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Quote: 126218; Rating: 9618; [+|-]
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<WiLdSeXyPrInCeSs> i luv guyz where would they be wifout us gals???
<XeNoX> Still in the Garden Of Eden you gullible bitch.
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Quote: 126273; Rating: 5826; [+|-]
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(JHawk111420) Hey whats up, a/s/l?
(Lady Renegade) more than you want, I'm sure :)
(JHawk111420) ill take that as a challenge ;-)
(Lady Renegade) take it any way you want sweetie
(JHawk111420) k, how old are ya?
(Lady Renegade) probably too old for you, but let's pretend I'm 20 ;)
(JHawk111420) k, what do ya look like?
(Lady Renegade) before or after I'm dressed up?
(JHawk111420) both :-D
(Lady Renegade) well......after I'm dressed up, I have long sexy red hair, nails painted red to match the slinky dress I have on, stiletto heels, pouty lips, green eyes, boobs out to here, and a smile that stops
traffic
(JHawk111420) and before your dressed up?
(Lady Renegade) before I'm dressed up, I'm bald and wearing boxers...sometimes my weenie is peeking out
(Lady Renegade) hello?
(Lady Renegade) hello?
(Lady Renegade) hello ....
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Quote: 126275; Rating: 1175; [+|-]
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<EVILteddy> a couple of morman missionarys came to my door this morning
<EVILteddy> hehehe\
<Bakaneko-kun> whatd you do?
<EVILteddy> mum had a cows heart out for the cats dinner
<EVILteddy> i took it to the door and took a huge bite of it
<Bakaneko-kun> really?
<EVILteddy> yep
<EVILteddy> it tasted horrible
<EVILteddy> it was raw and bloody
<EVILteddy> they called me a heritec and ran soooo fast^_^
<EVILteddy> i was pissing my self laughing all day it was like the best thing ive ever done to a morman
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Quote: 126280; Rating: 328; [+|-]
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<PA_stoned> for once i wasn't thinking about sex
<PA_stoned> lookit that, i guess being stoned does not necessarily make me horny!
<DS_lonely> *gasp* and i bet your not stoned.
<PA_stoned> yes i am!
<DS_lonely> WHAT!
<PA_stoned> why else would i be eating pussy with my finger?
<PA_stoned> oops!
<DS_lonely> noice!
<PA_stoned> i meant puddding
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Quote: 126324; Rating: 326; [+|-]
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<Wargon> RPC exploit grrrrrrr
<Wargon> blocked the ports now
<tfg> AOL blocks all that shit for me by default
<tfg> They clearly know what 99% of their users are like
<Spanky-G> like?
<Spanky-G> 99% of their users hardly know what a computer is
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Quote: 126384; Rating: 576; [+|-]
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<[Knob]> So anyway, I was in this pub yesterday night, and there was music playing. So my friend suddenly says to me "This is good music to jerk off to" I'm like "What the fuck?" and he goes "Yeah, doesn't everyone have a song that they jerk off to?" - And while he said that, the music was turned off and he screamed
it throughout the entire pub. Everyone was looking mighty strange at me...
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Quote: 126421; Rating: 17; [+|-]
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--> dave ([email protected]) has joined #Uplink
--- Ghostalker is now known as Muad
<dave> /msg nickserv register <snip> <snip take 2>@comcast..net
--- Muad is now known as Muad_dib
<dave> opps
<MH2> opps indeed
<dave> yea so whats new?
<MH2> Well
--- Muad_dib is now known as Ghostalker
<-- Ghostalker ([email protected]) has left #Uplink (Rejoining because of user@host change)
--> Ghostalker ([email protected]) has joined #Uplink
<MH2> I now have access to your email account
<MH2> That's pretty new
<-- Squall has quit (Ping timeout)
<MH2> You have 0 new messages, by the way
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Quote: 126424; Rating: 568; [+|-]
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<Jolene> so, when they landed on the moon, why cant u see the stars in the pictures they took?
<chippy> it was daytime
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Quote: 126428; Rating: 1120; [+|-]
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<ZiggyPopFoo> does anyone know how to install OpenBSD i hav ti on disk and i cna load it and everyhtin but i dunno how to install it properly without wiping over windows, plz help lz?
<notick> buy a unix help manual.
<ZiggyPopFoo> i dont have unix in have openbsd u fucking def bastard.
<notick> oh, my bad! (idiot)
*ZiggyPopFoo forgives notick
<ZiggyPopFoo> dont worry i have had nowledge about openbsd for yers its just open bsd is the hardest one of them all, ull learn as mich about as i know some day.
<notick> Shower me with your god-like wisdom, ZPF
<ZiggyPopFoo> wisdom??? I HAVE OPENBSD!!!!
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Quote: 126443; Rating: 509; [+|-]
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<AaronsGurl> Um If Your Aaron Carter MSG Me And Chat Wit Me!
<the|navigator> That's pretty sad.
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Quote: 126674; Rating: 1355; [+|-]
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<dsbnh|VC> saw chocolate boxer shorts yesterday
<dsbnh|VC> first thing that hit me was "may contain nuts"
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Quote: 126720; Rating: 346; [+|-]
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Alter Legiones: i need a job. don't supose you'd pay me to build you a computer? ^_^
Burning Broly: lol,if i can pay you with 11-14 year old prostitutes
Alter Legiones: hmm...
Alter Legiones: i think we can work something out
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Quote: 126740; Rating: 809; [+|-]
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<amy25``> hey it's summer - bad time for passwords - get outside and stop masturbating!
<activexyz> better 1st stop masturbating and than go outside
<CrashFix> LOL ;-)
<CrashFix> timing is everything
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Quote: 126807; Rating: 702; [+|-]
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Mondo: bukkake is a Japanese dish
Mondo: and not that kind of dish
Mondo: A dish of Japanese food. A soupy broth of Udon noodles with some kind of broth (miso?)*, usually served in a bowl.
Mondo: wonder what'd happen.. if you ordered bukkake in a jap resturant..
Mondo: "Mmm.. I could really go for some bukkake"
Mondo: would they bring you a dish of food, or bring 20 guys out to jerk all over you
Kadmium: I tricked a friend into trying to order "neko don" (lit: cat with rice) at a Japanese restaurant
Kadmium: He got a *FILTHY* look
Mondo: LOL
Kadmium: You know, that "You build railroad!" sort of look
Mondo: roflmao
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Quote: 126826; Rating: 741; [+|-]
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<Oddlies> spawn killing is when you kill someone as they respawn you nub
<Chimp> I do that in wolfenstein with the mortar
<Oddlies> then you're a spawn kiling nub
<Oddlies> :. sux
<Oddlies> spawn killing is not cool D:
<Chimp> They are liek: OMG YOU NUB! I HAT YOU! STOP IT PLESE. CAN YOU TEACH ME HOW TO SPAWN KILL?
<Chimp> I only do it when I need the xp
<Oddlies> that's like saying "I only rape toddlers when I need to get laid"
<Oddlies> it doesn't make it cool
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Quote: 127039; Rating: 12583; [+|-]
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<wolf> 1. Save every Free Credit Card Offer you get, Put it in pile A
<wolf> 2. Save every Free Coupon You get, put that in pile B
<wolf> 3. Now open the credit card mail from pile A and find the Business
Reply Mail Envelope.
<wolf> 4. Take the coupons from pile B and stuff them in the envelope you hold
in your hand.
<wolf> 5. Drop the stuffed to the brim envelopes in your mail and walk away
whistling.
<wolf> I have now received two phone calls from the credit card companies
telling me that they received a stuffed envelope with coupons rather
then my application. They informed me that it they are not pleased that
they footed the bill for the crap I sent them. I reply with "It says
Business Reply Mail" I'm suggesting coupons to you to ensure that your
business is more successful. They promptly hang up on me.
<wolf> Now, I did this for about a month before it got boring, so I got an
added idea! I added exactly 33 cents worth of pennies to the envelope
so they paid EXTRA due to the weight. I got a call informing me about
the money, I said it was a mistake and I demanded my change back. After
yelling at the clerk and then to the supervisor they agreed to my
demands and cut me a check for the money. I hold in my hand at this
very moment a check from GTE Visa for exactly 33 cents.
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Quote: 127120; Rating: 1091; [+|-]
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<kroike> oh sweet jesus
<AcidReign> threatened me and said I wasn't sharing enough
<kroike> semen feels horrible in open wounds
<@Knights> ...
<@|00Kevin|> wtf
<AcidReign> ...
<@|00Kevin|> that deserves more than a "..." people
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Quote: 127148; Rating: 7314; [+|-]
|
<Ich> I have passed the transitional stage of internet geekhood
<Ich> I was cashiering at work today, and was punching in the code for plums, which is 4040.
<Ich> and the 0 key doesn't work this well, so I punched it in wrong.
<Ich> and the machine flashed up "Item Not Found: 404"
<Ich> and I actually laughed out loud
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Quote: 127271; Rating: 464; [+|-]
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<SUPERMCNUGGET> allright
<SUPERMCNUGGET> i need ur guys help on this
<SUPERMCNUGGET> THIS CONFUSES ME
<Loserbait> Depending
<SUPERMCNUGGET> greatly
<Loserbait> Spit it out little bitch
<SUPERMCNUGGET> obviously a flavoured condom is designed for one reason
<Loserbait> To use on your penis. Yes, continue
<SUPERMCNUGGET> so the woman can taste some random flavour while performing oral sex
<SUPERMCNUGGET> HOWEVER
<SUPERMCNUGGET> on the back of the box it says
<SUPERMCNUGGET> FOR VAGINAL USE ONLY
<SUPERMCNUGGET> how does it work?
<Loserbait> Um... Vaginas have taste buds?
<Loserbait> <Vagina> Oooh! Minty!
<SUPERMCNUGGET> dont ask why i have a box of flavoured condoms either.....
<Loserbait> Admit it: It's for those lonely nights...
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Quote: 127272; Rating: 2890; [+|-]
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<FunFun> We're gonna go eat at this new restaurant opened by this Japanese family tonite...any suggestions on what to order?
<tilted_halo> order bukkake...and ask for a bowl of unko...they'll be impressed and stuff
<Rowan_Knights> dont forget some chitsu...
<FunFun> Thanks!
<tilted_halo> and when the waiter comes to your table say the following: "Atashi katai hakebune no otoko ga suki!"
<FunFun> What does that mean?
<tilted_halo> it's a greeting...
<FunFun> Alrighty I'll be back in a while!
***QUITS: FunFun(Laters!!!)
<MagiTek> I know bukkake, what else did you 2 tell him ?
<Rowan_Knights> Well...I told him to order some vagina...
<tilted_halo> unko means shit and that 'greeting' means "I like a man with a hard dick"
<MagiTek> Bwahahaha...I wish I could be there...
<tilted_halo> We all do...
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Quote: 127406; Rating: 722; [+|-]
|
<hitman> I met some dude at the last meet
<hitman> and I'm like
<hitman> "do you ever go on irc?"
<hitman> and he's like
<hitman> "I did once, but this dude hitman kept talking smack"
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Quote: 127611; Rating: 613; [+|-]
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<@Mouring> "How many Monkeys does it take to run this company?" "One, because you can get them to work for dirt cheap and they willwork 24/7."
<@RndPkt> There was an article in scientific america about some study of monkies.
<@RndPkt> Supposedly some art council in England paid for 3 monkeys and a computer and wanted to see what they did with it.
<@RndPkt> I guess they beat it with stones, peed on it and hit the S key a billion times.
<@Mouring> rnd, sounds like most end-users.
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Quote: 127637; Rating: 732; [+|-]
|
<@DudeGuy> i really like soymild
<@DudeGuy> milk
<@eponymous> New Soy Mild: For You Vegan Fuckers Too Pansy-Ass to Take Regular Soy (TM)
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|
Quote: 127667; Rating: 1062; [+|-]
|
<Uberkommando> i keep all my songs in "E:ClearlyNotPiratedMedia"
<Uberkommando> that should keep the RIAA off my trail for a while
|
|
Quote: 127682; Rating: 628; [+|-]
|
<Lee> Dude. My mom's letting me use her once I get a license.
<Lee> o_o
<Mewten> ..use your mom?
<Lee> ..
<Lee> HER CAR
<Lee> X-x;
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|
Quote: 127713; Rating: 1328; [+|-]
|
<einzeln> has anyone ever noticed that when you talk to people online, for some reason by the way they type they just seem like a MORON?
<BuCkWhEaT> before poop: (_*_)
<BuCkWhEaT> after poop: (_O_)
* einzeln coughs
<einzeln> ....
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|
Quote: 127733; Rating: 62; [+|-]
|
<Sir_Busby> haha I just got the most bizarre email...some dude that I went to university with year ago...telling me that he's dropped off Joe and Charlie at the airport two days ago and I should have met up with them by now...and that Joe can't wait to experience the good old days with me back in Kingston. haha I
have no idea who Joe and Charlie are...and I've been to Kingston once in my life. weird.
<Sir_Busby> mistaken identity
<Sir_Busby> I hope
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|
Quote: 127767; Rating: 248; [+|-]
|
DraZ: Well, except Elmo
DraZ: They even made a toy so that when you touched him, he had convulstions.
NeoNess: I thought it was Orgasms
NeoNess: THAT TICKLES
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Quote: 127770; Rating: 457; [+|-]
|
<sabin1001> heh, i have a couple of pokemon miniatures that my cat just found, now he's attacking them...and winning
<NeonId> I think it would be more humorous were he losing.
<sabin1001> heh
<sabin1001> he won't listen to my commands...i must need a badge
<Chronodin> Or a gun and a good taxidermist.
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|
Quote: 127793; Rating: 16; [+|-]
|
<bug> Well, you'd be welcome to stay here, at least in part. :)
<ekips> In part?
<ekips> Half of me stays there?
<bug> YES.
<ekips> Do I get to choose which half?
<bug> Sure!
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Quote: 127795; Rating: 611; [+|-]
|
<EvaUnit02> I had a dream that my minivan charged up my stairs and tried to run me over in my bedroom
<EvaUnit02> its gets better
<EvaUnit02> So I charged it and wrestled it.
<EvaUnit02> I ended up overhead pressing it and capsising it on the floor
<EvaUnit02> then I proceeded to get on my waterbed and scream "OWNED" at it.
<EvaUnit02> what would sigmund have to say about that one
<sir-gold> that you feel your masculinity threatened by the fact that you drive a minivan
<cd|work> you got abused by a minivan in your childhood, and have an oedipus complex for your mother
<EvaUnit02> sir-gold now THAT is a possibility
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Quote: 127820; Rating: 793; [+|-]
|
<@Daedalus> I think any "how to" thing that starts "so you've" is solid gold
<@Daedalus> "So you've decided open a hockey rink"
<@Synergistic> Thats weird
<@Daedalus> "So you've decided to mail a kitten"
<@Daedalus> "So you've got cancer"
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Quote: 127867; Rating: 27; [+|-]
|
<@Dock> I crushed my cpu
<@Dock> Worked though, so I didn't break it.
<+Arrowmaster> grr wtf
<+Arrowmaster> theres a reason its called a ZIF socket
<@Dock> ZIF my ass.
<ASk> a ZIF ass?
<ASk> that's a treasure, man
<ASk> just think of all the possibilities
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|
Quote: 128114; Rating: 6163; [+|-]
|
<Firefly> Time for my prayers:
<Firefly> Our Father, who 0wnz heaven, j00 r0ck!
<Firefly> May all 0ur base someday be belong to you!
<Firefly> May j00 0wn earth just like j00 0wn heaven.
<Firefly> Give us this day our warez, mp3z, and pr0n through a phat pipe.
<Firefly> And cut us some slack when we act like n00b lamerz, just as we teach n00bz when they act lame on us.
<Firefly> Please don't give us root access on some poor d00d'z box when we're too pissed off to think about what's right and wrong, and if you could keep the fbi off our backs, we'd appreciate it.
<Firefly> For j00 0wn r00t on all our b0x3s 4ever and ever, 4m3n.
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|
Quote: 128137; Rating: 909; [+|-]
|
<andy> I wish I worked 22/7, then I could say I worked the pi shift.
|
|
Quote: 128188; Rating: 376; [+|-]
|
(lithrye) I'm experiencing an annoying problem.
(lithrye) hlds is killing my ISP's router.
(Silicon) and how exactly do they say it's doing that
(lithrye) it's causing it to drop packets.
(Silicon) what are they using Fischer Price, My first router?
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|
Quote: 128423; Rating: 348; [+|-]
|
[quit:#] moodlet (Connection reset by peer)
<moodlet> thou shalt not unplug the hub to plug in one's hairdryer
|
|
Quote: 128472; Rating: 45; [+|-]
|
<Goomba> ford?
<fordprefect> wot?
<Goomba> nothing
<kopo|cool`n`icy> lol
<kopo|cool`n`icy> i used to do that with my friends
<Herr-Statto> until they got pissed off
<kopo|cool`n`icy> yeah
<kopo|cool`n`icy> now, i have no one left :(
<kopo|cool`n`icy> exept you guys
* kopo|cool`n`icy hangs himself
<Goomba> good
<kopo|cool`n`icy> i'm dead, cant hear you
<Goomba> good
|
|
Quote: 128495; Rating: 1523; [+|-]
|
<ReDy[CPH]> i remember once upon a time when i had dailup, i still remember the nightmares that modem brought, the times i just sat and stared at the screen downloading a 10 mb demo and the download time said 250hr 56m 16s download time increasing instead of decreasing, the frustration of never being able to open a
homepage whitout waiting an hour, these things, 56kbit, it was this that made me who i am today a crazy leecher!
<Razor2k3> i refuse to read all that
<Cloud02> i remember once upon a time when i had dailup
<Cloud02> i still remember the nightmares that modem brought
<Razor2k3> nice
<Cloud02> the times i just sat and stared at the screen downloading a 10 mb demo and the download time said 250hr 56m 16s download time increasing instead of decreasing
<Razor2k3> go on
<Cloud02> the frustration of never being able to open a homepage whitout waiting an hour
<Cloud02> these things, 56kbit
<Cloud02> it was this that made me who i am today a crazy leecher!
<Razor2k3> ty
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|
Quote: 128508; Rating: 478; [+|-]
|
<Dabz> I'm currently sat outside in the garden on a laptop, in 85 degree heat, in the shade, with a cold beer. If I lost the laptop I could almost pass as a normal person
|
|
Quote: 128511; Rating: 196; [+|-]
|
<Lethalmartini> i always worry im too pale but then i think of british people and i cheer up
<Pandilex> I don't understand the facination with lying under the sun burning yourself
<Lethalmartini> neither do i, but anything to increase the odds of having sex
<Pandilex> spray-on-tan
<Pandilex> failing that, money and power
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|
Quote: 128512; Rating: -13; [+|-]
|
<-{br}Huer{d}> My Linux box has 72 pin simms
<-{br}Huer{d}> no wondre I only put in 48 mb
<RuneStar> wow
<-{br}Huer{d}> what do I do para?
<RuneStar> thats fucking amazing
<RuneStar> oh shit
<Para@Work> put more in?
<RuneStar> what do you do now
<RuneStar> you computer fucking nerd
<-{br}Huer{d}> I cant.. all bays are loaded
<RuneStar> shit
<RuneStar> they are
<RuneStar> thats fucked
<Para@Work> put bigger modules in?
<RuneStar> ahh
<RuneStar> of course
<Para@Work> kinda like RS likes to do with his anus
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|
Quote: 128514; Rating: 850; [+|-]
|
<Lethalmartini> tawnee stone rocks
<Lethalmartini> shes like, our age
<bobrooney> never heard of her
<Lethalmartini> shes this girl from texas whos 18 and knows how to do what a woman does best
<bobrooney> laundry?
|
|
Quote: 128516; Rating: -184; [+|-]
|
<axelgreese> "for every good quote on bash.org there's 50 blindingly horriable ones" - Ice cube
|
|
Quote: 128527; Rating: 262; [+|-]
|
<@olly> turns out my modem is broken
<@olly> thats why it didn't work in france
<@Beatnik> OUCH
<@jon^> it's that cheap french electricity they use to power their phone system
< Demonen> Yeah. You can only get really good phone-electricity in the states.
<@jon^> it is very high in fat though
<@jon^> i woudl recommend british electricity but it's a bit expensive and it rusts
|
|
Quote: 128542; Rating: 455; [+|-]
|
<f3nce> did you hear that marvin gaye was shot by his father? +[8|:
<wayfinder> some parents cant deal with their kids being gaye
|
|
Quote: 128544; Rating: 1046; [+|-]
|
<xanesly> my husband and I felt stupid standing in the yard with dog saying "go potty! time to go potty!" in that dorky voice you use to talk to dogs and babies
<xanesly> (and some foreigners)
<xanesly> so we decided to use STDOUT instead
<fwoom> rofl
<xanesly> so we stand outside chirping "standardout! standardout!"
<xanesly> which has made it that whenever *we* need to go to the bathroom we refer to it as STDOUT
<xanesly> and when the dog has an accident, STDERR
<xanesly> sometimes I make myself sad.
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|
Quote: 128559; Rating: 232; [+|-]
|
<SurveySays--Food> So I bought a Kobe Bryant jersey the other day.
<SurveySays--Food> Cost me twenty-five bucks for the black one.
<SurveySays--Food> I asked the cashier if it was the "Buy me, I'm a rapist" sale.
<SurveySays--Food> She was not amused.
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Quote: 128570; Rating: -176; [+|-]
|
<spaceDAISY> these american measurement standards are on crank.
<spaceDAISY> what the hell is a jigger?
<r> jewish nigger
|
|
Quote: 128577; Rating: 1222; [+|-]
|
<Sumezworking> I hate people who let their kids run around naked on the beach..
<Squinky> I know, it's hard to hide an erection in swimming trunks
|
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