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Quote: 610089; Rating: 783; [+|-]
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<Vehementi> girlfriend-crafted brownies are the best
<BauB_> girlfriend crafted blowjobs are better
<Vvivix> those arnt really crafted though
<Vvivix> its more of a buff
<Vvivix> with a long cast time
<Hyper_Monkey20> Actaully, it's more of a debuff... It leaves you tranced and unable to go into combat.
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Quote: 610697; Rating: 1835; [+|-]
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<Guest1087> shut up asshole
<Pikanyah> If I'm an asshole, you're an asswipe. You're so low, you serve me.
<Guest1087> shup up bitch, i'm the asshole
<Guest1087> wait a sec....
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Quote: 610712; Rating: 802; [+|-]
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<Phatt_One> crap is disgusting
<syntax> hey dont bad mouth crap
<syntax> im a plumber
<syntax> if it werent for crap, i wouldnt be able to feed my family
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Quote: 610717; Rating: 691; [+|-]
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<NathanielsBlaze> what do you think the game would be called if mario had a gun
<FalconWarrior> Metroid.
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Quote: 610732; Rating: 1064; [+|-]
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cmerc: "Keep your face to the sunshine and you will not see the shadows". - Helen Keller
cmerc: SHE HAS NO IDEA WHAT SHES TALKING ABOUT
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Quote: 610847; Rating: 2817; [+|-]
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Good Book Report
Students were assigned to read 2 books, "Titanic" & "My Life" by Bill Clinton.
One smart-ass student turned in the following book report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories!
His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report:
Titanic:..... $29.99
Clinton:..... $29.99
Titanic:..... Over 3 hours to read
Clinton:..... Over 3 hours to read
Titanic:..... The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and
subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton:..... The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and
subsequent catastrophe.
Titanic:..... Jack is a starving artist.
Clinton:..... Bill is a bullshit artist.
Titanic:..... In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton:..... Ditto for Bill.
Titanic:..... During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton:..... Ditto for Monica.
Titanic:..... Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton:..... Let's not go there.
Titanic:..... Rose gets to keep her jewellery.
Clinton:..... Monica's forced to return her gifts.
Titanic:..... Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton:..... Clinton doesn't remember Jack.
Titanic:..... Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen.
Clinton:..... Monica...ooh, let's not go there, either.
Titanic:..... Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton:..... Bill goes home to Hilary...basically the same thing
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Quote: 610952; Rating: 1402; [+|-]
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(royshen) I have a headache
(MrWhite) i have a sandwich but i dont go around bragging about it
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Quote: 611017; Rating: 3050; [+|-]
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<Everdarkgreen> WE DID THE MASH
<Everdarkgreen> we did the keyboard mash
<Everdarkgreen> THE KEYBOARD MASH
<Everdarkgreen> it was a lihosdptjhskrjngiso;kihy,aehtptuyjgio;t
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Quote: 611036; Rating: 469; [+|-]
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< JaredCE> no, i had an idea for an ajax web2.0 calender that would pull details from flickr and google map
< shiruken> how far did you get?
< JaredCE> ermm
< JaredCE> i installed apache
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Quote: 611062; Rating: 1014; [+|-]
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<Alucard> and it was like love at first /whois
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Quote: 611136; Rating: 506; [+|-]
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<Ommi> So i was talking to this girl
<Ommi> that i have been talking to for a very long time now on msn messenger
<Ommi> and today i sent her a picture
<Ommi> after that she went offline
<Ommi> and now she's back online and isn't answering anything i say :/
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Quote: 611290; Rating: 184; [+|-]
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Edgey: I don't have a girlfriend...I just know a girl that would get really mad, if she heard me say that.
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Quote: 611370; Rating: 374; [+|-]
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MetalJunkie: Is it just me, or has technology gone too far when I have to ask whether or not my calculator is backwards compatible..
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Quote: 611400; Rating: 1808; [+|-]
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<spazbob> im orderin a black dvd writer, on the assumption it'll run faster
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Quote: 611458; Rating: -439; [+|-]
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<ToasterIron> guys check it out i'm going to be this awesome scientist
<ToasterIron> one day i'm going to invent a base the only melts jews on contact
<ToasterIron> i'll call it holocaustic
<Tristain> "DO NOT CONCENTRATE"
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Quote: 611544; Rating: 585; [+|-]
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kristchan: you know you want some of mama's lovin
cromicus: thats disgusting
kristchan: I'd leave you walkin funnny
cromicus: yeah, that funny walkin is called "running away"
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Quote: 611737; Rating: 1119; [+|-]
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< smith> right, I just opened the yellow pages at random to the "scaffolding" page
< smith> and there's an advert saying "ENSURE YOUR NEXT ERECTION IS IN SAFE HANDS"
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Quote: 612046; Rating: 1630; [+|-]
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<koharski> heh, my dad "hey, can you run some CAT5 into my room?"
<koharski> apparently he wants to "check his email in bed"
<koharski> yesterday the router was blinking alot in my room
<koharski> so I went upstairs and knocked on his door
<koharski> "get any interesting emails?"
<koharski> he told me to go to bed :(
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Quote: 612055; Rating: 606; [+|-]
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Vann: turns out grilling the peanut butter and jelly was not my best idea.
Jeffrey: OMG you didn't...
Vann: no, george foreman did.
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Quote: 612175; Rating: 1434; [+|-]
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<Sunny> Holy crap!
<Sunny> No wonder I'm always being stared at by the cat across the way
<Sunny> There are two of them!!!
<Sunny> They must have been taking shifts...
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Quote: 612472; Rating: 535; [+|-]
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sexy heyyyyy Adam i'm Sandra do you remember me?
DJARCAS FUCK OFF BOT
sexy same here
DJARCAS I win.
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Quote: 612687; Rating: 1186; [+|-]
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<K|O|G|I> -- boss just gave me a list of things to do...
<K|O|G|I> #2) service computers (clean, oil, etc)
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Quote: 613103; Rating: 599; [+|-]
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[workin] I went back to get another 20" monitor..
[workin] they were sold out!
[workin] I had to get a 19
[workin] I told my husband ONLY a man would say that 1" doesn't matter
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Quote: 613300; Rating: 1672; [+|-]
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<fraseyboy> you know what i just realized?
<fraseyboy> I can be anyone i want on IRC!!!!!
<fraseyboy> ...
* fraseyboy is now known as fraseyman
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Quote: 613464; Rating: 256; [+|-]
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Brian Laptop: myspace is like the vegas of the internet.... a lot of people want to go but no one wants to admit what happens when they're there
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Quote: 613541; Rating: 1011; [+|-]
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USnip: today in english class
USnip: the teacher was discussing a thesis statement about close friends
USnip: and she was like
USnip: "well what do you want from a close friend?"
USnip: and one guy yelled out "well is it a male or a female"?
USnip: and she snapped back "I'm sure it doesn't matter to YOU"
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Quote: 613563; Rating: 2645; [+|-]
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,meep> i hate the parents who go "does it wash off?"
<meep> i'm like wtf! of course it freaking washes off
<meep> it's face paint
<meep> no i am going to permanently mark your child to look like a cat.
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Quote: 613868; Rating: 337; [+|-]
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<joesboxd3b> it is just ironic.... you can't get the cvs version of cvs unless you get the older version of cvs then cvs to the cvs server to get the latest cvs version of cvs
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Quote: 614648; Rating: 2288; [+|-]
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<@Wally> stupid muslims promise virgins
<@Wally> if they promised lightsabers I'd be on my way to mecca
<@Wally> I can hang out with virgins on IRC
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Quote: 614856; Rating: 1149; [+|-]
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<Geese> Did you know that some people say "niche" instead of "niche"?
<ChupaChups> no way
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Quote: 615253; Rating: 1788; [+|-]
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<defekt> eh, some muslims just burned the swiss flag as a danish flag
<naama-> it's the thought that counts
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Quote: 615496; Rating: 2026; [+|-]
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<Rebbel> Man Google Earth is awesome
<Android18> Why?
<Rebbel> Im looking at my house
<Rebbel> brb, pizzas here
<BFMV> Now thats what i call technology
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Quote: 615658; Rating: -156; [+|-]
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<MMCD> my friend got expelled for bringing in kim by eminem, the one where he abuses his wive and says he's gonna kill her
<Tiger> No no...in 'Kim' he murders her new boyfriend, slits the guy's 4 year old son's throat, takes Kim on a drive and chokes her to death.
<MMCD> oh yeah couldn't remember been ages since i heard it
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Quote: 615836; Rating: 85; [+|-]
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Sexay Prof Long: Opera 10 is going to require a resolution of 1280x1024
Sexay Prof Long: it will contain a 1280x1000 ad
Sexay Prof Long: leaving you 24 pixels of vertical space for internet browsing
Gothic: haha
Gothic: It'll open a whole new avenue for 1280x24 porn
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Quote: 616101; Rating: 972; [+|-]
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<J-Dawg> no, I just refuse to turn on my heat after my $255 heating bill
<WeirdAl> 1 dollar more and you'd need another bit
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Quote: 616259; Rating: 3829; [+|-]
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<Jenny> I love you.
<Jenny> I just wanted you to know, incase you were starting to doubt.
<Phalanx> My bro's not here right now, and by the way he's cheating on you.
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Quote: 616340; Rating: 409; [+|-]
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@redhook: I'm surprised california doesnt require large neon writing on handguns that say "WARNING: Bullet Comes Out Here ->>>" pointing at the barrel
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Quote: 616678; Rating: 10; [+|-]
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Nobdepot signed on at 4:00:27 PM.
VenuSparkle85 (4:00:37 PM): hey
Nobdepot (4:00:39 PM): hey
VenuSparkle85 (4:00:41 PM): brb
Nobdepot (4:00:54 PM): wtf??? you messaged me just to say that?]
Nobdepot (5:43:35 PM): ...
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Quote: 616894; Rating: 1621; [+|-]
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<inspin> so just as I cutting into my pizza, the bell rang
<inspin> It was the little girl from nextdoor, asking where my sister was
<inspin> so I hold up the knife covered in tomatosauce and say in an evil voice "she's not here right now"
<3ll3> LOL
<inspin> so she screams and runs away
<inspin> I felt guitly so I start chasing her saying "I'm sorry"
<inspin> Then her father sees me chasing after his little girl with, what he must have thougt, a bloody knife
<3ll3> I hope he called the cops on you :p
<inspin> well no, but I don't think I'm getting my knife back anytime soon :(
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Quote: 616895; Rating: 2648; [+|-]
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[translated from German]
<MuschiExpress> kater are you there?
<KoolerKater> yeah
<MuschiExpress> What kind of spaz are you?
<KoolerKater> what's up?
<MuschiExpress> You were supposed to burn my holiday videos on DVD for my wife
<MuschiExpress> NOT your porn collection ffs
<KoolerKater> omg wait a minute... you said you wanted the holiday stuff and that porn
<MuschiExpress> Yes, but on TWO, in numbers, 2, you understand, TWO DVDs!!!
<KoolerKater> ...
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Quote: 616898; Rating: 901; [+|-]
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<Korru> Quite friendly hacker/account thief
<Korru> Returned my account, got a message in email with the password.
<Korru> "Thanks for the loan"
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Quote: 617003; Rating: 1501; [+|-]
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<Rjx> see i'm fully willing to honour "valentines day" as long as the female in question honours "naked nintendo day"
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Quote: 617073; Rating: -13; [+|-]
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GregatCW: gee, the more people are paid the more useless they are? "For the most part, typing skills are inversely proportional to salary; meaning, the more money someone makes, the worse they are at typing."
suoiritras: ya
suoiritras: so, except, does that mean myspace is occupied by billionaires?
GregatCW: .... must be... you've discovered the secret to my space...
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Quote: 617265; Rating: 1262; [+|-]
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<apeloverage> my friend was fired from his job in a sex shop
<apeloverage> when his boss found evidence that he'd been looking at bus timetables on his work computer
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Quote: 617477; Rating: 1335; [+|-]
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<Nichole> at what point do you cross that line from "seeing someone" to "boyfriend/girlfriend" status
<RobbiePaul> After he starts hitting you
<Nichole> fist or open handed?
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Quote: 617492; Rating: 508; [+|-]
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<+Toba> heh, you can chmod a file to 007
<+Toba> license to be killed
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Quote: 617739; Rating: 103; [+|-]
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* Josh` is listening to : In Flames - Vacuum.mp3
<NoEvidenZ> that song sucks.
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Quote: 617880; Rating: 2265; [+|-]
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<anial8r> you know what? KFC is ONE letter yes ONE letter away from fuck.
<anial8r> i have just thought of their next motto
<anial8r> KFC! the only thing missing is U!
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Quote: 618078; Rating: 2042; [+|-]
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ErrorHst : im getting tired of your ignorance
DoomDayMassacre : im not ignoring u
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Quote: 618165; Rating: 2734; [+|-]
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* Sinbad changes topic to '15000 atheists in London rioted after a blank sheet of paper was found on a cartoonist's desk'
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