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Quote: 802023; Rating: 1917; [+|-]
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<rawrkitty> so today i did something awesome
<rawrkitty> i set a bag of shit on fire
<rawrkitty> and it smelled like shit
<Tabi-chan> How'd the person react?
<rawrkitty> huh
<Tabi-chan> The person who's porch you left it on
<rawrkitty> why the fuck would i do that? thats stupid |
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Quote: 802731; Rating: 579; [+|-]
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taebaeg: god i swear you guys make 4chan look like fine literature sometimes
lemonlimeskull: ...
lemonlimeskull: "Ask not for whom the Rick roll'd. It roll'd for thee." |
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Quote: 802736; Rating: -23; [+|-]
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xenotwuz: I thought maybe I'd go up and tell her that she's got awesomely hot looking hair.
xenotwuz: But that would just sound creepy.
Neo Maxi Zoomy: Just walk up and Say Hello or something
Neo Maxi Zoomy: I don't know, Google that shit man! |
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Quote: 803011; Rating: 1042; [+|-]
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<Yalborap> You'll get so infuriated you'll throw your DS/Wiimote against the wall until it shatters.
<Yalborap> The wall, not the nintendo product.
<Yalborap> Those things are made of adamantium or some crap. |
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Quote: 803323; Rating: 2386; [+|-]
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Crevan Hill says: I used the phrase "tight as a twelve year old" today...
Crevan Hill says: In the middle of class, when talking about how tight you should roll newspapers around dowels
Crevan Hill says: .....the teacher said ladies were present, and I apologized, with the qualifier that "I didn't necessarily mean girls..." |
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Quote: 803501; Rating: 2052; [+|-]
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<Somebody241> i was playing XBL yesterday
<Somebody241> and i was playing wit my friend
<Somebody241> and im sure hes maried and everything
<Somebody241> And all of a sudden
<Somebody241> His wife comes on the mic and says
<Somebody241> "Can my husband quit the game so we can have sex?"
<Somebody241> and then some lil 9 year old in my team says "Sure just leave the mic on" |
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Quote: 803504; Rating: 583; [+|-]
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<Al-x> is cosmo magazine lying when it says all men crave a finger in their ass during sex
<Hast> cosmo is all lies
<TheShaun> it's designed to be sold to women who have no real interests in life but sex
<TheShaun> it's like the feminist movement dropped down onto its knees and started sucking adam smith's capitalist cock. |
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Quote: 803557; Rating: 1580; [+|-]
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<svarog>You know, the only good thing about Vista
<svarog>Is that even the viruses have compatibility issues. |
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Quote: 803577; Rating: 1191; [+|-]
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<Cliff> man, the way I wanna die is as an old man getting a heart attack from the excitement of having two 18-year olds riding me
<Zael> wtf man, might as well go with 14 year olds. you're gunna die anyway! |
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Quote: 803761; Rating: 349; [+|-]
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<Contrition> made me think of an abortion party
<[Special^K]> there's parties for that?!?!
<Contrition> yeah. kind of like a baby shower, but the mother can drink. |
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Quote: 803851; Rating: 3617; [+|-]
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<implexor> some of my friends were smoking pot in a car. After some laughing they started to cruise around town. Drove for a while and while going round a roundabout one of them noticed that it would be funny to drive on it backwards. It was funny until the inevitable happened and they've hit another car.
<dsarr> lol
<implexor> w8 there's more. They went silent and just sit frightened in the car. Police came very quickly and started to talk to the driver in the car behind them. Then the policeman came to their drivers door, my friend opens the window, and the policeman goes "don't worry guys, the bloke in the other car is so drunk, that he's telling stories you were driving backwards". |
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Quote: 803854; Rating: 773; [+|-]
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<Canopus>u00a0 ...I need to learn how to cook ribs.
<Kreldin>u00a0 The easiest way is to wrap them in tin foil, with a reservoir of spices and sauce and boil water beneath it to steam them. And then just cover it in dough to fry it.
<Kreldin>u00a0 Actually, I'm just making shit up off the top of my head. But that sounds like it would be awesome. |
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Quote: 803904; Rating: 7753; [+|-]
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<Kuiper> Well, it rained today, but as a whole it's been warmer than it was last week.
<kikuichimonji> Why does it seem like every time you join this channel, you end up talking about the weather?
<kikuichimonji> Is your life so unimaginably dull that you can't think of any events in your life to describe that might be more interesting than the weather?
<kikuichimonji> Let's think of something for you to talk about other than the weather.
<kikuichimonji> I mean, we barely even know anything about you, other than where you live.
<kikuichimonji> Let's start there.u00a0 What do you do for a living?
<Kuiper> I'm a meteorologist. |
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Quote: 804283; Rating: 734; [+|-]
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<Elsa_chan> dont worry, i have enough porn here to get settled for the night, and my gf and bf are just next room
<SantaBJ> O_o
<mavhc> SantaBJ finds this statistically unlikely
<Elsa_chan> never met a bisexual girl?
<mavhc> but on irc?
<mavhc> if he sees pictures and finds out you're also hot he'll have a divide by zero error |
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Quote: 804392; Rating: 1390; [+|-]
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TheRealDandler: if I do fuck up
TheRealDandler: I dont want my penis anymore
airenazari: hahahahaha
airenazari: donation time
TheRealDandler: its like
TheRealDandler: locks for love
TheRealDandler: where you cut off 8 inches of your hair
TheRealDandler: except its not hair
airenazari: or 8 inches |
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Quote: 804967; Rating: 90; [+|-]
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<PG> Cheryl Ann Araujo (1961-1986) was an American rape victim
<PG> what a title to have in your biography
<McKain> Cheryl Ann Araujo (1961-1986) Was THE American rape victim.
<PG> the rape victim of a generation
<Bonaventure> a generation of rape |
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Quote: 804976; Rating: 542; [+|-]
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<Tengu> I can has kitty?
<kjbrasda> i'll mail you one
<kjbrasda> first class
<HyperSquirrel> poke in air holes
<Gibbie> I don't think you should put holes in the kitty |
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Quote: 805000; Rating: 614; [+|-]
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<Quadlex> sparc: One of my mates works for a porn company and is keeping an ear open for vacancies
<moreon> Quadlex: I wouldn't hold my breath on that. I bet they plug every hole they find pretty quickly. |
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Quote: 805156; Rating: 1299; [+|-]
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<TomRiddle> Nothing a couple of hands around her neck can't fix
<Tine`> lol
<Tine`> good luck
<Tine`> I got knivs
<Tine`> knjives
<Tine`> knives
<TomRiddle> Are you typing with them? |
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Quote: 805322; Rating: 292; [+|-]
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<Kortney> Well, you know, if you're wearing heathen sandals then I have an obligation to save their soles. |
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Quote: 805764; Rating: 630; [+|-]
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RetroKid27: Asians know how to haggle
RetroKid27: it's in their blood
Cool4freeReturns: yeah, we do
Cool4freeReturns: our slanty eyes give us the ability to see the real prices |
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Quote: 805776; Rating: 244; [+|-]
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<Emika> Somedays, I wish I could ctl+z everything
<Emika> and alt+F4 parts of my life |
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Quote: 806276; Rating: 381; [+|-]
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Reject: My best friend crashed on the sofa last night, so I left her a note saying come up whenever you wake up.
Reject: At about 5 in the morning, i'm woken up by laugher.
Reject: Apparently, I was spooning with my dog.
Reject: I will *never* live that down |
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Quote: 806380; Rating: 1277; [+|-]
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<Zoso> So me and my friend applied to the same electronics position in a store (think like Best Buy)
<Zoso> And he got the job even though he knows next to nothing about any of the games or hardware or anything
<Zoso> All because he looks more "presentable"
<Zoso> And at this store, your first couple of call-in help questions are done with the supervisor of your department
<Zoso> So last week, in the morning, i told him just some bullshit information...and I called in that day (with my voice disguised) to ask him about it
<Zoso> "Hello. I recently bought a 250GB external hard-drive...and while it's not very heavy now, I was wondering how much it will weigh when it's full."
<Zoso> The idiot responds with "Oh, don't worry sir, it's just a few pounds more."
<Zoso> ...so the supervisor hears the conversation...
<Zoso> And the stupid fucker got fired
*Zoso is away: filling out application...again |
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Quote: 806846; Rating: 187; [+|-]
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<makfu> So CaNaBiS, you totally walked into the bathroom and some dood was washing his pants?!
<CaNaBiS> makfu, yeah, it was in the public restroom
<CaNaBiS> he was naked in front of the sink washing his shit stained pants
<CaNaBiS> with no shoes on
<naphtali> You should have asked him for some change for the soda machine |
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Quote: 806849; Rating: 1395; [+|-]
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<namesake> if a girl has sex with a lot of guys, she's a "slut", but if I have sex with a lot of guys, I'm a "fucking faggot" |
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Quote: 806855; Rating: 2148; [+|-]
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<Anonymous> Last night, Helen and I were sitting in the living room, and I said to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug." She got up, unplugged the TV, and threw out my beer.
<Anonymous> She's such a bitch. |
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Quote: 806884; Rating: 1770; [+|-]
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<Geologist[afkr]> knock knock
<thebigmike1983[FARK]> who's there?
<Geologist[afkr]> 9/11
<thebigmike1983[FARK]> 9/11 who?
<Geologist[afkr]> YOU SAID YOU'D NEVER FORGET! |
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Quote: 806893; Rating: 3418; [+|-]
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<+TheUltra4sshole> I mean, we started 2 nights before, recruiting strippers to show up
<+TheUltra4sshole> things got out of hand, and we end up with 10 kegs, and who knows how many imported sluts
<+TheUltra4sshole> I'm not talking tundra wookies
<+TheUltra4sshole> I mean, decent-looking chicks
<+TheUltra4sshole> they'd ranks a 6 or 7 here, but are fucking TEN in alaska
<+TheUltra4sshole> party goes awesome
<+TheUltra4sshole> don't catch any of the game
<+TheUltra4sshole> we all pass out by about 3 am
<+TheUltra4sshole> first call is at 6 am
<+TheUltra4sshole> and being professional alcoholics, we rigged the central firealarm to go off 10 minutes before first call
<+TheUltra4sshole> well, we all wake up to the fire alarm, clean the shithole up, then go down to PT formation
<+TheUltra4sshole> just expecting a 10-mile detox run or something gay like that
<+TheUltra4sshole> 1SG says we're having a health and welfare inspection
<+TheUltra4sshole> where he goes through everbody's room and fucks you up for anything that's out of place
<+TheUltra4sshole> well... we had 10 empty kegs and a buncha passed out whores in our building...
<+TheUltra4sshole> not to mention the little shit like bottle caps and whatnot
<+TheUltra4sshole> thank GOD he went to consolidated barracks first, so we had about an hour to get everything cleaned up
<+TheUltra4sshole> you wanna talk about a buncha men working as a team...
<+TheUltra4sshole> we had the buffer going, you heard nothing but vacuums, sweeping, mopping, and calls for the medic to get a hooker with an IV
<+TheUltra4sshole> pure mayhem
<+TheUltra4sshole> we get all the sluts out of our own rooms, and since the dayroom only had a little bit of furniture and we can work on it together, we all hit it at once
<+TheUltra4sshole> well...there was one chick left over
<+TheUltra4sshole> still passed out, topless in a leather skirt
<+TheUltra4sshole> when we heard CQ on the first floor call "AT EASE!"
<+TheUltra4sshole> fucking panic
<+TheUltra4sshole> Aubaugh, being the smart crazy jew he was, stole a buncha rappelling gear from mountaineering
<+TheUltra4sshole> tied her passed-out ass up in a swiss-seat
<+TheUltra4sshole> (mind you, she was wearing JUST a skirt, and a swiss seat goes between the legs)
<+TheUltra4sshole> tie the 120 to the center pillar, tied her figure 8 off in a bowline, and pushed her out the window
<+TheUltra4sshole> she hung there for FORTY FIVE FUCKING MINUTES
<+TheUltra4sshole> We pass the inspection
<+TheUltra4sshole> BUT
<+TheUltra4sshole> as 1SG was walking out of the barracks, he walked around the outside looking for cigarette butts and caught us hauling her naked ass back in the window...
<+TheUltra4sshole> Fail
<+TheUltra4sshole> we had such a good chance to get away with it...
<+TheUltra4sshole> man was that a long week for charlie company, 2-1 infantry |
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Quote: 806896; Rating: 2176; [+|-]
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Soth: i need something more complex than 2+2
jadenbane: Soth: 2+2i ? |
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Quote: 806948; Rating: 613; [+|-]
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bmp: I'm a strangulation risk
bmp: recall me
lord: contains small parts
lord: keep away from children (for other reasons)
bmp: :< |
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Quote: 806949; Rating: 731; [+|-]
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<Ryou> 360's are great but their hardware quality is pretty lol
<Kuraineko> it's called 360 because of the trip it takes
<Kuraineko> from microsoft, to you, back to microsoft, to you again |
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Quote: 807157; Rating: -190; [+|-]
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<darvawrk> and I have PROOF (god i love our logging) that we're connecting to the server and transmitting and they drop the connection.
<Trey> EHLO darva.with.a.clue.com
<WhatNot> you had me at EHLO |
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Quote: 807716; Rating: 144; [+|-]
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<Zyrjello> Cancer patients are incapable of being nasty.
<Zyrjello> It's a law of life.
<MrPicso> I hope I get cancer so I can prove you wrong. |
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Quote: 808311; Rating: 1223; [+|-]
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* nqbw is watching a pair of lesbians, one serving, one receiving.
<nqbw> To clarify, I am watching Wimbledon. |
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Quote: 808383; Rating: 408; [+|-]
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<jarmund> I've always wanted to have sex while watching midget-porn, just to see if it's humanly possible to have an orgasm while laughing your ass off |
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Quote: 808640; Rating: 961; [+|-]
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<schneeb> what time does sean connery get to wimbledon?
<weensuck> ..?
<schneeb> TEN-ISHHHHH
<weensuck> whichever corner of the world you run to, no-one will ever accept you |
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Quote: 808682; Rating: 839; [+|-]
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<%makat> Marcel Marceau dead.
<%makat> After all those years miming it, he's now genuinely trapped in a small box. |
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Quote: 808888; Rating: 267; [+|-]
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< Zipper_32> wenko: I'm heading out your way now, you going to be up in 3 hours?
* wenko reads the back of the pill bottle.
<@wenko> by that time I should consult a physician
< Zipper_32> Viagra (tm).... |
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Quote: 808898; Rating: 595; [+|-]
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<danly> 'cause you know, behind every nympho-elf there's a 40 year old man living in his parent's basement just hoping youu0092ll make a pass at him so he can initiate cybersex.
<Xore> many 40 year old men are better at cybersex as nympho-elves than most nympho-elves
<danly> That's strangely insightful and revolting at the same time |
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Quote: 808899; Rating: 387; [+|-]
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<Xore> ;_;
<Xore> dammit
<Xore> you know you have problems when...
<Xore> you write really really sexy code
<Xore> and you belatedly realize
<Xore> that your code is a whole heap sexier than you are |
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Quote: 808905; Rating: 740; [+|-]
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Eric: I'm 60% done masturbating
Casey5: ... |
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Quote: 808993; Rating: 533; [+|-]
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<Illogical> It is true of all Christian pop songs, that they are simply pop songs that have the word 'baby' replaced with 'Jesus.'
<Illogical> For example, "My loneliness is killing me, (and I) I must confess, I still believe (still believe). When I'm not with you I lose my mind, give me a sign... Hit me Jesus, one more time."
<Illogical> Or, "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, when all your love is gone, who will save me from all I'm up against out in this world?"
<bec> what about something from this year?
<Illogical> "Tell me Jesus, what's your story? Where you come from, and where you wanna go this time?"
<Illogical> I rest my case. |
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Quote: 809027; Rating: 426; [+|-]
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Tuco forces you all to sing Fraggle Rock
Daedalus [FS]: Dance your cares away
Meatpack [FS]: Worry's for another day
Fokker [FS]: Let the music play
TheChosenOne [FS]: Down at Fraggle Rock
bilblak [FS]: Work you cares away
yoda99 [LC]: Dancing's for another day
omothes [LC]: Let the Fraggles play
CrazyHorse [CC]: We're Gobo
Cantwell [CC]: Mokey
Mycroft [FWL]: Wembley
The Nomad [FWL]: Boober
-Blade- [DC]: Red
DarkElf [DC]: Dance your cares away
Nazgul [DC]: Worry's for another day
HepBbI [DC]: Let the music play
kailindo [P]: Down at Fraggle Rock
crazyhorse [CC]: lol
iinaj [P]: Down at Fraggle Rock
>> Enter Brandon Malthus
adept [P]: Down at Fraggle Rock
Kommando [SOL]: thats awesome
Baron Morgan [P]: its awesome when its fraggle rock... its scray when its YMCA... |
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Quote: 809028; Rating: 20; [+|-]
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Kardane: don't look at me. i wouldnt know my ASCII from a hole in the ground |
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Quote: 809029; Rating: 743; [+|-]
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<JesseW> How do guys in porn last so long in bed? I can't even make it to the end while masturbating. |
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Quote: 809031; Rating: 291; [+|-]
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<Mister> I was at The Bronx,was quite... strange
<Mister> and then I saw 2 girls who I know
<Mister> and they were like :O... Jason? I never knew you were gay?!
<Mister> I told them I was there for the music,don't think they believed me
<Jesus> That's like the worst excuse
<Mister> I don't care,all these guys buying me drinks
<Mister> openly checking out my arse
<Mister> it was like being a girl,was nice getting free stuff
<Jesus> I'd rather not be a mans eye candy.You were like a visual gay prostitute |
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Quote: 809171; Rating: 442; [+|-]
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Walshy117: tv now. i need to get rid of some braincelss
SeijuroSakeHiko: looks like you're well on your way |
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Quote: 809181; Rating: 1320; [+|-]
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xxx : My grandpa knew exactly the day he gonna die :/
yyy : wtf... its impossible. Was it a magician who told him that ?
xxx : Lol :) no, it was judge |
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Quote: 809237; Rating: 816; [+|-]
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<~Kiramon> no i just need random fake gaelic words
<&Ondore|Away> Allium sativum L.
<&Ondore|Away> No, wait.
<&Ondore|Away> That's garlic. |
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