https://bash.rip The Bash.org IRC Quote Archive on Bash.Rip - Latest Quotes Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 QdbS 1.14 30 https://bash.rip/?953518 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 <No_One> Damn my land mine collection is gone. <No_One> Also so is my shed <No_One> That's gonna be fun in the morning 15 minutes later. <No_One> Fuck afk police pulled in <Dwarf> k <Dwarf> have fun 10 minutes later. <No_One> Shiit <No_One> Someone broke into my shed <No_One> They won't do that again 3 hours later. <No_One> Can I be charged with criminal negligence even if the said deceased person used bolt cutters to access something that killed them? <noregister> I doubt it <No_One> Good https://bash.rip/?953518 https://bash.rip/?953413 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 <%wgluv2hunt> I was in a bar Saturday night, and had a few drinks. <%wgluv2hunt> I noticed two large women by the bar. They both had strong accents so I asked, "Hey, are you two ladies from Ireland?" <%wgluv2hunt> One of them screamed, "It's Wales you idiot!" <%wgluv2hunt> So, I immediately apologized and said, "Sorry, are you two whales from Ireland?" <%wgluv2hunt> That's all I remember. https://bash.rip/?953413 https://bash.rip/?953373 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 (~roopurt) there is an article on the washington post "why is the arab world so easily offended" (~roopurt) i think it might offend the arab world (~roopurt) but really (~roopurt) one person puts up a youtube video and they riot and kill (~roopurt) the rest of world didnt come after canada after justin biebers last video https://bash.rip/?953373 https://bash.rip/?953205 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 *** valinhorn has joined #oregoons <coyo7e> Immediately, she realizes that Christian Grey is not some ancient forty-year old dude, practically crumbling to dust atop his icy blonde empire, but a very hot young man: <coyo7e> So young - and attractive, very attractive. He's tall, dressed in a fine gray suit, white shirt, and black tie with unruly dark copper colored hair and intense, bright gray eyes that regard me shrewdly. <coyo7e> That... is one hell of a tie. I'm going to have to ask someone, please, look into the kindness and the goodness of your soul and photoshop me a picture of a black tie with Robert Pattinson's hair and eyes stuck on it, gazing at me shrewdly. <valinhorn> um <valinhorn> wow *** valinhorn left #oregoons [] https://bash.rip/?953205 https://bash.rip/?953150 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 <rad_ed> NOOOOOO i didn't want to do that no no no no <Sharkd> what? <rad_ed> i added honey boo boo to my google news section <rad_ed> no no no no how do i undo https://bash.rip/?953150 https://bash.rip/?953085 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 <swarthy15> I'm sweating like Gary Glitter in Mothercare https://bash.rip/?953085 https://bash.rip/?952952 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 < CoJaBo> Update: The object seen landing near Gale Crater on MSD 49,269 at around 05:50:16 AMT local time has been conclusively identified by the Martian Space Agency to be a weather balloon. Due to possible radioactive contamination, Mars citizens are forbidden to approach Gale Crater until further notice. https://bash.rip/?952952 https://bash.rip/?952951 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 <zalzane> I wonder how long it will end up taking for all this pony shit to blow over <Mutagene> too long <pkmnBlue> 2 years <zalzane> sailor moon took like 10 years <zalzane> and every once in awhile I still hear fags harp about sailor moon <pkmnBlue> DUDE <pkmnBlue> SAILOR MOON IS AWESOME <Mutagene> sailor moon was good though :( <pkmnBlue> Kuraitou: SAILOR MOON <zalzane> oh my fucking god https://bash.rip/?952951 https://bash.rip/?952948 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 <gmaxwell> 1960: "I have a great idea! lets have every person in the country carry a radio tracking beacon!" "That'll never fly!" 2012: "I can has TWO iphones??" https://bash.rip/?952948 https://bash.rip/?952943 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 * dagdamor psychs himself up to play "which cable goes where" and "why is this cable routed like this?" ahead of a switch stack replacement <dagdamor> deja vu etc <evil_steve> you can generally tell if it's important. <evil_steve> either a) all the phone start ringing at once, or b) all the phones go silent at once https://bash.rip/?952943 https://bash.rip/?952942 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 <dr2chase> As I said to someone else, back when the Lite-Brite Mooninites panicked the Boston Police, the first rule of making a bomb, is to not make it look like a bomb. <dr2chase> That's why IEDs get buried, stuffed into dead dogs, what have you. Around here, if you wanted to hide a bomb in plain sight, you'd stick it in a crumpled Dunkin Donuts bag. <anony> Isn't a Dunkin Donuts bag the first place a cop would look? https://bash.rip/?952942 https://bash.rip/?951798 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 <LocalDescriptorTable> Hey Russia I just met you and this is crazy but our space agency is broke launch our shit maybe? https://bash.rip/?951798 https://bash.rip/?951697 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 <m0bi_work> what is the "care for the comfort of a dying person" called <hydro-> euthanasia <Chaosbreaker> Microsoft terminal service https://bash.rip/?951697 https://bash.rip/?951402 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 *** bluntonio is now known as bluntplane <bluntplane> i have the worst goddamn neighbor on this plane <bluntplane> dude keeps scratching his fungus-infected foot and shit <bluntplane> and his balls <bluntplane> and then touches his face <bluntplane> has his legs crossed so his shoeless-foot is dangerously close to my leg (wearing shorts) <bluntplane> i'm about to tell him if his foot touches me again we're going to have a problem <bluntplane> in civil disobedience protest i am attempting to fart a lot <bluntplane> he is so fucking nasty <bluntplane> i want to stab him in the throat <bluntplane> a lot <bluntplane> as in, i both want a lot to stab him in the throat <bluntplane> and i would like to stab him in the throat a lot <bluntplane> i would also be okay if he died of aids <bluntplane> or anything else other than a plane crash <bluntplane> but most especially by a stab to the throat <bluntplane> stab(s) <bluntplane> oh and he is now picking his nose <bluntplane> oh fuck me <bluntplane> here is the crown jewel <bluntplane> dude just went into the bathroom in his socks <bluntplane> THIS NASTY MOTHERFUCKER <bluntplane> I HOPE YOU DIE <bluntplane> i would piss in this guy's face if i could <bluntplane> i would piss in his wife <bluntplane> YEA KEEP PICKING THAT FUCKER AND WIPING ON YOUR PANTS <bluntplane> MAYBE YOU WILL FIND SOME SHAME UP IN THERE <bluntplane> if i murder this fuck, will you guys kick in for bail ? <bluntplane> also, is "he needed killing" a valid defense ? <bluntplane> and finally, if I murder him on the plane while in the air, what state has jurisdiction ? *** Signoff: bluntplane (Read error: Connection reset by peer) <spook> Federal <nordberg> so.. is bluntonio in jail? <nordberg> cause... I'll totally chip for bail https://bash.rip/?951402 https://bash.rip/?951317 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 <ram> I got into an interesting discussion with my roommate yesterday about Quantum Romneyism <ram> Romney holds a superposition of all political opinions until you observe him, then they collapse based on the audience. https://bash.rip/?951317 https://bash.rip/?951292 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 xGrill: SQL is like the chess of the programming world https://bash.rip/?951292 https://bash.rip/?951260 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 <mgodzilla> I was a r&d micro electronics engineer tech. in my youth. * mgodzilla designed this dc to dc power supply they put on a satellite <Elephark> awesome * mgodzilla sent the satellite into orbit and lost contact w/ it <Elephark> at least it was powered <mgodzilla> they said it was mostly likely due to a power issue. <Elephark> ...oh <mgodzilla> I was like - what are you lookin' at me for?!? https://bash.rip/?951260 https://bash.rip/?951217 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 <i_c-Y> im not just hard. im np hard, baby. https://bash.rip/?951217 https://bash.rip/?951096 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 <izi_> I like my servers like I like my women. monochrome and text only. https://bash.rip/?951096 https://bash.rip/?951043 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 < pthreads> dude, I haven't even had a fucking oven for a year < pthreads> we move in 2 weeks to a place that has an oven finally <@sakuramboo> but, you live in germany <@sakuramboo> after WW2, ovens are hard to find https://bash.rip/?951043 https://bash.rip/?951040 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 <mjew1> new speakers showed up <mjew1> gotta figure out how im gonna wire them up <bunni> you put + in to +, and - in to - <mjew1> i know that <bunni> dont mix them up, otherwise the audio would be backwards <mjew1> fuck you <bunni> :D https://bash.rip/?951040 https://bash.rip/?951001 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 <@Kropotkin> I hate looting corpses for anything other than an upgrade. I usually just loot the gold and small items... just feels more realistic to do that than strip someone naked all the time. I mean, this is Skyrim, not Baltimore. https://bash.rip/?951001 https://bash.rip/?950977 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 <hextasy> so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog. https://bash.rip/?950977 https://bash.rip/?950944 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 <Toba> i like my coffee like i like my women: earthy, french, and on my desk at work <nightshroud> But be careful or you may end up with burning pain on your lap area. https://bash.rip/?950944 https://bash.rip/?950920 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 <Uprising> I just want to work somewhere that actually counts <jamesstanley> try the office for national statistics https://bash.rip/?950920 https://bash.rip/?950902 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 <TrailMix> Sorry Santorum, you have to carry your dead presidential campaign to full term. https://bash.rip/?950902 https://bash.rip/?950879 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 * Andaith has changed topic for #warble to: "Drought in the UK means: It's still raining, but not as much as we'd like." https://bash.rip/?950879 https://bash.rip/?950832 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 <benjameno> how do i catch autism <benjameno> i've tried speaking esperanto and using free open source software but it doesn't seem to be working https://bash.rip/?950832 https://bash.rip/?950581 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 < Ergo^> Six Stages of Debugging < Ergo^> 1. That can't happen. < Ergo^> 2. That doesn't happen on my machine. < Ergo^> 3. That shouldn't happen. < Ergo^> 4. Why does that happen? < Ergo^> 5. Oh, I see. < Ergo^> 6. How did that ever work? < MatthewWilkes> 7. svn blame < miniwark> 8. one day we will write tests https://bash.rip/?950581 https://bash.rip/?949959 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 <DevXen> Today I was at the store and saw a Darth Vader action figure that said "Choking Hazard." It was great. https://bash.rip/?949959 https://bash.rip/?949924 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 <Grimhound> You know. You'd think that the human body, being the product of millions of years of evolution, would eventually learn to dull pain when it becomes a chronic thing. <ryzorg> that seems true <@AndrewPH> that would be counter productive https://bash.rip/?949924 https://bash.rip/?949802 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 <hq1> i promised myself not to touch java EVER in my life again, i'd rather drive a taxi https://bash.rip/?949802 https://bash.rip/?949797 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 <@cougem> at 4am this morning i got a call from another hospital saying they were sending in a patient with a hole in their aorta <@cougem> which as emergencies go is about 1 level below 'his head has fallen off' https://bash.rip/?949797 https://bash.rip/?949643 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 <hafiz> <b>hello</b> <hafiz> I NEED ZEND EXPERT!!!!!!!!!!! <zomg> <blink>that so</blink> <DASPRiD> <marquee>what for?</marquee> <zomg> <font size="1337">Please ask your question on the channel, not in my PM</font> <zomg> I really, really hope his irc client actually displays html https://bash.rip/?949643 https://bash.rip/?949621 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 Rachel: I'm board. Jeff: I'm chalk, we should get together. Rachel: BOARD! Like I don't have anything to do, not BORD, like a chalkbord. Learn to spellcheck. Jeff: Oh god I hope you don't breed. https://bash.rip/?949621 https://bash.rip/?949560 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 <lrvick> whoa <lrvick> i just found a usb magstrip reader <lrvick> i never knew i had <lrvick> i wonder if it works like a keyboard... <lrvick> %B4744740232448132^VICK/LANCE R^1506101000000000087800878000000?;4744740232258132=15061010000000000878? <lrvick> well <lrvick> damn <lrvick> apparently it does <Science> What did we just read? <lrvick> no comment <Science> CC info, gotcha <ThantiK> lrvick... <ThantiK> you swiped a VISA... <ThantiK> 4744 is VISA start code for credit cards. <ThantiK> A bank of america one, specifically. <ThantiK> Might wanna change that now, lol - all of us probably have IRC logging turned on. You just threw your debit card info into all of our machines. <Science> WELL NO ONE WOULD HAVE KNOWN IF YOU HADN'T SAID IT MAN https://bash.rip/?949560 https://bash.rip/?949486 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 <Me> the nigerian prince scam is old <Me> today you do it like this: <Me> hi, im an arabic dictator, and i have to get my vast fortune outside the country soon https://bash.rip/?949486 https://bash.rip/?949439 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 lemonlimeskull: Newt Gingrich or Mitt Romney to take on Barack Obama. lemonlimeskull: We have to stop letting George Lucas name our Politicians. https://bash.rip/?949439 https://bash.rip/?949412 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 <Kerrija> On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away. https://bash.rip/?949412 https://bash.rip/?949335 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 <M07w> you haven't been on the internet until you've seen a disembodied breast wearing a pair of panties https://bash.rip/?949335 https://bash.rip/?949214 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 <azonenberg> wordpress is an unauthenticated remote shell that, as a useful side feature, also contains a blog https://bash.rip/?949214 https://bash.rip/?949197 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 <blaxthos> you want bash.org should participate in the SOPA blackout protest on 18 January ? (+) for yes https://bash.rip/?949197 https://bash.rip/?948884 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 <&Siyo> i successfully stopped a print job once <&Siyo> AM I GOD? https://bash.rip/?948884 https://bash.rip/?948693 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 <mrfun> speaking of max, i boned a duck <hamumu> are you sure you're speaking of max? <mrfun> took most of yesterday to bone and do two anims, geez <mrfun> but he's limping around in torque <hamumu> this is sounding worse every sentence https://bash.rip/?948693 https://bash.rip/?948683 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 <Yokujou`> iPhone autocorrect: Because "Asperger's Cock" is exactly what you were trying to convey. https://bash.rip/?948683 https://bash.rip/?948541 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 <drunkill> fuck printers <drunkill> I should name mine Bob Marley <drunkill> Because its always jammin' https://bash.rip/?948541 https://bash.rip/?948538 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 <girl> so what's new? <jsn> just got out of an abusive relationship <girl> whoa, what happened? <jsn> decided to stop abusing her https://bash.rip/?948538 https://bash.rip/?948442 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 <blaxthos> so tonight i got roped into going to some evangelical church christmas dinner theatre <blaxthos> "oh christmas, carol!" <cue> evangelicals are morons <blaxthos> it was absolutely godawful <blaxthos> until the last musical number, where the main character realized she has a hole in her heart <blaxthos> and sang a song entitled "i'm going to fill my hole with jesus" https://bash.rip/?948442 https://bash.rip/?948428 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 Psyche: My roommate and her boyfriend broke up recently. Psyche: This morning a moving truck came to get the boyfriend's stuff. Psyche: On the side of the moving truck? It was an ad for a disaster cleanup company. https://bash.rip/?948428 https://bash.rip/?948420 Wed, 08 Apr 2026 10:46:07 +0000 <tfair> is there an amazon service that will have something delivered to you at a random point in the next month? <tfair> or in the next year? <dRdR> tfair: that's called USPS https://bash.rip/?948420