|
Quote: 137314; Rating: 432; [+|-]
|
bob2 | fuck, my room is like a bad text adventure!
tb | The top of my monitor is too thin to fit anything, unless I glue it on.
bob2 | > take thermos
bob2 | the thermos lid falls off, spilling boiling water all over you!
bob2 | you die!
bob2 | play again (y/n)?
Faugn | no
|
|
Quote: 137338; Rating: 438; [+|-]
|
moonman137: (she has no clue)
moonman137: (does putting it in these not let her see it?)
waymon04: (i think so)
|
|
Quote: 137342; Rating: 693; [+|-]
|
<mightious> it would be cool to get attacked my a monster or something, I mean think of the stories
<mightious> or if you died you'd be a hero
<Hidden_7> yah, I prepare for monster attacks daily
<Hidden_7> cause imagine if you WERE a hero
<mightious> I have garlic incase of vampires, and a cross incase of a vampire, and on the rare chance of a vampire I have holy water
<mightious> ...actually im only prepared for vampires
|
|
Quote: 137351; Rating: 575; [+|-]
|
<jeebas> seems like i have quite a few kids on ebay
<jeebas> err bids
|
|
Quote: 137362; Rating: 269; [+|-]
|
<KrudOnAStick> haha i read a story about a brazilian dude who married a blow up sex doll
<KrudOnAStick> his parents told him to divorce it and he killed them
|
|
Quote: 137411; Rating: 291; [+|-]
|
<flint`> well
<flint`> this wc3 channel has taught me one thing about korea
<flint`> they have completely abolished sexism
<flint`> and now they all just act like girls
|
|
Quote: 137437; Rating: 1576; [+|-]
|
<@parasyte> I went straight towards my room where my nice large full size bed I had since I was 5 years old awaited me. I opened the door and...
<@parasyte> ... there is my sister, riding her fat boyfriend, fucking his brains out.
<@parasyte> My first thought was, "Wow, she had perky tits". My second thought was, "Wow, so does he",
|
|
Quote: 137480; Rating: 414; [+|-]
|
<NekoNick> And you claim to be sentient?
<RaZorblade> sentient???????????????????????????????????????????????
<NekoNick> I guess that answers my question.
|
|
Quote: 137512; Rating: 375; [+|-]
|
<Rowdy> I made a really evil alarm for myself this morning.
<Stoney> An evil alarm?
<Rowdy> sleep 21600 && cat /kernel > /dev/audio
<Rowdy> Turn your speakers to max and do that.
<Rowdy> It is MEAN.
<matt> i have lots of kewl mp3 mixing software atm :)
<Rowdy> Think like an air raid siren crossed with a million babies crying in unison.
<matt> .. and then were suddenly silenced?
<Rowdy> HAHAHAHAHAA
<Rowdy> ROFL
<Rowdy> That's the shit.
|
|
Quote: 137523; Rating: 258; [+|-]
|
<@ryan> theres acpi crap in my kernel
<@jon^c> eat more fiber
|
|
Quote: 137540; Rating: 747; [+|-]
|
<Elfer> OMG OMG OMG
<Elfer> I just had an idea
<Elfer> ok, cats land on their feet, right?
<Elfer> right
<Elfer> toast lands peanut butter sde down, right?
<Elfer> right
<very_clock> right
<Elfer> now, what if I tape a piece of toast peanut butter side up to a cat's back and drop it
<Elfer> ???
<very_clock> uhhhm the cat will cancel out the toast thing, cats beat toast anyday
<Elfer> uhh, no
<very_clock> yep
<Elfer> I think I get some sort of physics defying contradiction conundrum and the cat will hover
<Elfer> It's almost too simple to take over the world with this type of device...
|
|
Quote: 137544; Rating: 359; [+|-]
|
<+NaruNaru> i have yet to find a girl with the correct md5checksum
|
|
Quote: 137545; Rating: 158; [+|-]
|
<tosh> i need wax
<tosh> my hair doesn't stay up out of joy
|
|
Quote: 137549; Rating: 324; [+|-]
|
<WoobiE> hey.. i see me in that pic!
<WoobiE> hooray for me
<jimiw> your mum must be proud
<WoobiE> yep
<WoobiE> doesnt explain why she beats me and tells me i destroyed the family though
|
|
Quote: 137553; Rating: 310; |
<Atob> The internet's like the Bible but with pictures.
<Atob> And those pictures are of naked ladies.
|
|
Quote: 137556; Rating: 282; [+|-]
|
(+emil) hahahahahahshsahhahshahhhhhash
(@Spellbinder) hash?
(+emil) what?
(+emil) oh
(+emil) i have fat fingers
(+emil) so when i laugh on irc
(+emil) i press the s button too
|
|
Quote: 137564; Rating: 287; [+|-]
|
<Darkseid> anyone want to hear a song i'm writing
<RaTS_FYA> :)
<Darkseid> it's called "if girls bled cranberry juice"
<RaTS_FYA> lol
<RaTS_FYA> lets here it dark
<oldskoolsenate> yeah
<oldskoolsenate> i wanna hear
<oldskoolsenate> please pleaes please
<Darkseid> ok
<Darkseid> keep in mind that it's metalish
<Darkseid> Ahem
* Darkseid clears throat
<oldskoolsenate> Darkseid that's alright
<Darkseid> if girls bled cranberry juice would you press and squeeze them dry
<Darkseid> would you hold their heads so sweetly til juice ran from their eye
<Darkseid> f juice ran from girls' ears would you have them for a snack.
<Darkseid> What if orange juice was dripping from her snatch
<Darkseid> I would
<Darkseid> Chorus
<Darkseid> I mean no one likes a glass of juice better than me... better than me... better than me... no one likes a glass of juice better than me... better than me me me....
<oldskoolsenate> Darkseid: That's really touching.
|
|
Quote: 137568; Rating: 146; [+|-]
|
<@Moonpie> if you get into an rpg battle with the plastic wrap around some sort of food you are the more stereotypical nerd in the world
<+silv|LUNCH> it wasn't an rpg battle
|
|
Quote: 137587; Rating: 1009; [+|-]
|
* Steele looks at his watch
<Steele> well either its 6:15 or mickey has a hard on
|
|
Quote: 137595; Rating: 774; [+|-]
|
<Disciple> Oh man, I was listening to music today, and I looked up, and all the kids were like ":O" and staring at the teacher, so I took off my music to see what was going on...
<Disciple> So I took off the headphones
<Disciple> And The teacher was screaming
<Disciple> "PUT IT IN HIS MOUTH! PUT IT IN HIS MOUTH!"
<Disciple> "GIVE IT TO HIM NOW! GIVE IT TO HIM NOW!"
<[Striker]> O_o
<Elyssa> Oo;
<K-S> :O
<Ness|Scripting> :O
<Velcant> ...o_O
<Disciple> And so I was like "What the hell's going on?"
<Disciple> And I looked over
<Disciple> and she was screaming on the phone.
<Disciple> And I just started cracking up
<Disciple> But then I found out that it was really sad and it was her son dying and someone had to give him his injection :(
<Disciple> But before I heard that, it was the funniest thing ever.
<[Striker]> ...well, damn,
<Disciple> (He is safe now)
|
|
Quote: 137629; Rating: -295; [+|-]
|
<evilive> I've got the crime of the century
<evilive> we'll say we're offering free chicken as a promotion, right?
<evilive> then when the niggers show up we'll shoot them and take their gold teeth.
|
|
Quote: 137634; Rating: 1140; [+|-]
|
<BlazeHedgehog> For a few seconds when AOL first loads it displays the wrong image with the wrong headline on the front page
<BlazeHedgehog> So it's got this guy kneeling at the WTC Memorial, crying, headline reads "HILLARY DUFF'S NEW CD RELEASED"
<Waffle-X> lol
<Sz> I'd be crying too
|
|
Quote: 137638; Rating: -86; [+|-]
|
<@Disciple> im stuck in traffic
<@Disciple> sigh
<@oz> stop ircing from your phone you lame piece of shit
<@oz> if you were jewish, that would make sense.
|
|
Quote: 137692; Rating: 515; [+|-]
|
<Procyon> I don't know the world around me!
<Procyon> I'm scared, and confused!
<DS> have you felt a strong desire to vote for george w. bush recently?
|
|
Quote: 137694; Rating: 514; [+|-]
|
<MrBeanTroll> ah, San Francisco Personal Ads
<Ocean-Saurian> What aobut 'em?
<MrBeanTroll> you will never find a more retched hive of scum and villiany
<MrBeanTroll> I must be careful
<MrBeanTroll> "I'm looking for a cute strong guy with a truck to help me move a couch from Dolores Park to Oakland some time this week during the evening. I'll buy you dinner afterwards. Picture required."
<MrBeanTroll> "you must be THIS hot to move my furniture"
|
|
Quote: 137733; Rating: 368; [+|-]
|
<obso> christ
<obso> you get drunk and make out with a guy
<obso> and all of a sudden all of irc is on yer ass
<obso> my girlfriend thought it was cute.
|
|
Quote: 137754; Rating: 744; [+|-]
|
<Elfer> I remember tangie complained about only getting a $30 GC game for EASTER
<Elfer> bitch
<Elfer> Know what I got for easter?
<Elfer> nothing
<Elfer> not even chocolate or anything
<Elfer> Well, at least I didn't get crucified
<Elfer> unlike some suckers at easter
|
|
Quote: 137775; Rating: 994; [+|-]
|
<Fusion> My cat tried to eat a praying mantis. I told him it was a bad idea.
<Mitsugi> what was his response?
<Fusion> Uh... "meow"
<Mitsugi> figures
<Fusion> Yeah. What a bitch.
|
|
Quote: 137853; Rating: 582; [+|-]
|
<Kai> I like big xc,jhagjhrrss and I cannot lie.
<Ben-San> You other brothers can't deny when a fhgargh walks in with an itty bitty SLAJCHSAFGBG and a big typo in your face.. :P
<Kai> You get gfdhgfj and you wanna pull up gfyifu because you notice that xc,jhagjhrrss was djhfdjhf.
<Ben-San> This leads to the eternal question: what rhymes with djhfdjhf?
<H_Cuz> gjhfdjhf.
<Kai> bjhfbjhf?
|
|
Quote: 137854; Rating: 186; [+|-]
|
<[TFCC]MysteryDate> and what kind of tools am I going to need to put all this crap together
<[TFCC]MitsuMan> philips head screwdriver and knife to open packages lol
<[TFCC]FloorPie> A knife? Use your teeth
<[TFCC]MysteryDate> what about securing the mobo in the case
<[TFCC]FloorPie> You'll have such a hard on when the new hardware arives, just poke the package open
<[TFCC]MysteryDate> or tape and grease? i read somewehreabout that
<[TFCC]MysteryDate> but I have no idea why
<[TFCC]MitsuMan> everything will come with mounting screws M
<[TFCC]MysteryDate> oh right
<[TFCC]MysteryDate> dammit
<[TFCC]FloorPie> The tape is to hold your hardon down
<[TFCC]FloorPie> the greese is for afterwards
|
|
Quote: 137913; Rating: 488; [+|-]
|
<Ziller> I'm confused now
<Ziller> am I me?
<Ziller> [12:14] *** Ziller ([email protected]) Quit (Ping timeout)
<_jackal> it's weird to see yourself quit from irc..
<Ziller> like seeing your own death
|
|
Quote: 137950; Rating: 229; [+|-]
|
<LicknDrgn> I dunno, I haven't used a stock HSF in one of my machines since P200 days
<LicknDrgn> Which probably accounts for the fact I've got a cold CPU most days and fuck all else to my name :)
<LicknDrgn> Then again, the drug addict and alcoholic phases probably don't help either.
<LicknDrgn> Still, at least I can play video games drunk and stoned with the heater on :P
<LicknDrgn> And really, isn't that what's important in life?
<LicknDrgn> ...
<LicknDrgn> I wish I had a heater :(
|
|
Quote: 137952; Rating: 455; [+|-]
|
<+phU|CrUM> i woke up to the sound of rain of the roof
<+phU|CrUM> layed in bed and listend to it for a couple of minutes then rememberd that i left my windows down in the car
<+BalefireX> that would have been funny to watch
<+phU|CrUM> what? me sprint out of bed, run outside half asleep, realize that i forgot my keys, slip in the mud and almost fall on my face turning around, get inside, grab my keys, sprint back outside and close my windows?
<+phU|CrUM> naw, that wouldnt have been funny to watch
<+BalefireX> you realize that your car would have been just as wet had you taken your time to get dressed and calmly walk out and do it?
<+phU|CrUM> you see, now i realize that... but when im half asleep im like 10x as dumb as i usually am
<+BalefireX> im amazed you remembered to breathe
|
|
Quote: 137953; Rating: 344; [+|-]
|
<dr_binks>I think they should start rating bash quotes according to how stupid the people are, not how funny the quotes are.
|
|
Quote: 137969; Rating: 174; [+|-]
|
<[Max]Kaz> does any1 know if I can extract a bit of a movie without all the files?
<[Max]Kaz> Its p0rn so I dont need all of it
|
|
Quote: 137988; Rating: 117; |
<evileye|ESC> http://promotions.yahoo.com/yodel/
<evileye|ESC> YAhOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~!
<Hellfire> ROFL
<evileye|ESC> "DO NOT ENTER THIS PROMOTION IF YOU ARE NOT LOCATED AND LEGALLY RESIDING IN THE UNITED STATES (EXCEPT FLORIDA) DURING THE ENTIRE TERM OF THIS PROMOTION."
<evileye|ESC> EXCEPT FLORIDA!
<evileye|ESC> damn old people
<Hellfire> hahaha
<Hellfire> they dont want the professional florida yodelers to win......
|
|
Quote: 138004; Rating: 2048; [+|-]
|
<krulos> my bud had sex with his girl last night 4 times and in the morning she said,"He was the best she ever had."
<krulos> i told him i had sex with my girl 6 time last night and this morning she said,"I was God!" lol. how many times did u get it on last night?
<KavorkianKilled> once
<krulos>hahaha, did she say anything to you this morning?
<KavorkianKilled> yeah, don't stop.
|
|
Quote: 138019; Rating: 160; [+|-]
|
(@aoi|triviabot) 9. What is a group of gorillas?
(@rifleman) rap group
(@ThunderBall) basketball team
|
|
Quote: 138024; Rating: 302; [+|-]
|
<+Kyle-SPTINYGLOL> I want Disney Land to like, Make an AOL ride.
<+Kyle-SPTINYGLOL> And 2 seconds after it starts.
<+Kyle-SPTINYGLOL> It stops.
<+Kyle-SPTINYGLOL> And screams "DISCONNECTED. >:("
|
|
Quote: 138049; Rating: 390; [+|-]
|
<Uhh_Duh> relationships are so easy thanks to the internet.. you can establish and destroy them at the touch of a few keys!
<black-ice> it all starts with 3 letters, asl
<black-ice> and ends with stfu
|
|
Quote: 138182; Rating: 628; [+|-]
|
SG The Clown: lol check this out i photoshopped a pic about that
Darksyphon23: you credit for mine idea :-
Sweet J Elite: .. rofl
[5 MONTHS later]
Sweet J Elite: i'm gonna go play final fantasy x
Darksyphon23: haha, i was thinkg that too, "you credit for mine idea"
Sweet J Elite: you do know that it was you that said that, right?
Darksyphon23: wh...huh?
Darksyphon23: i thought it was you who said that
Sweet J Elite: no, you said it, and sg and i have been making fun of you for it for the past 5 months
Darksyphon23: fuck..FUCK!
[silence for 5 minutes]
Sweet J Elite: dude, are you pissed?
Darksyphon23: OF COURSE I'M PISSED! I JUST FOUND OUT "YOU CREDIT FOR MINE IDEA" was MINE IDEA!
|
|
Quote: 138185; Rating: 179; [+|-]
|
<Sabrebutt> So, I started learning Java today.
<tacojon> eww
<tacojon> i hope you washed your hands afterwards
|
|
Quote: 138193; Rating: 1334; [+|-]
|
<spacemank> someone help me think of an eye catching phrase or something about me.
<cky> hm
<cky> your nickname rhymes with 'wank'
<PsykoDave> Spacewank!
<spacemank> gr... not to do with my NICK
<cky> well, you said about you :P
<spacemank> yes, me. not my nick.
<spacemank> I am not my nick.
<spacemank> I am me.
<Greg|wawy> if you re-arrange the letters, you get "spankmace"
<cky> your nick has to do with you
<spacemank> not really.
<spacemank> GRR
<spacemank> USELESS
<Greg|wawy> :D
<cky> which is almost "spank mice"
<cky> you could also rearrange it to say MSPancake!
<spacemank> I hate you.
|
|
Quote: 138198; Rating: 523; [+|-]
|
<@sed> somebody tell me what i'm forgetting to save before i reinstall windows
<+nimper> porn
<@Jagfire> sed, porn
<+Sabby> porn
|
|
Quote: 138210; Rating: 198; [+|-]
|
A little overexcited about Silent Hill:
<Aremis> Who can take a fire sireeennnnn.... and make a symbol of fear and dread? Who can take a sweet town and fill it with the undead? Konami cannnnn... The Konami Corp. cannnnnn.....
<Aremis> The Konami Corp. can take a simple hospital and make it a hell of rust and bloooooddddddd......
<Aremis> Who can take a happy dayyyyyy.... and shove it full of fog and snow? Who can make monsters that die with one blow? Konami cannnnnn.... the Konami corp. cannnnnn....
<Aremis> The Konami Corp. can because people are addicted to fear and they have stockholders in North koreaaaaa.....
|
|
Quote: 138229; Rating: 391; [+|-]
|
<Calisa> I can only hope there are hotel rooms involved in the party. I need to give my secret garden to serenity. We'll ride the comet of passion and wait until the sun dawns on the pool of spilled innocence. A world that's calm in the everlasting wake.
<TribGuru> she's gonna fuck the desk clerk.
|
|
Quote: 138236; Rating: 1344; [+|-]
|
<fr0k> Methinks Slicey is A) blushing or B) seriously not amused
* fr0k hopes for A
[later]
<Fractal-Coffee> (i think she's just ignoring you fr0k)
<fr0k> (she is)
<Fractal-Coffee> (safer than acknowledging anything you say)
<pineapple_slice> stop talking about me.
<fr0k> (she's telling us to stop talking about her...)
<Fractal-Coffee> (should i say "who said we were talking about you" to her?)
<Fractal-Coffee> (maybe that'll throw her off)
<fr0k> (yeah, let's try that)
<Fractal-Coffee> who said we were talking about you?
<Fractal-Coffee> who said we were talking at all?
<pineapple_slice> ... You and fr0k. I'm not that stupid.
<Fractal-Coffee> were we talking?
<Fractal-Coffee> who's we?
<Fractal-Coffee> oh, right
<fr0k> (I dont' think she's buying it)
<Fractal-Coffee> (foiled)
|
|
Quote: 138244; Rating: 274; [+|-]
|
<@flugger> Dont ever handle your dick after handling hot peppers..
|
|
Quote: 138255; Rating: 1468; [+|-]
|
<bishead> man there is such a difference between online comp players and online console players.
<bishead> when i play cs my sexuality is attacked like a hundred times and my mother's weight mentioned 50 times.
<bishead> i was playing some guy in madden 2004 on ps2. and this guy was all like "hey man ur doing pretty good" and giving me tips and shit.
<bishead> but i've been playing cs too long. blurted out i wanna fuck ur mother with a pole.
<bishead> i kinda felt bad after.
|
|
Quote: 138259; Rating: -153; |
PythagorusBAN: I think every "bottom" quote on bash has the word 'nigger'
PythagorusBAN: I didn't know there were that many niggers on the internet to begin with
Boozmation: you come across them everyonce in a while.. usually at dating websites
PythagorusBAN: or porn sites
Boozmation: oh yea
PythagorusBAN: or the National Geographic webiste
Boozmation: well then its not even a contest
|
|