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Quote: 772528; Rating: 779; [+|-]
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<mash> these fuckin contractors
<chad> again, I know you are trying to be politically correct, but just call them hookers
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Quote: 772559; Rating: 364; [+|-]
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<maddops770> KDE or GNOME, it's like deciding which fat girl you want to date.
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Quote: 772595; Rating: 3297; [+|-]
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<philcostin> a bad workman blames his fools
<philcostin> *tools
<philcostin> damn keyboard
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Quote: 772615; Rating: 129; [+|-]
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<sollen> binary sex: I'll put my 1 in your 0, left-shift untill I overflow and your be left just saying ooooooooooooooo!
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Quote: 772785; Rating: 324; [+|-]
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<Nautilus> God I hate little brothers
<Nautilus> 11:59 P.M. on april fools, he sets off a bash script that logs into my company's server, uses ipfw to block out _all_ ssh connections, and changes the site to display goatse.
<OneMan> haha that's a good get-back
<OneMan> did you change it back?
<Nautilus> <Nautilus> uses ipfw to block out _all_ ssh connections
<OneMan> 1 Dr. Jack Kevorkian cure-all, comin' right up!
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Quote: 772864; Rating: 1530; [+|-]
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<osaka> You know.
<osaka> I don't get why so many vegans have some kind of a beef with me.
<osaka> Just because I bring home the bacon, doesn't mean I'm egging them on.
<osaka> It's so cheesy for them to milk political correctness.
<osaka> The stakes are high on this one, but they're too chicken to meet any resistance.
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Quote: 772997; Rating: -1; [+|-]
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SuperBob476: im already a college student... i caught myself measuring my pay in fifths, then handles
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Quote: 773023; Rating: 941; [+|-]
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<fr_gment> Bad grammar makes me [sic].
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Quote: 773150; Rating: 407; [+|-]
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<RunningRed> Actually, I'd love a tattoo over my belly and groin that looks like Uncle Sam from the Army's old "We want you" campaign, with my dick replacing his index finger
<RunningRed> Sort of a 3-D version
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Quote: 773152; Rating: 915; [+|-]
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<MoNKeYSpanKeR> i'm going to have the most advanced home security system ever
<MoNKeYSpanKeR> every night before i go to bed i am going to put 30 rakes on the floor
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Quote: 773201; Rating: 222; [+|-]
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<Ezandora> from an infrastructure perspective, accurate and complete transmission of all data is paramount when creating a reliable system
<MorningStar> okay, seriously
<MorningStar> what time is it where you are ez?
<Ezandora> er, 5:44, why?
<MorningStar> am?
<Ezandora> ya
<MorningStar> I have decided that you are not allowed to use words with more than two syllables between the hours of 3 and 8 am
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Quote: 773234; Rating: 318; [+|-]
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<MadClown> i have your soul
<fall0ut> no, some pine tree had my soul one night
<fall0ut> when I was drunk
<fall0ut> I chopped it down and dragged it through a field for 2 hours
<fall0ut> and got my soul back
<fall0ut> kthnx
<fall0ut> ^-- true story
<MadClown> for some strange reason, i beleive you
<eclypse> yea.. i can honestly say i dont doubt this
<fall0ut> nothing like an axe in one hand
<fall0ut> a beer in another
<fall0ut> screaming at the tree
<fall0ut> "FUCK YOU TREE, I'M GONNA GET M YSOUL BACK"
<fall0ut> then tying a logging chain to it and dragging it around a field
<fall0ut> ....
<fall0ut> yea.....
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Quote: 773253; Rating: 276; [+|-]
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<Sea_Bass> Hahaha, by the way, guys, how awesome is this:
<Sea_Bass> I went to the snackbar with a couple of mates today
<Sea_Bass> and while sitting there, this truck drove by
<Sea_Bass> And I was like "Wow, that's a loooong truck"
<Sea_Bass> so it had passed, and I looked over my shoulder, and in doing so, I caught the license plate
<Thomp> was it long cat being moved?
<Sea_Bass> which was 90-TL-DR
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Quote: 773258; Rating: 58; [+|-]
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theDELIv3ranc3: omg
theDELIv3ranc3: this schematic said astable multivibrator
theDELIv3ranc3: and all I see is "ass vibrator"
theDELIv3ranc3: oh god
Vad3rZ: LMAO
theDELIv3ranc3: I hate bash
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Quote: 773519; Rating: 834; [+|-]
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<Manson> and I think I had a virus
<Manson> something about jewish dating
<GrEmLiN> you got the jew virus?
<Manson> I think so...
<Kirby> lemme guess, it took all your cache?
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Quote: 773594; Rating: 267; [+|-]
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<danien> Here, Palden-, have this sample dildo I found in my mailbox.
<Palden-> is it used?
<danien> No, it's still vacuum-sealed.
<Palden-> pfft, then i don't want it
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Quote: 773608; Rating: 190; [+|-]
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<Haddock> there are easy marks on CPT5
<Haddock> it gives you some html
<Haddock> and you have to draw what the page would look like
<Haddock> you have to be careful not to confuse <br> and <p> and shit like that
<Haddock> but they're worth like 5-7 marks
<Numi> lol
<Numi> i'd laugh if they gave you wankers of questions like
<Numi> "draw this page, which features browser-specific bugs, as it would render in IE6"
<Haddock> lol
<Haddock> i'd just draw a bsod
<Numi> HAHA
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Quote: 773804; Rating: 248; [+|-]
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<Asuna|Sola_and_Sleep> Heh, I just plugged in a printer for the first time in a year
<Asuna|Sola_and_Sleep> and a homework assignment that I needed 3 months ago immediately printed out
<me[dot]> hahaha
<Asuna|Sola_and_Sleep> Yeah
<Asuna|Sola_and_Sleep> Isn't that great?
<me[dot]> Modern technology, always expediting our needs
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Quote: 773844; Rating: -176; [+|-]
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<Elan> There once was a man from nantucket.
<Elan> with a dick so long he could suck it
<Elan> and he said with a grin as he wiped off his chin
<Elan> if my ear was a cunt I would fuck it
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Quote: 773924; Rating: 1163; [+|-]
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<IMlifelike> I flushed a bag of skittles down the toilet yesterday and watched a NASCAR race in 8 seconds flat.
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Quote: 773975; Rating: 237; [+|-]
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<Paranoua> Okay, this is the *only* right answer to the question "Do You Think I'm Fat?":
<Paranoua> "No, because if you were fat I'd leave you."
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Quote: 773988; Rating: 710; [+|-]
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sup lyndz: "That's what you tell your parents if they catch you masturbating. I WASN'T MASTURBATING. I WAS CLEANING IT AND IT WENT OFF."
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Quote: 774024; Rating: 261; [+|-]
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[vvandering_nomad] I took some of that fake blood one night, and made it look like my eye was gushing blood. I walked up to the front office of the complex where this poor cute little asian gal was working.
[vvandering_nomad] I walked up to her and said "Is Student Health Services open?"
[Lehsa] ROFL
[vvandering_nomad] I scored some free wet-naps!
[Ku'vah] LOL
[Lehsa] you are so mean Nomie
[Ku'vah] I need to get some fake blood
[vvandering_nomad] She almost called an ambulance, until I convinced her that I was "getting some pills for it." and that it "Happens every winter."
[Lehsa] LOL
[Lehsa] rofl
[Ku'vah] LOL
[lvlarein] Haha
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Quote: 774029; Rating: 62; [+|-]
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<THC|Rawk> Okay, so here's the plan...
<THC|Rawk> At the premiere of the next Harry Potter movie, me wearing a black cloak and a Darth Vader helmet
<THC|Rawk> Walking up to some fucktard dressed up as Harry Potter himself, going "Dumbledore lied, Harry. I am your father!"
<THC|Rawk> Then ditch the helmet, pull up the hood on the cloak, and try and pass myself of as a dementor.
<THC|Rawk> Some fucker is gonna be sooooo confused for the rest of the evening!
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Quote: 774114; Rating: 619; [+|-]
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<echin> regexman, regexman, matches text when no one can
<mguzman> parses text, any size
<echin> captures strings, on the first try
<echin> look out, here comes the regexman
<tooth> You're all a bunch of fucking nerds
<yangman> so awesome
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Quote: 774347; Rating: 465; [+|-]
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<TxT> hahahhahahahahaha i read that bash quote where the guy renamed mirc.exe the .doc he needed to turn in
<TxT> so i did it with my paper, i get an email today from my teacher "Sorry, I opened your document and it seemed corrupted. Do you know what happened? If not, just resubmit your essay."
<TxT> and i sent him my now finished essay this morning and got a reply just now, "Thank you. This version seems to be working just fine."
<TxT> ty bash!
<+hydeph> hmm didnt you say a while ago that your teacher reads bash?
<TxT> ...
<TxT> dude thats not fucking cool
<+hydeph> its ok, tyler norris.
<TxT> ...
<TxT> shit.
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Quote: 774476; Rating: 888; [+|-]
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<AesteroidBlues> what is it about every ninja gaiden game that makes it so it has to be IM-FUCING-POSSIBLE
<Ph33rESP> because ninjas gots to do intense fucking difficult shit
<Ph33rESP> thats why they're ninja
<Ph33rESP> if everything was easy then it would be called business major gaiden
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Quote: 774491; Rating: 1053; [+|-]
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<orlando> There's no such thing as reverse racism; racism doesn't have a direction.
<justin> So it's a scalar.
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Quote: 774539; Rating: 135; [+|-]
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<TehGherkin> I punched the shit out of like several lampposts and some shrubbery.
<Yoshiboy> ouch
<Smoson> XD
<TehGherkin> The shrubbery accosted me as I walked there and I'm pretty sure one of the lamp posts cast a dispersion on my mother.
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Quote: 774552; Rating: 54; [+|-]
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<Leeloo> Mutiny on the high IRC
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Quote: 774608; Rating: 219; [+|-]
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<DevilsArms> I hate the saying "Their are plenty more fish in the sea".
<DevilsArms> As soon as you get your tackle out in public you get arrested.
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Quote: 774626; Rating: 918; [+|-]
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<Aelfinn> I'm psychic
<Aelfinn> I can predict what will happen in the future
<Gundulf> Yeah, then what am I going to say next?
<Aelfinn> Wrong
<Gundulf> ...touche
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Quote: 774628; Rating: 292; [+|-]
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<R_M> being drunk is kinda like having a really low framerate
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Quote: 774765; Rating: 640; [+|-]
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Prizes_for_contests: Hey, how much would it cost To get someone To find me a cost-free downloadable Hentai date sim for my mac?
bommer: what?? lol
Ich: think you're asking in the wrong place
Prizes_for_contests: where do i go then?
Eiljwa: there is no right place to ask something like that
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Quote: 774876; Rating: 881; [+|-]
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<Sp3cial> STEP 1: Spout retarded crap about beardy guys and overlords.
<Sp3cial> STEP 2: Live in a time when people are retarded.
<Sp3cial> STEP 3: ?????
<Sp3cial> STEP 4: PROPHET!
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Quote: 775171; Rating: -36; [+|-]
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<Woosta> Isn't America at war against the Middle Endians?
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Quote: 775321; Rating: 3847; [+|-]
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atlasthealmighty: Did I tell you my idea of injecting heroin into your balls, so when you ejaculate, it's heroin... And then the chick will think you just gave her the most amazing orgasm in the world, and she'd become addicted to sex with you
nullphi: i would like to subscribe to your newsletter
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Quote: 775570; Rating: 821; [+|-]
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< tmbg_> anyone given thought to using accelerometers from laptops as entropy inputs?
< tkoskine> "Generating a new encryption key, please shake your computer" ? :)
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Quote: 775579; Rating: 120; [+|-]
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Sunspot: They don't make 'em like they used to. That's all I have to say.
Bobby: Nope, they sure don't.
***Sunspot jumps in his Time Machine (don't forget the flux capacitor) and goes back to watch some cartoons.
Sunspot: Seriously. I want to get a Delorean and ducttape a blender on top.
Sunspot: Sad thing is, very few people would get the joke.
Sunspot: And even sadder, I'm saddled with a Delorean with a blender duct-taped to the top.
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Quote: 775587; Rating: 40; [+|-]
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Foxpaws Zupe: Me and my BF talked about children today
Foxpaws Zupe: I think we're going to have to rock paper scissors
Foxpaws Zupe: to see if our child will be cut or uncut
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Quote: 775634; Rating: 325; [+|-]
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<uberclops> they brought new printers to our work
<uberclops> it's awesome because they're not the size of the titanic and don't require a degree in mechanical engineering to change the toner
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Quote: 775635; Rating: 1717; [+|-]
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<fenriz> my mother found some of my porn the other day
<fenriz> I'm not sure which folder she found, but I can safely assume she only scratched the surface
<fenriz> because she complimented me on my taste
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Quote: 775699; Rating: 219; [+|-]
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<Mac> Hi I'm a mac
<PC> And I'm a PC
<Mac> So what you doing PC?
<PC> Upgrading my Graphics card, RAM and Processor.
<Mac> Oh.... Ummmm
<PC> Don't you just love a good upgrade!
<Mac> Well actually, I can't. If you want to upgrade you'll have to buy a new system.......
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Quote: 775778; Rating: 1683; [+|-]
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cromar: If there is a God, why does he/she allow disasters like earthquakes and Microsoft?
dvice_null: Are you comparing a disaster that causes billions of dollars financial losses and thousands of people to lose their home every year, to a natural movement of tectonic plates? That's low.
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Quote: 775791; Rating: 692; [+|-]
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<GfK> these dumbass church people on tv
<GfK> they just said god made the internet
<NoelCower> Bet they're internet creationists and reject ARPANET
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Quote: 775793; Rating: 346; [+|-]
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<Ravsieg> My firewall just blocked itself from accessing the network.
<Ravsieg> I wonder if this is a good or a bad sign.
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Quote: 775834; Rating: 10; [+|-]
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<[Chris]> oh yeah baby, concatenate those strings... do it just like that
<neura> I'd think you'd want to insert, not concatenate...
<[Chris]> now you're just being nasty
<neura> no, nasty is noting that you'd wanna be real careful with chop and split :x
<[Chris]> as long as we aren't getting into a strlen fight
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Quote: 775869; Rating: 4465; [+|-]
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<@HEMI> I got in a car accident on the way home from work.
<@HEMI> I rear-ended someone.
<@HEMI> Guy gets out of his car; I get out of mine. He's a dwarf.
<@HEMI> We're sitting there waiting for the police to arrive and he goes, "I'm not happy."
<@HEMI> I said, "so which one are you?"
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Quote: 775900; Rating: 330; [+|-]
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<JTP> You know you've been playing too much Need for Speed when your first instinct when you see a cop driving down the street is to hit the NOS and ram him.
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Quote: 775926; Rating: 1036; [+|-]
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CeePlusPlusKid: so I saw the most AMAZING thing today
CeePlusPlusKid: I was stopped at a stoplight, and heard hardcore gangster rap blasting next to me.
CeePlusPlusKid: I turned to look expecting it to be some teenagers, or maybe an older black guy.
CeePlusPlusKid: It was two 70 year old white guys bobbin their heads in a buick.
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