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Quote: 417081; Rating: 712; [+|-]
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mojo: oh my god that was the greatest ever
mojo: UPS guy was at my door delivering some stuff to me
mojo: and this guy from across the street was on the sidewalk talking to him about a cell phone delivery or some nonsense
mojo: and the UPS guy says "crazy foreigner from across the street keeps bothering me, i don't even think he has a house"
mojo: "he probably drives a taxi because he can't get a real job"
mojo: and i smiled at him and said "yea. nothing at all like driving a UPS truck." *SLAM* |
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Quote: 417089; Rating: 323; [+|-]
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<blanco> chicks dig ignorance
<blanco> but only as long as do it with an accent |
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Quote: 417106; Rating: 788; [+|-]
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<janelle> i hate guys
<PacerX> hey, people can piss me off too, but i don't write off their whole gnder
<PacerX> that would make me a feminist |
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Quote: 417107; Rating: 3065; [+|-]
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<PacerX> i made a kid stop crying today
<bemyfreak> awww, how sweet
<PacerX> i knocked him unconcious
<bemyfreak> WHAT |
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Quote: 417139; Rating: 1423; [+|-]
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* Now talking in #crimehackerz
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<snoldak> im so lonely |
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Quote: 417147; Rating: 620; [+|-]
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<doom-> i never seen a canadian battleship
<[C1RCA]> cuz we STEALTH NUGGA!' |
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Quote: 417153; Rating: 107; [+|-]
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(Deranged): I wanna get a job in a candy store putting fudge into boxes.
(Deranged): That way, when people ask what I do for a living, I can say I'm a fudge packer. |
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Quote: 417254; Rating: 319; [+|-]
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<Mark_Ryan> those of you using mIRC, for a neat trick, hold down shift and click the "#wikipedia" button up the top
<Slowking_Man> I'm betting that closes it.
<Mark_Ryan> nah it does a 3D animation
* Parts: neilc ([email protected])
* Parts: squash- ([email protected]) ("Leaving")
* Joins: squash- ([email protected])
<squash-> it works on xchat too |
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Quote: 417265; Rating: 304; [+|-]
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<Dave_A> Raping Secial Ed Kids is Fucking Retarded. |
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Quote: 417362; Rating: 318; [+|-]
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<Deepsy`SilentHill4> my ex came with BitchX internally intergrated. |
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Quote: 417967; Rating: 489; [+|-]
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<@asym> I bet rob zombie would win the election if he came on TV and said "elect me or I will open the gates of hell." |
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Quote: 418422; Rating: 1641; [+|-]
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<AnGeLcAkE-14fFA>wanna cyber?
<shiroi>sure
<AnGeLcAkE-14fFA>ok, i move close to u
<AnGeLcAkE-14fFA>i start rubbin your chest and unbutton your pants
<AnGeLcAkE-14fFA>..
<AnGeLcAkE-14fFA>hello?
<shiroi>hmm? oh..er. Yea cool.
<AnGeLcAkE-14fFA>u suck at this
<shiroi>I suck? You're the one signing on to irc with your asl in your nick looking for a lovelife. You suck at life.
<shiroi> You're probably not even a girl.
AnGeLcAkE-14fFA has quit IRC. (Quit)
<shiroi>Damnit, I'll never get a net gf at this rate :( |
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Quote: 418770; Rating: -225; [+|-]
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MynameisTim <Joins>
MynameisTim:u00a0 Oh my fucking god, I was just whacking off and I have these crazy lumps on my coozer I think they are warts, anyway I'm sitting there ALMOST at climax when BOOM! one pops and coats my face with pus
MynameisTim:u00a0 so what are you guys up to? |
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Quote: 418773; Rating: 188; [+|-]
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<sticker> Scientists have recently dicsovered that most women will, at some time in their life, contain small amounts of intelligent DNA.
<sticker> Unfortunately for a large majority of females, this is only a temporary state, as over 95% of them will SPIT IT OUT!!!
<sticker> lmao
<ShadowHunter> rofl
<MrSupreme> rofl, good one
<CouldItBe> lmao nice one sticker |
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Quote: 418790; Rating: 1526; [+|-]
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<@drift_nax> i had 2 options
<@drift_nax> close the porn
<@drift_nax> or pull up my pants |
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Quote: 419629; Rating: 596; [+|-]
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<@Kamui> whats a flamewar without music?
<@Kamui> xD
<Br0thershin> Religion. |
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Quote: 419730; Rating: 89; [+|-]
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<Cheese> I'm going to Visit Canada one day anyway :/
<microburn> Cheese, we'll go drinking.
<Cheese> microburn, not until I'm like 23/24 ;s
<Cheese> What would be funny is
<Cheese> if we all still talk
<microburn> Cheese, : That would be sad if stayed on IRC for 8 more years talking to you all.
<Cheese> :s
* microburn commits suicide.
<Cheese> 8?
<microburn> I have 8.
<microburn> I'm 16.
<Cheese> microburn, I can't see a day when we still don't come on IRC
<Cheese> we might have graphics then
<microburn> Graphics?
<muert0> yeah me dancin naked in a box to your left
* microburn quits IRC, now. |
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Quote: 419733; Rating: 828; [+|-]
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Rain Complex: That was depressing Drew
Rain Complex: Please hold while I stab myself to death
BLUeTalon24: ok
BLUeTalon24: hurry back
Rain Complex: Okay, I'm back
BLUeTalon24: wb!
Rain Complex: I went to Hell ):
BLUeTalon24: that musta sucked
Rain Complex: Thank you
Rain Complex: Yes
Rain Complex: Well I'm still there
Rain Complex: They have computers!
BLUeTalon24: they have AIM too?
Rain Complex: They're 133s running only WinNT and AOL
BLUeTalon24: with spyware galore
Rain Complex: And pop-up makers
Rain Complex: Bootlegged Britney Spears WMAs playing in fast forward 24/7
BLUeTalon24: haha WMA is evil
Rain Complex: Linux users are crying everywhere
Rain Complex: And all the Mac people jumped into the pit of fire and sulfur
Rain Complex: The keyboards are DVORAK
BLUeTalon24: hahaha
Rain Complex: They only have trackballs
Rain Complex: And tape-drives
Rain Complex: 4.25 floppy drives that don't work
BLUeTalon24: left handed single click dirty rolling ball mice with no scroll wheel.
Rain Complex: No scroll wheels for thousands of miles, my friend |
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Quote: 419746; Rating: 32; [+|-]
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<worstazn> yo i need to find a new bitch..
<mejmanyme> k i have a plan
<mejmanyme> you running windows or linux?
<worstazn> winxp....
<mejmanyme> k, hit start and then "run"
<mejmanyme> type in "cmd"
<mejmanyme> after commandprompt opens
<mejmanyme> type currentbitch /release
<mejmanyme> then currentbitch /renew
<mejmanyme> now type currentbitch /all and send the results |
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Quote: 419747; Rating: 813; [+|-]
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cpufreak04: Fun fact.
cpufreak04: Take 'HAL' from 2001: A Space Odyssey
cpufreak04: And move every letter one letter forward (Y=Z, X=Y)
cpufreak04: What do you get?
MavAntagonist: g_k
cpufreak04: FORWARD.
MavAntagonist: oh....IBM!
MavAntagonist: OMG! |
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Quote: 419832; Rating: 2135; [+|-]
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<cbatoday> my friend walked in on me having sex on his bed last night
<Nemoso> was he pissed?
<cbatoday> well yea, it was with his girlfriend : |
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Quote: 419930; Rating: -831; [+|-]
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<Bilbo>: Pac Man time!
<Bilbo>: < ............. M
<Bilbo>: < ........ M
<Bilbo>: < . M
<Bilbo>: ^
<Bilbo>: Oops. I died. |
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Quote: 420169; Rating: 703; [+|-]
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<lh> oh shit
<lh> started pickin my nose
<lh> then realised i got like my webcam on to 7 ppl |
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Quote: 420181; Rating: 2103; [+|-]
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<sic1> so you tried to go home
<sic1> and it wouldn't start?
<sp4nk> Indeed.
<sp4nk> I wish I knew a thing or two about cars.
<sp4nk> I wonder if there's a troubleshooter online that's like Microsoft's thing.
<sp4nk> Problem: My car will not start.
<sic1> HAHAHA
<sp4nk> Suggestion: Have you tried turning the key?
<sp4nk> [ ] Yes, this solved the problem.
<sp4nk> [x] No, the car still will not start.
<sp4nk> This troubleshooter is unable to solve your problem. |
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Quote: 420275; Rating: 1943; [+|-]
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<ColdRage687> do you like psychiatry
<Avs4Cup2K3> my mom's a psychiatrist
<ColdRage687> i dont
<ColdRage687> i used to think the brain was the most fascinating part of the body
<ColdRage687> but then i realized
<ColdRage687> pssssh
<ColdRage687> look whats telling me that |
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Quote: 420391; Rating: 1654; [+|-]
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<Cyb> heh this guy I knew in high school forgot to write an english paper until like the day before it was due and it was supposed to be a work of fiction a couple pages long
<Cyb> so he wrote down the half-life sp story
<Cyb> and stretched it out as much as he could
<Cyb> and got an A |
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Quote: 420439; Rating: 373; [+|-]
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<@Casper> Girl from work and I went to the pool hall
<@Casper> I asked her if she wanted to start talking
<@Casper> She said we would talk about it tomorrow
<@Casper> She has a nice looking sister too
<@cypher> start talking about what?
<@Casper> going out
<@cypher> people _plan_ relationship status?
<Vehementi> not only do they plan relationship status, they plan *talking* about relationship status.
<Vehementi> later in the relationship this is more commonly known as the "Let's talk about our relationship" trap
<@cypher> Vehementi: <3
<sh> $relationship->discuss();
<sh> new Relationship; |
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Quote: 420517; Rating: 644; [+|-]
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<Managore> Heh.. All I ever drink is cock and fanta.
<Managore> FUCK
<Apocalypse> !!!ROFLMAO!!! ..Freudian slip eh??
<Managore> NO
<Managore> FUCK
<Managore> SHIT
<Managore> FUCK
<Managore> FUCK |
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Quote: 420589; Rating: 2098; [+|-]
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<@dawoker> my manager dropped by and told me to stop using things like "my president is an assclown" in string testing for some of our code. |
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Quote: 420634; Rating: 404; [+|-]
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<SnowBlind> We need to get that professor who mutated Oranges to have THC, so that Bacon has THC.
<^goat^> mmmmm potbacon
<SnowBlind> GET HIGH WHILE YOU FRY!
<LynchHung> lol
<SnowBlind> We'll call it JAMAICAN BACON!
<Gazoo> Oranges have THC? |
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Quote: 420685; Rating: 2309; [+|-]
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<tadpoleofdeath> Why do so many math majors confuse Halloween and Christmas?
<elfking> why?
<tadpoleofdeath> Because Oct 31 is Dec 25 |
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Quote: 420839; Rating: 2016; [+|-]
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<Siege>: Omg theres this really hot girl at my school.
<WarHawk>: Aww. Siegebear is in wuv.
<Siege>:Everytime she smiles i wanna cum all over her face.
<WarHawk>: Whoa |
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Quote: 420855; Rating: 9332; [+|-]
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gentoogod: omg dude
gentoogod: today i might the stupidest 3 people i ever met
gentoogod: thier 3 brains combined couldnt solve the dilemma they faced today
siral21: what was it
gentoogod: ok before i say this
gentoogod: 100% true, not one second of a lie
gentoogod: this lady went into mcdonalds today and ordered a big mac for her
gentoogod: and ordered 2 mcgrittles one for each kid. one had bacon one without
gentoogod: her sons are around 18 or 19 so not infants
gentoogod: she went to the counter furious cause the son that wanted bacon has no bacon on his and the one that didnt want bacon has bacon on his
gentoogod: i fell on the floor beside her and couldnt stop laughing
gentoogod: so i finally stood up and asked her to repeat, thinking maybe shes drunk
gentoogod: i swear to god she looked at me straight faced and repeated it. and her 2 sons were beside her mad that they didnt get the order they wanted |
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Quote: 420926; Rating: 1270; [+|-]
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<WooWoo> i was walking through goodwill with my daughter to look for costume ideas and there was this stuffed trout adn i gave it to her, adn literally, she smacked me with it and laughed
<WooWoo> and i'm like.
<WooWoo> omfg
<WooWoo> she just trout slapped me
<WooWoo> wtf
<WooWoo> she's not on irc
<WooWoo> it was all big too
<WooWoo> like 3 feet long |
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Quote: 420954; Rating: 303; [+|-]
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<JonnyCash> man i was having this bad dream about driving piss drunk but then i woke up from it
<JonnyCash> well i had to because the light turned green |
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Quote: 420967; Rating: 745; [+|-]
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<whitay> i just wanna kill mysql
<whitay> myself*
<heaika> that's an odd warning..
<whitay> mmm stupid reflex typing |
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Quote: 421080; Rating: 739; [+|-]
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<seekm> this was a call someone had that i was helping them with
<seekm> "is you caps lock key on?"
<seekm> "i think so, the keyboard is in all capital letters" |
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Quote: 421163; Rating: 916; [+|-]
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< [Syntax]> woah, I just cracked open my fortune cookie and it was dead on..
< Feenyx> how so?
< jonnyv> "you will eat a cookie"? |
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Quote: 421385; Rating: 2096; [+|-]
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<SKS> Hey, type lana backwards.
<LadyGrace> SKS, anal?
<SKS> Yes, please.
<WhoaOutOfControl> Hey SKS, type cips backwards.
<SKS> spic
* SKS was kicked by Anubis- (Racist language detected (4 hour ban) -- (207 served))
<WhoaOutOfControl> Teehee
<rancid_alan> What an ass. |
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Quote: 421516; Rating: 1392; [+|-]
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<konfuzed> i'm at this lan party...
<konfuzed> most of the others are downstairs, drinking.
<konfuzed> now they've all got goatse as their background image. |
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Quote: 421526; Rating: -54; [+|-]
|
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<r0y_g3rb1l> police stations are clubs for thick-skulled short dicked racist gun-nuts that took every civil-ass test they could because no one else hires people that put "former nigger beater" on their resume. |
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Quote: 421528; Rating: 810; [+|-]
|
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<GaronSemi> The media players of the future will -kill you- if you associate their filetypes with another program. |
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Quote: 421551; Rating: 163; [+|-]
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<LegCow> he's about as funny as aids
<`Sage> HAHA AIDS! HAHAHHA!
<`Sage> LOOK AT THAT CUNT DIE! HAHAHA
<`Sage> HEY! HOWS YOUR IMUNE SYSTEM? OH? DONT HAVE ONE? HAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHHAHA |
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Quote: 421559; Rating: 84; [+|-]
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<TorpedoDog> well whats your take on the whole refugee bit then?
<MalcomX> sailings not the fastest way to get places |
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Quote: 421667; Rating: 2108; [+|-]
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<adidasdood> anyone smallville 403 yet?
<spacerat> verbs, dude, verbs
<spacerat> that sentence clearly requires a verb |
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Quote: 421788; Rating: 1260; [+|-]
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*** DickHead5 was kicked by TJ32 (3.80265176 u00d7 10^-09 millenia long ban. (394 Served.))
TJ32 sets mode: +b *!*java@*.cos2.cable.ntl.com
<@DrLavaGoddess> LMAO
<@DrLavaGoddess> Now that's funny
<WhoaOutOfControl> Haha
<WhoaOutOfControl> how long is that ban
<@TJ32> 2 minutes. |
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Quote: 421793; Rating: -165; [+|-]
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<Casualty-> i did weed once, fuck that shit
<Casualty-> and pot once
<CAL-bf|Russ> Weed was amazing
<eI|Katie> casualty...
<eI|Katie> weed = pot
* emolithic|Icon_class has joined #gxl
<Casualty-> err
<Casualty-> not pot
<Casualty-> cocaine
<Meta474> hahaha
<Meta474> Nerd. |
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Quote: 421829; Rating: 296; [+|-]
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<d-dog> know any thing that stops acne oh great kurty
<kurty> uh yeah
<kurty> finishing puberty |
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Quote: 422419; Rating: 1450; [+|-]
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<leif> well I used to go to a "special" school for troubled kids, so our classes were really easy and pretty dumb. One of them was "work study" and I remember one day a few kids were playing jenga on the main "study" table, and i got the most exellent idea to grab a small model plane from the teachers desk, throw it at the blocks, then after they fell over I shouted " HEY GUESS WHO I AM?!?!"....
<leif> That's why i'm home schooled now :-( |
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Quote: 422720; Rating: 772; [+|-]
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<RedLeader> So you like ju-jitsu tonight?
<Cigz> Yea, it was fun but I prefer my judo
<RedLeader> why, you think all of that throwing people around is cooler?
<Cigz> Ya damn right, the laddies love that stuff
<RedLeader> ...
<Cigz> shit, LADIES
<RedLeader> ba HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
<Cigz> look, let's just keep this our little secret, alright?
<RedLeader> Sure dude, don't worry about it ;)
<Cigz> you bastard.... |
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