i must correct this
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Quote: 343901; Rating: 1214; [+|-]
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<fugi> I put a note on our fridge saying "find what I peed in and win $1", roomates though it was funny, but a couple friends of ours refused to have some applejuice.
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Quote: 343917; Rating: 418; [+|-]
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<RenegadeC> I have to talk to that girl who came over to my house friday night
<RenegadeC> because she left her bracelet here
<CardO> was she hot?
<RenegadeC> yes
<RPG> RenegadeC: sheep don't have bracelets; they have collars.
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Quote: 343937; Rating: 1251; [+|-]
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<BlackAdder> no, because ds told me that building a comp is like putting together lego
<BlackAdder> and then i went and tried putting lego together to see
<BlackAdder> and i cut my finger
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Quote: 344096; Rating: 1656; [+|-]
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<Mango> Haha, I went to the bathroom, came out, and ripped off a piece of sweet bread that was on the table and my dad says "What the hell are you doing? Did you wash your hands?"
<Mango> I said "no, but I didnt piss on my hands so dont worry"
<Mango> "doesnt matter" he says "your hands were still all over your dick"
<Mango> "Who cares? My dick, along with my entire body, came out of YOUR dick"
<Mango> So now we can't look eachother in the eyes anymore.
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Quote: 345144; Rating: 2279; [+|-]
|
<forceflow> hah, there are two quotes on bash rated 1337
<forceflow> that's awesome
<ItlnStaln> You're going to be a virgin for life, you know that?
|
|
Quote: 345535; Rating: 438; [+|-]
|
[+[-BONG-]] small things amuse small minds....
[detepe] bong: not true, most of the cheerleaders I know love big dicks :(
[+[-BONG-]] kind of leaves you out huh?
[detepe] bong: yeah, it sucks :(
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Quote: 345591; Rating: 217; [+|-]
|
<Anla_Shok> hmm, i guess i just prefer a landrover to a marriage
<Anla_Shok> unless the marriage comes with a landrover
<Anla_Shok> then i would have to rethink
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Quote: 346240; Rating: 1298; [+|-]
|
(lawngrl): im gonna insert my ipod in my vagina tonight and go to sleep i love it so much
(Fire_on_High): I'm quite sure that'll void your warranty
|
|
Quote: 346467; Rating: 1795; [+|-]
|
<sideburns> they opened a restaurant a few blocks away
<sideburns> it's a lesbian restaurant
<UncleGivey> HAHAHAHA
<sideburns> err... lebanese
<UncleGivey> "Hey honey, there's that new restaurant down the street... feel like eating out?"
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Quote: 346997; Rating: 886; [+|-]
|
<KitBoxPocket> jesus christ
<KitBoxPocket> we've had this number for ten years
<KitBoxPocket> TEN. YEARS.
<KitBoxPocket> And we STILL get calls from people asking for the fucking Hatfields!
<KitBoxPocket> I swear, one of these days I'm going to answer with "No! We's the McCoys and we's a-feudin'!"
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Quote: 347115; Rating: 1627; [+|-]
|
<tRonz0r> I'm $4 poorer, 1 bandanna richer and I still don't look like a pirate
<tRonz0r> yarrrrrr, tis a sad day.
|
|
Quote: 347268; Rating: 1990; [+|-]
|
<cow_hax0r> HOLY HOLY FUCKING SHIT AFK A SEC
<leecher> er...
<cow_hax0r> Sorry back
<leecher> what's the problem, house on fire?
<cow_hax0r> No I had to get a drink
<leecher> so why the urgency?
<cow_hax0r> Well... I REALLY had to get a drink
<leecher> so your house wasn't on fire or being attacked by ninja's?
<cow_hax0r> Well.. no, but my throat was kinda dry
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|
Quote: 347793; Rating: 2854; [+|-]
|
<Nudger> The Internet is great, but the best thing it's ever done is when a bored schoolfriend of mine set the school's website's background to Goatse.
* Antifreez sighs
<Antifreez> So many memories attached to that song.
<Nudger> It was so great when the IT teacher opened the page on a huge projection screen, and without looking at it, said "We, shall be attemping THIS, boys!"
<Nudger> I swear, I was almost sick from laughing.
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|
Quote: 348029; Rating: 1699; [+|-]
|
<Orajim> I was in the bathroom today and written above one of the urinals said "The joke isn't on the wall, it's in your hands"
<Orajim> I never felt so small in my life.
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|
Quote: 348034; Rating: 200; [+|-]
|
<Squatter> Liking Russians is one of those neutral things that doesn't say anything about someone
<Lush> Yes it does
<Lush> After Khaled told his friends about me, they all wrote to say that Russians are fabulous in the general vicinity of the bedroom
<Lush> I didn't know whether or not to be offended, so I just smiled politely
<Squatter> Really? I never heard that. Normally I think first and foremost of the arts, then brutally oppressive government
<Lush> I think the former does not contadict the statement about bedrooms
<Squatter> Neither does the latter
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|
Quote: 348078; Rating: 104; [+|-]
|
<toqer> hey germ, I think you would like my wifes friend michelle
<Germ> does she like sex
<toqer> next time you're out here, we need too hook you two up
<Germ> No thanks i dont like being "hooked up"
<toqer> she like sex, weed, and eating
<Germ> eh
<Germ> wait how much eating?
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|
Quote: 348080; Rating: 621; [+|-]
|
<booyah> yeh i use perl too
<booyah> wrong window, ignore me
<andywho> Don't worry, you use perl, we ignore you automatically
|
|
Quote: 348129; Rating: 2264; [+|-]
|
(sadik): nothing gayer than 2guys and a chick
([sic]): well there's two guys and no chick
([sic]): that's pretty gay
|
|
Quote: 348365; Rating: 879; [+|-]
|
<Royce> :(
<Hynox> Why the sad face Royce?
<Royce> I just went to Ask Jeeves and searched for Thesorus.
<Royce> It told me i should look for a Dictionary first.
|
|
Quote: 348401; Rating: 558; [+|-]
|
Shivanfire: maybe I should go into politics
Shivanfire: I've always wanted to fuck a lot of people at the same time
|
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