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Quote: 240120; Rating: 1989; [+|-]
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<TheDarkOfKnight> When I was a seinor in high school we had to make a video and had to have blood packs. The best blood packs are made from condoms.
<TheDarkOfKnight> We had the following on the checkout counter: 1 Box of Trojan Magnum condoms, 2 Bottles of Corn oil, 4 Bottles of red food color, 2 Super 8 video cassettes and 1 Roll of duct tape.
<TheDarkOfKnight> I have never before gotten weirder looks.
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Quote: 240141; Rating: 232; [+|-]
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<Sphexi_LOTU> Volvo has a new concept car out, designed by women for women.
<Sphexi_LOTU> It has verticle wing-type doors so women won't get their dresses torn when getting out, lots of luggage space for shopping bags, removable seat covers and carpeting so you can remodel the car at will, and extra large visor mirrors for applying makeup.
<Sphexi_LOTU> it's going to be extra reliable and maintenance free, so women won't have to worry about remembering to get the oil changed or the engine tuned up.
<CaesarMaximus> Volvo swedish quality =)
<Tempest_MD> Does it come with a driver?
<Tempest_MD> (women don't know how to drive)
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Quote: 240219; Rating: 606; [+|-]
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x NIKKI MERSH x: would u still come over my house if my parents saw a picture of ur penis?
hOckey: yeah
hOckey: why!?
x NIKKI MERSH x: just curious
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Quote: 240399; Rating: 605; [+|-]
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*Josh has joined #artstudio
<Josh> quick guys, how do you reattach the head to a dead body?
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Quote: 240765; Rating: 658; [+|-]
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<cads> hey, do you guys know what kind adhesive electrtical tape uses; my borther put electrical tape on his monitor, and it left a residue when it came off
<cads> so I need to figure out a solven that will get rid of it
<cads> without destroying the screen finish of his (LCD) monitor
<comemirda> cads - what happened?
<cads> he was watching anime
<cads> and he didn't want to look at the subtitles
<cads> so the idjit put a strip of electrical tape on his monitor
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Quote: 240849; Rating: 13309; [+|-]
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<Patrician|Away> what does your robot do, sam
<bovril> it collects data about the surrounding environment, then discards it and drives into walls
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Quote: 240850; Rating: 1380; [+|-]
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<LORD|Kittel|Work> I had a user tell me that she couldn't see anything on her PC. I had her verify for me that it was plugged in and that it was turned on. When it still didn't display anything I went to her office to take a look.
<LORD|Kittel|Work> She didn't have a computer. She had a monitor only.
<LORD|Bishop|Werk> hahahahahahaaha
<LORD|Kittel|Work> But that was indeed plugged in and turned on.
<LORD|Kittel|Work> I had to give her that.
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Quote: 240871; Rating: 467; [+|-]
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xlegoLASelfx: lifes a bitch
x0xsmeagol1x0x: but if it were a slut, it would be too easy
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Quote: 240899; Rating: 707; [+|-]
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Keladry43: i am very bad at crabble
Stumacha: obviously
Keladry43: uh. yeah. dammit.
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Quote: 240917; Rating: 1118; [+|-]
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<Evilution> I was at 7-11 today and this girls comes up and talks to me and stuff (dont ask me to define stuff)
<Evilution> except for the boobies she was wrong in every possible way for me..
<Evilution> after a while when she says "I'll give you my number so we can meet up again"
<Evilution> then I said "No, that wont be necessary, I wouldnt call you anyway"
<ImperioN^> lol
<Evilution> that kinda ticked her off I guess, cause then she said something like
<Evilution> "what kinda moron are you? cant you tell when someone's flirting with you?!?"
<Evilution> I grinned and replied "what kinda moron are you who cant tell when you're being dissed?"
<Evilution> that's one of them moments you just cant help feeling proud of..
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Quote: 240928; Rating: 626; [+|-]
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eriberri: i just finished removing all sorts of third-party hair from the keyboard :p
*** EtherKnot ([email protected]) has joined channel #macintosh
Snausages: mmm, buttfurr
EtherKnot: woah
EtherKnot: let me try that again
*** EtherKnot has left channel #macintosh
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Quote: 241084; Rating: 778; [+|-]
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<NrgSpoon> what's the difference between an orange?
<Doragon> one of them doesn't
<smh> best joke evr
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Quote: 241121; Rating: 432; [+|-]
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Alex: I'm so goth even my chocobos are black.
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Quote: 241189; Rating: -52; [+|-]
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<peer> man bash.org sucks they never accept my super witty comments
<FyreDaug> welcome to the club
<FyreDaug> all those roses are red poems get accepted, half of them suck
<peer> fuckin niggers
<FyreDaug> I vote we all try to take over bash.org
* jfo has left #DC
* eric has left #DC
* FLINGU has quit IRC (quit: )
* peer has quit IRC (ping timeout)
<FyreDaug> those fuckers got to us already
* sAMMYsUNG has left #DC
* w1222 has left #DC
* Disconnected
* Unable to resolve server
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Quote: 241223; Rating: 374; [+|-]
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<c41yp50> "If elected, Kerry will appoint Captain Planet as secretary of defense, but the military will crumble when everyone realizes how stupid the power of heart is."
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Quote: 241228; Rating: 737; [+|-]
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<turboeli> Someday I will achieve my project of putting together the ultimate funny stereotype, the Engrish Gangsta. However, I have yet to progress further than 'bring bring'.
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Quote: 241250; Rating: 687; [+|-]
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<digitz> I really hate it when girls think it's sexy to stand up and pull there cunt flaps apart and make it look like they have the predator between there legs
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Quote: 241363; Rating: 838; [+|-]
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<dabblerblue> i called tech support today
<dabblerblue> and shortly thereafter, they sent me an email detailing the use
of search engines
<dabblerblue> sarcastic bastards
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Quote: 241368; Rating: 482; [+|-]
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<Continuity> EVERY TIME YOU LEECH A GAME, GOD KILLS AN RIIA EMPLOYEE
<east> that wouldn't work
<east> the RIAA would've been eradicated a long time ago
<Curry> they just throw a specimen back to the spawning vats
<Curry> *spoof* instant employees
<Outrider> LOL RIAA RUSH KEKEKEKEKEKEKE ^_________________^
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Quote: 241391; Rating: 434; [+|-]
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<Grey> I downloaded an ISO image of a game which turned out to be porn...
<Grey> people don't respect anything anymore
<Borlath_Mon> I downloaded Sid Meier's Alpha Centauri, and sadly, it turned out to be Sid Meier's Alpha Centauri.
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Quote: 241623; Rating: 1150; [+|-]
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<MegaDeth> family pack of condoms
<MegaDeth> hehehe
<MegaDeth> that's amusing on so many levels
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Quote: 241729; Rating: 511; [+|-]
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<dpkg> greycat:
BadgerBadgerBadgerBadgerBadgerBadgerMushroomMUSHROOMBadgerBadgerBadgerBadgerSnaaaaaaaaakkeeeASnaaaaake
<greycat> ah, the lynx-compatible version.
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Quote: 242116; Rating: 232; [+|-]
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<Tie> CD-RWs are like.. virigins who never lose their virginity no matter how much you fuck 'em
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Quote: 242303; Rating: 694; [+|-]
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<+MrKite> I remember one of my teachers, she was a female teacher, and it was hawaiian week and she had too lais around her neck. Eric said to her "I see you got laid over the weekend" which instantly made me think he was going to have problems, she casually responded "Yeah, twice"
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Quote: 242402; Rating: 2404; [+|-]
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DinjackPD: there was this once, like three years ago, I forgot this big project I had to turn in when I went to school
DinjackPD: so I called home to my dad (he works out of a home office) and asked him to bring it for me
DinjackPD: so he came to school with it and he came up to me and shook my hand and said "Hi there, I'm David, I'm your personal secretary."
DinjackPD: And I said "Hi there, I'm your son, you signed on for this shit when you didn't wear a condom."
DinjackPD: I thought it was funnier than he did
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Quote: 242534; Rating: 579; [+|-]
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* Warlocke sings, "What a girl wants, what a girl needs, is a box of Kotex month-lee-ee when she blee-eeds."
<Katrina> OMFG
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Quote: 242712; Rating: 917; [+|-]
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<soink> and im not that fat
<soink> cameras add like 48 pounds
<SteelStud> Well, you must have used 5 cameras on that picture.
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Quote: 242746; Rating: 636; [+|-]
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<Petter>It's a bug
<X-Winger2>I refuse to believe XP has any bugs ;P
<X-Winger2>well
<X-Winger2>Except it won't let me see my hard drive right now
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Quote: 242755; Rating: 1610; [+|-]
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<jshock221> a freudian slip is when you say one thing but you're really thinking about a mother.
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Quote: 242813; Rating: 372; [+|-]
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<Raymondo> I'm a lot funnier in real life.
<Megatron5000> that doesn't matter here
<Raymondo> I'm just pointing out I don't suck 24/7
<PrzeCM03|04> who cares what's your sucking timetable
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Quote: 242829; Rating: 797; [+|-]
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<isurx> vinyl as in a record right?
<babo> Yes.
<ami_> as in 12 inches of black joy
<N8> like... never mind
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Quote: 243000; Rating: 1745; [+|-]
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<shaqzilla> I'm not racist, racism is a crime, and crime is for black people.
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Quote: 243065; Rating: 453; [+|-]
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<noam`wm> I was studying Physics, right. Magnetic fields. There was a drawing in the book to demonstrate how the direction of the field is always orthogonal to the direction of the force. to do that, they drew a dot, 4 vectors of field and 4 directions of force, orthogonal to them.
<noam`wm> I painted the background in red and added SIEG HEIL.
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Quote: 243112; Rating: 313; [+|-]
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[skorpion] gravity is a resource hog.
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Quote: 243237; Rating: 760; [+|-]
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<CharoNoMe> Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
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Quote: 243238; Rating: 1129; [+|-]
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<CharoNoMe> Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
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Quote: 243279; Rating: 307; [+|-]
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<Hamhocks> if taking a huge shit is anything like playing chess, consider me the next gary kasparov
<WallOfInsanity> then I shall be deep blue and defeat you with my efficient machine-like bowel movements.
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Quote: 243317; Rating: 407; [+|-]
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--> trillback (~trillian@psu-1DF9C42E.nyc1-4.15.204.215.nyc1.elnk.dsl.genuity.net) has joined #ps-universe
<-- trillback (~trillian@psu-1DF9C42E.nyc1-4.15.204.215.nyc1.elnk.dsl.genuity.net) has left #ps-universe
(Repeat about 15 times)
<Ioshua> +ban trillback plz. I only like this much in and out if it involves my woman.
<Ioshua> or, at least, a friendly looking sock.
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Quote: 243335; Rating: 641; [+|-]
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<spectre> a girl called me 'sensitive' last night
<spectre> too bad she was fat
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Quote: 243336; Rating: 261; [+|-]
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<spectre> hypno: did you see what braingrind wrote in the front of the book ?
<spectre> "Yo Fran. I liked this book. I pissed myself. You should like it too. If you don't, I can only assume you suck. Shizzle. Braingrind"
<bluecgi> haha what he wrote is like his account of a normal day
<bluecgi> he wakes up, says something, soils himself, emotes, soils himself again
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Quote: 243374; Rating: 1347; [+|-]
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<Pablissimo> You wish that your customer part know more thing on the others players or on your very new entity faggot of data? Are the server->client messages to you of aucuns help (too much heavy to manage since all the customers must have access to these values with each frame)? You feel that the file delta.lst
could be useful but include/understand you nothing there?
<Pablissimo> can someome make that make sense in english, babelfish is clearly underperforming here
<Pablissimo> for instance, the word 'faggot' was a surprise
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Quote: 243405; Rating: 1048; [+|-]
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<BlacKcaT> So my computer is sweet. It's right next to my bed, so i can just pull over my keyboard and my mouse, since it's optical, and it'll all work and I'm nice and comfy lying down on my bed.
<Benig> So my laptop...
<BlacKcaT> Fuck you.
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Quote: 243438; Rating: 655; [+|-]
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--> Rocksteady ([email protected]) has joined #lobby
<Rocksteady> quick i need a funny way to wake up a roomate that doesn't involve sex or feces
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Quote: 243446; Rating: 1174; [+|-]
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<Nick> man dod is the fucking shit
<sporkchop> i wonder if you could fuck shit....
<sporkchop> it would be all soft and warm and squishy
<Nick> lol
<sporkchop>hmmm
<sporkchop> brb
* sporkchop is away - bathroom
<Nick> oh jesus no
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Quote: 243460; Rating: 227; [+|-]
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<TheMaker> I finally made aop on dalnet!
<G13> was this yer entire life's struggle?
<TheMaker> yes
<TheMaker> since 1996
<G13> you are a sad, sad man
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Quote: 243485; Rating: 241; [+|-]
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* Huroya shoots Flak
* Flak catches the bullet with his teeth
<Huroya> By "catch" I think you mean it shatters your jaw and puts a hole the size of a baseball through the back of your skull.
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Quote: 243500; Rating: 779; [+|-]
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<Pesmerga> man, im starting to think that the more I take showers, the more i stink afterwards. so Im just gonna stop showering and see if it helps.
* AnArKi has left the channel
* BoZo has left the channel
* HeyPetray has left the channel
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Quote: 243518; Rating: 1434; [+|-]
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<Epoch71> you know, for some reason, this reminds me... the other day i was playing ping pong and thought, "damn, this'd make a great video game... i wonder if it's been done yet"
<Epoch71> god i felt stupid 5 seconds later
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Quote: 243693; Rating: 223; [+|-]
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<Chrisodeo> In Soviet Russia... the jokes tell you!
<CrazySteve> Am I the only one bothered by the fact that there is now no longer a Soviet Russia?
--- ChanServ sets ban on *!*[email protected]
<-- ChanServ has kicked Chrisodeo from #jack (Gunned down by the russian mafia.)
<CrazySteve> I guess not.
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Quote: 243706; Rating: 766; [+|-]
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MelancholicKiss: say something profound
MaximumTool007: Old people should be put down at birth.
MelancholicKiss: why do i even bother
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