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Quote: 8440; Rating: 153; [+|-]
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<Excession> I'm getting seven figures. "FUCK ALL" |
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Quote: 8441; Rating: 370; [+|-]
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<Doc> ok... kitchens clean, bathrooms clean
<Doc> thats the two easiest to clean rooms of the house done...
<cactoid> is that because you always eat out and you never shower? |
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Quote: 8443; Rating: 323; [+|-]
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<sisko> did you castrate jason for hiding the pron?
<Kaff> no. that would defeat the purpose.
<sisko> suppose so.
<Kaff> i just shook my fist a lot and said "grr"
<sisko> haha. and I suppose he was utterly intimidated
<Kaff> like a good husband, he's suitably scared of me.
<Kaff> he's seen me naked. |
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Quote: 8447; Rating: 196; [+|-]
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<Ryk> one of my favourite pastimes spotting boobjob scars.
<Ryk> nothing sexual about it. just like to beat the airbrush. |
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Quote: 8448; Rating: 268; [+|-]
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<MMouse> finding me a CIO or CTO position is harder
<undrewb> heh
<jamesn> *laugh*
<jamesn> your going for upper management jobs?
<MMouse> of course ;)
<jamesn> you cant even get a bill paid on time:)
<MMouse> that actually makes me more suited for upper management |
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Quote: 8449; Rating: 237; [+|-]
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<undrewb> you know max, while the paralympics were very inspiring, you shouldnt let them delude you into thihnking all retards can achieve the impossible :) |
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Quote: 8450; Rating: 307; [+|-]
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<Tippytoes> i got a cute winnie the pooh keyring for my bike today
<Tippytoes> he's cuddling piglet
<undrewb> aww thats nice
<undrewb> uh
<undrewb> thats not cuddling
<Tippytoes> or slipping him the pork sword
<Tippytoes> oh well
<undrewb> THATS ILLEGAL IN TASMANIA
<Tippytoes> piglet's happy
<Tippytoes> he's smiling
<jamesn> piglet is a bitch
<Tippytoes> or it could be a wince |
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Quote: 8451; Rating: 179; [+|-]
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<Tippytoes> somewhere in the world, there has to be some chicks that ride motorbikes who are tomboys who also do x-stitch
<sisko> probably
<sisko> that's what women's correctional facilities are for |
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Quote: 8452; Rating: 17; [+|-]
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<Mousey> haha quarter chicken from mcdonalds
<mk4> whats quarter chicken ?
<mk4> like a quater pounder ?
<Punk-In-Drublic> well its not quiet a halfd of a chicken dave |
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Quote: 8453; Rating: 8; [+|-]
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<Dac> ok, what does 'LUG' on a rental property listing mean?
<tm> Lots of Ugly Guys |
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Quote: 8454; Rating: 188; [+|-]
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<helminthes> throw caution to the wind and then piss right into it |
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Quote: 8455; Rating: 118; [+|-]
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<Pat> i had to go to hospital after because of complications
<Bleve> Pat was very complicated, they removed his arsehole by mistake
<Mandi> heh
<Bru> what's that in the middle of his face then?? |
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Quote: 8457; Rating: 426; [+|-]
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<thrase> i hate programming
<thrase> why couldn't i be a rock star
<undrewb> cause you have the charisma of a programmer
* Mandi chortles
<undrewb> and the programming skills of a rockstar :) |
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Quote: 8458; Rating: 343; [+|-]
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<Punk-In-Drublic> THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE SUCK COCK ...Mousey, Dave, Vas, Belindah..........YALL CAN GAT FUCKED COS IM DRUNK WOOOOOOOOO ......BOOBIES WOOOOOOOOOO'
<Mousey> why am i first
<Mousey> thats really insulting
<vas-deferens> because your the best at iut
<mk4> why am i second ?
<vas-deferens> shit im third
<vas-deferens> i better work on my technique
<vas-deferens> at least im beating a chick
<Mousey> hahahah |
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Quote: 8461; Rating: 181; [+|-]
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<Mandi> kaff still looking at dicks?
<Kaff> nah sharks
<Mandi> same diff
<jamesn> cocks with teef
<Kaff> yeah they all make you bleed in the end |
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Quote: 8462; Rating: 226; [+|-]
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<Rafeil> wimberly!
<Rafeil> wesely wimberly. the joke was if kim married him her name would be kimberly wimberly |
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Quote: 8463; Rating: 179; [+|-]
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<Ryk> after the man has shot his wad is the perfect time for the woman to vacate the room and quietly catch up on a bit of beaver bashing in the privacy of the kitchen.
<Tippytoes> shouldn't she have a satisfied afterglow?
<Ryk> she can glow when my dinner's ready. |
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Quote: 8464; Rating: 220; [+|-]
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<jamesm> what's a java strategy?
<undrewb> jamesm : its a paradigm shift to e-leverage your legacy OLTP system to implement pervasive business systems
<jamesm> is it like a builder with a 'brick strategy' ? |
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Quote: 8465; Rating: 533; [+|-]
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<undrewb> I'm gonna make my thesis opensource so developers all round the world can work on it for me |
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Quote: 8466; Rating: 184; [+|-]
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<helminthes> hey i had a vision today of some fat old man with a dog sitting on campus and he goes, "hey, pet my dog" and i say, "heh no thanks i gotta go to class." "but the dog's cute, look at him." "no man, see ya" "DOG HATER!!! DOG HATER!! HE JUST HIT MY DOG IN THE FACE" {i run away} |
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Quote: 8468; Rating: 47; [+|-]
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* Tippytoes looks at kaff's box
<Tippytoes> err
<Tippytoes> that sounded bad |
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Quote: 8469; Rating: 200; [+|-]
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<helminthes> that's like one of those dennis miller jokes.. no one gets it, no one cares then everyone forgets about it and an afghan woman dies of heatstroke |
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Quote: 8470; Rating: 343; [+|-]
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<PsykoFaerie> everyone got into discussions about how i must have an eating disorder. :|
<monk[e]> psyko, if you throw up right after eathing... intentionaly... you have an eating disorder
<Aelhaeran> Pysko: and if your prone to sharp, stabbing pains in your eye after a meal, chances are you have a fork lodged in it. |
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Quote: 8471; Rating: 1247; [+|-]
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<sisko> Q. What's the height of conceit?
<sisko> A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
<mmm> i do that
<mmm> "oh god" |
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Quote: 8472; Rating: 459; [+|-]
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<helminthes> and the little basket at the counter says tips, so you hock a big loogie in it and then you realize what you did and say, "oh shit i'm dyslexic" |
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Quote: 8473; Rating: 225; [+|-]
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<sisko> I want to crawl up into the place I once was.
<mandi> the end of your dad's cock? |
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Quote: 8474; Rating: 538; [+|-]
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[03:01]<monkey1> at least im not on IRC at 3 AM! |
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Quote: 8476; Rating: 280; [+|-]
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<tm> meetings, the alternative to work
<Dane> meetings, the PRACTICAL alternative to work
<Rushn> Masterbation, the FUN alternative to work |
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Quote: 8477; Rating: 23; [+|-]
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<helminthes> was the party cool?
<helminthes> like did you fuck any hoes
<rafeil> heh, no hoes
<helminthes> not even one? i mean at least one right
<rafeil> i just drank a little and talked
<helminthes> fucked her right in the face right
<rafeil> yeah
<helminthes> she was gagging out all your children just like a bitch |
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Quote: 8478; Rating: 205; [+|-]
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<cactoid> you're all gay
<cactoid> and those of you who are married, everyone knows it's a marriage of convenience |
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Quote: 8479; Rating: 192; [+|-]
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<Kaff> its saturday night. what are you doing here
<Kaff> i thought you'd have too much of a social life.
<spoob> Parts of me love interacting with other parts of me, but as a whole, I'm about as popular and loved as jamesm
<Kaff> oh. so you're a dead shit.
<spoob> Succinct, cruel, and accurate |
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Quote: 8480; Rating: 128; [+|-]
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<esthar> man this guy DEFINITELY ripped me off with beer the other night
<esthar> he made me pay the same amount for a six pack that i could get a 12 pack for
<helminthes> you better watch out.. next thing you know he'll wipe out your family and steal your identity |
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Quote: 8481; Rating: 202; [+|-]
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<Kaff> Pumpkin: The art of eating a girl out while she's on the shitter.
<Kaff> how is that a pumpkin
<mmm> gross
<Kaff> how is that normal.
<Kaff> who does that
<Kaff> I WANT NAMES
<Kaff> (and numbers) |
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Quote: 8482; Rating: 31; [+|-]
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<dr_rotcod> and you.. you'll be doing something stupid
<dr_rotcod> like skateboarding |
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Quote: 8483; Rating: 398; [+|-]
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<tm> hmm, our call centre manager just asked how do i turn off capslock
<Zaph0d> tm: Ctrl-Alt-DEl
<tm> she's crying on her keyboard now |
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Quote: 8484; Rating: 277; [+|-]
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<Bobski> goconnect. the internet equivalent of the dole.
<jamesm> what is it?
<Bobski> a freebie internet service for those who blew their last 5 bucks on mcdonalds
<jamesm> how do they make money?
<Bobski> you install a wanky dialer and it spatters your screen with ads. mostly mcdonalds ads actually :)
<jamesm> in case you find another fiver |
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Quote: 8485; Rating: 102; [+|-]
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<Kaff> how festy are we talking ?
<tm> makes your armpits seem like surgical theatres |
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Quote: 8486; Rating: 214; [+|-]
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<hakan> mine is bent upwards but the base points down
<hakan> its like a plant trying to grow to get more sunlight
<helminthes> yeah except it's your weiner
<hakan> but theres moss on it |
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Quote: 8487; Rating: 274; [+|-]
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<cactoid> pr0n is critical internet infrastructure
<cactoid> if pron wasn't flowing freely, ISPs wouldn't need to upgrade their gear and networking vendors would go out of business |
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Quote: 8488; Rating: 333; [+|-]
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<dr_rotcod> he's an ex marine and i was drunk so i said, "alright marine, kill me with one touch!"
<hakan> holy shit. wrong thing to say
<dr_rotcod> and all the sudden i was in some weird hold having my shoulder ripped apart
<dr_rotcod> and then i fell on the ground laughing/crying
<hakan> did it break??
<dr_rotcod> he looked at his hands and went, "oh my god! the demons of the american military have shone through and i am hopeless!! HOPELESS" |
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Quote: 8489; Rating: 29; [+|-]
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<helminthes> hey i have a good pick up line
<helminthes> "if you vomit i'm not fucking holding your hair back"
<helminthes> "later" |
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Quote: 8490; Rating: 622; [+|-]
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<aquacavi> well what if i told you i was pregnant
<helminthes> IS IT MINE?!?!
<aquacavi> yours or the dogs
<helminthes> IT'S THE DOG'S
<helminthes> IF HE DENIES IT TELL HIM HE CAN'T TALK |
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Quote: 8491; Rating: 287; [+|-]
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<rafeil> i had a dream i had 3 penis's of varying legnth and direction
<rafeil> and 2 girls were sucking on them, but they were sucking on the numb ones. only one had feeling. it was like the head of the hydra myth
<helminthes> no.. not the numb ones.. oh god no.. {wakes up violently in cold sweat} |
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Quote: 8492; Rating: 243; [+|-]
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<KKKBitch> im making jason take me out for dinner !!%^&*)
<KKKBitch> i have my speech ready for when he walks in the door and all.
<Bayls> KK - What's your speech?
<KKKBitch> "if you take me out for dinner, i won't give you any of my PMT shit - the end"
<KKKBitch> i used to say "if you take me out for dinner, i'll suck your dick" but he soon found that i was lying. |
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Quote: 8493; Rating: 58; [+|-]
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<jamesm> is ntpd 4.0.99k23 ok?
<tm> yeah, giving remote root is now a documented feature
<sisko> laff
<jamesm> well, i know the answer now and i'm not telling you cunts |
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Quote: 8494; Rating: 161; [+|-]
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<helminthes> omg, i was about to walk into class today but it wasn't until right before i opened the door that i realized i wasn't wearing pants, but i didn't go home i went ahead and dealt with it and lo and behold, there was a test in that class that i hadn't studied for at all.u00a0 so i jumped out the window and right when i hit the ground my cell phone went off
<hakan> yipes
<rafeil> yeh
<helminthes> and that's how it all started
<helminthes> how was your day |
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Quote: 8495; Rating: 262; [+|-]
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[arkZZZu00a0u00a0 ] Hi! I`m having trouble playing a couple of divx-movies.. I only get "No combination of filters could be found to render the stream". Does anyone know what to do?
[Synoptica] arkZZZ: download the fkn codec?
[arkZZZu00a0u00a0 ] fkn? where? |
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Quote: 8496; Rating: 361; [+|-]
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[dodgelap ] fuck
[dodgelap ] work didnt put my pay into my account
[dodgelap ] wtf is goin on ?
* Synoptica thinks of 'Milton' from office space |
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Quote: 8497; Rating: 570; [+|-]
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<hakan> I hate it when the girl looks into the camera during a blow job. It totally destroys the fourth wall, which is so very important in a porno flick. |
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Quote: 8498; Rating: -68; [+|-]
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<Chris H> I'm going to marry someone with no eyes and no teeth.
<CharlEnie> haha
<Zilv3r> LmAo LoL!
<Chris H> It isn't THAT funny... do u even know why she
<Zilv3r> yeah!! so she doesn't bite you...
<CharlEnie> Does that mean u dont know why she shouldn't have eyes?
<Zilv3r> no.. wait.. i know i know!!! so she cant see you?
<CharlEnie> LoL! |
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