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Quote: 38399; Rating: 498; [+|-]
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<godofcows> I decided on some cool things I'm gonna do when I get rich
<godofcows> like ask my mom what car she would like the most, and then buy it
<godofcows> and then when she comes outside to look at it, it'll get run over by a monster truck
<godofcows> and she'll cry
<@godofcows> I thought of another thing I'd do if I ever got rich
<@godofcows> I'd gonna buy a bunch of toys for an orphanage
<@godofcows> and have them all laid out in front of the building on christmas morning and get someone who works there to wake up all the kids and come out to look
<@godofcows> and when they all step outside and look, I'm gonna run over the toys with a monster truck and laugh at the looks on their faces
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Quote: 38401; Rating: 15; [+|-]
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<Afkfuckingselfinass> if i run fast enough backwards my exploding ass-flesh could act as a lubricant
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Quote: 38403; Rating: 170; [+|-]
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<reppy> dudes
<reppy> my dad's wife like
<reppy> is a child psycholigist
<reppy> and one of her patients walked in on her mom getting fucked by the dog
<reppy> I got turned on just hearing that:(
<Morris> NIce
<Morris> You'd think a dog like most mammals would finish really quickly and move on
<Morris> But hey, whatever turns her on.
<DooMStalK> "Mommy! Mommy! I've got a boo bo... Mommy! What is the dog doing to you? Why do i suddenly have the urge to clean?"
<Morris> haha
<Morris> "Can I play with the doggy too?"
<DooMStalK> "Bad dog! Take that out of mommy!"
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Quote: 38404; Rating: 142; [+|-]
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<@Ramza> When I grow up, I want to be a firetruck.
<Vinic> so you could legally hose women down?
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Quote: 38408; Rating: 348; [+|-]
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<@godofcows> I swear that'd have to be the most evil thing you could do
<@Vinic> what about donating 30 billion dollars of countefiet cash to child cancer societies?
<@Vinic> on the back of each bill is you jacking off and saying 'here's your medicine bitch'
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Quote: 38410; Rating: 318; [+|-]
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<M-ROTDL> Something you NEVER want your mom to say to you: "You've got a large PENIS!"
<M-ROTDL> I was sitting down to game of MegaMan Legends 2....
<M-ROTDL> And she strolls by and goes, "Wow... you have a large penis."
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Quote: 38413; Rating: 877; [+|-]
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<DooMStalK> I was bored, and called 1-800-COW-FUCK once, only to find out COW and BOY take up the same numbers on the phone
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Quote: 38418; Rating: 177; [+|-]
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Finque: at least that young black fellow will live
Finque: black people can't die virgins
Finque: it's physically and sexually impossible
Finque: god is still apologizing for burning them
Finque: so he gave them horse cocks
Finque: and now they always get laid
tom: except DE
Finque: true
Finque: but DE is canadian
Finque: that's god's "oops" pile
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Quote: 38425; Rating: -17; [+|-]
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(@Bird2002): wana know how to get free ms keyboards and mice?
(@suicide6x): how?
(@Bird2002): do you have a keyboard or mouse now?
(@suicide6x): um
(@suicide6x): yeah
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Quote: 38429; Rating: 16; [+|-]
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<Feerless> SCHOOL haha
<Feerless> i have holidays
<Fleebis> DUMBASS haha
<Fleebis> i have ops
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Quote: 38432; Rating: 40; [+|-]
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<blinden|midnightcleaning> I'm going to bakcup my mp3 collection....
<blinden|midnightcleaning> on floppies
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Quote: 38438; Rating: 27; [+|-]
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<@McMoo> sometimes i jerk it at work because we've got the super heavy duty industrial soap
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Quote: 38443; Rating: 183; [+|-]
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<@Bonfire> I think I shat my pants earlier this morning but have been too scared to check
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Quote: 38456; Rating: 122; [+|-]
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<eggs_> yay, kernel is compiling now
<Befw11s4> i like to compile kernals
<eggs_> its really not that exciting
<eggs_> The exciting part is seeing whether your computer still boots afterwards :P
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Quote: 38465; Rating: 184; [+|-]
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<mikz> @find quark express
* mikz was kicked by NightDead (Congratulations, you said the magic word!)
* Joins: mikz ([email protected])
<mikz> hi :)
<^|^> mikz !
<+WhtCastle> mikz: We use !list, not @find here.
<mikz> ok cool
<mikz> thanks
<^|^> !list sorenson squeez
* ^|^ was kicked by NightDead (Congratulations, you said the magic word!)
<+WhtCastle> no damn him mikz was supposed to do it
<+WhtCastle> Its funny when they do it
<+WhtCastle> '!list'
<+WhtCastle> (kick)
<mikz> !list quark express
* mikz was kicked by NightDead (Congratulations, you said the magic word!)
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Quote: 38474; Rating: 110; [+|-]
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* FreeFrag finds it strange that as hardware gets older, your respect for it lessens.
<milenko> FreeFrag: same with wives
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Quote: 38476; Rating: 297; [+|-]
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<karl> OK, fixed.
<dbaker> Fixed?
<karl> I don't mean fixed like it works.
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Quote: 38484; Rating: 308; [+|-]
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<AAA> i cannot lose an argument tonite
<AAA> i just won 3 games of chess in a row
<AAA> 3 *INTENSE* games of chess
<Whoregasm> 3 lonely games of chess played with a bottle of ketchup
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Quote: 38485; Rating: 398; [+|-]
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<seven> hooked up with some chick at a party james invited me to last weekend. she comes back to my place, we're fucking around, she gives me a handjob, my vesuvious errupts, I'm content and am ready to go to sleep. then like, 2-3 minutes after said erruption, she's back down there again, and I'm thinking "what the
fuck, as if, the guy needs some time to recover", much to my surprise, she got it all back and working again, and lo and behold, a second eruption
<seven> so I said straight away "whoa, you're like, really good at that."
<seven> "do you have a little brother or something?"
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Quote: 38489; Rating: 698; [+|-]
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<arnoboltinager> is goatse down for anyone else?
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Quote: 38490; Rating: 107; [+|-]
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<L-3-3-7> i want to dump my gf
<L-3-3-7> i need to find a good way to do it
<sparc^_> maybe you could DoS her... or install back orifice on her box
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Quote: 38491; Rating: 11; [+|-]
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<@Godfather_> ?? french army
<AnswerBook> french army: undefined term
<@Godfather_> lol
<@Godfather_> exactly!!!!
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Quote: 38500; Rating: 167; [+|-]
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<LunchBox> i'm not all that intoxicating
<LunchBox> er, intoxicated. i think i just disproved my point.... :(
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Quote: 38503; Rating: 505; [+|-]
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<27946889> hola.
<Losifer> Do I know you?
<27946889> No, I found you on random chat.
<27946889> What, just because you don't know someone you won't talk to them?
<Losifer> Pretty much. This is my work account. I conduct business through this account. I don't have time to chat.
<27946889> Sorry.
<27946889> i think you're very rude
<Losifer> That's interesting. I find it more rude to continue to send unsolicited messages to a stranger once you've been told that the stranger in question isn't interested in talking to you.
<27946889> why are you in such a bad mood, you are so young, sorry that i thought it would be nice to talk to you because i saw your info and i found you interesting,,,
<Losifer> I'm in a bad mood because I'm working and you keep interrupting me. Please go away.
<27946889> so where do you work?
<27946889> let me ask you something, how come it says satan ate your ears in your info?
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Quote: 38506; Rating: 46; [+|-]
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<Damanique> The only thing to ph34r is peer itself!
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Quote: 38511; Rating: -27; [+|-]
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<deathr0w-> i fuck decent looking women
<SForce> i fuck hotties
<SForce> thats the difference between us
<SForce> there's no hotties in thailand
<SForce> i've seen the pictures of those cyclops looking lazy eyes bitches you bring home
<deathr0w-> yeah there is
<SForce> not in your house
<SForce> and you know what we call the few you have there?
<SForce> Americans
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Quote: 38516; Rating: 138; [+|-]
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<strego> sweet the hot girl just came to visit
<strego> and I was all like "hey, baby! I've got Pez" and she was all like "Aw Yeah"
<kingBooze> so did you guys do it?
<strego> well she "ate my Pez", if you know what I mean
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Quote: 38525; Rating: 97; [+|-]
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<willyy> licq: [ERR] Unable to load plugin (qt-gui): /usr/local/lib/licq/licq_qt-gui.so: cannot open shared object file: No such file or directory.
<willyy> which is the problem ?
<Lion-O> willyy: you're missing a file.
<willyy> which ?
<loply> willyy: Isnt that a tad obvious? ;)
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Quote: 38529; Rating: 237; [+|-]
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<Razzar> Gamer dead after 86 hours of straight gaming
<Razzar> lol
<Smax> darwin awards candidate
<Razzar> Hope he got some good frags
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Quote: 38539; Rating: 336; [+|-]
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<+JerryGodd> last time i lost internet i made a kid
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Quote: 38543; Rating: 148; [+|-]
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* Protozoa has quit IRC (Killed (Ukyo (<No reason given>)))
<Ukyo> gah
<Ukyo> damn misclicks
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Quote: 38552; Rating: 197; [+|-]
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<[TX]-KnacK> I removed irc from the office and saw a 300% increase in productivity
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Quote: 38556; Rating: 424; [+|-]
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<DaveMan> if a cop ever shoots, he/she means to kill
<DaveMan> standard practice is two at the torso, then try to put one in the head
<jitspoe> getting shot twice in the torso would suck
<Fryth> getting one would be a breeze, though
<jitspoe> Fryth: that only drops me to 60 health
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Quote: 38565; Rating: 120; [+|-]
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<KrayZie> you know what pisses me off
<KrayZie> all those damn contests that offer as their grand prizes and all expenses paid vacation to hawaii.
<KrayZie> funny part is, contests in hawaii offer that as their prizes as well
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Quote: 38569; Rating: -13; [+|-]
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<robbie-a> for shure
<orion> sure*
<orion> ;[
<robbie-a> really?
<robbie-a> sure?
<robbie-a> fuck thats whack
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Quote: 38573; Rating: 250; [+|-]
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<Marcus> Heaven has no videogames. I saw for myself. It's just a bunch of old guys in tunics, laughing cause nobody has been admitted for the last three centuries.
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Quote: 38579; Rating: 2096; [+|-]
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<TheThree> your special?
<Mj> you're
<TheThree> sorry my grammer sucks
<Mj> grammar
<TheThree> as dose my spelling
<Mj> does
<TheThree> i give up
<Mj> I
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Quote: 38580; Rating: 14; [+|-]
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<Opie> tell her to sing on aol
<Puck> To sing on AOL?
<Opie> that is all she has
<Puck> I didn't know you could sing on AOL
<Urban> Keyword: Karaoke
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Quote: 38597; Rating: 749; [+|-]
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<JtotheD> do you even know what mecca is
<Loopy1> yea
<Loopy1> a robot that people fight in
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Quote: 38617; Rating: 504; [+|-]
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<Rav3n> if eminem had a 15 year old sister, she would look like this http://www.msnusers.com/mypicture?user=4263~4AAABAAAACQvSEQB3m0gg5W641xHxiPqX7DnL4o6NOPKV6XsTAf7Hmxg$$~4AAACAAAAEVyAFyBKsl7uXPmYHd1ECNoIXtgGXx*RzqyY$
<kluster> that's the weirdest ascii art i saw in ages
<kluster> oh, it is a link. nm
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Quote: 38618; Rating: 277; [+|-]
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Quit: FliPmodE`[email protected] Kill by OperServ (You are banned from this network: Harassing opers on this network is not allowed. If you feel this akill is in error, GO FUCK YOURSELF AND DIE BITCH (ID: =ZYJgAzlVFwPzgQ<))
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Quote: 38636; Rating: 139; [+|-]
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<Threeboy> neeks. i hate it when i type "~" by accident.
<Threeboy> it makes me question my sexuality.
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Quote: 38638; Rating: 99; [+|-]
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*** Joins: Mikey ([email protected])
<Mikey> Whoops, gotta go to a meeting, sorry guys
*** Quits: Mikey
<Fayn> Poor guy...
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Quote: 38640; Rating: 1018; [+|-]
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<Myren> someone ping flood this bastard please: 127.0.0.1
<darthv> ok
*** darthv has quit IRC (Ping timeout)
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Quote: 38645; Rating: 195; [+|-]
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<KamiNoBaka> like a version, wooo, ctcp'd for the very first time
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Quote: 38646; Rating: 667; [+|-]
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<@Adam>Wow, this apple sure does look good...
<@Eve>No Adam!
* @Adam eats the apple.
*** @God sets mode: -oo Adam Eve
<@God> THOU HATH SINNED!
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Quote: 38659; Rating: 2074; [+|-]
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<wangsta`> damnit
<wangsta`> how the fuck do i turn that off
<wangsta`> everytime someone pastes a link it pops up
<@Ele|HW> oh?
<@Ele|HW> http://www.goatse.cx
<wangsta`> I FUCKING HATE YOU
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Quote: 38667; Rating: 153; [+|-]
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<Xerox> Apparently NOBODY wants to be a librarian in Compton.
<ToastyGhost> Because it's a do-nothing job
<ToastyGhost> "6:00 - showed up, unlocked. 9:45 - dodged gunfire. 14:06 - the police called, asking for a witness. 20:00 - close"
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Quote: 38687; Rating: 319; [+|-]
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<Creedy> fucking jesus
<Creedy> i have to kill that bitch
<logicalentity> jesus?
<logicalentity> the romans beat ya
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Quote: 38697; Rating: 234; [+|-]
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<GenLeo> I had sex in 5th grade, 6th grade, 8th grade, and sophomore year
<GenLeo> er, sex ed even
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