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Quote: 303011; Rating: 685; [+|-]
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<quik-silver> You know, life really IS like a box of chocolates
<quik-silver> A cheap, meaningless gift that noone ever asks for |
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Quote: 303093; Rating: 775; [+|-]
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<@LoungeServ> For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain. |
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Quote: 303256; Rating: 607; [+|-]
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gnabtuls: Ok, so I take this gay Children's Theater class, right?
ch405kn16h7: mhm
gnabtuls: and we have this one Jewish girl in there.
gnabtuls: So, one of the groups is doing "The Stinky Cheese Man"
gnabtuls: and she's playing The Stinky Cheese Man
gnabtuls: and the very first thing to happen in that play is they bake the stinky cheese man
gnabtuls: ala the one jew in my class gets put in an oven and baked |
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Quote: 303329; Rating: 731; [+|-]
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<[X]> What the fuck? Gwyneth Paltrow named her daughter "Apple". What the fuck is it with celebrities naming their kids weird shit?
<Alex> I'm gonna name my kid Strawberries
<bobik-> Alex, you a dumbass
<Schwert> the kid will kill you ,Alex
<Alex> true :(
<[X]> It could be worse... when I was two or so, and living on an Air Force Base in Utah there was a family living on base whose last name was Cane. Their daughters were Sugar, Candy, and Nova. |
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Quote: 303362; Rating: 1546; [+|-]
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<Steve> Even "The Magic 8 Ball" is smart, and knows Microsoft Sucks. It says "Outlook Not Good." |
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Quote: 303435; Rating: -35; [+|-]
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<TornSoul> what's the difference between a jewish woman and an airplane?
<TornSoul> airplane stops whining when it lands in miami beach |
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Quote: 303790; Rating: 1217; [+|-]
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<Flamon> women are like hurricanes. When they come, they're wet and wild, but when they go, they take your house and car |
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Quote: 303797; Rating: 305; [+|-]
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<Zephyr> Isn't American cheese appropriately named? It's fake and processed, just like America. |
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Quote: 304168; Rating: 634; [+|-]
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<Justin> What's your sign, baby?
<The_Gevil> Yield |
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Quote: 304502; Rating: 2536; [+|-]
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<Kanush> it's funny, when I tell someone I'm an insomniac they almost always say "that's odd, I fall asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow" which is odd becuase I don't go around telling blind people "that's odd because I can see perfectly" |
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Quote: 304642; Rating: 1650; [+|-]
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<Jakosin> what is a .tar
<Rivicen> its used to patch .road files |
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Quote: 304653; Rating: 1442; [+|-]
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<Lurker> one time my mom fell asleep on the couch, no joke, I switched it to a porn and started fwappin it. I later found out she wasn't asleep
<Lurker> :(
<Dan> your kidding right?
<Lurker> no |
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Quote: 304709; Rating: -43; [+|-]
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ShortyMcStupid : Ever hear of Evel Knievel?
ShortyMcStupid : Well I'm going to be a daredevil like him.
ShortyMcStupid : Except I'm going to be Ku Klux Knievel.
ShortyMcStupid : I'm going to try to jump 50 black guys with a steam roller. |
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Quote: 304790; Rating: -8; [+|-]
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<phroze> i like the express shirt "Oh her? shes just a friend" |
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Quote: 304808; Rating: 685; [+|-]
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<CaRlOs``>: who r u ?
<sQuisha>: im squisha who r u
<CaRlOs``>: i would b Carlos...
<sQuisha>: k
<sQuisha>: glad we cleared that up |
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Quote: 304811; Rating: 283; [+|-]
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<mixedknut> drac killed the chats again
<mixedknut> bastard
<Dracon|s> bah
<Dracon|s> I was the only person other than you chatting
<Dracon|s> as if my terrible punning would drive people away
<GOD|away> <--- |
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Quote: 304812; Rating: 1546; [+|-]
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<rockpapertaxi> so this guy comes to the door
<rockpapertaxi> a jehovah's witness
<rockpapertaxi> and he's like "can i interest you in the word of christ"
<rockpapertaxi> and adam's like "sorry i have to shut the door"
<rockpapertaxi> and the guy goes why?
<rockpapertaxi> and adam's like "our sacrificial goat will get out" |
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Quote: 304879; Rating: 928; [+|-]
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<NeoSmurf> So there I was waiting for my g/f, when I get a message from some chick wanting to cyber with me.
<Merry> yeah...
<NeoSmurf> I told her cybering is for losers and I didnt want to.
<NeoSmurf> So she tells me to tell her what to do with her pussy.
<NeoSmurf> I tell her to wash it, and she just quits talking.
<Merry> LMFAO! |
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Quote: 304885; Rating: 288; [+|-]
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<phx> 230-Welcome to Leadtek Research Inc.
<phx> 230-=^.^=
<phx> 230 Anonymous user logged in.
<phx> motherfucking anime smileys
<phx> theyre everywhere
<phx> i mean what is that?
<phx> a dogs head with a iron rod shoved thru its head?
<phx> i guess that explains it, its probably an asian delicacy |
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Quote: 304889; Rating: 648; [+|-]
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* SamGamgee has joined #O-Gaming
<RavenBUSY> mister gamgee!
<SamGamgee> mister busy
<RavenBUSY> SPEAK FRIEND AND ENTER
<JDski> thats tattooed on my ex's ass |
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Quote: 304890; Rating: 294; [+|-]
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<Alex> Mosser!
<Alex> heh
<Alex> I've been there
<Alex> always the private bath though
<MrSmartass> Sounds like the Hotel Edison in NYC.
<grue> how did I read that as "pirate bath"?
<Alex> is there a fetish you're trying to repress?
<grue> Could be
<grue> I think the mental idea of Keira Knightley in a bathtub is what did it
<grue> "Avast, lass! Prepare to be boarded!" |
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Quote: 304891; Rating: 2247; [+|-]
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<lyfe> i just don't keep a fucking book with the names of all the girls who've had their dick in my mouth |
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Quote: 304898; Rating: 632; [+|-]
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xheliox: Did you see that NASCAR has started a literacy program?
linenoyz: no
xheliox: Isn't that like using the KKK to promote civil rights? |
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Quote: 304925; Rating: 289; [+|-]
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<OtherBill> omg.u00a0 It's the meditation mantra of the internet generation. |
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Quote: 305286; Rating: 1345; [+|-]
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<zzA> You know it's sad when the highlight if your day consists of calling this girl and checking the status of my quote on bash.org
<neon_stocking> i bet its even sadder when both of them reject you
<zzA> Not funny b/c it's true :( |
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Quote: 306020; Rating: 1395; [+|-]
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<Jericho24.> -=AFK=- I"m not here right now, if you"d like to reach me on my cell phone, buy me a cell phone. |
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Quote: 306669; Rating: 494; [+|-]
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<E-Claire> We're doing a play in drama.
<A-C> oh yeah?
<E-Claire> Yeah. A play about soviet Russia
<E-Claire> Only we're using household animals. We got the idea from Orwell's animal farm.
<A-C> Will you have Gerbils?
<E-Claire> Nah...he was nazi germany. |
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Quote: 306831; Rating: 1645; [+|-]
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<Toggan> Hot Threesome looking for 2 more.... send /msg |
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Quote: 307172; Rating: 545; [+|-]
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<Jaidev> If you want to know what I think about bottled water, what does 'Evian' spell backwards? |
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Quote: 307185; Rating: 1045; [+|-]
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<BabyBobDole> this bible thumper that used to work at domino's gave me shit about using slang all the time
<BabyBobDole> he was like "you're so good with linguistics, why do you say stuff like that?"
<BabyBobDole> i was like "it's called colloquialism, BITCH" |
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Quote: 307358; Rating: 644; [+|-]
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<Arctic_Wolf> My friends parents bought him the nice DDR pads so he could lose some weight.
<Arctic_Wolf> He gets in trouble whenever they find out he's bought a non DDR PS2 game.
<Arctic_Wolf> "HOW IS ARMORED CORE 2 SUPPOSED TO HELP YOU LOSE WEIGHT, WONG?" |
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Quote: 307376; Rating: 811; [+|-]
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<mehonae128> Was ist den der Fahrplan fur zwei?
<mehonae128> what is the time table for 4?
<mehonae128> 1,4,8,12,16,20
<mehonae128> or
<mehonae128> eins,vier,acht,zwolf,sechzehn,zwanzig
<Seppel> 1 is not on the time table for 4.
<mehonae128> 4 time 1 is 1
<Seppel> You're an idiot.
<mehonae128> anything times 1 oh wait |
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Quote: 307385; Rating: 1812; [+|-]
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<passagero> i'm romanian man,i have 18yers old and try to found some one who want to have a relation sheep with me |
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Quote: 307625; Rating: 397; [+|-]
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<Duo> I paint stripes on my pc, and it makes me feel it can go faster |
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Quote: 307977; Rating: 977; [+|-]
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<Black> Half-Life II!
* Black falls to his knees.
* enderak unzips
* Black worships
<WizzoMaFizzo> :S |
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Quote: 308049; Rating: 1246; [+|-]
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<Baloogan> girls who give blowjobs are fucked in the head |
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Quote: 308143; Rating: 356; [+|-]
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Retrace: so what is she?
Retrace: a .073 or a 10.0000000001
cryptic: shes like an 8
Retrace: whoa
Retrace: wait....a internet 8 or a real world 8? |
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Quote: 308150; Rating: 533; [+|-]
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-!- Chellez has joined #help
<Chellez> where can i get programs?
<ferret> Chellez: The internet.
<Chellez> does this program have cervers?
<ferret> Chellez: The internet has servers.
<Chellez> how do i access them?
<ferret> Chellez: By pointing a web or ftp browser at them, usually.
-!- Chellez has left #help
<ferret> Another user helped o/ |
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Quote: 308160; Rating: 1136; [+|-]
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<T|gz> Ya know, it'd be kinda cool to taste with your hands like flies...
<t-f-i> ....
<T|gz> You can just stick your hand on someones food, and you can taste it.
<t-f-i> Have fun, guess you'll have to give up masterbation.
<T|gz> Oh fuck, nm. |
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Quote: 308197; Rating: 373; [+|-]
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(%b0x) there used to be this song by Genesis that said "Jesus knows me, and he knows I'm right."
(%b0x) apparently though, i used to go around singing "Jesus knows me, and he knows I'm white!" when I was 5 rofl |
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Quote: 308207; Rating: 250; [+|-]
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<jrk> who the fuck would pretend to be a lawyer?
<jrk> i want to pretend to be a porn star.
<Ipsa> hey a lawyer fucks more people than a pornstar ever will :)
<Ipsa> I fuck people all day
<jrk> true.u00a0 but you're the ron jeremy of law.
<jrk> not everyone has your prowess. |
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Quote: 308267; Rating: 500; [+|-]
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(Damage|rysny) whats the difference between michael jackson and acne?
(tkd-cod|enm1ty) dunno, what?
(Damage|rysny) acne waits till 13 to come on your face. |
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Quote: 308569; Rating: 927; [+|-]
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<Bopo> 10mbit <-
<@swelt> thats nice for you, and we are all glad you brought it to our attention
<@swelt> we admire your amazing connection, and assume that your penis is proportionally large too
<@swelt> we can only hope to attain such large connections (and genetalia) ourselves |
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Quote: 308626; Rating: 655; [+|-]
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<jxl> MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FILTHY WHORES. |
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Quote: 308674; Rating: 185; [+|-]
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<@sxh> anyone got links to the nick berg vid?
<@D1> nick berg is hilarious.
<@D1> whats the video about?
<@D1> oh wait, thats nick cannon |
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Quote: 308708; Rating: 600; [+|-]
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<J-Mart> ok
<J-Mart> this is the sickest thing ive ever heard
<J-Mart> this girl that ive been friends with for a long time
<J-Mart> she got plastered last night
<J-Mart> so she starts laughin and told me that she did something really embarassing and she got grounded
<J-Mart> so im all like "whats wrong babe"
<J-Mart> and she hesitated
<J-Mart> and what came next i would have never guessed
<J-Mart> shes like "i took a poop in my closet"
<wc16> ...rofl
<J-Mart> and i didnt know what to say so i hung up
<kirbster> wtf.... rofl
<J-Mart> then she called back and said she was sorry and not to tell anybody
<J-Mart> so i promised i wouldnt
<J-Mart> then she was like "maybe the dog did it"
<CJinx> rofl
<J-Mart> SHE BLAMED IT ON THE DOG COME ON
<[SG]> roflmao
<J-Mart> and i stare at her ass all the time! |
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Quote: 308766; Rating: 397; [+|-]
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<xPinkyx> Nate, did you know my hand is part of an indian tribe called Slapaho? |
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Quote: 308940; Rating: 900; [+|-]
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<Jessicaaa> :| well thats disserpointing
<Jessicaaa> anyone do the iq test thing on bbc1?
<Jessicaaa> i got dumb this year :'(
<Neodymium> I knew that from the minute you typed 'disserpointing' |
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Quote: 308953; Rating: 1693; [+|-]
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<Trust> How fast is a 486?
<Archon> dude, a 486 is 486mhz
<Archon> thats why its called a 486 you dumb fucking newb |
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Quote: 308977; Rating: 168; [+|-]
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<Fandang0-> whats that band that the lead singer looks like Val Kilmer?
<thaRuler> the doors? |
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