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Quote: 262451; Rating: 954; [+|-]
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Buffman0250: i went to sam's club intending to buy contact lenses
Buffman0250: i left with peanuts cookies and slim jims
scr0t4r: is it because you couldn't tell the difference
Buffman0250: well i didn't have any contacts
scr0t4r: hmm i see
Buffman0250: youd be surprised how similar they look
scr0t4r: have you ever had a slim jim in your eye?
Buffman0250: twice
scr0t4r: you strike me as that type of person
Buffman0250: the second time it wasn't an accident
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Quote: 262518; Rating: 1252; [+|-]
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<Timid-> MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP
* Shockla has quit IRC (*.net *.split)
* rooties-w has quit IRC (*.net *.split)
* Mr_Hahn has quit IRC (*.net *.split)
* rup\tek has quit IRC (*.net *.split)
<wandarah> holy shit.
<wandarah> truly your meep is a powerful weapon.
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Quote: 262521; Rating: 509; [+|-]
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<@spr|efnex> last day of highschool
<@spr|efnex> im going to take 2 or 3 viagra, go up to every girl that rejected me, point at my pants and say "LOOK WHAT YOU MISSED, BITCH"
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Quote: 262679; Rating: 114; [+|-]
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<FQ|Dawg> ok so i was messing with one of my schools video cameras
<FQ|Dawg> and i recorded my dick, and i cant erase it off the tape
<FQ|Dawg> what should i do
<%CLV> tell them you were doing a study on the effects of amateur porn on modern society
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Quote: 262986; Rating: 1045; [+|-]
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<@God> keyweed, hah. i hate speaking in public :P
< keyweed> God: that explains the past 2000 years.
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Quote: 263029; Rating: 339; [+|-]
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<jeff> if the butterfly effect isn't the best worst movie ever, i don't know what is
<Calisa> Rotten Tomatoes has one review listed and it says, "Hitchcock would be proud."
<jeff> proud to know he had nothing to do with that film
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Quote: 263079; Rating: 639; [+|-]
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<nutkase> i need to schedule an eye exam
<nutkase> with a different doctor who wont cuss me out and tell me i need ritalin
<hateful> lol, did you jump when he was putting in the drops?
<nutkase> no
<nutkase> but when he was asking me which one was better number 1 or number 2 i was like how come there numbered and i only get 2 options
<nutkase> and then he was telling me to read the lines, and he had the radio on in the background and i was asking him to turn it up cause i liked that song
<nutkase> finally he said god damn it can you pay attention so we can get this over with and i responded with sorry i wasnt paying attention
<hateful> lol
<nutkase> and he proceeded to tell me i needed ritalin
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Quote: 263081; Rating: 1022; [+|-]
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[17:21:17] * Joins: jesus (~jirc@167.206.250202.456309)
[17:21:27] * Parts: jesus (~jirc@167.206.250202.456309)
<The_Defiance> ... o_O
<The_Defiance> So that was the second coming eh
<The_Defiance> short lived
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Quote: 263967; Rating: 1790; [+|-]
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<mcsim02> you know...one day the word pron is actually going to replace the word porn for good...and then in the year 2055 some internet geek is gonna think hes really funny by calling it 'porn' instead of 'pron'...and it will be a horrible horrible cycle
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Quote: 264226; Rating: 1211; [+|-]
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<zN|nJa> I wonder how tough the recruiting for suicide bomber school is
<zN|nJa> 'now watch closely because I'm only gonna do this once'
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Quote: 264334; Rating: 776; [+|-]
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<Hiyasu> I just called my manager, and told them I couldn't come in, because I'd just contracted leprosy.
<Hiyasu> The odd thing was, for about 10 seconds, she believed me.
<SePPach> lol
<SePPach> what did she say?
<newjersey> "I thought I fired you two weeks ago"
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Quote: 264954; Rating: 909; [+|-]
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<mbg> if a paintballgun doesnt kill people, and is thus called a marker
<mbg> so is a regular handgun a permanent marker?
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Quote: 265013; Rating: 1614; [+|-]
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<Geno> Dude...
<Geno> I was wearing my All Your Base shirt...and someone pointed out the craziest thing
<Geno> "Somebody Set Up Us the Bomb", when read Backwards, is "Bomb the US (united states) Up Set (upset) Somebody"
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Quote: 265024; Rating: 815; [+|-]
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<Ikaruwa> if i ever had to fire someone, i would do it scavenger hunt style. you know, give them a piece of paper with a riddle on it...
<Ikaruwa> and then when they figure out the riddle, itd point them towards the next piece of paper with a riddle on it...
<Ikaruwa> and keep doing that until theyve collected all their things and walked out the door. after which, theyd find a piece of paper under a rock that said "youre fired."
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Quote: 265090; Rating: 364; [+|-]
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<Ck3> know whats pedophile's favorite chord?
<Ck3> A minor
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Quote: 265526; Rating: 1435; [+|-]
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<Asha`monkey> One time I was watching porn for like twenty minutes. When I was finished, I took off my headphones and found the sound blaring out of my regular speakers as well.
<Asha`monkey> My mom told me to turn it down.
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Quote: 265529; Rating: 1454; [+|-]
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<grl_05>hi guys
<integrating> hey baby, i wish i were your derivative because then i'd be tangent to all your curves
<FifthElement> i wish i were your integral because then i'd be the area under all your curves
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Quote: 265532; Rating: 6542; [+|-]
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<Sabdo> on one of those speech-to-text programs my friend ripped ass onto the mic.
<Sabdo> and it typed out "France"
<Sabdo> we were like, wtf?
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Quote: 265781; Rating: 626; [+|-]
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Belmat: When I was working at the old college, I had the bursar phone me up and say "my internet isn't working"
Belmat: So I went down to have a look, and she had IE open, and was typing "internet" in the address bar
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Quote: 265968; Rating: 3840; [+|-]
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<tom_0369> man
<tom_0369> im never moving to seatle washington
<tom_0369> i flew over it and it was raining and gray as fuck
<tom_0369> it was depressing
<sammich> when was this?
<tom_0369> flight simluator 2004
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Quote: 266014; Rating: 769; [+|-]
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<Tso-JA> I love food... which is why my 6 pack is covered with a good 2 inches of flub
<Targeter> you're not fat you simply have "stealth abs"
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Quote: 266250; Rating: 718; [+|-]
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Pika98765: then stick it in the center and it won't be so ugly :p
Amarok: ...
Amarok: My father just woke up screaming "Suck my scrotum you cocksucking chink whores."
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Quote: 266257; Rating: 1403; [+|-]
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<rzrblade> Yeah so my therepist told me the other day I had "skeptical realism."
<rzrblade> I looked at him like, "what the fuck?"
<rzrblade> And he says, "yeah i just made that up."
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Quote: 266572; Rating: 1088; [+|-]
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<Rjx> they really need to make formatting a laptop easier, for lazy people like me
<Rjx> they could make them like etch-a-sketches
<Rjx> you just turn them upside down and shake them
<Rjx> and BAM, new install
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Quote: 266832; Rating: 632; [+|-]
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<vidkid7> he told us about some kid who turned in a render of a hunting knife for his project
<vidkid7> and when he asked to see the wireframe "you sure?"
<vidkid7> "yeah, I need to see it"
<vidkid7> "...ok"
<vidkid7> and he turned it to wireframe
<vidkid7> and had written "I'LL KILL YOU" over and over and over like a thousand times behind the image
<vidkid7> @_@
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Quote: 267287; Rating: 907; [+|-]
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Tester Bob> Maybe Scott will get fired if we send really bad things over his company's network
Tester Bob> Porn
Tester Bob> Fuck
Tester Bob> Vagina
Abdullah> "Bush/Cheney in '04"
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Quote: 267308; Rating: 421; [+|-]
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<StreetPsychologist> Wow I just met a chick online who lives about 10 miles from me.
<punkpet> and her name is ted
<StreetPsychologist> NERD SEX!
<punkpet> create some nerdlings
<punkpet> when he's born it will be the first and last time he sees female gentalia
<StreetPsychologist> Our geographical proximity is making me thing MARRIAGE already.
<punkpet> lol
<phenobarbital> you might even take a shower today
<HellKat> no computer nerds breeding, next you know we'll have children running about with 20 fingers for more efficent keyboard use and an extra arm for cyber sex
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Quote: 267317; Rating: 1403; [+|-]
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* Bobber lights up the crack pipe and takes a hit
* Bobber passes it to Jesus
* Jesus takes a hit
<Jesus> Argh, my dad is gonna KILL me
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Quote: 267360; Rating: -66; [+|-]
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<GL> when I wake_lan each morning
<GL> and the tcpdump beats down on me
<natx> only gnuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu can set you freeeeeeeeeee
<GL> and I know we belong join --input=you --output=me
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Quote: 267372; Rating: 1456; [+|-]
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<dizzy[subnova]> A YO WHERE MAH NIGGAZ AT?!
<P_40E> over there
<P_40E> take your stuff with you
<P_40E> never come back
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Quote: 267657; Rating: 2173; [+|-]
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<Slap_Shot> scooby doo 2 beat passion of the christ in movie theaters
<LeafsFan> i bet the pope blamed those meddling kids :P
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Quote: 267722; Rating: -378; [+|-]
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<Twizzlers> I wanna become a counsler so i can tell rape victims they asked for it.
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Quote: 268247; Rating: 8752; [+|-]
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<glacial> I love school
<glacial> Today our term paper due date's set
<glacial> Our instructor says that we WILL hand in the paper on time, and she'll accept no excuses except illness, with a note from our doctor, or a death in the immediate family, with a note from the dead member.
<glacial> So this wiseass pipes up: "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?"
<glacial> She waits for the laughs to die down and says:
<glacial> "Well, I guess you'll have to learn to write with your other hand"
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Quote: 268485; Rating: 383; [+|-]
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* Kavey starts talking to the internet in binary
<Alver> 10110101011111010100101011010111010100 Kavey? :)
<gavagai> Alver: watch the language
<Kavey> Alver: how dare you... my mother is a saint
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Quote: 268496; Rating: 782; [+|-]
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<FuriousC> my computer is performing more illegal operations than doctor kevorkian
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Quote: 268587; Rating: 292; [+|-]
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<XX01XX> PSA: Alcohol based marinades and gas ovens SHOULD NOT BE COMBINED.
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Quote: 268768; Rating: 1671; [+|-]
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<ShadowFury-> whats command for new nick name
* ChoBo is now known as gaynamehere
<Whitehorn> '/nick
<gaynamehere> err shit
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Quote: 268803; Rating: 310; [+|-]
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<Shark463> hey, did u see stevie wonders new album?
<Chaz> No
<Shark463> neither has he.
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Quote: 268981; Rating: 2315; [+|-]
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<neo_alex> my maths teacher who looks like gandalf set us a fucking hard half yearly exam
<neo_alex> i was just expecting him to go "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!"
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Quote: 269099; Rating: 1377; [+|-]
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<p2p> I was reading some thing this morning about a new condom with a built-in vibrator
<shxrobert> oh great the rubber that makes you come as you put the fucker on
<p2p> the downside is you have to shove the AA battery up your ass
<Gollie> downside?
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Quote: 269152; Rating: 661; [+|-]
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scykon: nope. no matter what you build with lego, if i build the same with
duplo its guranteed to be bigger, and therefore better than yours
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Quote: 269154; Rating: 1790; [+|-]
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<cheerios> LITTLE GOLDEN BOOKS THAT NEVER MADE IT:
<cheerios> 1. You Are Different and That's Bad
<cheerios> 2. The Boy Who Died From Eating Too Many Vegetables
<cheerios> 3. Daddy's New Wife Robert
<cheerios> 4. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
<cheerios> 5. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mommy Stopped Loving Her
<cheerios> 6. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
<cheerios> 7. That's it, I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
<cheerios> 8. Grandpa Gets a Casket
<cheerios> 9. Strangers Have the Best Candy
<cheerios> 10. You Were an Accident
<cheerios> 11. Pop! Goes The Hamster...And Other Great Microwave Games
<cheerios> 12. Sometimes Your Nightmares Are Real
<cheerios> 13. And Where Would You Like to Be Buried, Li'l Timmy?
<cheerios> 14. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
<cheerios> 15. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry
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Quote: 269157; Rating: 1402; [+|-]
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<Tori_ness> Camels may not be able to solve complex mathematical equations
<Tori_ness> But those bastards can still eat your tent
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Quote: 269180; Rating: 20; [+|-]
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[ZeroFlaw] I got a better idea for a new cereal, 'GhettO's.' Free brass knuckles in every box. Collect 15 UPC's and get a free boombox!
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Quote: 269275; Rating: 490; [+|-]
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<CoryS> You know it's a bad sign when you call ISP support to change some dns servers around and they ask if the ip address you just gave them was a phone number or IP address.
|
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Quote: 269314; Rating: 623; [+|-]
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<fluffy> also, you drastically reduce your chances of getting prostate cancer through frequent masturbation
<fluffy> so I think everyone in this channel is safe
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Quote: 269849; Rating: 6; [+|-]
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<@smash> my friends dad is stationed there at one of its borders.. some secret military shit.. but the surprising part is.. canada has a military which does stuff... :P
<+JP2> yeh they get coffee for the american soldiers
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Quote: 270224; Rating: 3109; [+|-]
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<omgwtf> did you guys hear about that actress who got stabbed
<omgwtf> reese
<omgwtf> reese something
<Boon> witherspoon?
<omgwtf> no with a knife
<omgwtf> HAHA!
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Quote: 270571; Rating: 757; [+|-]
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<dman254> so r we gonna talk about anything that has a point
<jv-home> of course not. :P
<nougatmachine> apparently dman254 is new to irc
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Quote: 270778; Rating: 252; [+|-]
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<MrMonster> just a sec, want to see if I can find this video of a guy shooting himself
<tack> that para dice kid?
<tack> the one who shot himself after his gf got on the elevator and left?
<MrMonster> it can't beat the crazy video at ogrish.com where the guy gets his throat cut
<tack> which one?
<tack> the one where he gets his throat slit from behind?
<tack> the one where he's already dead and they had to refilm it??
<MrMonster> he's quite alive
<MrMonster> and the blood is gurgling as he tries to breathe
<slh> ah yes
<slh> the internet
<slh> where else can you have a calm discussion about snuff films at 4 in the morning?
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