|
Quote: 252993; Rating: 1191; [+|-]
|
<1337man> i jast walked in on my brother stripping to a web cam.... >.<
<heyall> lol
<me101> just another case of "hey bro whats AHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
|
|
Quote: 253018; Rating: 221; [+|-]
|
<q8D> jesus christ I have the runs this morning
<q8D> woo
<q8D> it's like my ass is yelling at the toilet
|
|
Quote: 253029; Rating: 973; [+|-]
|
<kasp> I got a shirt that had integral signs all over it,
and read: "Math is an integral part of life." I got another shirt
that has a small symbol of pi on the front, and 1000 digits of pi
(followed by "...") on the back
<glasnost> wow kasp
<brouwer> i've never met you, but i want to beat you up
|
|
Quote: 253043; Rating: 260; [+|-]
|
<JonyBlaze> u have anyideas why a computer wouldnt boot the slack cd
<drw> good taste?
|
|
Quote: 253326; Rating: 427; [+|-]
|
(+Clarke): i was hanging out with some friends last night, and this guy was saying how lesbian porn doesn't turn him on becuase his sister is gay
(@h0ns`b0ll0x): Not too big into lesbian porn myself.
(+Clarke): and he'd be like "oh cool, those chicks are going down on each other......and my sister's friend is sleeping over... OH GOD"
|
|
Quote: 253352; Rating: 124; [+|-]
|
<diminishe> Anyone wanna help me debug some code?
<PreZ> diminishe, do you have a specific problem?
<diminishe> well, its more like pseudo code
|
|
Quote: 253362; Rating: 979; [+|-]
|
(@Aircraftkiller) I want a drum of oil
(@Aircraftkiller) They're only like $50 I think, full barrel of oil
(@Aircraftkiller) I just want the barrel of oil
(@Aircraftkiller) Then
(@Aircraftkiller) When someone comes over, and asks you "hey dude, is that a drum of oil? Real oil?" You can say "Yeah. Where's YOUR oil?"
(@Aircraftkiller) Because real men own oil.
|
|
Quote: 253683; Rating: 827; [+|-]
|
<Sarah> I just saw 28 Days Later
<rude-inverse> that's one of those movies I always planned on seeing but never did.
<rude-inverse> what was the significance of "28 days"? the only thing I associate 28 days with is a menstrual cycle.
<Sarah> maybe that's why there was so much blood.
|
|
Quote: 253841; Rating: 314; [+|-]
|
<|_Hyper_|> bush on tv :S
<|_Hyper_|> oh wait
<|_Hyper_|> it'a documentary
<|_Hyper_|> something about monkeys :D
|
|
Quote: 253947; Rating: 901; [+|-]
|
<FatalError1> how to delete a directory in Linux?
<FatalError1> delete entire contents with one command?
* rm-rf isnt sure
|
|
Quote: 254023; Rating: 498; [+|-]
|
Ishbu566: haha i guess i was fucked up though
Ishbu566: cuz i had my headphones on
Ishbu566: and pink floyd blasting
Ishbu566: and my dad came out and was yelling at me to turn it down
Ishbu566: the headphones werent plugged in =(
|
|
Quote: 254116; Rating: 505; [+|-]
|
<paranoid/> i just realized that my dads a hardcore redneck
<stonedgamer> how so
<paranoid/> he came out of the shower and i saw a tatoo on his ass that said "exit only"
|
|
Quote: 254207; Rating: 729; [+|-]
|
<SorcererX> Dispatched on March 21, 2004 Delivery estimate: Mar 19, 2004 - Mar 22, 2004
<SorcererX> now... I've seen inaccurate estimates before... but this takes the cake
<SorcererX> "we assume that it'll arrive two days ago or in the next 12 hrs... and the package has to go 2000 km"
|
|
Quote: 254271; Rating: 255; [+|-]
|
<dunce> We were doing shots of BBQ sauce at the anime con
<dunce> Granted, that BBQ sauce also had vodka in it
<dunce> And I hadn't eaten for 2 days
<Nd> Weren't you there to like... er, what did you do there?
<dunce> I was there to drink
<dunce> And have fun with half naked girls
<dunce> What... you think I give a shit about that anime stuff? :P
<dunce> Didn't actually see any anime while I was there
<dunce> I mean, I can watch it at home, didn't see what the big deal was
|
|
Quote: 254287; Rating: 1535; [+|-]
|
<jadedlphoto> Maybe the free masons control porn now.
<gz> the carnal cabal?
<firegod> the illuminaughty?
|
|
Quote: 254358; Rating: 593; [+|-]
|
<Pornosaur> My mom gave me one of those plants you can't kill
<Pornosaur> I think it commited sucicide
|
|
Quote: 254361; Rating: 1398; [+|-]
|
<RizBow[RF]> winmx if the song is popular (you can download same song from multiple people simontaneously) , soulseek if its rare
<maddox> I get my mp3s from the store.. it's pretty nice, they already have them burned on CD and they come with cases and booklets.
<RizBow[RF]> maddox: where?
|
|
Quote: 254442; Rating: 286; [+|-]
|
HefnersCrew2005: If you rape a hooker, is it theft?
|
|
Quote: 254595; Rating: 1044; [+|-]
|
<zombiemann77> i tied this girl up and she told me to do whatever i wanted to her so i took her stereo, dvd player, and all her money
|
|
Quote: 254773; Rating: 378; [+|-]
|
<Beercaps> its not easy spelling bukkake
<RedX> specially with your mouth full ;-)
|
|
Quote: 255086; Rating: 425; [+|-]
|
<methangas> this is EA's support lines automatic answering machine; we already got your money, now please go away
|
|
Quote: 255209; Rating: 1387; [+|-]
|
<arsifoofoo> you know...
<arsifoofoo> people rub corn on themselves for skin therapy
<arsifoofoo> "hard pore cornography"
|
|
Quote: 255364; Rating: 332; [+|-]
|
<+EvanTH> You'll have to be Smacky The Heroin bear.
<+Kulstad> w00t!!
<+EvanTH> You must sit in a corner and lose your hair
<+EvanTH> All the children will laugh and stare
<+Kulstad> you mean like Fuzzy Wuzzy
<+EvanTH> For you will be Smacky, the stiff-veined bear
<+EvanTH> yes.
<+EvanTH> Sometimes I wonder why the hell I even let myself type.
|
|
Quote: 255430; Rating: 486; [+|-]
|
<Foobar> livejournal no longer requires referral codes to make a new lj
<Fluster> sweet. now i can bitch about my life without having friends first.
|
|
Quote: 255497; Rating: 712; [+|-]
|
<Syl_Aran> my computer randomly got a bios again
<Syl_Aran> i strangely think it happened when the power went out.
<Syl_Aran> i don't fucking understand this thing >_<
<TheHumanCow> yeah, i don't think you do
|
|
Quote: 255581; Rating: 306; [+|-]
|
<@unfnknblvbl> I love it when Outlook crashes
<@asuma> then you'll always be in love
|
|
Quote: 255630; Rating: 1348; [+|-]
|
<bullava> I was watching Conan one night and there was a scottish guy on and he was saying that the original kilts where used as a sleeping bag as well as clothing .... and that since the kilt was so heavy scottish warriors would take it off and run into battle butt naked
<BraveFencer> Makes sense. Exit the world the samre way you entered. Naked and screaming.
<bullava> and plus whats more scarier seeing a man painted blue and butt naked running at you
<BraveFencer> The above, only with an erection and a bottle of lube in one hand.
|
|
Quote: 255660; Rating: 1965; [+|-]
|
<ColonelCoroner> Nah, this one's good. Alright, so it was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bad day when you died. The Angel at the gate said to the man, "Before I let you in, I need you to
tell me how your day was going when you died."
<ColonelCoroner> "No problem," the man said. "I came home to my 10th floor apartment on my lunch hour and caught my wife half naked. I knew she was fucking some bitch, I glanced out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped
on his fingers until he fell to the ground. But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die. This pissed me off even more. I wanted to kill the fucker! So I unplugged my refrigerator, pushed it out onto the balcony, and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 10 stories
and crushed him! The excitement of the moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly."
<ColonelCoroner> The Angel considers this, and let's him in cuz it WAS a bad day....The next dude comes up, and is asked the same question. So the dude replies, "But you're not going to believe this. I was on the balcony of my 11th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I was really pushing hard, and I guess I got
a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips on the balcony below mine. But all of a sudden this crazy man comes running out of his apartment, started cussing, and stomps on my fingers. I fell and fucking hit some trees and bushes at the
bottom which broke my fall so I didn't die right away. As I'm laying there face up on the ground in shock and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push his refrigerator, of all things, off the balcony. It falls the 10 floors and lands on top of me, killing me instantly."
<Piro-nuts> rofl...
<ColonelCoroner> So the Angel chuckles, thinks his job is pretty cool, and let's this dude in...the third dude comes up, and again the Angel asks him the same question about how he died. So the dude goes, 'Okay, picture this, I'm hiding in this refrigerator right..."
|
|
Quote: 255670; Rating: -35; [+|-]
|
<Wiku> jmmm
<Wiku> hmm*
<Wiku> fix
<Wiku> doh
<Wiku> vix
<Wiku> man, and I haven't even been drinking
|
|
Quote: 255674; Rating: 22; [+|-]
|
<Madflojo> jesus christ calm down with the trout slapping in here
<Madflojo> heh maybe it will help if i scroll down before commenting after being idle
|
|
Quote: 255719; Rating: 2180; [+|-]
|
* om3ga has joined #hangman
<hangbot> Hello om3ga! current game is as follows:
<hangbot> a _ _ _ _ _ _ _ a s _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ s
<om3ga> all your base r belong to us
* om3ga has left #hangman
|
|
Quote: 255785; Rating: 449; [+|-]
|
<Salec> how would you go by changing the look of a checkbox in flash?
<SHiZNiT> add a moustache
|
|
Quote: 255830; Rating: 1453; [+|-]
|
<BobInDaShadows> It's been my life goal to have a quote on bash
<BobInDaShadows> That and to meet somebody from Wyoming.
<Keiser> Why Wyoming?
<BobInDaShadows> Have YOU ever met somebody from Wyoming?
<Keiser> Good point
|
|
Quote: 255859; Rating: 66; [+|-]
|
<BaD-CooL> for the first time in history, two zombie movies are at the movie theaters at the same time
<BaD-CooL> dawn of the dead and passion of the christ
<BaD-CooL> jesus is the original zombie
<BaD-CooL> then he sucked the brains out of all the dumbass christian faggots
|
|
Quote: 255909; Rating: 977; [+|-]
|
Lizerati: So, when it's dark and you're driving past a church, the "Worship 11am" sign looks like "Worship Ham"
|
|
Quote: 255991; Rating: 2691; [+|-]
|
<TribGuru> How many Vietnam vets does it take to screw in a light bulb?
<TribGuru> You don't know, man. You don't KNOW.
<TribGuru> cause you weren't THERE
|
|
Quote: 256059; Rating: 392; [+|-]
|
<lofty> hello anyone know how to kill 900gb bandwidth in 6 hours?
<Neodymium> Yes
<Neodymium> Give me a shell
|
|
Quote: 256258; Rating: 265; [+|-]
|
<Spear> what's an american idol?
<Exorcist|iDM> money
|
|
Quote: 256296; Rating: 379; [+|-]
|
<dave2away> furries are people too! and animals
|
|
Quote: 256557; Rating: 430; [+|-]
|
<MetaBean> my wifes boobies will be huge soon
<Nobara> ???
<Nobara> She is pregnat, or you are rich?
|
|
Quote: 256669; Rating: 389; [+|-]
|
<astaroth> the other minor annoyance with this laptop is that the IRDa port keep changing the channel on the TV
|
|
Quote: 256715; Rating: 1254; [+|-]
|
<MrBump> my irc logs kept me going throughout my 6 months offline
<Lord_Blix> you need to get out more often.
<MrBump> i did, i took printouts
|
|
Quote: 256732; Rating: 378; [+|-]
|
<CrazyDUMPLING> i treat my women like sUGAR
<Tetsuo> How so?
<CrazyDUMPLING> i put them inbags and lick them
<CrazyDUMPLING> or at least i did until that financially debilitiating lawsuit
<Tetsuo> ...
|
|
Quote: 256956; Rating: 1097; [+|-]
|
<Firehawk> so, in english class, we had to write this paper
<Firehawk> and my friend wrote in it "I don't like rapping", as in music
<Firehawk> only, when he typed it up, he typoed and it came out "I don't like raping"
<Firehawk> so my english teacher wrote "that's good to know" on his paper
|
|
Quote: 257016; Rating: 699; [+|-]
|
<JediJawa> So I have this suit jacket and tie on for a speech in English
<JediJawa> I go to sit down and this girl looks towards me and says, "You look cute."
<KageGamer> ...
<KageGamer> A girl actually called you cute?
<JediJawa> I'm all surprised and I say thanks.
<JediJawa> Fortuantely no one heard me say that because she was actually talking to the girl who sits in her line of sight from me. :/
|
|
Quote: 257265; Rating: 450; [+|-]
|
<allcuishpa> they should do a crossover with tubgirl and goatse
<allcuishpa> "CATCH!"
|
|
Quote: 257354; Rating: 355; [+|-]
|
LordTwarog: i totally stalked her but only around school
LordTwarog: so it was like "oh, i'm on break too" and not "i see you from the bushes"
|
|
Quote: 257382; Rating: 2143; [+|-]
|
<Berawler> Is there any sanity or light left in this shrivelled husk of a world?
<SingingDancingMoose> There was, but we had to trade it in for the internet.
<Berawler> That is quite possibly the best response to any question ever.
|
|
Quote: 257396; Rating: 315; [+|-]
|
<spyderballa> you know back in my day white powder in envelopes was a good thing
|
|
Quote: 257464; Rating: 1638; [+|-]
|
<Kel> I got in trouble at the Canadian border. The guy said "Do you have any guns or weapons in your vehicle?" and I said "Why? What do you need?"
|
|