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Quote: 106874; Rating: 209; [+|-]
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<Trev-MUN> AND WHY ARE THERE TWO BEIGES IN HERE
<BeigeGoo> Because I'm on a different computer.
* E_Megas is tempted to kick the idle Beige just for fun.
* Trev-MUN watches Beige run over to the other computer to show he's not idle.
<Trev-MUN> <Beige> Nope, I'm not idle! *tmp tmp tmp* <BeigeGoo> Not idle either!
<BeigeGoo> Megas, that would be wrong.
<Trev-MUN> <Beige> Are you idle? *tmp tmp tmp* <BeigeGoo> Nope. :(
<Beige> I agree.
<Trev-MUN> <Beige> We're not idle, Megas. *tmp tmp tmp* <BeigeGoo> Yes. :(
<Trev-MUN> * Beige was kicked by E_Megas (LACEYDOOM! HAHAHAHAHAHAA)
<Trev-MUN> <BeigeGoo> ... >(
<BeigeGoo> Thanks for the re-enactment.
<Trev-MUN> Anytime.
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Quote: 106876; Rating: 691; [+|-]
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<Kobe_Tai> guy comes in complaining of abdominal/rectal pain
<Kobe_Tai> all of his vitals look okay
<Kobe_Tai> no abdominal distension
<Kobe_Tai> no nauseau/vomiting
<Kobe_Tai> we go ahead and admit him
<Kobe_Tai> and during his initial body audit
<Kobe_Tai> I see scratches and tearing all around his anus
<Kobe_Tai> so I'm like "have you been raped? or eaten anything unusual?"
<Kobe_Tai> and hes like "no"
<Kobe_Tai> so I make him an appointment with radiology
<Kobe_Tai> and send him down for an Abdominal Ultrasound
<Kobe_Tai> about 45 minutes later, they're calling me
<Kobe_Tai> and they're like "OMFG COME DOWN HERE"
<Kobe_Tai> so I go down
<Kobe_Tai> and theyre all like white as ghosts
<Kobe_Tai> I put the film up on the slidr
<Kobe_Tai> *slider
<Kobe_Tai> the guy failed to mention that he had ?AN ENTIRE VLASIC PICLE JAR RAMMED UP HIS ASS
<Kobe_Tai> pickle
<Kobe_Tai> so, we sent him to surgery
<Kobe_Tai> and because the lid was off
<Kobe_Tai> it formed a vacuum
<Kobe_Tai> and they had a real hard time removing it
<Kobe_Tai> no, they drilled a hole in it to release the vacuum
<Kobe_Tai> when they did he hemorrhafed
<Kobe_Tai> *hemorhagged
<alex> all he wanted was to have a good time :(
<alex> first of all if i wanted to have anal sex with a jar i would find one of those plastic ones
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Quote: 106877; Rating: 134; [+|-]
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< maria> iMacs look a little like breasts with some sort of appendage stuck on where the nipple should be
<@pearlbear> maria: !
< maria> what?!
< maria> they do!
<@pearlbear> they do, now, don't they
< karynn> maria needs to get laid
<@pearlbear> why didn't I ever notice that.
<@pearlbear> I mean those circles of vents on the top...
* pearlbear now has a new reason to love her iMac
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Quote: 106879; Rating: 126; [+|-]
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<jZSAURONZj> Oh Cool, someone sent me a Video clip of Punky Brewster all grown up and feeling herself up
<jZSAURONZj> I love friends
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Quote: 106880; Rating: 209; [+|-]
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*** Spazz has quit IRC (Quit: Connection reset by peer pressure)
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Quote: 106886; Rating: 13; [+|-]
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---- Jeb changes topic to: http://pussyinacan.com/products.html
-[ Jeb ]- there we go
-[ J_B_007 ]- wow
-[ J_B_007 ]- thats all they sell
-[ Jeb ]- lol but all diferrent kinds
-[ Jeb ]- if u click on the product
-[ J_B_007 ]- oh
* J_B_007 goes back
-[ J_B_007 ]- heh
-[ J_B_007 ]- is there a diff between the pussy and the mouth except that its turned sideways?
-[ Jeb ]- lol
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Quote: 106892; Rating: 206; [+|-]
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* `Dave` goes to his favourite suicide site
<`Dave`> they tell you how to do it properly
<Yuriko> if they were that good at it they wouldn't be able to write the site...
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Quote: 106897; Rating: 231; [+|-]
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<diktatormike_> that's the tao of machines....corect one problem only to see 3 more underlying problems
<Vlad902> I know, wtf, that's what happened in 1969, they found a bug in ls and ended up with Windows...
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Quote: 106901; Rating: -7; [+|-]
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<void> I have cyberspew on my keyboard <lewsha> it's cause you didn't use your WWW condom :(
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Quote: 106912; Rating: 701; [+|-]
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<DJ> I like riding my dog after rain. Rain makes her frisky, so she's faster.
<DJ> ...riding my dog around the block.
<DJ> ...on a bike
<Jinjo_Eagle> ...
<DJ> Because it's faster, and she can keep up easier when she's frisky
<DJ> That first line came out all wrong
<Jinjo_Eagle> You can't make that look better.
<Jinjo_Eagle> Yes, yes it did, and there is nothing you can do about it.
<DJ> I don't walk my dog, I have the leash around my wrist as I ride my bike around the block!
<MewMewtwo45> Hehehe
<DJ> And my dog gets hyper after it has rained!
<Jinjo_Eagle> Okay, sure.
<DJ> :(
* Jinjo_Eagle pats DJ on the back
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Quote: 106916; Rating: 317; [+|-]
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<-yptosis> I've ingested 12 liters of mountain dew in 4 days.
<CaptainTwopegleg> That's 3 liters a day!
<mike> light weight
<BloodFromStone> That it is.
<-yptosis> Thats a lot for me.
<-yptosis> I've just started pouring it directly in the toilet to save time.
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Quote: 106919; Rating: 312; [+|-]
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<e> I don't watch tv.
<e> Too many popup ads during movies.
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Quote: 106928; Rating: 253; [+|-]
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Reganbishop: my house may be sold, my boss is an idiot, and my x is a pain......
Kanzure: ahhh grasshopper. You have achieved the american dream....
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Quote: 106968; Rating: 199; [+|-]
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<NekoGuy> Non-Human Intelligent Rights Act: Subsection 4a. Digital Intelligence: Any conscious program shall never run under the Windows Operating System.
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Quote: 106974; Rating: 373; [+|-]
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* Wanai slaps AndrewLB around a bit with a large trout
<AndrewLB> ???
<AndrewLB> What did I do?
<Wanai> sorry, just discovering stuff :p
<Wanai> no harm towards you
<AndrewLB> Oh, discovery, eh?
* AndrewLB gets out whip, candles and enema.
<AndrewLB> I've got your discovery right here bitch.
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Quote: 106976; Rating: 259; [+|-]
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<TurdS> i have to go and negociate the release of the chocolate hostages
* TurdS is now known as TurdS[shitting]
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Quote: 107007; Rating: 405; [+|-]
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< bijection> Could everyone in IT do me a favour? Stop using the word "solution" to describe fucking everything under the sun. A computer is not a "solution". A piece of software is not a "solution". A minimum wage asshole plugging in the $1.50 network cable is not a "solution".
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Quote: 107020; Rating: 348; [+|-]
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<Volt9000> Forget stabbing people in the face over the Internet.... I'd become wealthy if I made a program where you enter someone's IP address and you can remotely sterilize them
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Quote: 107062; Rating: 181; [+|-]
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<[DOtR]Kudos|> I CANT GET IN
<Steele{GONE}> i said that to a virgin once
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Quote: 107068; Rating: 837; [+|-]
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<toe2toe> See in the news that prince harry apparantly regularly picks up girls and takes them home
<toe2toe> im just trying to picture that
<toe2toe> *Whispering* "Be very quiet, i dont want to wake my dad.."
<toe2toe> *shouting* "LOWER THE DRAWBRIDGE!"
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Quote: 107079; Rating: 963; [+|-]
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Video games don't affect kids, I mean if Pac Man affected us as kids, we'd all run around in a darkened room munching pills and listening to repetitive music. - Kristian Wilson, CEO at Nintendo Gaming Corporation Inc.
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Quote: 107101; Rating: 188; [+|-]
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*** BRNOUt has joined #sgl2
* Babau glares.
*** BRNOUt has left #sgl2
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Quote: 107111; Rating: 834; [+|-]
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* +bulitpruf is AFK, playing horseshoes wit my blind uncle and his midget son
* +sab0t is AFK, playing horseshoes with my midget son & my gay nephew
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Quote: 107123; Rating: 195; [+|-]
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(Xerox): Right on! Hey, there are some Thai tribes that are afraid of spirits called phii, or "widow ghosts." These spirits are sexually voracious women who have died violently, and they attack men in their sleep. The charm for these are giant wooden phallus carvings outside the house. They work by acting as decoys.
(Squizzle): Xerox: Eh, every culture tries to explain nocturnal emissions.
(Xerox): To quote my book: "...Ranging from the crudest wooden shafts, to carefully carved images complete with coconut shell testicles and fishnet pubic hair..."
(Xerox): Yes, but this one I find particularly humorous.
(Xerox): Imagine going into some village and seeing giant penis statues everywhere.
(Squizzle): That would truly rule.
(Rico): It'd be funnier if the Moai had giant stone schlongs.
(Xerox): Well, that certainly would've made a few old Konami shooters a lot more interesting...
(Rico): Options- the glorified orange spermicide.
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Quote: 107128; Rating: 126; [+|-]
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(Mountain): i'am the mountain where u all ppl fight and fight to climb on me
(AndyDev): breasts?
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Quote: 107130; Rating: 242; [+|-]
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[PaleMoon] Video killed the radio star
[PaleMoon] which is fortunate.. cos radio porn never really caught on
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Quote: 107136; Rating: 168; [+|-]
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<MattC> i gotta input like a foot high pack of paper into a computer
<xerent> omg... fold it carefully and use the floppy drive?
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Quote: 107137; Rating: 429; [+|-]
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<ab0mination> Snow White has been sacked by Disney Productions. Apparently she was caught sitting on Pinochio's face singing "Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies".
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Quote: 107162; Rating: 206; [+|-]
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<ChaosBob> somebody needs to write an irc client that makes chat text look like source code
<ChaosBob> for when your boss walks in the room
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Quote: 107168; Rating: 603; [+|-]
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<TripleRach> Hmm classical music isn't good for it at all
<MiraiMatt> No classical does not blast
<TripleRach> I can't like open my windows and yell at my neighbors "HOW BOUT SOME BEETHOVEN MOTHERFUCKERS"
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Quote: 107173; Rating: 287; [+|-]
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<Rogue> You can have quit messages?
<Rogue> I always try and rejoin real fast to read it but i always miss it
<Rogue> Im getting closer
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Quote: 107179; Rating: 148; [+|-]
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[16:50] <slammes> you know that the difficult part is not to avoid porn. that is easy. but to say no to your own dick
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Quote: 107185; Rating: 106; [+|-]
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<Jaz> every playboy playmate 1955-2002
<chrissy> in your house? shit! that's a lot of boobies!
<Jaz> hehe
<Asmodeus> yeah, but they're models, 5 ice cubes and a roll of toilet paper and you can feed the lot of them for a day
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Quote: 107188; Rating: 450; [+|-]
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(Lp|dust1n[WWGL]) god damn
(Wheelman56) ?
(Lp|dust1n[WWGL]) this bread is hard
(Lp|dust1n[WWGL]) fuck!
(Lp|dust1n[WWGL]) I thru it at the window and the window is broke
(Lp|dust1n[WWGL]) brb
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Quote: 107189; Rating: 187; [+|-]
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<pkmk> fuck i'm in wordpad now
<pabegimas> programming with wordpad? wow that's really bad
<pkmk> actually wordpad is very good for programming - you can set the font what you want
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Quote: 107196; Rating: 183; [+|-]
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* Mike0ne sneaks up quietly and has sex in Jarrith
<cakemix26> just ackt up
<Jarrith> MIKEONE HAS HERPES
<Jarrith> oh god
* Jarrith runs away
<Jarrith> that was badly timed
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Quote: 107233; Rating: 645; [+|-]
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<eva> hey guys, guess what im eating right now!
<Ed> big black cocks dripping with pearly semen.
<eva> starts with a 3
<Ed> three big black cocks dripping with pearly semen.
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Quote: 107245; Rating: 0; [+|-]
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<WorkLord> nasa uses both systems
<WorkLord> on martian landers
<WorkLord> hehe
<Luigi30> That's why all our stuff explodes
<Luigi30> Especially shuttles
<Luigi30> and Mars landers
<WorkLord> ITS OK EVERYONE
<WorkLord> HES BACK TO STUPID
<WorkLord> armageddon averted
<Luigi30> in Soviet Union, shuttles explode YOU!
* Luigi30 runs around farting
<Luigi30> Yay! I'm stupid!
* Luigi30 explodes leaving a jagged black mark on the ground and some smoke
<Dave2> YAY!!!!
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Quote: 107248; Rating: 202; [+|-]
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<Aury> O.o;; You all have to wait longer for movies to come out?
<leckie> Well yeah... sometimes.
<Aury> What is that, some sort of backwater hell of a town?
<leckie> It's the UK Aury.
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Quote: 107249; Rating: 801; [+|-]
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<.01@peregrine.> Then a great item, the 24 Hour Bukkake Semen of Moe Nishimura
<.01@peregrine.> -- poor Moe-chan has men blowing their wads on her as she goes about her
<.01@peregrine.> daily life, brushing her teeth, sleeping, going to the bathroom, and so on
<.01@peregrine.> dude that's bukkake i'd consider watching
<.01@peregrine.> the comedy
<.01@chesed.> I think that'd get annoying when you're doing your daily activies and random guys are blowing their load all over you
<.01@chesed.> it'd prolly be the worst day to do laundry
<.01@chesed.> "I just fucking cleaned that! FUCK!"
<.01@peregrine.> you'd need an allstar male crew
<.01@peregrine.> with precision aim
<.01@chesed.> haha
<.01@chesed.> matrix load-blowing
<.01@peregrine.> i'm just imagining like
<.01@peregrine.> guys hidden in the bushes and shit, as she walks by
<.01@krelian.> that's what happens in 24 hours bukakke
<.01@krelian.> they like bust out of the closet
<.01@krelian.> and it's a hit and run cum
* peregrine rolls
<.01@spider-hime.> hahah
<.01@krelian.> girl walks into the bathroom
<.01@krelian.> and dude blows his load
<.01@peregrine.> they need to just go all the way
<.01@peregrine.> and have some chick being tormented by a clan of bukkake ninjas
<.01@krelian.> *girl walks down street*
<.01@krelian.> *ninjas out of bushes*
<.01@peregrine.> hehe
<.01@peregrine.> totally
<.01@krelian.> *ninjas blow load*
<.01@peregrine.> then DISAPPEAR
<.01@krelian.> <girl> what the hell was that!
<.01@spider-hime.> STEALTH BUKKAKE
<.01@krelian.> *girl walks down street*
<.01@krelian.> <girl> omg it's raining
<.01@Perrin.> *camera pans to roof of building*
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Quote: 107256; Rating: 354; [+|-]
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Substitue Teacher> Alright class. Here's the next question. Spain was divided into what? Hint, Canada has these.
Dane> Umm... Canadians!
Kyle> ... Provinces you idiot...
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Quote: 107257; Rating: 809; [+|-]
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<JakeD> My fingers are so fucking big that I'm all like "apjps0-3" just trying to type the word "hi"
<Winter> wow, i bet you're a hit with the ladies.
<JakeD> Yeah. "Hi, I'm Lisa." "apjps0-3" "....Fucking freak."
<Winter> i was thinking IRL, but i suppose you're more clumsy there?
<JakeD> That was an IRL example.
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Quote: 107262; Rating: 256; [+|-]
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* cuba has joined #uplink
<cuba> hoi all
* Dave2|Laptop bans trade with cuba
* Luigi30 arms cuba with missiles
<KeaponLaffin> Luigi30: hey now, no bay of pigs
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Quote: 107283; Rating: 154; [+|-]
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<KnacK|WorK> oximoron of the day "Microsoft To Teach Undergrads About Secure Computing"
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Quote: 107288; Rating: 112; [+|-]
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* jitspoe had forgotten how time consuming modeling is
<spdif> keep your clothes on jit. no matter how much money they offer you
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Quote: 107292; Rating: 691; [+|-]
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<[GUNr]J0E> hahahah ive gotten laid more than jit
<jitspoe> I'm saving my virginity for a female
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Quote: 107294; Rating: 149; [+|-]
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<Calrathan> well, I'm screwed
<Calrathan> not gunna get this work done
<Fryth> irc to the rescue!
<Calrathan> yay
<Calrathan> it doesnt fix your problems...
<Calrathan> but it sure makes you forget em
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Quote: 107295; Rating: 129; [+|-]
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<Blue> yeah, a copy of it was found in a desert
<Blue> the guy turned it into the newspaper or something instead of doing the right thing
<Blue> which of course is ebaying it
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Quote: 107296; Rating: 1; [+|-]
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<Fembot> what did one "racing stripe" in jitspoe's toilet say to another one?
<Fembot> "are you alright? you look a little flushed."
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Quote: 107298; Rating: 310; [+|-]
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<Xenophon> I was talking to this really cute girl, when I was on a walk with my parents. I hadn't seen her in years. After exchanging university experiences, I asked for her ph # and my dad jumped out of the woodwork and said "I'll memorize half of it for ya!"
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