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Quote: 281470; Rating: -187; [+|-]
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<Cannibal> god damnit
<Cannibal> no one wants to play monopoly with me
<Cannibal> i need to stop getting mad at people and stabbing them when i play that game
<Cannibal> gives me a bad rep
<Hellise> lolll
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Quote: 281780; Rating: 1341; [+|-]
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<MrRoboto1024>she said she was hot for me, so i gave her a spare heatsink.
<MrRoboto1024>she didnt seem happy :(
<MrRoboto1024>i just dont understand women.
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Quote: 281791; Rating: 359; [+|-]
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<InaneCathode> Oh dear god, i just drank the most vile substance known to man
<|D-X|> pepsi?
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Quote: 281855; Rating: 1624; [+|-]
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<TokenBlackGuy> my friend and i were writing l33t notes back and forth in spanish class and our teacher caught us and was like "im gonna read this to the entire class" and stopped and was like "are you two writing in tounges?"
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Quote: 281967; Rating: 1514; [+|-]
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<|Chris> i know i'm killing more quotes than i should
<|Chris> just due to the fact that i'm not finding a whole lot of things funny due to my current situation in life
<|Chris> i'm so sad...she took the gamecube man
<|Chris> the fucking gamecube
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Quote: 281987; Rating: 483; [+|-]
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<@rakaur> maybe when i get back
<lily> ok well when you're ready call me on the telephone
<@rakaur> well you know i had planned on smoke signals but telephone is ok.
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Quote: 282032; Rating: 1335; [+|-]
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<Van> huh. if you inject dye into eggs, when they hatch the chicks will be whatever color you injected
<@Unarmed> similarly, if you inject radioactive compounds into eggs, when they hatch the chicks will rip you apart with their massive talons
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Quote: 282091; Rating: 1979; [+|-]
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<Kathleen> wtflolz
<Alex> lololorz
<Kevin> lol]
<Alex> haga
<Alex> 0wneef
<Kathleen> omg y3s.
<[X]> Is this some sort of idiot mating ritual? Should I get the Discovery Channel in here with cameras?
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Quote: 282096; Rating: 1010; [+|-]
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<skylift> I think I'm going to flip a coin to decide if I should work today
<skylift> damn
<skylift> I didn't catch it and it fell down the hot air exchange
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Quote: 282745; Rating: 732; [+|-]
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seph429: lol 3 weeks ago someone posted a post on this board "I'm looking for some cool things macosx can do" hes bumped it every day since, today he posts
seph429: "OKAY I GET IT, THE OS SUCKS AND UR ALL FUCKS I HOPE YOU DIE"
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Quote: 282906; Rating: 78; [+|-]
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<Kiyone> i know you live in australia and everything, but do you know who vanilla ice is?
<reaper> yes
<reaper> he used to be a jazz musician, and became a pornstar
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Quote: 282982; Rating: -68; [+|-]
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#slackware on efnet 4-22-04 12:57 am EST -5.00
<mfbian_> how will you compare slackware and freebsd
<Cheethoe> apples and oranges
<mfbian_> fair enough
<`justin`> slackware = for people that have been molested freebsd = people that want to molest their mothers
<`justin`> openbsd = for people that probably wont ever get molested
<`justin`> netbsd = molesting of all minorities, and cock asians
<mfbian_> how about gentoo
<`justin`> I dont know ask khai
--> biggy ([email protected]) has joined #slackware
<`justin`> oh wait I do know
<mfbian_> you don't know anything
--> supergoad ([email protected]) has joined #slackware
<`justin`> mfbian_: gentoo = people that want to molest their mothers, fathers, uncles, aunts, sisters, brothers, dogs, but can't get it up
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Quote: 282983; Rating: 477; [+|-]
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* Lexica-chan watches an ep of Yugioh. :)
<[chibi]> how come they can't tell when he magically doubles in size
<[chibi]> "there's something a bit different about him..more...confidence?"
<[chibi]> NO YOU FUCKWITS, HE JUST HIT PUBERTY IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE
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Quote: 283009; Rating: 365; [+|-]
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* BldackFlag has joined #twistedmonkey
* BldackFlag changes topic to 'Once you go black you never go back. Once you go white, that ain't right!'
* BldackFlag has left #twistedmonkey
<Nerje> I wonder if he realises he spelt his name wrong
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Quote: 283022; Rating: 499; [+|-]
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<+DEK> i heard oral sex is better than fucking
<%Disarm10> Uh, depends.
<%Disarm10> On what you're in the mood for.
<%Disarm10> 9 times outta 10, a hand job is perfectly fine.
<+DEK> ahh i guess
<+DEK> masturbation works too
<+DEK> it works for me, since my hands are girly and soft
<+DEK> <33
<%Disarm10> >_> I meant getting one, not giving yourself one, but yea =P
<%Disarm10> lol
<+DEK> its fun watching myself in the mirror cuz it looks like a girl is giving me a handjob
<+DEK> but in reality, it is me
<%Disarm10> ...
<+DEK> masturbating
<+DEK> infront of a fucking mirror
* +DEK cries
* You were kicked by Disarm10 (ZOMG)
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Quote: 283097; Rating: 2141; [+|-]
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<Sabdo> So I went into my school's band room for the first time today
<Sabdo> Biggest bunch of nerds I've ever met.
<Sabdo> and this one girl walks in, really hot,
<Sabdo> and I swear to fucking god,
<Sabdo> three kids pulled out inhalers
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Quote: 283329; Rating: 72; [+|-]
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MUTANT1042: Man, fuck porn spam!
AvariceManifesto: That's the general idea.
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Quote: 283358; Rating: -1006; [+|-]
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<prairiePirate> well there was a kid on the news that was born without eyelids
<prairiePirate> they had to use the skin from his circumcision to make them
<prairiePirate> they say he's ok, just a little cock-eyed
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Quote: 283364; Rating: 193; [+|-]
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<ideal`> The cable television network YTN estimated that up to 3,000 people had been killed or injured in huge explosions that followed the collision of a train carrying gasoline and a second carrying liquefied petroleum gas.
<ideal`> talk about an unlucky turn of events
<AtriumXP> Yeah, our gas prices are going to go up :(
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Quote: 283491; Rating: 8770; [+|-]
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<BronsonTheBeef> So we were supposed to have a guest speaker in one of my classes
<BronsonTheBeef> to talk about diversity and racism and shit today
<BronsonTheBeef> prof's never met him..
<BronsonTheBeef> in walks this super black gangsta ghetto dude
<BronsonTheBeef> he's got a 'pimp' chain around his neck, wearing FUBU everything
<BronsonTheBeef> has a gold watch and a ring on each finger, smells like pot and beer
<BronsonTheBeef> he even had a do-rag on and a cigarrette tucked behind his ear
<BronsonTheBeef> walks in in true rapper style flashing his crazy ghetto signs at us
<BronsonTheBeef> the prof's like...'are you... jeff?'
<BronsonTheBeef> he goes 'true dat, ho' and says 'you all my niggaz!' and he turns in a circle
<BronsonTheBeef> waving his arms in the air singing about 'niggaz in 'da house' or some shit
<BronsonTheBeef> so she tells him to give his speech on diversity and shit
<BronsonTheBeef> and he starts talkin about 'the man' and how 'white folk be dissin'
<BronsonTheBeef> then like a minute later this other black dude runs in dressed in a suit
<BronsonTheBeef> and says 'sorry I'm late'
<BronsonTheBeef> it turns out the first black dude was just baked. he doesn't even go to college
<BronsonTheBeef> he just wanted to buy weed in the dorms
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Quote: 283492; Rating: 1423; [+|-]
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toonces344: <ooze> take a hot swedish chick from behind, bend over to her ear. and whisper "i have aids", then try to keep your penis inside of her.
<ooze> thats swedish rodeo.
toonces344: i sent that quote to my girlfriend over AIM, and then she was silent for about 10 mins.
toonces344: i asked her what was up, and she blocked me, so i im'ed one of her friends, and she told me that she was swedish.
toonces344: bash.org ruined my life :(
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Quote: 283657; Rating: 1159; [+|-]
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<[FU]HiTechOutlaw> ;o :(
<[FU]HiTechOutlaw> :O*
<Nomad> I swear if I ever see you "correct" a smiley again, I'm going to kill you.
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Quote: 283692; Rating: 833; [+|-]
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<theSpear> I am NOT gonna donate sperm for money. What would I do if, in 18 years, the kid looked me up? I'd have to tell him that he was beer money.
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Quote: 283713; Rating: 72; [+|-]
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Guan Yu: One time I shit myself in a McDonalds.
Guan Yu: So I had to clean myself with my t-shirt. I shoved the shit-covered t-shirt in the tank part on the back of the toliet.
Guan Yu: I came back a year later and the shirt wasnt in the tank. That means somebody removed my shit-smeared DBZ shirt.
Guan Yu: That brings joy to my heart.
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Quote: 283741; Rating: 1796; [+|-]
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<Kabuki_Dude> Shit... My teacher just sprung a surprise psych test on me. It was a damned describing game... Like: There's a forest, describe it. I was being a jackass and said that the forest was burned down and blackened.
<Kabuki_Dude> Then she asked me how I went through the forest. I said that I ran through it denying all logic and reason.
<Kabuki_Dude> She asked me to describe a vase in the forest, so I said that it had a penis on it.
<Kabuki_Dude> Then she asked me to describe a barrier blocking the way. I said that the barrier was my mom with a pickaxe.
<Kabuki_Dude> About 3 days later, my psych calls me and wants to 'talk'. Apparantly, my teacher called my psyche with the results of my test.
<Kabuki_Dude> Here's how it went down: The way you described the forest was the way you viewed life. The way you went through the forest was the way you went through life. The vase is your view on relationships, and the barrier is how you think you're going to die.
<Kabuki_Dude> Needless to say, my teacher keeps her distance from me now.
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Quote: 283819; Rating: 966; [+|-]
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<ic3n3t> there is a bunch of girls playing soccer in the park
<uberartsyboi> im coming over.
<ic3n3t> i think they are 15
<ic3n3t> pedophile!
<uberartsyboi> im shaving the goatee then coming over.
<ic3n3t> i'll get the lawn chairs
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Quote: 283847; Rating: 1587; [+|-]
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El Fry Guy: That reminds me. I was kicked out of history class for making a joke about the holocaust
El Fry Guy: The teacher puts in this after school special or some shit about the holocaust. Guess who hosted it?
JoseoftheWired: Who
El Fry Guy: I shit you not. Keanu Fucking Reeves.
JoseoftheWired: haha
El Fry Guy: As he's talking I burst out laughing then say "Then Hitler jumps out of the sky and says 'Dude. I have a most excellent solution.'"
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Quote: 283935; Rating: 3039; [+|-]
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<Radz> Should I replay FF7?
<spiderbait> Nobody's stopping you.
<Radz> That's like another 90 hours I'd be away from you guys though. :(
<payne> Do it.
<spiderbait> Do it.
<xCell> Do it.
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Quote: 284014; Rating: 914; [+|-]
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<Max> I went to donate some money to bash.org today
<Max> I clicked the Paypal Donate button, and it comes up with the message:
<Max> Bash.org Paypal Donation attempt #56489 pending
<Max> *two minutes later*
<Max> Bash.org Paypal Donation attempt #56489 rejected
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Quote: 284202; Rating: 6317; [+|-]
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<broox> so my speakers haven't beeen working for a while
<broox> they were plugged into the mic port
<npl> umm, i think they are color-coded
<broox> haha, i know
<broox> i usually just reach back there and guess which hole it is
* npl has set the topic on channel #cell6 to <broox> i usually just reach back there and guess which hole it is
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Quote: 284359; Rating: 14; [+|-]
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<timmo> today i found out
<timmo> that this girl who was a consistant cock tease to me
<timmo> has cancer
<timmo> some reason i find that karma is at work here
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Quote: 284658; Rating: 1578; [+|-]
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Quit: (+[WG]sPiKie) (Math problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(13i)^2]-[sin(xy)/2.362x].)
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Quote: 284748; Rating: 821; [+|-]
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<odd> last night i dreamt about being in Rio de Janiero.
<odd> the funny thing is, i've dreamt about being in Rio before, and in this dream I said to myself, "wow, it's just like in my dreams."
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Quote: 284916; Rating: 2154; [+|-]
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<Evilution> I bought these heinous (but somewhat loveable) underwear today, a silver-metallic snakeskin-boxer.. and when I'm at the register the clerk says 'are you serious? I wouldn't even buy those.. and I'm gay..'
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Quote: 284969; Rating: 745; [+|-]
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<Bludywar> can ne one get me a cdkey for counter strike
<Bludywar> a working one
<Rhyth> Go and buy a copy of hl?
<Bludywar> I got one
<Bludywar> my boy ate the fucking cd key
<Bludywar> he took the sticker part off and ate it
<Rhyth> :/
<Bludywar> can you give me the cdkey?
<Bludywar> can ne one give me a cdkey tho
<Bludywar> for counter strike
<Rhyth> Your boy ate it?
<Bludywar> ya
<Rhyth> That's the most absurd excuse for not having a cdkey ever.
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Quote: 285164; Rating: 1610; [+|-]
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<KainSularei> I wish that it was possible to edit car honks
<KainSularei> sometimes someone tries to cut me off, but i always see it coming and speed ahead of them
<KainSularei> So I'm thinking I get some LOTR Gandalf bumper sticker on my back bumper
<KainSularei> I'd like to be able to hit the steering wheel and have them hear this booming "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" as I go by
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Quote: 285255; Rating: 1676; [+|-]
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sup4hleet: eh, she's cute and has a rack you could mount a server in
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Quote: 285493; Rating: 1104; [+|-]
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<Kyr> When i was in psychiatry it was so funny when the psychologist tried to make me do this Rorschach test. I said "that's a Rorschach test innit?" and he was like "yeah but you're not supposed to know that. Now the test 'll be useless"
<Kyr> So I said the drawings looked like dead people and vaginas to console the guy.
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Quote: 286578; Rating: 98; [+|-]
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(f`CNK) so lets say im driving
(f`CNK) and sum1 yells in my fucking ear
(f`CNK) i wont lose concentration man
(f`CNK) neither would u!
(f`CNK) we are like superman
(Alchemeron) superman doesn't drive a car, you fucking idiot, he can fly
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Quote: 286623; Rating: 528; [+|-]
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<rellekmr> i'm all for promoting abstinence
<rellekmr> the more people who are abstinant the less pathetic i look :)
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Quote: 286770; Rating: 1145; [+|-]
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<Sukato> Once again
<Sukato> my firewall successfully blocked hack attempt from 192.168.0.1
<Sukato> Then some programs get kicked offline
<Jed> I know that IP address
<Jed> He's a mean bastard.
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Quote: 286969; Rating: 603; [+|-]
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<flowerfrenzy> i went to one of my elementary school dances to find out what it was all about. it was stupid.
<flowerfrenzy> we had to dance like five feet away from the guy
<okto> haha!
<okto> "leave room for Jesus!"
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Quote: 287387; Rating: -66; [+|-]
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<Mouldy_Llama> ok, I will come clean
<Mouldy_Llama> I only said I got with the chicken to look cool
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Quote: 287414; Rating: 23563; [+|-]
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<DeadMansHand> haha, last night, me and pete went out to celebrate his engagement and got hugely drunk
<DeadMansHand> we got this great idea to bury eachother in the sand close to the water and see who would chicken out first
<DeadMansHand> took about a half hour, but the water got up to my face so i freaked and got out
<DeadMansHand> i looked around for pete and he must've chickened out before me and stumbled home or something heh
<DeadMansHand> What'd he say when he woke up this morning?
<Thirteen-> uhh.. he hasn't come home yet.. i thought he was staying with you?
<DeadMansHand> holy fuck.
<DeadMansHand> i fucking hope im wrong about what im thinking right now
<DeadMansHand> im fucking going back to the beach to make sure
<DeadMansHand> if he gets home, call me, i don't want to be worrying about this
<Thirteen-> will do. you better hope he's not still buried, you'll be in deep shit.
quit: (DeadMansHand)
<Tyran> wtf? pete came home last night you fuck. Ken's going to be worrying about this shit all day
<Thirteen-> haha yea, but it will be fun while it lasts
join: (PeteRepeat) ([email protected])
<PeteRepeat> fucking ken
<PeteRepeat> ken... that fucker buried me in the sand last night, i ran off about 5 minutes to it, left him there to be an idiot
<quiqsilver> pete, ken didn't come back last night, i thought he was with you.
<PeteRepeat> oh fuck.
<PeteRepeat> if ken shows up, make sure he doesn't know that im at the beach digging for his body. i don't want him to think i care or anything.
quit: (PeteRepeat)
<Thirteen-> rofl. Those 2 are going to get a huge surprise when they meet at the beach.
<Tyran> i can't beleive how perfect their timing was
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Quote: 287665; Rating: 2359; [+|-]
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garrett8675309: heard you threatened to shoot my girlfriend...
imptacular: yeah
garrett8675309: you should get your membership card in 7-10 days
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Quote: 287868; Rating: 435; [+|-]
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<FuriousC> listening to music no one else cares about doesnt make you cool, its just means you're a ska fan
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Quote: 287945; Rating: -362; [+|-]
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<ds91> <3
<ds91> <#
<ds91> <3
<ds91> <#
<ds91> U MAKE MY HEART POUND
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Quote: 288357; Rating: 492; [+|-]
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<Calisa> When I was little I always wanted little people that could fit in the palm of my hand.
<JPGumby> they are called 'employees'
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Quote: 288546; Rating: 108; [+|-]
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<Shockster> Did you hear about that woman that smoked dope in the streets of Baghdad? She was so stoned.
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Quote: 288632; Rating: 2255; [+|-]
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<ThatOneDude> the last time somone listened to a Bush, a bunch of people wandered in the desert for 40 years
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