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Quote: 618396; Rating: 862; [+|-]
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<zshzn> the other day my programming teacher said "Richaaaard....I have a technical problem"
<zshzn> I looked over to see that his tower was gone. just not there.
<zshzn> how that happened, I don't know
<zshzn> about four of us went and stood around his desk in quiet confusion
<zshzn> one of them was like 'at least you still have a mouse...'
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Quote: 618579; Rating: 2173; [+|-]
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<Altair> hey guys
<Altair> gotta question for you all.
<Altair> If you could listen to one song before you died, what would it be?
<Spike> The song that never ends?
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Quote: 618715; Rating: -220; [+|-]
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<Buzzons> its not i dont know how to do it, its just i dont know why its erroring
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Quote: 618717; Rating: 452; [+|-]
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<C@^^31> data mining is a lucrative business, my uncle founded Datatown over near Silicon Valley back in '49
<C@^^31> died of the 01001lung
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Quote: 618750; Rating: 1357; [+|-]
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<Fong Pei> So... today in class, we were playing with voice recognition on a power book.
<Fong Pei> Someone told it "Computer, destroy the world as we know it"
<Fong Pei> Right after that was said... someone else's laptop finishes booting up and plays the windows sound...
<Fong Pei> whole class bursted out laughing
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Quote: 618970; Rating: 1249; [+|-]
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<PoPsI>Today in english, my teacher asked us to write down one thing we regretted or wondered what would've happened if we had done something else.
<PoPsI>After that, he asked us to share some and he picked me.
<PoPsI>He's like "What did you write down?" and i say "I wonder what would've happened if i had taken the red pill..."
<PoPsI>Then everyone stared at me...it was hella funny.
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Quote: 619062; Rating: 2147; [+|-]
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<Serpentor> My sister has this one friend of hers (who's 19 about to turn 20).. goddamit the girl is the cutest thing .. (her friend, not my sister you fucking pervert). Whenever I see her I want to fucking beat off (again, the friend, not my fucking sister you misinterpretter)
<PainBreak> i think Serpentor has a guilty conscience
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Quote: 619483; Rating: 1921; [+|-]
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<Viperz> I don't know what to write on my college application for community service that I've done...
<SG> Priest in World of Warcraft
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Quote: 619614; Rating: 2549; [+|-]
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<Conflict> my girlfriend tattooed this guy's dick last week and when i came home i was like "how'd the tattoo go?" and she goes "fine, except that I needed both hands so I had to hold his cock in my mouth." i was like "thats ni-you whaaa?!??"
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Quote: 619650; Rating: 774; [+|-]
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<pokerface> Mac development is OK, so long as you don't mind that your target audience is likely to be you and the three other mac guys.
<TheFeniX_Work> last I checked there were at least 9 Mac gamers out there. Show some respect for the demographic pokerface.
<pokerface> Respect begins with double digits.
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Quote: 619711; Rating: 1409; [+|-]
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<Bowstring> Notice how people always associate mental people with carrying knives? If they were really mental they'd try to stab people with a hoover or something.
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Quote: 619762; Rating: 745; [+|-]
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<happyguy> guess what! i actually found jeans of length 30-34!
<trio82> you wear 30-34's? whats ur height and weight?
<happyguy> 6'3", 150lbs
<banished> youre 6'3" and you weigh 150lbs?
<banished> i thought you said you were american
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Quote: 620218; Rating: 813; [+|-]
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[PlatypusMan] You're cluttering the chat.
[PlatypusMan] It's like littering on a highway.
[PlatypusMan] Somewhere an e-indian is crying.
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Quote: 620397; Rating: 2168; [+|-]
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[Sativa] My sister earlier, got pulled over by a cop
[Sativa] He said 'Can I see your licence'
[Sativa] And she gave him her credit card on accident
[Sativa] And he is like 'I only accept cash'
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Quote: 620553; Rating: 94; [+|-]
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<@Vacorsis> The universe is racist
<@Vacorsis> At night you can see thousands of stars, and none of them are black
<@Vacorsis> That's just total bullshit
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Quote: 620757; Rating: 209; [+|-]
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Mizz0Spiegel: There were so many southerners in florida
Shinigaami: Uhh, maybe that's because Florida's in the south.
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Quote: 620923; Rating: 60; [+|-]
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hitm4n: the next 3 auctions all end within 2 mins of each other
hitm4n: 1h11m, 1h12m and 1h14m on each
caffeinekid: for a minute there, I thought you were having trouble spelling your nick :s
caffeinekid: i should pay more attention
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Quote: 620964; Rating: -30; [+|-]
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<Sordly> One of the worst moments of anyone's life would have to when you realize there's only enough peanut butter to cover the front half of your body ...
<Whatanut> That's only a problem until one realizes there's still the jelly...
<Sordly> True, true
<Madster> Whatanut... ew
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Quote: 620992; Rating: -39; [+|-]
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<|LK|Masterknight89> man i wonder why im never invoved in the net split
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Quote: 621022; Rating: 2841; [+|-]
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<Andrew> woot
<Andrew> I just used my mastercard for the first time
<Andrew> I'm a man now.
<debian_> what u buy
<Andrew> purse
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Quote: 621029; Rating: 1441; [+|-]
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Walbanger: i got the greatest pick-up line ever
Walbanger: But i cant tell you because you're a girl
nekofairy: ...
nekofairy: Harvey, are you gay?
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Quote: 621091; Rating: 833; [+|-]
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<bLank> I was just watching Swordfish and the senators assistant hands him a floppy disc and says "Sir, we have a problem" ... I'm sorry, but nothing important has ever been able to fit on a floppy disc, there's no way the senator is going to have his fly-fishing disturbed for 1.4 mb
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Quote: 621255; Rating: -129; [+|-]
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(+RossH) I don't get tested....I just fuck women.....and tell them I have aids......when they freak out....go get tested and call me crying from joy because they are clean I know I passed
(+RossH) I'm cheap
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Quote: 621403; Rating: 256; [+|-]
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<Mak0> history class was hilarious today
<Mak0> teacher asks "can anyone name a law put into effect by a president that they dont agree with?"
<Mak0> my response: "the Emancipation Proclamation"
<Mak0> its ok though, its a honors class so of course no black people are in it
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Quote: 621568; Rating: 2245; [+|-]
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< Darien> I saw a coworker trying to figure out how to make his chair lean back
< Darien> he was on the ground looking at the bottom of it
< Darien> we talk about the chairs for a minute or so
< Darien> then he puts on his headset, hits a button on his phone, and says 'Sorry ma'am, thanks for holding.'
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Quote: 621572; Rating: 874; [+|-]
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[sp00n06] i don't get math
[vinyard] you get even?
[sp00n06] ??
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Quote: 621588; Rating: 1225; [+|-]
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icemann182002: YOU ARE FUCKING GAY IF YOU READ THIS.
violinist394: Fuck.
Jambalaya : shit, I guess I'm gay now
Shibs: What? I can't make out the message.
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Quote: 621643; Rating: 272; [+|-]
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<Dissident> I just wrote an entire paper of complete BS
<Dissident> and not just BS, but horribly obvious BS
<Dissident> like something a stoned person would have written
<Dissident> a very stoned person
<Dissident> who passed out on the keyboard halfway through
<Chaos> "The industrial revolution was gggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg"
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Quote: 621695; Rating: 786; [+|-]
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Marumekomu> This silence is far from golden
<Marumekomu> that reminds me, I need a shower
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Quote: 622468; Rating: 448; [+|-]
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Vipar87: so my old ass english teacher starts going on about passing a failing kids when she starts up a story about this school bus driver who needed to pass this class to keep his job. Well, he ended up with a D+, failing, but right at the edge of a C, so she nudged him up enough to pass him. A few weeks later, he
was in a wreck while driving the school bus. He died, but none of the kids did and she goes "I'm so glad I passed him so he could save those kids..." and I'm like... "Bitch, if you woulda failed him, he'd be alive, and the new, SMARTER bus driver wouldn't have wrecked the bus anyway!"
mario13256: idiot
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Quote: 622562; Rating: 556; [+|-]
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<minadein> so my materials lecturer at uni is like
<minadein> "this year we will be focusing on failure"
<minadein> "for those who are repeating the subject, this will be new to you"
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Quote: 622573; Rating: 934; [+|-]
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<teddy> bryno, thats the dumbest thing ive ever read
<teddy> and ive read the patriot act...
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Quote: 622734; Rating: -338; [+|-]
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<d!P_$#!+> So do bully's who take your money grow up to be jews?
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Quote: 622750; Rating: 699; [+|-]
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<@jjsff8> I wanna find a girl who loves me for my money, but doesnt understand math.
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Quote: 622896; Rating: 1577; [+|-]
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<PeriSoft> did I tell you about the time we were playing chess?
<PeriSoft> we're playing, and as usual she's pwning me
<PeriSoft> she takes like six of my pieces in a row
<PeriSoft> and then yells, in the deepest voice she has, "KILLING SPREE!@!!!"
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Quote: 622916; Rating: 1631; |
hehehe8383: school was pretty fun for me cus of the teachers =P
hehehe8383: like i remember this one time in like 5th grade or something
hehehe8383: i got a bloody nose in my math class and i had on a white shirt to boot
hehehe8383: so i went to the nurse for like 10 min. while i was sittin in the nurses office, the period was over so my class left and another class came in
hehehe8383: but i still had my books there so i had to go back in
hehehe8383: so i walk into the classroom with blood stains on my shirt and holding a blood spotted tissue up to my nose
hehehe8383: so the teacher pointed at me and she goes "see what i do to kids who dont do their homework?"
hehehe8383: i swear to you, this kid next to me had a MORTIFIED look on his face as he started scribbling stuff down on some incomplete worksheet =P
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Quote: 622999; Rating: 1074; [+|-]
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<b0b> fucking hell dude
<b0b> i hate when the salsa in the jar gets low
<b0b> and I try to get it out with a chip and it gets all of my fingers
<b0b> and i just end up crying myself to sleep with my fingers covered in salsa
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Quote: 623132; Rating: 2078; [+|-]
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<Bonz> I saw a debate in the US Congress where the Coast Guard and others were saying it's impossible to smuggle nukes into the US. One of the Congressman asked, "What if they're smart enough to pack it in a bale of marijuana? We know you can't stop THAT."
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Quote: 623233; Rating: 109; [+|-]
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<Jugulator> i need meat
<Yogi> meat is the bread of life
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Quote: 623457; Rating: 2104; [+|-]
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<predation> so I'm at work and this kid rings the bell on the counter RIGHT behind me
<predation> the kid goes "SORRY" when I turn around
<predation> kid's mom goes "sorry isn't an excuse when you do something stupid on purpose"
<predation> i'm putting it on a t-shirt
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Quote: 623506; Rating: 858; [+|-]
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<Rebka> y'know what i dont get? Lesbians who date girls who look like thye may as well be guys... I mean... WTF.. it's like deciding you like skydiving, then buyng a submarine.
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Quote: 623551; Rating: 795; [+|-]
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RIPpolaris89: omg, brokeback mountain is soooo gay
Brownie8290: NO SHIT SHERLOCK
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Quote: 623577; Rating: 265; [+|-]
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<tyrannosaurus> less is more
<tyrannosaurus> actually no
<tyrannosaurus> they're different binaries
<tyrannosaurus> my bad
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Quote: 623662; Rating: 1256; [+|-]
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<Vitor> When exactly did we stop talking about my penis?
<Gummi_Bear> We've moved on to bigger and better things.
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Quote: 623768; Rating: 491; [+|-]
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MrLauritson: I have concluded that M$ are a bunch of dirty bastards.
Kestral: Why's that?
MrLauritson: Basically I was talking to one of my female friends on MSN this morning.
MrLauritson: And she said "Well, it's Sunday so I'm going to go have a bath before starting one of those wonderful essays which I love writing so much xD"
MrLauritson: Literally JUST as she says that, I get a message at the top of the screen telling me that we both have webcams and can have a video conversation o.O
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Quote: 623871; Rating: 300; [+|-]
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<Omini> Worst... day... ever...
<Omini> I was on the crapper, and my right big toe hurt a little - so while I took a crap I decided to investigate...
<Omini> As soon as I took my sock off, I swear - the smell from my feet and the smell from my crap collided - if it was a movie, it would have cut scene to a nuclear explosion.
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Quote: 623918; Rating: 310; [+|-]
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<swl> I got a tshirt for my birthday that says "This ain't a beer belly, it's a fuel tank for a sex machine"
<swl> i wonder if it was a nice gesture or not :P
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Quote: 623969; Rating: -11; [+|-]
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<Freman> I just asked my boss why he's doing all the new gigabit runs in cat5 (not even cat5e) instead of cat6e... the fool replies and says "cat6e has bugs in it"....
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Quote: 624098; Rating: 810; [+|-]
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< Wombles> i rang up a taxi friday... drunk.. and in in a pirate accent.. i said "Yarr ahoy me maitie! i need me a row boat to take me back to me ship which is docked at <insert address>"
< Wombles> i can believe one came.
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Quote: 624106; Rating: 1062; [+|-]
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pi4arctan1guy: I cam home from grocery shopping and there wasn't enough room for all my food and I thought "This isn't fair! Most people never have to deal with the frustration of not being able to fit all their food in their refrigerators!" Then, I put my hands on my big white belly and laughed a very deep laugh,
while my top hat bobbed up and down and my cane leaned against my stack of property deeds and hundred dollar bills.
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