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Quote: 576202; Rating: 655; [+|-]
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* Mapionetka then wonders what the hell he is going to do with his 32mb mem stick
<ginji> stick it where the sun doesn't shine Mapionetka ?
<Mapionetka> in my computer room?
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Quote: 576204; Rating: 27; [+|-]
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babygirl1975150: im lost
Liv: BE LSOT~!'
blaxthos: seek jesus
blaxthos: i hear he sells maps by the interstate
blaxthos: he also does my yard on occasion
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Quote: 576262; Rating: 2069; [+|-]
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McKhaos: this guy asks me
McKhaos: how many people work in your company ?
McKhaos: my answer
McKhaos: about a third
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Quote: 576373; Rating: 9; [+|-]
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<Baumann> all I know is that Pascal is really pretty
<Dan> I think Pascal is a little chubby to be called pretty.
<Baumann> <<insert your mom comment here>>
<Dan> man, comparing my mom to pascal would be harsh
<Baumann> on Pascal, I know
<Baumann> you're mom's more like VB
<Baumann> bloaty and only stupid people would touch it
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Quote: 577081; Rating: 885; [+|-]
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<Twin`> magneto-optic media a laser heats up one side of the disc
<Twin`> which induces a magnetic quality on the other side
<Twin`> the magnetic head then write to the surface while it's heated
<Twin`> as for playback, the laser bounces light off it's side, and thanks to the kerr effect, reads the information off that way
<Fearless> Really.
<Fearless> I just put the disc in
<Fearless> and hit play
<Fearless> that also works
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Quote: 577240; Rating: 2134; [+|-]
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<spree> i wish i had a southern accent
<shy> gday mate
<videogameaholic> not that southern
<shy> hola amigo
<videogameaholic> getting closer
<shy> howdy yall
<videogameaholic> close enough
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Quote: 577451; Rating: 9785; [+|-]
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<DmncAtrny> I will write on a huge cement block "BY ACCEPTING THIS BRICK THROUGH YOUR WINDOW, YOU ACCEPT IT AS IS AND AGREE TO MY DISCLAIMER OF ALL WARRANTIES, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, AS WELL AS DISCLAIMERS OF ALL LIABILITY, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL OR INCIDENTAL, THAT MAY ARISE FROM THE INSTALLATION OF THIS BRICK
INTO YOUR BUILDING."
<DmncAtrny> And then hurl it through the window of a Sony officer
<DmncAtrny> and run like hell
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Quote: 577458; Rating: 2874; [+|-]
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<Knives> hey jiv
<Knives> do you know the 4 types of female orgasms?
* Jiv admits he does not
<Knives> Well, the first, is the Religious orgasm
<Knives> or the, Spiritual orgasm
<Knives> it goes something like this
<Knives> "Oh GOD! oh GOD! OH OH OH GOD!"
<Knives> the 2nd, is the positive orgasm---" OH YES! OH YES! OH YES!"
<Knives> to which comes the third, the negative orgasm... "OH NO! OH NO! OH NO!"
<Knives> and then finally
<Knives> the fake orgasm
<Knives> "OH JIV! OH JIV! OH OH JIV!"
<Hawk> lol
<Jiv> ....bitch
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Quote: 577493; Rating: 170; [+|-]
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<Ned> I should open up a resturant with the claim that it's jewish and kosher and all that
<Ned> and put ham in everything
<Ned> that'd be awesome
<Ned> kind of like rape, but not really
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Quote: 577504; Rating: 2776; [+|-]
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<davo0o> My girlfriend has been playing hard to get lately.
<lex> Did you inflate her with helium this time?
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Quote: 577535; Rating: 652; [+|-]
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<eXeLoR> My gf was all like, "you havn't made eye contact once this evening", she was hell pissed
<sILLA> You should have told her that breasts don't have eyes
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Quote: 577670; Rating: 1132; [+|-]
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pAtRiCkAaRoN06: DUDE..you know what we r gonna name our band?
Jahwarrior06: what?
pAtRiCkAaRoN06: "the big glove"
Jahwarrior06: the big glove? wtf?
pAtRiCkAaRoN06: yea...that way when we get done playing and the PA dude comes up there he can say "let's have a big hand for The Big Glove"
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Quote: 578064; Rating: 1995; [+|-]
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<tdo> i was helping my tech teacher out a few days in july or so
<tdo> and i got some calls
<tdo> from potential customers
<tdo> and one of them was this little boy who couldn't have been more than six or seven
<tdo> and he was almost in TEARS
<tdo> "everything i type is in caps what do i do my moms goinng to kill me"
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Quote: 578314; Rating: 609; [+|-]
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<Rhett> yes yes, but that's bringing hyperbole into an argument that, while silly, remains grounded in fact
<moros|sreep> I'm not quite sure what hyperbole is, come to think of it..
<Rhett> it's where the ADD children have their football championship
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Quote: 578715; Rating: 366; [+|-]
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[Yaksha] We call this kids' mom 'Mapquest'
[norris] why's that?
[Yaksha] She has multicolored veins visible all over her body, looks like downtown Phoenix.
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Quote: 578721; Rating: 1480; [+|-]
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Sefy89: God my mom wont stop yelling
Dested: wat did u do this time?
Sefy89: i called her a lazy bitch and told her to get up and do some work
Dested: ...doesnt your mom have a broken leg?
Sefy89: thus the noise
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Quote: 578788; Rating: 1057; [+|-]
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<Warmaster_Horus> But some of the stuff you can do with mayo is good
<NiTessine> Yes. Like assassinations.
<Mithran> You assassinate people with mayo?
<NiTessine> Nobody ever suspects mayo.
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Quote: 578791; Rating: 422; [+|-]
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<Narbs_> I don't understand why most virus scanners scan media files by default
<Narbs_> I don't need my tranny porn collection scanned for viruses
<bonk`> except HIV
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Quote: 579611; Rating: 314; [+|-]
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<M3rlin-> what is the legal age to buy alcoholic in england ?
<p5Ds13a06> you cant buy alcoholics
<p5Ds13a06> but if you wink the right way, some of them will follow you home for free
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Quote: 579685; Rating: 1967; [+|-]
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Rude: holy shit people take everything the wrong way. I was having dinner, so when I get back to the comp my buddy asks what I was doing. so i told him, and he's like "oh yeah? that your code name for jacking off nowadays?"
Rude: then just now i was jacking off and someone asked what I was doing, so I told em i was jerking, and they're like "lmao, so what're you actually doing? making dinner or someshit?"
Rude: I'm just going to make shit up from now on :/
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Quote: 579742; Rating: 1118; [+|-]
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<digamond> was a dude in a school that installed Firefox
<digamond> the girl next to him asks what he is doing
<digamond> he told her .. that he is installing a new web browser..
<digamond> after that
<digamond> when he started up the Firefox and went to google .. she looked at him and said..
<digamond> that was not so nessesery .. it still shows the same websites
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Quote: 579863; Rating: 1341; [+|-]
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Azreal Kurokiba: Oh man, I just came up with the best superhero ever.
Azreal Kurokiba: He could be called THE SOAP BAR.
Azreal Kurokiba: And his catchphrase could be "How about I drop YOU in jail?"
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Quote: 579865; Rating: 1994; [+|-]
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Skylos : dang its irritating when I get phone calls and they just hang up
Triggur: call them back with caller ID and then hang up!
Triggur: ever get a Heavy-Breathing call?
Triggur: I did once and I told him, "oh god, that is SO hot. can I jack off too?"
Triggur: turns out it was my mom winded from walking upstairs.
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Quote: 580518; Rating: -676; [+|-]
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RWG> my site is back up
@Doraemon> Whore-ray!
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Quote: 580604; Rating: 1427; [+|-]
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<Char> i think my favourite smooth move of his was when she said in aim he was kind of being creepy
<Char> so he got her mobile number form somewhere and phoned to apologise
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Quote: 580682; Rating: 522; [+|-]
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Petrosjko: How ya doin'?
Keucu: I had a complete nervous breakdown and tried to drive my car off an overpass today and I think I scared the fuck out of Julian.
Keucu: But I'm feeling better.
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Quote: 580701; Rating: 2888; [+|-]
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<iibbmm> Stupid World of Warcraft.
<iibbmm> I have no money, I have no skills. All of the hot hot elvin women are dancing with the big warrior guys. It's college all over again.
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Quote: 580702; Rating: 2093; [+|-]
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<Indiana> What's a cuntwaffle?
<Indiana> Ah, never mind, I'll ask my mom when she comes on. She knows everything about cooking and food.
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Quote: 581631; Rating: 1779; [+|-]
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<carkeys> arpad you there?
<Meritt> That's the first time I've seen car keys go looking for their owner.
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Quote: 582005; Rating: 2325; [+|-]
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* andy Quit (Quit: Your Mom is so dumb that she tried to minimize a 12 variable function to a minimal sum of products expression using a karnaugh map instead of the Quine-McCluskey Algorithm.)
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Quote: 582052; Rating: -485; [+|-]
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<ardnew> no way. all europeans are the same. they have hearts made of cheese.
<ardnew> and they can breath underwater.
<ardnew> not to mention the tails they are born with...
<SysSpider> i thought it was a replacement penis
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Quote: 582103; Rating: 611; [+|-]
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(Sporq) i gotta take a linux.
(Blaxthos) don't forget to flush.
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Quote: 582647; Rating: -1120; [+|-]
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sessorach: you know whats funny?
sessorach: offering people sexual favors in exchange for something
sessorach: be like "Ill give you sexual favors for that whatever"
mathJunkie314: you know whats funny?
mathJunkie314: me reading that last sentence before the rest O_o
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Quote: 583201; Rating: 1261; [+|-]
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<silentpyjamas> heeehheeeh. once my sister's former best friend was having a baby and she couldn't think of a name. we walked past a coke machine and i said "how about dasani?" how was i to know she'd totally take my advice? i'm responsible for a kid being named after a coke product
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Quote: 583257; Rating: 539; [+|-]
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Nightcrawler3122: dude, this whole Xbox 360 craze is horrible
Nightcrawler3122: i mean, people are being held at gunpoint for their 360s
Ziddy5: of course
Nightcrawler3122: its so stupid
Nightcrawler3122: all the while, Bill Gates is laughing while playing his Xbox 720
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Quote: 583259; Rating: 642; [+|-]
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Mr Kedian: I wonder if they have Santa vibrators
Mr Kedian: Santa can hurry down your chimney all year 'round with this naughty -- and nice! -- self-pleasuring tool. Please remove decorative hat before use.
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Quote: 583526; Rating: 590; [+|-]
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<+[PM]gothtec> Windows users posting their uptime... That's like a chinese dicksize competition.
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Quote: 583627; Rating: 3695; [+|-]
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<savenor> i just saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by fleeing the scene of the accident
|
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Quote: 583650; Rating: 2411; [+|-]
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<Drhubbard> watched this film called 'anal lesbians' the other day.
<Drhubbard> they spent about half the film going through the fridge labelling everything..
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Quote: 583790; Rating: 478; [+|-]
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booger> I'm still waiting for someone to take their wireless lappy to a bar some night.
booger> "What beer should I drink?"
booger> "I think a cute girl looked at me for a half second. What should I do?"
booger> "I'm completely wasted. Should I drive home?"
faz> "A vop just pullef me over!!11"
faust> we could get a lan party going in the jail cell
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Quote: 583977; Rating: 8970; [+|-]
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<DannyB> some girl on the street asked if i was saved yet
<DannyB> i told her i saved at the checkpoint a couple minutes back
<DannyB> and can reload from there if i die
<DannyB> she was confused
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Quote: 585651; Rating: 1128; [+|-]
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durandal: see, a whore is a girl who sleeps with everyone... a bitch is a girl who sleeps with everyone but you
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Quote: 585661; Rating: -1055; [+|-]
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<Blaxthos> you know what
<Blaxthos> DO YOU KNOW
<Blaxthos> i'm slightly ashamed
<Blaxthos> but
<Blaxthos> then i remember being 7 yrs old
<AltSnooze> you peepeed in your pants again?
<Blaxthos> dancing with mom
<Blaxthos> Elton John - I'm Still Standing.mp3
<Blaxthos> i still love that song
<chilly> did you uncle touch you in funny places?
<Blaxthos> no :(
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Quote: 586075; Rating: 488; [+|-]
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<skatinxx> So, I was in Foods today and we were making pasta and my teacher came over to me and says "Your pot is hanging out". My hand immedietly went to my sweatshirt pocket to make sure my baggy was still there and then she pointed to the pot with the pasta in it. I realized then that the handle was facing out over
the edge of the stove. She gave me the weirdest look....
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Quote: 586858; Rating: -35; [+|-]
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<Mally> before his destiny was further clarified, Robin Hood spent several years stealing from the rich and giving to the porcupines
|
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Quote: 586894; Rating: 2075; [+|-]
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<DB> Oh god - what the fuck do they put in absinthe? i only had a couple and I feel like I've been raped by a camel..
<Rust_Bunny> It's meant to be taken orally ..
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Quote: 587028; Rating: 426; [+|-]
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<Bakazuki> Damn it, I don't care if mouth is going to hurt like a bitch during winter break (I've stated this before; I'm having my wisdom teeth pulled out), I just want it now!
<Jones> I will now take that quote out of context and spam it to people.
<Jones> [11:20:25 PM] Bakazuki: Damn it, I don't care if mouth is going to hurt like a bitch, I just want it now!
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Quote: 587662; Rating: 2618; [+|-]
|
<Arendra> A smiley says a thousand words
<Arendra> :-)
*** Arendra has quit IRC (Excess Flood)
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Quote: 587801; Rating: 6282; [+|-]
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silic0nsilence: So it's black friday at CompUSA.
Slider: Yea
silic0nsilence: We were to open up at 12am. It's 11:58pm and there is a HUGE line of blood-thirsty, hard drive-wanting, maniacs. So my friend dares me to scream we have one xbox360.
Slider: Holy shit.
silic0nsilence: So he gives me $20. I go up to the gate and scream, "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE HAVE JUST RECIEVED ONE XBOX360!!" Immediatly people are storming the gate, passing me money through the cage to get it. They were screaming and knocked over this old lady. My boss just looks at me with these red eyes. In
them, I saw fear and rage.
Slider: Omg you dumb shit!
Slider: Wait a second, it's 12:46A, and it's black Friday. What did this happen minutes ago? Shouldn't you be at work?
silic0nsilence: Yeah..
silic0nsilence: Pretty sure I don't work at CompUSA any more..
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Quote: 588216; Rating: 422; [+|-]
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punch: ugh, i feel like im in a time warp
punch: working on a pentium 200 webserver
punch: fixing a customer's pentium 2 233 machine
punch: loading win98se on it
OSSThe: ewww
punch: i am in some sort of late 90s hell
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