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Quote: 659874; Rating: 72; [+|-]
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ilovelickinstamp: i had all the answers to my history final today
ilovelickinstamp: and you know how you never want to get an A+
ilovelickinstamp: well i kept saying to myself
ilovelickinstamp: ok you can miss that one
ilovelickinstamp: and i lost count
ilovelickinstamp: and i ended up getting an 80%
ilovelickinstamp: i wouldve gotten a better score without the answers!
YaMoMsLova: dude...
YaMoMsLova: thats ridiculous mike
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Quote: 660109; Rating: 936; [+|-]
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<das> Headline: Bill Gates will be leaving Microsoft in July 2008
<Cryo> I'm sure that will be delayed.
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Quote: 660136; Rating: 206; [+|-]
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teimujin: so i'm playing Call of Duty 2 and the other team is camping with a machine gun, and i hear one of my teammates shout "the british are camping!"
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Quote: 660278; Rating: 681; [+|-]
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<Ethereal Souls> it gave me the "explorer.exe has generated errors"
<Ethereal Souls> BUT IT'S OK
<Ethereal Souls> An error log was created
<Ethereal Souls> which will be in Hex and tell me EVERYTHING I NEED TO KNOW
<Frag> Because, of course, you know EXACTLY what Windows stores in memory slot E35BA9564F
<Ethereal Souls> yeah
<Ethereal Souls> that's the line about it buttfucking me
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Quote: 660555; Rating: 420; [+|-]
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<Arielana> he's sitting next me on the couch with his head on the keyboard. Makes it hard to type.
<@Asmodee`> just push his face into the proper keys
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Quote: 660644; Rating: 2231; [+|-]
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<raphael_sorel> So, where you from? ;)
<sweet_angel47> Chicago, Illinois. how bout u?
<raphael_sorel> Manila, Philippines. :D
<sweet_angel47> where is that? in like, Russia?
<raphael_sorel> No, it's in South East Asia.
<sweet_angel47> dude, i totally fail at geometry
<raphael_sorel> ...
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Quote: 660662; Rating: 432; [+|-]
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<Cole> you totally blew me off for beards!
<@Pugh> i'd never blow a guy with a beard!
<@Pugh> erm...i mean a guy...full stop
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Quote: 660692; Rating: 536; [+|-]
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<Bushman> my inet sucks
<pikey> oohh
<impulse> does she swallow?
<Bushman> impulse: yes, my TCP packets
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Quote: 661004; Rating: 392; [+|-]
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<Sakireth> Infinite can't be explained by math or logics either.
<Sakireth> Well, maybe a little by logics..
<bob-E> just get 8 drunk, and then u got infinity
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Quote: 661256; Rating: 143; [+|-]
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<steve> oh man
<steve> I was watching this old kung fu movie
<steve> and this crazy japanese dude ripped off this black man's testicles
<steve> and then an evil american white man threw a knife into some other dudes eye
<steve> then the crazy japenese dude whiped his hands off on the black man's pants
<alphakx> sure sounds like kung fu
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Quote: 661335; Rating: 958; [+|-]
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<n0vablaze> why do people automatically hate me when i join a channel?
<detmer> it saves time
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Quote: 661344; Rating: 823; [+|-]
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<miro> ramiro@calcifer:/etc$ ping www.thepiratebay.org
<miro> PING www.thepiratebay.org (83.140.176.146) 56(84) bytes of data.
<miro> 64 bytes from hey.mpaa.and.apb.bite.my.shiny.metal.ass.thepiratebay.org (83.140.176.146): icmp_seq=1 ttl=48 time=358 ms
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Quote: 661785; Rating: 311; [+|-]
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<@cmdr_sm> i don't mind people being gay
<@cmdr_sm> i even feel honoured when someone tries to chat me up
<@osi> now i know why you quit drinking
<@osi> one time you just felt a bit too honoured ? ;)
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Quote: 662011; Rating: 737; [+|-]
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<MisterMastermind> Reminds me of an assignment I had... I had to name 10 fun things to do in a country. I pulled out a piece of paper from a hat, North Korea. "AW FUCK!"
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Quote: 662153; Rating: 1639; [+|-]
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<Claes> hey
<Claes> I was just thinking...
<Claes> If someone sent you 10 cd's and a note saying: 9 of these cd's contain porn. The last one fries your computer.
<Claes> what would you do?
* Claes Quit (Ping timeout)
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Quote: 662231; Rating: 760; [+|-]
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<3ifLikle> I used to masturbate while listening to my neighbors wild sex.
<3ifLikle> Then i met them and they were like 300 pounds. that ruined the whole thing...
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Quote: 662266; Rating: 954; [+|-]
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<rebb> chinese websites scare me :| ??????????????????????????? ??????? ? ????????????? ???????? ? ????????? Click ! ?????? ? ???? ? ???? ?
<voodoochopstiks> so many questions, so few answers
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Quote: 662315; Rating: 58; [+|-]
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TheGodfather2613: i mean if you're going to have upside down crosses you should also have a desecrated star of david and an upside down crescent moon as well as someone bitch slapping krishna
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Quote: 662537; Rating: -154; [+|-]
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<HellDragon> hey a 50m water resistant watch is big enough to see the time ?
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Quote: 662591; Rating: 125; [+|-]
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[zerra] Just employ a number of chinese ppl and have them memorise ones and zeros..
[zerra] or force them to do that
[@opeth] you gotta get one named Ping
[@opeth] for network maintenance
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Quote: 662640; Rating: 1670; [+|-]
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<@Pie> unemployment rocks
<@Commander> you got fired?
<@Pie> long story
<@Commander> well, you're not going anywhere
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Quote: 662643; Rating: 299; [+|-]
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<Ohrly> so some idiot crashes into a power pole and I get queued because of it
<Ohrly> where is the justice
<shane\sleepa> lol...
<Slapparappa> If he's dead, its there.
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Quote: 662700; Rating: 306; [+|-]
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<DaRk_oDiN>: So I get this notice in the mail saying my application was accepted at this college I applied to.
<DaRk_oDiN>: And I'm looking to get my degree in Computer Science and Technology from these people...
<DaRk_oDiN>: So, they schedule a placement test for me to take to see what ther classes I need to take.
<DaRk_oDiN>: That placement test happens to be on their website...
<DaRk_oDiN>: Turns out, their servers are friggen broken and I have to reschedule my placement test after witing for like two hours.
<DaRk_oDiN>: And I want these people to teach ME how to work on computers -_-
<DaRk_oDiN>: Maybe they wanted to show me the universal protocol of bullshitting your customers.
<DaRk_oDiN>: I mean, that's like me going to a culinary school and they're like "Sorry, we can't seem to figure out how this damn over turns on, you're gonna have to come back later."
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Quote: 662788; Rating: -207; [+|-]
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<ByeRights> what is it? firewire?
<@Pugh> erm...Serial
<ByeRights> probably uses a universal serial bus then
<ByeRights> oh wait, USB...
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Quote: 663025; Rating: -190; [+|-]
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pOrTkI w AkCjI : i went to nickle nickle
pOrTkI w AkCjI : there were black people
pOrTkI w AkCjI : so i didnt get to play any shooters
pOrTkI w AkCjI : or the basket ball game
pOrTkI w AkCjI : fuckers
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Quote: 663060; Rating: -135; [+|-]
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Dead Star> And I'm trying hard to moderate drugs.
Dead Star> Like less and less and less and less
Dead Star> I wanna stop weed I think, until I'm famous or something.
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Quote: 663074; Rating: 1176; [+|-]
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<agrippina> so there was this guy at work today, who brought back a copy of Madden '06 because it was it wouldn't play in his son's x box. he starts mumbling about how when he was young, he never had to worry about his baseball being compatable with his glove or his bat. And before i can stop myself, i blurt out
"true. but no one ever died chasing their x box into the street."
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Quote: 663087; Rating: 3082; [+|-]
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<Td00d> a girl just walked past the window
<Ernestiqus> Go for it.
<Td00d> she's a bit too young.
<Ernestiqus> I swear officer, I didn't know she was 16
<Td00d> she isn't 16 :/
<Ernestiqus> If there's grass on the field play ball!
<Td00d> she's so young I doubt she's got hair there...
<Ernestiqus> Old enough to bleed is old enough to breed.
<Td00d> i don't think she's in puberty already
<Ernestiqus> Hit it before puberty does.
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Quote: 663126; Rating: 1663; [+|-]
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<Xeph> fuck
<Xeph> i meant to create 2 rar files at 200000000 bytes a piece
<Xeph> not 200000000 files
<Xeph> at 2 bytes a piece
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Quote: 663208; Rating: 378; [+|-]
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<RetardedMonkey> Fuck I drink too much coke
<RetardedMonkey> 4 x 1.25L bottles
<RetardedMonkey> 2 x 2L bottles
<RetardedMonkey> 2 x 600ML bottles
<moth> Say hello to my little friend - diabetes
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Quote: 663304; Rating: 682; [+|-]
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<greggk> will somebody please tell me why, in our self-proclaimed conservative society, do homophobic parents teach their children "rub a dub dub, three /men/ in a tub"?
<greggk> not only does it endorse homosexuality and promiscuity, but it also implants children with the false stereotype that all butchers and bakers are sodomites.
<joshmunki> what about the candlestick makers?
<greggk> actually, the rhyme is right about them. they're all assdildo fags.
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Quote: 663354; Rating: 1866; |
<Chalklatemilk> ok so im wacking off to a video of two lesbians fucking eachother
<Chalklatemilk> then i hear my mom walking down the hall to this room
<Chalklatemilk> so i quickly close the video
<Chalklatemilk> then she walks in and im sitting with my pants down, left hand around the cock, and she looks at me...then looks at the screen...my desktop was open and had three naked gnomes standing by a fireplace...the look on her face as she left the room will stick with me till the day i die.
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Quote: 663380; Rating: 112; [+|-]
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rated U for ugly: Maybe they should put the IRS at the border instead...
rated U for ugly: cause illegals
rated U for ugly: seem to be afraid of paying taxes
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Quote: 663524; Rating: 1797; [+|-]
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SpUnGe14: I should name my nuts Trinidad and Tobago
skater067: or
skater067: the virgin islands
SpUnGe14: Ouch
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Quote: 663726; Rating: 396; [+|-]
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<drjazz> I don't use an IP address, too dangerous
<DeeTee> yeah, all those websites kept telling me my ip address. was like wtf, so i rang my ISP and asked them to delete it.
<drjazz> indeed, I got that error that my computer was broadcasting an IP address
<drjazz> took care of that shit pronto
<DeeTee> oh hell yeah, cant have that shit out there for those fucking crazies to use.
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Quote: 664028; Rating: 766; [+|-]
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< alx> wow irc feels like television right now
< alx> 75 channels and not a thing worth watching
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Quote: 664122; Rating: 1023; [+|-]
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<DjK> well, I noticed that the noise my kid makes when he gets into a tantrum at the shops wanting chocolate is EXACTLY the same noise he makes when I accidentally cut off the top of his finger when he's helping me prepare the carrots.
<Rovie> ...
<DjK> and they say I'm a bad parent - but I notice these little things!
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Quote: 664245; Rating: 1475; [+|-]
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firedevilsfriend: dude! skype for pocket pc
firedevilsfriend: that means I can use my cell phone as... a phone!
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Quote: 664248; Rating: 1175; [+|-]
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<Lynxis> so i was outside today..
<Lynxis> i seen this bird chasing after this a butterfly
<Lynxis> my first thought was that the bird was probably trying to rape the butterfly
<Lynxis> then my second thought was maybe the butterfly was playing hard to get
<Lynxis> and my third thought was "Wow, I must really hang out in the wrong places on the internet."
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Quote: 664268; Rating: -156; [+|-]
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<kaleido> Instead of distributing condoms in gay bars and at productions of the play "Rent," where they might have done some good, Koop insisted on distributing condoms in kindergarten classes, in prder to emphasize the point that AIDS does not discriminate, which it does.
<kaleido> i got suspended in 7th grade over some shit like that
<kaleido> <teacher> straight people can get aids too
<kaleido> <me> name one
<kaleido> they had me on the curb out front waiting for my mom to pick me up so fast i wasnt sure if id been expelled or just suspended
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Quote: 664308; Rating: 363; [+|-]
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<ratSrdnaW> One time.. I went to the store and got some clothes.. and went to the changing room to try them on.. get the key from the lil attendant lady.. then I shouted out.. "oh man! we're out of toilet paper in here!"
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Quote: 664348; Rating: 532; [+|-]
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<ScriptBlue> the first thing I've been invited to in high school was our graduation party
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Quote: 664427; Rating: 2179; [+|-]
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Magus5311: I got a C- in Spanish 1.
Magus5311: Then I got a summer job doing construction
Magus5311: Next year I had an A+
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Quote: 664440; Rating: 683; [+|-]
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schraitle: have you ever noticed how geeks and the rest of the world are going backwards from each other?
schraitle: i mean, the geeks started on email and chatrooms, while the rest of the world were using phones
schraitle: and now, everyone's using text messaging and stuff on their cell phones, while the geeks have VoIP and skype
schraitle: somebody's going the wrong way
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Quote: 664482; Rating: 526; [+|-]
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<@Witchlord> omg
<@Witchlord> I just thought of a website that I had to go to
<@Witchlord> and then for some reason went to hotmail instead, when I havent needed to go to hotmail in over 5 years
<@Witchlord> and my first thought was "holy shit, i drove home this drunk"
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Quote: 664484; Rating: 1844; [+|-]
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<@Ustas> Sigh. Got to go buy some food. A mouse hung itself in my fridge and left a note "can't live like this"
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Quote: 664485; Rating: 693; [+|-]
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Godchicken: One of my co-worker's roommates is a total myspace whore. She's gone through 5 boyfriends in 4 months plus other random dates... and all off Myspace.
Godchicken: I want a piece of it before she's all worn out
Method: Put a quarter on her head and call next, like in the arcade
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Quote: 664495; Rating: 1521; [+|-]
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<Mod> So, how many are you inviting?
<Ned> Dunno. I'll check the random number generator.
<Ned> Oh. It says 22345780
<Ned> We're gonna have to get more dip.
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Quote: 664605; Rating: 176; [+|-]
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<Jake> Caffeine and I are getting along well today.
<Nismorack> Didn't you break up?
<Jake> We talked it over
<Storm> how the hell could you break up with caffeine?
<Storm> that's just insanity
<Jake> I already have to deal with transient insomnia
<Jake> Caffeine just compounds the issue.
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Quote: 664684; Rating: 583; [+|-]
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<krangface> man fucking big brother... border security... soon they're gonna have a show called the fascist purge... which consists of people being rounded up and systematically shot
<drexen> that's the 'war on terrorism'
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