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Quote: 450882; Rating: 933; [+|-]
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<BlackMoon> heh. kinda funny
<BlackMoon> we used to use internet over phone
<BlackMoon> now we use phone over internet
<DooD> IT'S SOVIET RUSSIA!
<DooD> in soviet russia, internet phones you! |
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Quote: 450905; Rating: 652; [+|-]
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EpiPhony3693: I want to get a shirt that syas "Marriage is for fags." |
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Quote: 450963; Rating: 1259; [+|-]
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Ayreon: Vex, do you have a scar on your penis?
vexingthoughts: no
Ayreon: But you're a jew :confused:
vexingthoughts: it's not a scar
Ayreon: What's it then?
vexingthoughts: well not how one would traditionally think of a scar
vexingthoughts: just looks like skin
vexingthoughts: that's all
vexingthoughts: little more red but that's it
Ayreon: So it's still a scar :-
vexingthoughts: maybe
vexingthoughts: i dont know
Ayreon: How could you let them do that to the little guy?
vexingthoughts: i dont know maybe because i was like 8 days old
vexingthoughts: literally
Ayreon: You were a man when you were born right?
vexingthoughts: i had to be
vexingthoughts: default gender is woman
Ayreon: How could you let them do that to the little guy?]
vexingthoughts: I WAS 8 DAYS OLD
vexingthoughts: I COULDN'T EVEN BABBLE
Ayreon: You were still a guy!
vexingthoughts: NOT EVEN RANDOM VOWEL SOUNDS
vexingthoughts: MY BRAIN WASN'T EVEN FINISHED DEVELOPING
vexingthoughts: I HAD A SOFT SKULL
vexingthoughts: the only way i could have been less capable of stopping the circumcision would have been for me to still have been in the womb
Ayreon: You could have strung them up with your umthingy cord.
vexingthoughts: yes that's right
vexingthoughts: my umbilical cord
Ayreon: That one.
vexingthoughts: how could i have been so stupid
vexingthoughts: oh yeah that's right i was just 1 week old
Ayreon: And now you've got the scar to prove it.
vexingthoughts: there are chimpanzees who are smarter than i was at 8 days old
Ayreon: There are chimpanzees who are smarter than you are now, your point is?
vexingthoughts: my point is that in a minute i'm gonna have evidence that i chopped off your dutchy head
Ayreon: Hey now, you're the one with the chopped head.
vexingthoughts: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
vexingthoughts: DIE!!!!
Ayreon: Whoa, when they cut your penis, did they put in ovaries in exchange? |
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Quote: 450997; Rating: 374; [+|-]
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<lassietoverrijst> 'pwned' is the new amen |
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Quote: 451084; Rating: 428; [+|-]
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<Kat_3y3z> I think I tanned too long tonight.
<dudley> Kat_3y3z: why tan? you have good skin
<remisser> yes.u00a0 why ruin that pretty skin of yours?u00a0 Now I'll never be able to make my mask... |
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Quote: 451294; Rating: 690; [+|-]
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DengShouxin: The next best thing to a girl that likes sex is a girl that likes to play video games. |
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Quote: 451309; Rating: 759; [+|-]
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(BLIZZ)this one guy that comes in all the time and pisses me off
(BLIZZ)he brought his computer in for service
(BLIZZ)it starts for like a second then turns off
(BLIZZ)i charged him 59.99 to switch the little selector on the back of his power supply from european voltage to american
(ZeNiTH)haha |
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Quote: 451327; Rating: 1835; [+|-]
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<lief> My brother just got suspended from school for sticking a bible down his pants while walking around in the halls singing Mansons "Personal Jesus" and asking random girls to "Reach down and touch faith". |
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Quote: 451471; Rating: 240; [+|-]
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<samafk> ui'm fuckt'
<samafk> 1/2 ogke
<samafk> vodka
<samafk> bp
<+Ajurian> pretending to be drunk on irc isnt cool anymore |
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Quote: 451484; Rating: 1200; [+|-]
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<Kami_XX> i think rape sounds to severe.. It should be called surprise sex..
<Neme2> That's an old joke! You suck! Stop stealing jokes!
<hunt_23> He didn't steal it he surprise took it.. |
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Quote: 451489; Rating: 908; [+|-]
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<RastaJew> when a girl says she has no new nude pics and you ask for her old ones dont say "the older the better" |
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Quote: 451529; Rating: 551; [+|-]
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<Kankraka> turn my tv on, and it's all "omg save the african kids"
<Kankraka> so i turn on my xbox
<Kankraka> crisis averted |
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Quote: 451535; Rating: 180; [+|-]
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cynicalkane: why does Michael Jackson like twenty eight year olds?
cynicalkane: because there's twenty of them |
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Quote: 451536; Rating: 854; [+|-]
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<poit[fsgc> !decide "slack off and lie about the reason" "do the work and have a clean moral slate"
<CrockPot> The roll of the dice picks: slack off and lie about the reason.
<poit[fsgc> Good bot
* poit[fsgc goes to sleep |
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Quote: 451603; Rating: 1948; [+|-]
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<sp4nk> I once knew this guy who kept a dream journal.
<sp4nk> Some little spiral notebook he'd keep by his bed.
<martyr> haha nice
<sp4nk> I'd get waken up in the middle of the night and find him writing shit in it. At 3 AM.
<sp4nk> Told me it was so he could remember the lucid dreams he had the following morning.
<sp4nk> So one night at about 1, I decided to have a look.
<sp4nk> As I suspected, full of shit about meeting dead people and flying across the Atlantic Ocean.
<sp4nk> He was asleep at the time, of course.
<sp4nk> So I grabbed a pencil and made my own entry.
<martyr> ROFL
<sp4nk> Something along the lines of: OH MY GOD I WANT YOUR BLOOD SATAN PLEASE LIBERATE ME FROM MY WRETCHED LIFE
<sp4nk> I swear, he was shaking the rest of that day. |
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Quote: 452197; Rating: 1134; [+|-]
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<karl> where is everyone?
<Kayote_G> Well I'm trying to explain to my (now ex) girlfriend why I own a porn site.
<Kayote_G> :'( |
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Quote: 452205; Rating: 977; [+|-]
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<Cardo> I reckon they should keep making Jackass shows
<Shady> yer
<Cardo> That way we can use Darwin as a turbine while he spins in his grave
<Shady> lol |
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Quote: 452233; Rating: 446; [+|-]
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<jamesi> paperwork is teh suck
<jamesi> i'm 27 years old, using the words 'teh suck'.u00a0 I should be ashamed of myself, and yet, i'll probably use those words in combination again sometime in the next 3 hours |
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Quote: 452242; Rating: 1826; [+|-]
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<Maggie> Rune
<Rune> ?
<Maggie> why are all men chauvinistic pigs?
<Rune> because we're better than you |
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Quote: 452306; Rating: 455; [+|-]
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* Earhart/#intersocs thinks about sex :-)
<mel> when do you not?
<mel> it's like
<mel> 10 Think about sex
<mel> 20 Goto 10 |
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Quote: 452461; Rating: 2547; [+|-]
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<Silent69> Hey did you take the $5 dollars that was sitting on my desk the last time you were here
<Cactus> Ya, the movie we rented wasnt rewound and they called me up saying I had to pay a stupid fee for not rewinding the damn thing. And I was on my way back to the video store so I might as well had paid it off.
<Silent69> Oh ok. Just wondering where it went.
<Cactus> no prob man, gtg, peace.
***Cactus has left the conversation***
<Silent69> peace
<Silent69> Wait a second,
<Silent69> WE RENTED A DVD!!! |
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Quote: 453043; Rating: 1474; [+|-]
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<Sukato> What does it mean when you search google with one word and only get one hit?
<Xenogenesis> You have a very specific fetish? |
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Quote: 453153; Rating: 927; [+|-]
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<dmsndlr> You know, it was kinda hard being the only jewish kid in a small town..
<dmsndlr> I'm tall, so I used to play in the church's basketball team and everytime I stepped on court the ref went "FOUL!"
<dmsndlr> And I was like "What, I didn't even do anything!"
<dmsndlr> "Well you did kill Jesus." |
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Quote: 453209; Rating: 645; [+|-]
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Mervin: Alright, thats it
Mervin: I'm so gonna get you
Kelvin: GEEK
Mervin: You are so not 3l337
Kelvin: I am so 3l337
Rocky:Alright geeks, i think we know how to settle this
Rocky: Dungeons and Dragons at D20 paces |
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Quote: 453250; Rating: 1053; [+|-]
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Explosions: why didnt' you come?
FlakGuitar: food poisoning
Explosions: what did you have
FlakGuitar: alcohol |
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Quote: 453350; Rating: 552; [+|-]
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<sukumade> i'm out like michael j fox in jenga |
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Quote: 453511; Rating: 683; [+|-]
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LightGrayMage: all the technology in the world doesn't matter if the majority of your population is mind numbingly stupid. |
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Quote: 453525; Rating: 1337; [+|-]
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<Tealos> no
<panthy> =(
<Tealos> turn that frown upside down
<Tealos> )= |
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Quote: 453589; Rating: 719; [+|-]
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<Don> scyth, I come here for the loving people and atmosphere happy.gif
<scyth> I come here because I forgot to remove it from my auto-connect list |
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Quote: 453626; Rating: 283; [+|-]
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<@Carmen> I wish I did all the things I wanted to do to my EX before we broke up
<@Carmen> Selling her to that guy out east for 6000 would have been a good start
<@Deadlymouse> should have taken four goats and a Camel when you were offered it
<@Carmen> Ya would have gotten more from the goat |
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Quote: 453932; Rating: 917; [+|-]
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<Orthodox> deutschland 11e hier is 18, haltet mich gefaelligst davon ab glei zu verschwinden und die chinesische wodkaflasche zu exen
!kick!: <Orthodox> was kicked by <Pidda> [I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.] |
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Quote: 454094; Rating: 605; [+|-]
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<LoY|Steam> fucks sake
<LoY|Steam> i tell you what is embarassing
<LoY|Steam> when you go on a date with a lass
<LoY|Steam> who is rather plump
<LoY|Steam> and you try to pick her up as a bit of fun
<LoY|Steam> but physically
<LoY|Steam> you cant fucking lift her
<LoY|Steam> worse fucking date ever, got no sex and put my fucking back out |
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Quote: 454110; Rating: 1248; [+|-]
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Awesomest771: god damn jeff's been at blockbuster for 2 hours, where the fuck is he
Einhander MKII: that was a pretty stupid question |
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Quote: 454183; Rating: 1456; [+|-]
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spoonsucker:u00a0 I ordered pizza today (not from Pizza Hut because they're not open for lunch on Mondays or something) but the delivery driver was a 45 year old Italian-looking lady with six times too much makeup on. My dad was home on his lunch break and saw her leaving. Then he came storming into my room demanding to know if I'd just had sex with a hooker = |
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Quote: 454203; Rating: 8325; [+|-]
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<drmason> there was this one time I was wanking to porn...
<drmason> ... I kept a javascript tutorial open in another window so my parents didn't start wondering why I was always on the desktop with no windows showing
<drmason> so I'm just about to splurge when I suddenly hear my dad coming up the stairs
<drmason> alt-tabbed to the other window and tried to pull my boxers up... computer stalled JUST THEN as my dad was opening the door
<drmason> I just stood up and was like "fuck... dad this honestly isn't what it looks like"
<drmason> and he glanced at the screen and said "I sure hope so because it looks like you're masturbating to a fucking javascript tutorial" |
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Quote: 454510; Rating: 779; [+|-]
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< Cronos Gabliani > I personally belive that in any situation that you expect a kick in the balls, and you get a slap in the face, thats a victory. |
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Quote: 454512; Rating: 1995; [+|-]
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<@Matt> 10 things men know about women.....
<@Matt> 1.
<@Matt> 2.
<@Matt> 3.
<@Matt> 4.
<@Matt> 5.
<@Matt> 6.
<@Matt> 7.
<@Matt> 8.
<@Matt> 9.
<@Matt> 10. Women have tits |
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Quote: 454578; Rating: 1221; [+|-]
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Opti: i was really bored... had 2 options... 1) watch paint dryu00a0 2) come to #general
Opti: i chose the paint...
Opti: but thats dry now :/ |
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Quote: 454669; Rating: 690; [+|-]
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kinky kinsey: oh yeah...wanna bet?
Steel: would i lose?
kinky kinsey: yes
Steel: then no. i dont wanna bet |
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Quote: 454774; Rating: 953; [+|-]
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<Kahlzarg> Jesus dies i get chocolate.. jesus is born I get presents.. works for me.. |
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Quote: 454906; Rating: 1315; [+|-]
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<Biomech-> i took a shit earlier that weighed about 200g, well unimpressed
<Nezzie> so, do you actually scoop it out of the toilet?
<Biomech-> im slightly more sophisticated than that
<@cai> you're weighing shit, how sophisticated can it get? |
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Quote: 455050; Rating: 1441; [+|-]
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* Hawk boots up Windows
<Beyonder> It's like a million mac users cried out in pain and were suddenly silenced...
<suds|finals> lol
<Beyonder> wait.. make that 5000 mac users, let's be realistic
<Evs> LOL
<SysError> XD |
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Quote: 455441; Rating: 1000; [+|-]
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<BoTGoD> In the wet season, when my house lies at the eye of a particularly savage thunderstorm storm, lightning all around and power out, i like to masturbate - it makes me feel like i am thor. |
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Quote: 455450; Rating: 1102; [+|-]
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<@Vegetarian> i cant wait till i die, im either gonna have "BRB" or "AFK" on my tombstone.. |
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Quote: 455543; Rating: 733; [+|-]
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Denomination: i almost read a whole pamphlet about child abuse
Kristen: why?
Denomination: it had pictures |
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Quote: 455720; Rating: 1150; [+|-]
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<Dram> XP is basicly 98 with a lot more extra features to hunt down and disable |
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Quote: 455735; Rating: 564; [+|-]
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<Match> you shouldve seen the confused look on her face
<Match> it's like we dropped her in the middle of china and asked her to find a mr. chang |
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Quote: 455771; Rating: 1084; [+|-]
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Dan: When I die, I wouldn't want any one to find my pr0n. Someone needs to create encrypted mpeg/divx.
Presmike: all the passwords would be cracked in no time because they have to be easy enough to type with one hand.
Dan: O_o |
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Quote: 456050; Rating: 945; [+|-]
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<THE_RAVEN> asl?
<BlackstarII> 41/m/neverland
<BlackstarII> wanna sleep over? |
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Quote: 456278; Rating: 1170; [+|-]
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<+blotch> howcome you never see a black santa
<@SantaReul> what are the chances of a black man breaking into people's houses to *leave* things |
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