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Quote: 412362; Rating: 1442; [+|-]
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<Pyrol> So, I was in Foods today and we were making pasta and my teacher came over to me and says "Your pot is hanging out". My hand immedietly went to my sweatshirt pocket to make sure my baggy was still there and then she pointed to the pot with the pasta in it. I realized then that the handle was facing out over the edge of the stove. She gave me the weirdest look.... |
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Quote: 412376; Rating: 1995; [+|-]
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<CommanderStab> Lee (Bleeding) had this cool-sounding lecturer once
<CommanderStab> They were in like some biology class or whatever and the guy was like
<CommanderStab> "Very few species partake in sex for pleasure. Can you think of some such species?"
<CommanderStab> So everyone is like, duh, humans
<CommanderStab> "Yes, exactly, humans! Humans are not bound by some mating pattern, they will often merely have sex just for the enjoyment of it!"
<Kaneda> ^^
<CommanderStab> "So, for example, if I was to ask this girl" (points to some girl in the first row) "if she would have sex with me, she would say yes"
<Tiger-Rik> lol ^^"
<CommanderStab> and the girl is like covering her face and everything =D
<CommanderStab> And then the dude waits for the laughter to die down and goes
<CommanderStab> "Of course, this is rare. Most of the time it is the GIRL who asks ME to have sex with THEM!"
<CommanderStab> He got an ovation =D
<Tiger-Rik> BWAHAHAHAHA |
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Quote: 412474; Rating: 1834; [+|-]
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<Georgo> bah, you stupid people and your big paragraphs, I always get the gist of things by reading the first and last sentences
<Piggah> Well Georgo, there was this one time me and your mom went out to the store. However, it ended up with my getting these sudden, primal urges. One thing led to another and needless to say I was fucking her doggy-style and that's when I yelled "Who's the Boss?," stuck my cock in her ass, and then screamed "TONY DANZA!" But in the end we only landed up buying a few vegetables and some milk.
<Georgo> god I love happy storys |
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Quote: 412596; Rating: 3032; [+|-]
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<harm_> today this one lady got pissed off cause we dont carry i quote wireless power supplies
<ogregasm> a what
<harm_> thats what i said
<harm_> maybe you want an adaptor for a wireless router o rsomething??
<harm_> shes goes no no i read online about this i wannit i wannit
<harm_> then she got pissed when i told her that kind of technology doesnt exist
<ogregasm> heh
<harm_> i tried to be nice but it got to the point where i was like"get back to us in 30 years"
<harm_> "once we attain the secret of positron deflector shields, wireless power supplies shall become a reality"
<ogregasm> why bother being that much of an ass to the poor woman
<harm_> well shes the one who got all up in my face asking for the store manager
<harm_> i told her he had just teleported to a corporate meeting in tokyo |
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Quote: 412858; Rating: 83; [+|-]
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[+tanjo]: i hate the panic after you do a wet fart , the split second where the mind considers if you've followed through or not.... |
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Quote: 412912; Rating: -127; [+|-]
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* ellisImbrius ([email protected]) has joined #maddox
<ellisImbrius> ppl download remove tool for new worm 'i-worm.mymoon' you can download here , while im online... http://192.168.1.2:8000/
* ellisImbrius ([email protected]) Quit (Read error: EOF from client) |
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Quote: 413023; Rating: 552; [+|-]
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sovquestionmark> TV/ Movies:u00a0Category:u00a0Highlander:u00a0What wasu00a0theu00a0nameu00a0ofu00a0Duncanu00a0MacLeod's monku00a0mentor?
@sovquestionmark> Here's your 1st hint: da____
[Darius]> I should know this
@sovquestionmark> Time's up! The answer was: darius
@sovquestionmark> OMFG
@sovquestionmark> LOL
@sovquestionmark> !topic travis fails at life so hardcore
ChanServ changes topic to 'travis fails at life so hardcore'
[Darius]> I do. |
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Quote: 413227; Rating: 2457; [+|-]
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<nntndgrl> wanna cyber?
<nntndgrl> what do you have on right now?
<ghalath> Umm.. MSN, mIRC and Winamp, why? |
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Quote: 413240; Rating: 344; [+|-]
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<clem> I know why I'm single
<clem> there's no 0xGF |
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Quote: 413285; Rating: 1684; [+|-]
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<Teratogen> What did the drunk say to Jesus when Jesus dropped the cross?
<@James> uh oh
<Teratogen> "You keep dropping that thing and they're gonna throw you outta the parade."
*** You have been kicked from channel #bible (that was so not funny) |
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Quote: 413762; Rating: 475; [+|-]
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<zhevinakeer> I'm 3/4ths polish, 1/4th italian.u00a0 I can cook, I can eat, and I DAMN well know how to put a screen door on a submarine. |
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Quote: 414327; Rating: 431; [+|-]
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<HF|CM_Krayakin> but come on bio, the chances of you getting a girlfriend are what? 0?
<Biolution> no i had one in the sims
<Biolution> actually, i'm gonna go download the sims 2, that way i can get lots of girlfriends
<Biolution> and i'm going to get the british version
<Biolution> that way the girls have that sexy brit accent when they talk dirty to me
<HF|CM_Krayakin> they don't talk in the sims2
<Biolution> they will when i'm sitting alone simulbating |
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Quote: 414334; Rating: 677; [+|-]
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mygoth2000: so..how long does it take you to get over a girl?
: i dunno...depends on how big she is |
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Quote: 414336; Rating: 132; [+|-]
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TheElevatorMan: That's the joy of Linux. You scream in pain and agony the first time you do it, and then it's not so bad every time after that.
TheElevatorMan: Geeze, it just sounded like I was describing some sex act. :P |
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Quote: 414341; Rating: 435; [+|-]
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kevin: what did you do tonight
Lucious: worked you?
kevin: haha no no, you didnt work me...i wouldve noticed |
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Quote: 414344; Rating: 86; [+|-]
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* conundrum takes over bos's mind and makes him buy a mac OS9 machine instead,
* conundrum also makes bos reformat and install BOB.
<SlipperyS> M$ bob?
<conundrum> Yes, is there any other?
<SlipperyS> hehe wtf was that program for anyway?
<bos> insulting your intelligence
<SlipperyS> I thought that was what windows was for... |
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Quote: 414407; Rating: 1; [+|-]
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* Force| looks at the topic
*** Topic on #athlon is: Welcome to #longbus
<Force|> Wow!
<Force|> I'm finally on the long bus!!! |
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Quote: 414565; Rating: 117; [+|-]
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< CryptoCat> fucking oracle.
< CryptoCat> rhymes with horrible
< CryptoCat> I probably wouldnt hate it so much if Elison wasnt such a nutjob.
< siglite> well, at least HE hates bill
< siglite> so that's some consolation
< CryptoCat> I dunno man
< CryptoCat> stalin hated hitler
< Kornchild> stalin was worse then hitler in many ways
< CryptoCat> yeah
< CryptoCat> hitler didnt want to buy Peoplesoft. |
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Quote: 414577; Rating: 975; [+|-]
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<+phlange> i said 'dhcp' and the tech support guy started to cry and go 'i hate my job i hate my job i hate my job' |
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Quote: 414581; Rating: 1258; [+|-]
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<Alluvium> They say if you play a Microsoft CD backwards, you hear satanic messages. Thats nothing, cause if you play it forwards, it installs Windows. :p |
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Quote: 414589; Rating: 2811; [+|-]
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queenren24: i need your advice
queenren24: cause you're a guy and all
MrFluffyPants26: that I am
queenren24: what would you, as a guy, rather have for your birthday or christmas: a video game or that axe stuff that smells SOOO good?
MrFluffyPants26: Axe DOES smell good...
MrFluffyPants26: what video game?
queenren24: rome: total war
MrFluffyPants26: hm...
MrFluffyPants26: probably the game
MrFluffyPants26: but give him sexual favors too
MrFluffyPants26: can't go wrong with that
queenren24: :O
MrFluffyPants26: precisely |
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Quote: 414590; Rating: 846; [+|-]
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Soren: man, the woman next door should put a muffler on her vibrator
Svetlana3k: wow
Soren: it sounds like a lawnmower engine
Soren: and I dearly hope it is not |
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Quote: 414591; Rating: -371; [+|-]
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[jbroome] mandrake 10.1 Community is available for download for the
common folk now.
[ jbroome] 'careful though, it's French
[ admiralfrijole] damn frenchies
[ jbroome] in installed SuSE on my network and the mandrake box
surrendered
[ admiralfrijole] sheesh...terrible
[ jbroome] are you shitting me?u00a0 That's comedy gold right there
[ fatstrat] ROFL!!!!!!!u00a0 love it! |
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Quote: 414593; Rating: 21538; [+|-]
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DragonflyBlade21: A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired. |
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Quote: 414862; Rating: 972; [+|-]
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<apollyon> oh i'm so happy!
<apollyon> my girlfriend just told me she wants to dual boot!
<Nastard> is that geek for "see other people"? |
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Quote: 414951; Rating: 3139; [+|-]
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<ninevolt> I may not be Jesus but my penis gives women a religous expereience.
<skittz> haha
<skittz> yeah
<skittz> it turns them into nuns |
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Quote: 415421; Rating: -1374; [+|-]
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-Global- Oops. |
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Quote: 416089; Rating: 519; [+|-]
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<<p3ps1c4n>> I just killed a bee that was flying around my kitchen.
<<sp0rkk>> omg, dude.. LOL!!
<<sp0rkk>> this one time, i caught a bee and put it in a cup inside the freezer..
<<sp0rkk>> and then i took it back out, and tied a string to it.. 'cause it was frozen so it wouldn't sting me..
<<sp0rkk>> and then it thawed out and came back to life.. so i was like "whee!", walking around..
<<sp0rkk>> and then the fucker started chasing me around, trying to sting me!
<<p3ps1c4n>> Rofl!
<<sp0rkk>> so i smashed it with a frozen block of bacon.
<<p3ps1c4n>> I fear for your cat.
<<sp0rkk>> dude, stfu. |
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Quote: 416165; Rating: 1177; [+|-]
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<^head^> A nine year old boy asks his mother, "Is God male or female?"
<^head^> After thinking for a moment, his mother responds, "Well God is both male and female."
<^head^> This confuses the boy, so he asks, "Is God black or white?"
<^head^> "Well," she says, "God is both black and white."
<^head^> This really confuses the boy, so he asks, "Is God gay or straight?"
<^head^> Feeling a bit out of her depth, but wanting to be consistent, the mother answers, "Honey, God is both gay and straight."
<^head^> At this the boy's face lights up with understanding and he triumphantly asks...
<^head^> "Is Michael Jackson God?" |
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Quote: 416169; Rating: 665; [+|-]
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<Riley> Stop Rape, Say yes. |
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Quote: 416173; Rating: 968; [+|-]
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<Kathryn> y'know, its sad when you have to fake an orgasm while masturbating |
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Quote: 416187; Rating: 147; [+|-]
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<Ev> wow my roommates and i are so lazy, instead of gettting up and going to the other's room to say good night we IM each other good night that;s the Epitome of digital dependence |
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Quote: 416188; Rating: 346; [+|-]
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<tmb^work> even c64 can connect to the internet
<tmb^work> irc + web
<tmb^work> what do you need more?
<garg^work> porn :D
<triple> Porn. |
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Quote: 416258; Rating: 1186; [+|-]
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<@Mord> u fucked yo momma last night shin
<@Mord> no...i mean i did
<@Mord> you did...
<@Mord> i mean the one thats most instulting :/
<+SHIN-SHIN> rofl |
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Quote: 416599; Rating: 16; [+|-]
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PaladinPrince555: today at highschool therewere these little punk ass 3 year old skater kids and they were trying to do these tricks and shit and sammi sadi LAND IT! and the little kid said SHUT UP! and i said shut up you little punk! i could kick your little ass! and he said SHUT UP then i said watch this and grinded the whole bench and they watched then the little punk said.... oh yeah? WATCH THIS! and he tried to do the same thing and he fell on his little punk ass
BentlyCadillac: ahh
BentlyCadillac: LMAO
BentlyCadillac: HAHAHAHAHA
BentlyCadillac: wait....he was 3? |
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Quote: 416602; Rating: 2054; [+|-]
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FuzzyCrare: i'm in love with a video game character
Macross86: that's sad, pathetic, and completely understandable |
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Quote: 416604; Rating: 703; [+|-]
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<y0da> if they took the porn of the internet there would only be one website left and that would be www.bringbackbacktheporn.com |
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Quote: 416654; Rating: 1635; [+|-]
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(oSiRuS) I'm 19 years old and I have absolutely NO experience with women. Never had a kiss, never had a hug, never had so much as a handshake, and I have no idea why.
(oSiRuS) I'm not a nerd. I don't have acne or glasses, I'm not fat. There's really nothing wrong with me, I just can't understand why I'm such a worthless candidate for dating.
(@KillJoy) try walking out of the front door |
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Quote: 416835; Rating: 498; [+|-]
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(@Shockwave) Windows 3.11 calculator is broken in an amusing way.
(@Shockwave) Put in 3.01 - 3 and it gives you 0, every time.
(@Shockwave) Hurray for flaws in MS's basic math table
(JIM_BOB7813) Well if you need a calculator to do that, you deserve that answer :P |
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Quote: 416857; Rating: 9187; [+|-]
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<born1986> why the fuck isn't my disc drive working
<born1986> i fucking worked on that essay for three friggin' hours in school
<born1986> i now i cant finish it 'cos my fuckin drive ain't working
<Z00ass> you got the right drivers?
<born1986> hell yes
<born1986> it was working fine yesterday
<born1986> why does this shit always happen to me?
<Z00ass> maybe that little clip on the side is i nthe wrong position
<born1986> i havent touched it since school
<born1986> i'm growing impatient
<born1986> ANGRY even
<Z00ass> throw that shit out tha window
. . .
<born1986> OMG i fuckin did it!!!
<born1986> FUCK!!!!!
<Z00ass> it works?
<born1986> no, i threw it out the window
<Z00ass> the disk?
<born1986> NO the whole drive
<born1986> i live on the 6th floor, made a nice *smash*
<Z00ass> :D
<born1986> FUCK SHIT FUCK
<born1986> THE DISK WAS STILL INSIDE
<born1986> brb
. . .
<born1986> shit
<Z00ass> what? did ya break it?
<born1986> well i couldn't open the drive
<born1986> so i had to pound it against a rock
<Z00ass> :o
<born1986> quite HARD
<born1986> and you know what?
<born1986> that fucking disk wasnt even there
<Z00ass> ???
<born1986> i got so mad i threw the remaiders of the drive on to the freeway
<born1986> and when i got back upstairs i foud the disk inside my bag
<Z00ass> lol
<born1986> I NEVER EVEN PUT IT IN THE DRIVE
<born1986> i'm actually cryin right now
. . .
<born1986> wonder if i could make that drive work again
<born1986> brb |
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Quote: 416874; Rating: -912; [+|-]
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<[Cadaver]> There were three people on an airplane. One was Thomas Jefferson. One was George Bush. And the last was Bill Clinton. They opened up the airplane door and Thomas Jefferson threw out a 100 dollar bill and said "I just saved a family!" George Bush looked at Jefferson and then threw out 2 100 dollar bills. He then said, "I just saved TWO families!" Bill Clinton looked at Thomas Jefferson then at George. He sighed and pushed George Bush off the plane and said "I just saved the world!" ^_^ |
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Quote: 416916; Rating: 559; [+|-]
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<underground> someone grabbed my ass today in physics
<Ludvig> that's not too bad either
<Ludvig> unless it was a guy
<underground> ...i go to an all boys school |
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Quote: 416921; Rating: 565; [+|-]
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<berkley> that was wierd
<angled-diamond> berkley: what was?
<berkley> i walked into my friend's dorms room, and it was empty. but the computer was on, and it showed some chic getting it in the ass. so i closed the door and dropped my pants. midway into wacking off and i noticed something
<microfform> ?
<angled-diamond> ?
<berkley> there were no girls...and u know whats sad?
<angled-diamond> that you finished jerking off?
<berkley> ...yes |
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Quote: 416931; Rating: 1067; [+|-]
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<SJEZealot> You know your car is slow when it has a blue circle with the letters F-O-R-D in it.
<Zoomzoom123> At least they circled the problem. |
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Quote: 416942; Rating: 115; [+|-]
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<MoonlightShadow> I'm exhausted and as a result of that, sick
<BlueTicona> pms moon
<MoonlightShadow> I do not have pms!
<BlueTicona> no
<BlueTicona> i mean pm's |
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Quote: 416957; Rating: 386; [+|-]
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<dragman> Did you know the legal age of consent in Canadia is 14?
<lockdown!> Interesting...all i need now is a cheap flight and some deodorant
<lockdown!> I think Hollands has a low consent age as well
<dragman> Hehe.u00a0 You go that way, I go this way and we meet in the middle.u00a0 Highest kiddy total wins u00a320
<lockdown!> The game is on |
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Quote: 416976; Rating: 437; [+|-]
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DarkNeo: Pedophilia is like golf,
DarkNeo: you hit for the lowest you can
DarkNeo: It's all good till it gets to 18,
DarkNeo: then the fun stops. |
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Quote: 417027; Rating: 569; [+|-]
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R0ry u00bb what shall i get my bro for his bday
R0ry u00bb he's 25
bazmalti u00bb an anal probe?
bazmalti u00bb lol
R0ry u00bb i said 25
R0ry u00bb not german |
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Quote: 417076; Rating: -915; [+|-]
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<NightShade> hey Bamihap, lets do a singalong :D
<NightShade> The internet is really really great
<Bamihap> FOR PORN
<NightShade> i got a fast connection, so i dont have to wait
<Bamihap> FOR PORN
<NightShade> there's always some new site
<Bamihap> FOR PORN
<NightShade> i browse all day and night
<Bamihap> FOR PORN
<NightShade> its like surfing at the speed of light
<Bamihap> FOR PORN
<Bamihap> WHY DO YOU THINK THE NET WAR BORN???
<Bamihap> PORN PORN PORN!!!!
<herr_flick> roflol
<NightShade> I'm glad we have this new technology
<Bamihap> FOR PORN
<NightShade> which gives us untold opportunity
<Bamihap> FOR PORN
<NightShade> from your own desktop, you can research browse and shop
<Bamihap> FOR PORN
<NightShade> untill you want to stop
<Bamihap> FOR PORN
<Bamihap> ALL THESE GUYS UNZIP THEYR FLIES
<Bamihap> FOR PORN PORN PORN
<herr_flick> lmao!!!
<Bamihap> SO GRAB YOUR DICK AND DOUBLE-CLICK
<Bamihap> FOR PORN PORN PORN!!!!
<NightShade> o.m.f.g. :D
<Bamihap> sorry shade, we masturbate ;) |
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