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Quote: 215239; Rating: 205; [+|-]
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<Loki> A mammal that lays eggs, is the ultimate breakfast dish. |
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Quote: 215254; Rating: 627; [+|-]
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<xtal> Uh
<xtal> uh
<xtal> uh
<xtal> uh?
<Mazca> stop masturbating quizzically. |
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Quote: 215287; Rating: 396; [+|-]
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<djlaptop> could God write a program that's so intensive that his cpu couldn't run it? |
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Quote: 215341; Rating: 561; [+|-]
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<Tim> Well it tastes gay.
<Gerard> How do you know what "gay" tastes like? |
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Quote: 215376; Rating: 743; [+|-]
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<chrisj> american kids are all "oh gee mom I didn't mean to take a tip of dads bud light while he wasn't looking. i'll never get drunk again, I swear"
<chrisj> and australian kids are all
<chrisj> "AHH CHEERS CUNTS, GIVE US A SQUIRT FROM YOUR GOON BAG, DAD... AHHH CHEERS CUNT" |
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Quote: 215386; Rating: 338; [+|-]
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<Marasmus> So I was listening to a comedian who was talking about the Queen of England being attractive when she was young.
<Shae> Erm.. okay...
<Marasmus> And that some guys would talk about her, you know, the lewd way guys do about celebrities.
<Marasmus> And some of the guys would go further than that... and I thought, it must be very strange...
<Marasmus> masturbating to pocket change. |
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Quote: 215568; Rating: 463; [+|-]
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<moira> community name should be unique over all categories, sucks
<happy> you can't delete communities
<moira> sure you can
<moira> ask hitler |
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Quote: 215581; Rating: 254; [+|-]
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<akcom> leeach, how'd you get so leet?
<leeach> years and years of masturbation in pantyhose. |
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Quote: 215611; Rating: 795; [+|-]
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Eros: I'm going to shave off all the hair on my body and go running down my street screaming about how aerodynamic I am. |
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Quote: 215623; Rating: 1560; [+|-]
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<Eticam> I work at a computershop
<Eticam> And you don't wanna know how f***in' STUPID some customers are
<Eticam> I get questions like:
<Eticam> "What is better, a scanner or printer?"
<Eticam> "I'm looking for a serious mouse"
<Eticam> "My internet doesn't work" "What kind of connection do you have?" "Windows XP"
<Eticam> "The mouse you sold me is incomplete" "Ma'am, it's meant to have no cable"
<Eticam> I even had a customer who brought his pc for technical service
<Eticam> "My dog humped the pc and had an orgasm in the power supply, and it short circuited" "how's the dog?" "Don't know, my wife took him to the vet"
<Eticam> really, one day I'm gonna shoot myself in front of a customer.... |
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Quote: 215638; Rating: 1455; [+|-]
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<rosonowski> Hah! I love slashdot sometimes.
<rosonowski> You know the old manta "Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity?"
<rosonowski> Someone replied to it "If you know of a better way to make more virgins, I'd like to hear it." |
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Quote: 215693; Rating: 392; [+|-]
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<Lyrai> What's the difference between Slow Motion and Bullet Time?
<Lyrai> About $100 Million. |
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Quote: 215770; Rating: 702; [+|-]
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<Indogutsu> I once got an e-mail from the former prince of Niger.
<Chocoboko> What did he want?
<Indogutsu> To know if I was interested in increasing my penis size. |
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Quote: 216142; Rating: 1743; [+|-]
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<Fabrice> GNAW ON NO WANG.
<Fabrice> This message brought to you by the Society of Lesbians for Palindrome Advancement |
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Quote: 216166; Rating: 1690; [+|-]
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* Entoutcas has quit IRC (Quit: And the Lord said unto John; Come forth and receive eternal life. But John came fifth and won a toaster...) |
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Quote: 216542; Rating: 11; [+|-]
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<b1u3> in france they call it "irque with cheese" |
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Quote: 216626; Rating: 717; [+|-]
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* Charles wakes up. Dammit, I can't even get laid in my own dreams. ;_;
<Charles> My dream was just about meeting some girl who was willing to sex me up, and then two weeks worth of meeting up in various places to do so and getting interrupted and sidetracked for various reasons.
<Mads> Oooh, oooh, go on, do go on!
<Charles> Sex at my house? Parents come home. Sex at the mall bathroom? Security guard breaks it up. Sex in the woods? Attacked by wolves. Sex in a cottege in the woods? A witch lives there.
<Mads> ...
<Mads> That's the weirdest fucking datesim ever, mate. |
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Quote: 216775; Rating: 487; [+|-]
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<Wolfie_Fox> someone should make a song about ping timeout's
<Man1c-M0g> look at the badger badger flash, replace badger with 'ping', mushroom with 'timeout', and snake with 'netsplit', and theres your song wolfie. |
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Quote: 216818; Rating: 742; [+|-]
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<+usrbingeek> NBC has announced it will air a three-episode marathon of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy opposite the Super Bowl on February 1st.
<+usrbingeek> So, if you get tired of watching a bunch of buff, sweaty men in uniforms patting each other on the ass and bending over to pass something between their legs, you now have the choice of watching something really gay. |
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Quote: 216831; Rating: 1001; [+|-]
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<Volt9000> WHY ARE THERE ALWAYS PUBES ALL OVER MY KEYBOARD?!
<FunG> you coughed? |
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Quote: 216859; Rating: 97; [+|-]
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<LEPREHAUN> does anyone knows how backups are done in offices?
<Dazzlemar> slight of hand and mirrors |
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Quote: 216908; Rating: 556; [+|-]
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<Pedingto> I find this job can be real hell at times.
<Pedingto> When this UBER-FIT woman came in
<Pedingto> and purchased many packs of condoms.
<Pedingto> I so wanted to ask her if she heard our try before you buy policy >:)
<Etheria_Dawn> LOL! |
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Quote: 216963; Rating: 1438; [+|-]
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<billiam> crap... some one knocked over my recycle bin... there's icons all over my desktop... |
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Quote: 217067; Rating: 443; [+|-]
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<Pocket_Sized_Jesus> aw shit.
<Pocket_Sized_Jesus> i was deleteing some files
<Pocket_Sized_Jesus> and i sneezed
<Pocket_Sized_Jesus> and deleted an entire tree |
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Quote: 217123; Rating: 630; [+|-]
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<Yak|Sleep> One day
<Yak|Sleep> The stupidity of the world will implode on itself
<Yak|Sleep> Taking the universe with it
<Trufant> i shall live on mars by then
<WhiTey-FU> can't wait.
<Yak|Sleep> Congratulations
<Yak|Sleep> You officially are one of those to contribute to the implosion |
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Quote: 217183; Rating: 1413; [+|-]
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zadijan:u00a0 CUSTOMER NOTIFICATION. As of May 2001, Viagra will only be available through chemists by its chemical name. So please ask for MYCOXAFLOPPIN. Thank you.
zadijan:u00a0 ... OH MY GOD
zadijan:u00a0 THAT WAS THE BEST EMAIL I EVER RECEIVED
zadijan:u00a0 EVER |
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Quote: 217209; Rating: 860; [+|-]
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EiNHaNdeR MK II> you know that term "If you were my homework, i would be doing you on the desk right now"
EiNHaNdeR MK II> i changed it to "If you were my homework, my dog would be eating you right now"
EiNHaNdeR MK II> i was slapped by this fat chick in class when i said it |
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Quote: 217251; Rating: 513; [+|-]
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<Binkster> since I started using OpenBSD... I went from six to eight inches!
<BSDuser> stop lying and your nose will get back to normal |
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Quote: 217286; Rating: 300; [+|-]
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Ifonlyiwerecool: we're supposed to make a program for java, and it has to get the highest # out of a set
Ifonlyiwerecool: and we're supposed to name the program 'getHigh' |
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Quote: 217287; Rating: 1591; [+|-]
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Holy Man: Our local Catholic church has plans to bring their parishioners to services by bus
THe Monkey: Are they gonna call it 'Mass Transit'?
Holy Man: smartass |
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Quote: 217388; Rating: 781; [+|-]
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>>> join/#php: jbc [[email protected]]
< haazard> do you know php?
< jbc> no, this is a drugs channel
< jbc> we used to be #pcp
< jbc> but we all forgot how to spell it |
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Quote: 217416; Rating: 772; [+|-]
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<ShatnersBassoon>Ouch.u00a0 Just been to the toilet for a poo, and I decided to do a bit of a dangleberry-tidy.u00a0 Suffice it to say I'm now several bumhairs lighter.
<Kenny>That's probably more information that I needed.
<Kenny>"than"
<Kenny>fuck |
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Quote: 217425; Rating: 6829; [+|-]
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<Fireslide> next person to talk after his line will be kicked :)
<Fireslide> *this
* Fireslide was kicked by Fireslide (12u008b61912u009b) |
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Quote: 217447; Rating: 340; [+|-]
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DShadow_: I don't have any use for floppies now.
DShadow_: Though I've still got a ton in my closet
twist: better archive them to cdr before they rot
DShadow_: Most of them I did.
twist: (then archive those to dvd-r before they rot)
LafinJack: and archive *those* to MTRs
LafinJack: ack, i'm not supposed to talk about that :o
DShadow_: LafinJack: MTR?
LafinJack: shh, you didn't hear me say that |
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Quote: 217453; Rating: 9290; [+|-]
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<@Chin^> My sister caught me jacking off the other week and calls me a pervert
<@Chin^> just the other day i walked into my room and caught my sister masturbating
<@Chin^> So she calls me a pervert again?!?
<@Chin^> there is no justice in the world... |
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Quote: 217478; Rating: 439; [+|-]
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<Zero> in the summer my friend was chipping golf balls
<Zero> one ball went on my other neighbours yard
<Zero> chased him with a pitch fork
<Zero> honest to god
<Zero> a pitch fork |
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Quote: 217584; Rating: 635; [+|-]
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<+mR_sCaRy> start killing stuff in task manager
*** seeen ([email protected]) has left IRC (Read error: Connection reset by peer)
<+mR_sCaRy> not that one :P |
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Quote: 217604; Rating: 933; [+|-]
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< jgaddis> know what's funny?
< jgaddis> -r-xr-xr-xu00a0 2 rootu00a0 wheelu00a0 85740 Oct 30 06:36 /usr/bin/less
< jgaddis> -r-xr-xr-xu00a0 2 rootu00a0 wheelu00a0 85740 Oct 30 06:36 /usr/bin/more
<@LeBear> A green tapdancing kangaroo!
< jgaddis> more is really less
<@LeBear> jgaddis: more or less, of course
< patrickT> so less IS more! :)
<@SpamapS> less is not more, less is more than more
< jgaddis> less isn't more
< jgaddis> more is less
<@LeBear> SpamapS: how much more is less more than more?
<@SpamapS> no, more is less than less.
< themaxxz> less is indeed more
<@SpamapS> LeBear: more tha more is less than less.
<@LeBear> SpamapS: you mean less is more more than more is less less?
<@SpamapS> LeBear: more or less |
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Quote: 217728; Rating: 414; [+|-]
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<Onux> [Onux PING reply]: 2mins 48secs
<Onux> =(
<rich> man
<rich> i could probably drive out to you
<rich> say something
<rich> and drive back to peoria
<rich> and it'd be faster than if i typed it here |
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Quote: 217754; Rating: 523; [+|-]
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[scratchme] Cris, you ever smell moth balls before?
[scratchme] ;)
[PaC] scratchme: Smell is understatement. I've had them put in my mouth when I was younger.
[scratchme] PaC, how did you get their little legs apart? |
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Quote: 217761; Rating: 460; [+|-]
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DinjackPD: so I'm studying for my history final
DinjackPD: And there's this old WW2 propaganda poster
DinjackPD: Of this guy driving along alone with an outline of hitler next to him
DinjackPD: And the title is
DinjackPD: 'WHEN YOU RIDE ALONE, YOU RIDE WITH HITLER!'
DinjackPD: isn't that contradicting?
Jahman98: hahahahah
Jahman98: yeah
Jahman98: that's great stuff
DinjackPD: 'When you ride alone, you ride ALONE, however you do use up valuable gas that is intended for the war effort and thus make it easier for the Nazis to win. You Jew hating BASTARD.' |
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Quote: 217770; Rating: 1635; [+|-]
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<DoesNotExist> HAHAHAH. HAMLET THE TEXT ADVENTURE.
<doughnut> DUDE.
<Zinger> You have two options.
<Zinger> 1) Be.
<Zinger> 2) Not be.
<doughnut> hahahaha
<Gohanmastaflex> haha |
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Quote: 217923; Rating: 787; [+|-]
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[RJoeFish] hmmm
[RJoeFish] my mom forwarded me something called 'Who's your daddy?', this can't be good |
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Quote: 218036; Rating: 586; [+|-]
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* FL|Oz has joined #gamesnet
<FL|Oz> OH LEET
<FL|Oz> i am not banned anymore
* [29thFC]Sgt1c-Killa has joined #gamesnet
<[29thFC]Sgt1c-Killa> YAY
<FL|Oz> were u banned too?
<[29thFC]Sgt1c-Killa> no i forgot how to use mIRC |
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Quote: 218099; Rating: 281; [+|-]
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[+Silus]: is there anywhere you can fix graphics cards ? Pm me plz
[@foulkesaway]: what u mean 'fix'
[@madmk]: like.. he snapped it in-half and needs some special graphics-card glue |
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Quote: 218178; Rating: 601; [+|-]
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<BMPthePNG> haha
<BMPthePNG> I put on smashing live and my cat laid down and purred
<BMPthePNG> so I thought 'hmmm' and put on System of a down
<BMPthePNG> she went and attacked the dog |
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Quote: 218182; Rating: 1744; [+|-]
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<WickedClown> well one night after sex i was lazy and left the condom on the floor till morning
<WickedClown> her dog ate it
<WickedClown> and her dad found it hanging from the dogs butt the next day |
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Quote: 218187; Rating: 221; [+|-]
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<Aglandiir> All you have to do is have a huge amount of energy
<Aglandiir> etc.
<Aglandiir> you can make a l33t food replicator
<+Bayonetto> I must admit
<Aeriana> But I want n3rd to DCC me food everyday.
<Aeriana> ;)
<+Bayonetto> I'd rather be able to fire myself to the coast or something.
<+Triskelios> but you're cooking it...
<+Triskelios> =P
<Aeriana> No, I'm too lazy.
<+Arty2> you'll download it through kazaa
<+Triskelios> haha
<+Triskelios> pirated food
<Aeriana> Then they'd be suing you for copyrights.
<+Bayonetto> illegaly shared pizza.
<Aglandiir> It would be dummy food
<+Arty2> cracks for pasta
<+Triskelios> free KFC for everyone
<Aglandiir> it wouldn't be a burger
<Aglandiir> it would be a photo of Madonna screaming at you
<Aglandiir> YOU BTCH WHY ARE YOU STEALING MY FOOD |
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Quote: 218267; Rating: 846; [+|-]
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<@Majistic> {MoxQuizz} The question no. 39 is:
<@Majistic>u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 u00a0 (Geography) What is the basic unit of currency for Syria ?
<MEBKlaymen> children
<evol> women |
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Quote: 218295; Rating: 436; [+|-]
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<Foobar> stealth hacking? i am about as stealthy as a pregnant elephant on crack. |
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